Definitely Not

A/N: Because apparently, it's impossible for me to write MomoKai one-shots, and awkward!Momo is love.

"We're dating?"

Momoshiro still can't believe it, in fact, he won't believe it, it's utterly ridiculous. Okay, Horio and Kato thinking something like that, he'll let it slide—but what the hell, Kaidoh thinks so too! He was under the impression that they were dating? Seriously. What. The. Hell.

Kaidoh angrily stuffs his training clothes into his bag. "Apparently not," he bites out.

Momoshiro stands in front of Kaidoh with a big wide open mouth, in fact, if it was even possible, he's sure his jaw would hit the floor by now if he was in an anime or something. It's completely baffling. Him and Kaidoh, dating? Kaidoh thought they were dating? Definitely not! What in the world made him think that?

"Wh—wha—why—whe—" Momoshiro stutters out words, trying to make sense of the situation, but his brain is literally fried by now.

Kaidoh zips his bag close. "Shut the hell up already," he says angrily. He stands up from the bench and swings his bag over his shoulder, then hurriedly leaves the locker room.

Momoshiro flies after him, like a fly stuck to some fly-catcher tape, because no way in hell is he going to leave Kaidoh alone right now. Nu-uh, he's gotta know what the hell made him think they were dating, for god's sake—dating. He grabs hold of Kaidoh's bag and pulls it, causing the snake to stop in his tracks.

"How?" he breathes out.

Kaidoh hisses and yanks his bag back, picking up speed and jogging away.

"Mamushi!" yells Momoshiro after him and runs too.

"Leave me alone!"

"No! I don't understand!"

"We've established that already!"


"Stop calling me that—and leave me the hell alone!"

Momoshiro, seeing no other option, tackles Kaidoh to the ground with a loud 'oof!'. They both go down, and Momoshiro is clinging to Kaidoh's legs, holding him to the ground. "No, stop running. Tell me what the fuck is going on."

Kaidoh flings Momoshiro off of him with amazing strength (like the strength of his grip which he demonstrated not too long ago), and scrambles to get up again.

"Stop it already! Tell me! Why did you think we were dating! I mean, I never even said anything, and doesn't dating include things like holding hands and kissing and things—we've never done that!" Well, okay, so Kaidoh did hold his hand that one time, but it was a far cry from being romantic.

Then finally, Kaidoh turns around, and he's ready to swing his fist into Momoshiro's face, but fortunately, manages to control himself "It was because of you!" he spits out. "Three weeks ago you called me and said 'I'm bored, let's go out', and after that, it's been nothing but going out!"

"Th-th-that was a literal going out phrase! As in, let's physically go somewhere because I'm bored of not doing anything. That wasn't a 'let's date each other' kind of phrase!"

Kaidoh hisses once more. "I know that. I figured you were just being you—meaning dumb as fuck and ignorant, and stubborn and stupid and—"

"Get to the point," he growls.

"Never mind! I don't give a fuck anymore, get out of my fucking sight, you asshole." He turns around and starts walking away again.

Momoshiro stands still as he thinks of something. Thinks of something he never thought he would ever think about in his entire life. "Does that mean ... you like me?"

Kaidoh stops walking, frozen in mid-action. Something sinks deep inside of Momoshiro's stomach, shit, really? He grabs Kaidoh's wrist and spins him around so that he can see his face. His face which is displaying a thousand words right about now; he's never seen Kaidoh turn that red before. Ever. In fact, it's making him blush a deep red as well, and he's speechless. Utterly and completely speechless. Well fuck, now what?

"No, I don't," he hisses with a cherry red face. Well, that's gotta be the biggest and fattest lie in the world, and Momoshiro blows a raspberry out of confusion. Kaidoh yanks his wrist free from Momoshiro and runs away again, but this time, Momoshiro is a bit too perplexed to follow after him.


Momoshiro paces up and down in his room. He's restless, and can't stop thinking about Kaidoh, that stupid idiotic snake. He also can't get the image of Kaidoh's serious blushing red face when he asked if he likes him out of his head either. He sits down on his bed, then gets back up and paces back and forth. He doesn't get it, he seriously doesn't get it. Three weeks? That's how long Kaidoh thought they were supposed to be dating?

