Not a funny chapter. Sowwy, but AARPward needed some explanations.

Chapter 34:

Dad, your real name is Emmett Edward Swan.

You are married to Bella Alice Swan.

I'm your son, Charlie Swan.

I've been gone for while. Mom says it feels like I'm dead, the way I have to travel for business.

I have a daughter. She's beautiful. Her name is Angela. Pretty as a doll, you used to say.

You got the cancer in your brain Dad. Doctor's doin' everything they can. The surgery helped, so you gonna live a nice long life.

But it makes you forget stuff, after the stroke and all.

We tried to leave you at home. But you kept getting mad at Mom. Had to move you out.

Tried to keep you close, just a house away.

I make sure I send you a present every month. But Mom says you wouldn't like the fruit.

I got my wife watchin' out for you.

Rosalie says you get well some days.

But then every month you stop by the Piggly Wiggly asking for another cat. Flirting with Mom like it's the first time you meetin' her.

She says stop staring out the window, it's creeping her out.

She takes good care of you, Dad, she does. Pays your bills. Bought you the new car you don't even drive.

But she can't keep this up. All the cats. They ruinin' the big house Grandpa left you. They leave a mess. She can't even take care of herself anymore.

And Dad…

I can't buy you anymore goldfish.

You and I both know Jacob the Hundredth and Seven isn't working out…


I hold you tightly, and as you weep, I wipe my snot on the back of your shirt…