What the hell does dating even mean now? What does Kaidoh think dating means? He's completely confused.

Momoshiro flips open his cellphone and quickly calls Eiji. "Eiji-senpai!" Momoshiro cries out once his former team member picks up.

"Oi, Momo! What's up?"

"Eiji, I need some advice. I'm going crazy over here."

"Wow, is it that serious? What's wrong?"

"Tell me what dating means."


"Dating. What does it mean, what does it involve? I just don't get it."

"Oh, uhm, well I'm not an expert on it or anything," says Eiji with a nervous chuckle. "But isn't it so that you can just spend time with the person that you like, and you go out on dates and stuff?"

"What kind of dates?" he asks right away.

"Uhh, like going to the movies? Or eating dinner together, or taking a trip together ... I don't know."

Ah fuck, he went to the movies with Kaidoh several times, he ate with him lots of times as well—and they went on a trip together and stayed in the same room! Oh, how mortifying!

"But-but-but, doesn't dating include things like holding hands, and-and, kissing!"

"Oh yeah, definitely!"

Momoshiro sighs in relief; that means Kaidoh and him weren't dating. Good.

"But some people take it slow, you know? I know of a couple who have only been on dates together, but never once touched each other! They've been going out for three months already."

And his confusing thoughts are back again. "S-seriously?"

"Yeah! So don't worry Momo, if you haven't done anything yet. It just takes some time, I guess."

"I'm not worrying about that—I'm not the one who's dating!"

"Huh? Then what are you talking about?"

"Never mind, I'm just so confused right now. I think I'm gonna go play some tennis."

"Alright then, good luck with your worries, Momo! Call me again I you need any more help, okay?"

"Okay, thanks Eiji-senpai."

"No problem!"

Momoshiro hangs up on Eiji and throws his phone on the bed. He wants to crawl in a hole and never come out of it anymore. He's even more confused now; the more he thinks about the things he's done with Kaidoh, the more it looks like they were dating. Maybe Horio and Kato had a point after all. But still, why was he the only one who didn't know? He thought they were just being rivals and stuff, he didn't realize that was code for 'dating'!

He throws a little fit on his bed, then goes and plays some street tennis.

It seems someone up there must hate him, because Kaidoh is there too, playing a match against some other guy he's never seen before. Momoshiro tries to be slick and cool, and slither away unnoticed, but that's kind of hard to do when there's a tennis ball hurtling his way. He quickly dodges it, and he catches Kaidoh's eye. The snake immediately looks away, then turns around and grabs a new ball.

Well, now what? What does Kaidoh want from him? This all feels awkward, and it has got to be the biggest misunderstanding in the century. How does one think they're dating without ever having agreed on dating? So what they did a lot of 'dating' stuff, that doesn't mean shit! Nothing! Stupid Mamushi! Why'd he have to go and say that in the first place!

"He your friend?" asks the big buff guy who's playing against Kaidoh.

Momoshiro swallows and tries to make a quick get-a-way that won't make him look like a total spaz.

Kaidoh shakes his head. "No," he says.

What? What a bastard! Pretending he doesn't know him. Momoshiro takes out his racket and angrily swings with it.

"Yo, Mamushi, why don't you say that to my face," he threatens him.

"Go away you fucking moron."

"Great, you do know each other, why don't we play doubles? My buddy is wanting to play too."

"I'm not playing doubles with him," says Kaidoh with a scoff.

"What, too scared, Mamushi?" says Momoshiro. He walks over to Kaidoh's side of the court. "Too scared because you like me?"

Kaidoh punches his cheek once he's close enough, well, he might have deserved that one. Just a little bit. Momoshiro stumbles back and hold his cheek protectively; it stings.

"What the hell is your problem, Mamushi."

"You, you are my problem!"

"So, are we playing doubles or what?" asks the other guy. His friend is already standing in position behind him.

"Shut up!" Kaidoh yells at him, or at Momoshiro, he doesn't quite know, but he throws his ball up in the air and takes the first serve. The big guy quickly runs across the court to hit it.

"It's entirely your fault, you know," says Momoshiro as he hits a ball back.

Kaidoh pushes him out of the way. "What the hell are you talking about—it's your fucking fault. You're the dumbest person on earth!" He hits his racket against the ball and performs a boomerang snake, the ball swerving around the post and landing in the doubles court, gaining them a point.

"I reject that notion!" says Momoshiro, insulted.

Kaidoh serves again, and the two guys scramble to play back, they're sort of thrown off of their game with Kaidoh and Momoshiro yelling at each other.

"Fine, you're not just the dumbest person on the earth. You're the dumbest person who ever lived."

Momoshiro shoves against Kaidoh and takes the hit away from him. "Fuck you! You were the one that started assuming things—I never said a word. Not a word!"

"Let's go out, he says! Let's go to the movies, he says! Let's eat together, he says! Let's fucking take a room together—yes, you never said a word, did you, Momoshiro?"

Momoshiro growls at him, then jumps up high to perform his awesome dunk smash. They earn another point. "Never once did I mean it that way! That's all your doing! I thought we were rivals for god's sake."

Kaidoh serves once more. "You're always seeking me out, bothering me, dragging me to things. You sat next to me on the bus and slept on me—twice! I hauled your naked ass out of the stupid hot springs and brought you back to our room. Seriously, why would I ever do something like that to a fucking rival?"

Momoshiro misses the ball, and the opposition scores their first point. "I don't know, you tell me!"

Kaidoh throws his racket on the ground, stomps over to Momoshiro and lifts him up by his shirt, banging his forehead against Momoshiro's. "I fucking like you! Okay? I like you!"

"Uhh, we're gonna leave you two alone now, 'kay?" says the buff guy. They leave the both of them alone on the court.

Momoshiro takes in a deep breath as he looks into Kaidoh's tiny irises. Kaidoh is breathing harshly and his face is red again, and he's not showing any signs of letting go of Momoshiro's shirt.

"Well, okay then," says Momoshiro, because he doesn't know what else to say.

Kaidoh finally lets go, and Momoshiro rubs his chest. "Okay what?"

"Let's do it then. The dating thing." His own words even surprise himself. He what now?



"Alright ... then ..."


If Momoshiro knew how hard dating would be, he'd have never said something like that. Well, he should have never said it in the first place, because he still has no idea why he said it. It just sort of came up in the spur of the moment. He blames Kaidoh's face, which was red, and close to him, and making him feel embarrassed too. Anyways, dating is hard. He called Eiji one more time to get advice on how to date, and he gave him this schedule thing of going to the movies, and grabbing their hand in the dark ... and ... Momoshiro is already blushing from the suggestions and stops thinking about it.

But this is Kaidoh. Just a few days ago everything was peachy, and they were rivals (and Kaidoh thought they were dating) and hitting each other like the good ol' times. Now he knows Kaidoh likes him, and Momoshiro is nervous and doesn't know what to say when he's around Kaidoh. He can't even come up with a good insult. Do people insult each other when they date? Doesn't that seem rude and insensitive? Not that Kaidoh is sensitive or anything ... but still, just how is he supposed to act towards Kaidoh now?

"Stop spacing out, moron," says Kaidoh.

Momoshiro, who was standing on the courts looking off into space, looks up at Kaidoh. The snake that he's dating. Dating. Him and Kaidoh. "Erhm, uhh," he mumbles. What does he usually say to Kaidoh in this sort of situation again? "Sorry." Fuck, he can't even get into an argument with Kaidoh anymore. He's too self-conscious about it now.

Kaidoh looks at him weirdly, but shrugs it off and gets back to training the first years.

Momoshiro remembers how Eiji said that they should walk home together, because people who date each other do that a lot. He also said to hold their hand, but thinking about that freaks Momoshiro out, and gets him into a very uncomfortable zone. When they clean up, Momoshiro rocks back and forth on his feet, trying to call out to Kaidoh and ask if he wants to walk home with him (he specifically didn't come to school using his bike today). Kaidoh notices Momoshiro's weird behavior, and raises his eyebrows at him.

"What the hell is wrong with you," he says.

"Do you—do you want to walk home together?" Momoshiro finally asks. Phew, he got that one out.

Kaidoh still looks at him weirdly, but agrees either way. Good, at least he didn't turn him down, that would be even more awkward. They clean up the rest of the tennis equipment in silence, and finally walk out of school together.

It's awkward. It's quiet. It's so uncomfortable that Momoshiro's is sweating like crazy. Well, what now? What does he talk about with Kaidoh? What does he usually talk about with Kaidoh? It seems they never really talked much, as most of it was just flinging insults back and forth, and Momoshiro doesn't even know how to do that anymore either. He walks next to Kaidoh with a good meter of distance between them, he's afraid if he accidentally touches Kaidoh that he'll notice how much he's sweating.

"I got a postcard from that inn we stayed at in the mail yesterday," says Kaidoh all of the sudden.

Momoshiro's heart leaps into his throat, and the palms of his hands start sweating even more. "Is that so?"

"It said we were really nice guests, and they hoped we'd come back soon again. They'll even give us a discount."

"A discount, really?" Momoshiro feels empty and unresponsive. His usual cheerfulness and natural charisma is gone. Simply gone.

"Yeah," says Kaidoh. "Do you ... want to go there again?"

Momoshiro looks at him with wide eyes. "Huh? Training again?"

"No, I mean. You know. Just ... us. You said you wanted to go back, didn't you?"

"Oh. Us." Alone. Together. Awkwardly. Not saying a word. "Uhm," he hesitates. "S-sure. We can do that." Yeah, they're dating, and dating means going out on trips with each other.

Momoshiro just hopes he'll get his wits back by then, because he's going crazy from the perspiration on his hands. He just won't stop sweating. Fuck, this is insane. Why is this so hard? What about Kaidoh? Why is he the only one who's normal? Is dating supposed to be this awkward?

"Okay ... then ..." says Kaidoh slowly. "When?"

"When?" So soon already!

"Uhm, never mind, we'll just talk about it another time," says Kaidoh and he scratches the back of his head.

Oh-this-feels-so-awkward-he-wants-to-die. Momoshiro tries to come up with something else to say, anything really, like how he put on two different socks this morning, or how he almost stepped in some dog poop on his way to school, or how he was really happy for getting the last piece of lemon bread during lunch—but nothing is coming out of his mouth. Not even insults. There's something seriously wrong with him.

Then he sees WcDonalds across the street, and seizes his chance. "W-wanna go get some burgers?" he asks meekly.

He knows he usually has to drag Kaidoh's ass against his will if he wants to eat burgers, but maybe, maybe he'll say yes. Pretty please? Don't make him look like a bumbling and blabbering fool for asking.


Momoshiro wants to scream out loud in relief, but he's quiet like a mouse. They enter the fast food restaurant and Momoshiro orders seven big burgers, and two large fries. Kaidoh gets some water, what a freak. Momoshiro wants to comment on Kaidoh's lack of a healthy appetite, but his mouth feels as dry as sand, and they quietly find a spot to sit at and eat. Wanting to avoid sitting in an uncomfortable silence, Momoshiro digs into his food straight away, stuffing himself so much that he wouldn't be able to talk even if he wanted to. Kaidoh watches him in disgust. Well, anything is better than that awkward silence of not knowing what to say.

"You're so disgusting," says Kaidoh after he sees Momoshiro eat an entire burger in a minute.

Momoshiro feels awkward again, how does he usually respond? "Sorry," he says instead when he swallows.

Kaidoh frowns at him. "Stop that," he hisses.

"Stop what?" he asks confused. He grabs another burger and unwraps the paper.

"That. You're acting weird."

Momoshiro smiles at him uncomfortably; is it that obvious? Crap, even Kaidoh notices. He can't do anything right. Dating is hard. "Sorry," he mumbles.

Kaidoh says nothing, but he finishes his water, and then gets up. "I'm going home," he says, and leaves Momoshiro alone.

He's still got five burgers left and one large fry, and he's never felt so lonely before in his life.


"Eiji-senpai, you gotta help me out!" whines Momoshiro to his cellphone.

"You having dating troubles again?"

"Yes! I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know what to say."

"Well, tell her she looks nice, or cute or something."

"Looks nice. Okay, got it. What else?"

"Uhm—try and hold her hand? I'm sure she's as nervous as you are."

Momoshiro sighs. "I'm too much of a wuss to try that out. My hands start sweating a lot just by thinking about it."

"Well, then how about you accidentally grab her hand instead? You know, make it seem like an accident. So that when she doesn't like it, you can still pull back."

"Oh, good idea, Eiji-senpai. You're the best, thanks!"

"You're welcome. Now, could you please stop ringing me every hour, Momo? Sure I want to help you ... but I have homework to do!"

Momoshiro bends his head down in shame. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I won't call again. Until I screw up or something."

"Okay. Well, good luck!"

Alright, so, this is operation Hold Hands. Hold hands with Kaidoh. Momoshiro rolls over in his bed, slamming his hands and feet against the mattress like a little kid. He's feeling nervous and his hands start to sweat again. Damnit. Regardless of his stupid sweating, he'll do it! Because he's dating, and stuff, and that's what they do, right? Eiji said so, so it must be right. Hands, yeah, holding hands. Wait, what if Kaidoh doesn't want to? What if he hold his hand so tight again he'll really have to amputate it?

Now Momoshiro has a different kind of fear to worry about.

"Kaidoh!" Momoshiro was hoping he sounded manly and confident, but what came out was a very loud and high-pitched squeak. Great.

Kaidoh, who has just finished putting on his shoes, looks up from the bench, at Momoshiro who is looking at anything but Kaidoh, and doing a funny little dance because he's nervous.

"What? Did you break something?"

Momoshiro frowns, temporarily forgetting how nervous he's supposed to be. "What? No." Then he feels nervous again. "I'll walk you home!" There, it was a command, not a question.

Kaidoh gives him that weird look again, but he doesn't say anything to indicate he'll kick Momoshiro's ass for saying something like that. So there he is, walking at Kaidoh's side again, with a meter of distance in between them, and the palm of his hand is sweaty, and his neck is sweaty, and his underwear is sweaty too and everything feels uncomfortable.

Hand. He's gotta hold his hand. But make it look like an accident. How does he do that? Fall onto Kaidoh and say 'oops, I grabbed your hand'? That would look stupid, not to mention illogical. Or maybe he can say Kaidoh's hand looks cold, and he'll offer to warm it up for him. Yeah, that sounds nice, except it's fucking summer. Fuck, how is he going to do this?

"Why are you walking so far away from me?" asks Kaidoh.

The sudden attention to himself and the distance between them makes Momoshiro jump in his skin. "Uhh, uhm," he stumbles. "Forcefield?" he suggests lamely.

"What?" asks Kaidoh confused. "Hey, watch out."

"Uhh—" Before Momoshiro can come up with another lame excuse, he crashes straight into a pole on the sidewalk.

His face is completely smashed and paralyzed, he falls backwards on his ass, and ow-ow-ow that fucking hurts like hell. He blinks his eyes a few times, since he's seeing a double after image all of the sudden, and why, hello there, splitting headache. Just what he needed while trying to come up with an excuse why he's putting distance between him and Kaidoh, and while trying to accidentally grab his hand. Wait, how in the world is he going to grab Kaidoh's hand while standing far away from him? Fuck, he was doing it wrong from the beginning.

"Moron, I told you to watch out." Kaidoh's hand is hovering near his face. It's like a god-send, an angel—a gift. In his face, just like that, he did it effortlessly and without even having to try. Momoshiro is envious of Kaidoh's 'accidental hand grabbing' scheme, even though he knows it's not, but can't help thinking of it like that anyway.

Momoshiro holds out his hand as well, and it's sweaty and sticky and shit—he's gotta hold Kaidoh's hand with that nasty thing. He's just about to pull his own hand away, when Kaidoh grabs it instead, and he pulls him up to his feet (with that elephant strength again).

"Thanks," he says, a bit surprised Kaidoh pulled him up so suddenly. He looks down at his hand, which is being held by Kaidoh, and he feels his face grow hot and there's no way Kaidoh doesn't notice how sweaty he is. He's so engrossed by his hand that he even forgets that his face just smashed into a pole a few seconds ago.

"Idiot," says Kaidoh. He loosens his grip on Momoshiro, ready to let go, but Momoshiro quickly wraps his fingers around Kaidoh's hand before he can pull it back.

Sticky, sticky, so sticky, and bump, bump, bump his heart goes. Kaidoh's hand is bony, and very warm, and it makes every pore on his hand ooze sweat like crazy. Kaidoh looks at their hands as well, and Momoshiro sucks in a breath; is he going to punch him and yell insults? It seems like forever, when Momoshiro feels the slight squeeze in return of Kaidoh's hand, and he relaxes it as his side, and quickly hides away his face. Momoshiro's hand starts to shake, and they both start walking, hand in hand, and haha ... hahaha ... that-was-so-nerve-wrecking-he-could-die.

He walks Kaidoh home this time, neither of them saying a word, yet neither of them let go of their hands. Which, when he tries, proved to be impossible, because Kaidoh's got fucking elephant strength again. Son-of-a-bitch.


"So, uhm, the discount is only for this weekend," says Kaidoh.

Momoshiro looks up from eating his burger. "Oh, really?" Shit, does that mean they have to already take the trip together? He's not prepared for it yet! "I guess we better go then," he mutters.

Kaidoh leans his chin on his hand and stares outside the window. "Yeah, this weekend."

Momoshiro's eyes sneak a peek at Kaidoh's hands, and he grows hot in his face and quickly stuffs himself with another hamburger. So he's succeeded in operation Hold Hands, and now he has to tell Kaidoh he looks nice. Or something like that. He looks over at Kaidoh again, who's spacing out and staring out the window, and he looks like his usual grumpy self. How exactly is he supposed to compliment that snake? He looks nice for being grumpy? No, he can't say that ... Momoshiro studies him more closely. Alright, he does have a very finely shaped jaw, angular, but a little bit ... elegant? Yeah, something like that. His eyes, even though they're tiny, aren't that bad either, especially when he's gazing and not glaring, they look fierce and sharp, and Momoshiro's hands start to sweat again.

Where the hell are these thoughts coming from anyway? Why is he thinking about Kaidoh's face so much?

"What?" asks Kaidoh once he notices Momoshiro has stopped eating and is staring at him.

Momoshiro flushes red and quickly munches on his burger. "Nothin'," he says with a mouthful.

He can't help himself but look at Kaidoh's face again, this time his eyes landing on those very lush lips of his, and he chokes on his food.


Momoshiro rolls back and forth on his bed; he's anxious and nervous, and there's only one day left before they'll go back to that inn—alone. Alone with Kaidoh. While they're dating. Momoshiro digs his face into his pillow. He still has no clue how it even came to that point, dating Kaidoh. Just a week ago they were friendly rivals, and now Kaidoh says he likes him and they're dating and holding hands and his shirt is clinging to his sweaty back. How did it all happen so faaast. Momoshiro rolls over on his bed again.

What is he going to do with Kaidoh, alone, at the inn? Oh god, they're gonna go to the hot springs together and crap, he's not mentally prepared for that! Sure, he was completely fine with it not too long ago, but now he knows. He's completely aware of Kaidoh's presence, and that Kaidoh likes him, and oh-shit-he's-sweating-again.

Should he hold his hand again? It was nerve wrecking the first time, and neither of them said a word, it was uncomfortable and weird, but it's not like Momoshiro would say he hated it ... it was just weird. Yeah, weird. Dating Kaidoh, what the hell was he thinking. Apparently, he's thinking about loads of things because he can't even keep track of his thoughts anymore. One moment he's thinking about holding Kaidoh's hand, the next he's thinking about being naked together in the hot springs, and the next he thinks about strangling Kaidoh to death. Ahhh, he's going crazy! Eiji, he needs to talk to Eiji!

Momoshiro rolls and rolls across his bed until he stops at his desk and quickly grabs his cellphone. He punches in Eiji's number and calls him.

"Momo!" greets Eiji. "What's wrong this time?" Well, that's sort of embarrassing that he immediately knew what Momoshiro was calling for.

"I uhh, I need help," says Momoshiro with a dry throat.

"Help with what? Did you mess up holding her hand?"

"Oh that? No, we held hands."

"That's great! A step in the right direction!" Momoshiro bites his lips as he tries hard to not tell Eiji that he was holding Kaidoh's hand, and not some girl. And that it felt completely awkward.

"A-anyways. I've got a new problem. We're gonna go on a trip together tomorrow, for two days. We'll be staying at an inn together. In the same room. With a hot spring."

Eiji is a bit quiet on the other line, until he hears him cough. "Oh. Well, good luck!"

"Don't say that! I don't know what to do!"

"Well, I don't know either! I don't even have a girlfriend!"

Girlfriend? Girlfriend? Oh, Momoshiro's mind is in everlasting torture now. "Gi-gi ... wha .. he's ... argh!"

"Okay calm down. I'm sure you'll be fine."

"I'm not fine! That's the problem!"

"Well, just—I don't know—relax or something. Tell her you feel nervous, maybe that'll help."

"Okay, I'll try. What else?"

"Hold hands?"

"I uhm ... already did that." Momoshiro feels too embarrassed to say he's too scared to do it again.

"I don't know, kiss?"

Momoshiro falls back on his bed, dead. Dead, dead, dead, dead and sweaty as fuck.

"Momo? Momo!"

"Ahaha, yes, I'm still here, Eiji-senpai." Barely.

"Well, you don't have to kiss if you don't want to," suggests Eiji.

Momoshiro rocks back and forth on his bed like a little kid, and his face feels hot and it's really starting to hurt his cheeks. "And b-besides ... kissing?"

"Uhh." Eiji takes a moment to think of something. "Oh, I think it would be a good idea to bring condoms—"



Momoshiro lies on his floor, with his cellphone snapped in half, prodding his back. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.


Kaidoh hisses at him the moment he lays his eyes on Momoshiro. "You're late," he says angrily.

Momoshiro cautiously walks up to Kaidoh, and puts on his best fake smile, and hopes Kaidoh can't tell he's fidgety as hell. "Sorry."

"I've been calling you for an hour already, why didn't you pick up?"

"I, uhh, I lost my cellphone." More like broke the damn thing. "My mom needed help with some chores." The real reason why he's an hour late was because he kept fussing over which clothes to bring, and then bang his head against the wall, and repeat the cycle all over again. Not like he'll tell Kaidoh.

Kaidoh stands up from the bench he was sitting on and punches Momoshiro's arm, and ow, that sort of hurts. "Idiot," he says. He bends his head down so Momoshiro can only see his red bandana. "I thought something happened to you on your way over here," he mutters.

Kaidoh was worried about him? This makes Momoshiro feel new prickles of nervousness in his stomach. Ahh, that's not helping, not helping at all!

"Anyways, since you were so late, we already missed the damn bus."


"It comes every hour though, so you're lucky it'll be here in 5 minutes."



Momoshiro's hands start sweating again; what is he supposed to say to Kaidoh now? Tell him the funny story how he managed to break his cellphone? No, he'd rather die before doing that. The longer the silence stretches between them, the clammier his hands get, until he's so sick of it, he calls out Kaidoh's name.


"C-can I borrow your cellphone? I need to call someone."

Kaidoh doesn't say anything, but takes out the blue cellphone either way and hands it over to Momoshiro.

Momoshiro turns his back to Kaidoh and starts walking away. He flips the phone open, and he expected to see that stupid cat picture as his wallpaper again, but blushes like a tomato when he sees Kaidoh has changed it to that picture of the two of them fighting each other. Wow, this is, uhm, unexpected. Very unexpected. Momoshiro tilts his head back a bit to sneak a glance at Kaidoh, who's sitting on the bench again, looking grumpy and irritated. Stupid sneaky Kaidoh, he doesn't need him to make him feel even more fidgety with little things like this.

He should really pick out a better picture though.

Momoshiro shakes his head, then dials Eiji's number, because Eiji is like his guardian or something.

"Kaidoh?" asks Eiji surprised when he picks up.

"No, it's me," says Momoshiro in a hushed voice.

"Oh ... Momo. What are you doing with Kaidoh's cellphone?"

"That doesn't matter. Tell me again, what do I need to do on this trip? I forgot everything already and I don't know what to say!" Momoshiro makes sure he's out of earshot from Kaidoh, because like hell will he ever admit to this in front of the snake.

Eiji sighs. "Tell them you're nervous. Hold hands. Kiss. And be sure to use condoms."

"EIJI-SENPAI!" Momoshiro yells loudly, which prompts Kaidoh to look at him weirdly. Momoshiro quickly presses the red button—Eiji can go fuck himself—and with a nervous chuckle he hands it back over to Kaidoh.

"What's wrong with you?" asks Kaidoh in a grumpy voice, but he takes the cellphone back.

"Uhh, nothing!" No, stupid idiot, he's supposed to say he's nervous.

"Your face is completely red," Kaidoh says, as if this was as plain as day.

Momoshiro touches his cheeks, which are on fire, damnit. "I ... I ... I came running all the way over here, you know, I'm still out of breath." Okay, well there goes operation Tell Him You're Nervous.

"You looked fine when you came here," Kaidoh points out.

Momoshiro stomps his feet on the ground. "Shut up, you stupid snake."

Kaidoh glares at him and crosses his arms. "You shut up, moron."

"Don't call me a moron, Mamushi!"

Kaidoh gets up this time, hissing. "Don't call me Mamushi, moron!"

And after a week of awkwardness of this dating thing, they're finally wrestling each other to the ground, punching each other, rolling over each other, pulling at their clothes (and hair), and Momoshiro's queasiness and worries have all but faded away now. He might have lied just moments ago, but now he really is out of breath, and they both stop fighting and sit on the bench next to each other, taking in sharp and short breaths.

"This is all your fault, dumbass," says Momoshiro.

"You started it, idiot," replies Kaidoh.

And then Kaidoh's pinky brushes against Momoshiro's, and it sends a lightning bolt full of prickly and weird jumpy feelings down his body. Great, he's completely aware of Kaidoh again, and his heart is thumping loudly against his chest, and he's feeling all nervous and he just wants to roll around on the ground like a wuss. Let's not forget his sweaty hands either. Just great.

The bus finally arrives, great timing. The bus stops in front of them and Kaidoh walks up, and shows his and Momoshiro's bus pass to the bus driver, and he walks inside. Momoshiro swallows in anticipation, because he knows he's going to have to sit next to Kaidoh. He walks inside as well, and follows Kaidoh all the way to the back (erhm, the back?), and sits next to him after shoving their bags underneath the seats.

Well, then, what now? Momoshiro is already on edge and jumpy again, and he's huddled away from Kaidoh as much as possible, just to make sure their legs won't accidentally touch. Or that Kaidoh can randomly grab his hand or something. No, this isn't good, he can't act like this. Come on, they're supposed to be dating. People who date sit next to each other and laugh and touch and hold hands and Momoshiro's cheeks heat up again. Okay, normal people, meaning not him, do that, so what is he supposed to do with Kaidoh?

What does he even want to do with Kaidoh?

Thinking about that makes him feel queasy and anxious, and his leg starts shaking in response to his nervousness. Stupid restless leg syndrome. Stupid Kaidoh.

"Don't fall asleep on me again," warns Kaidoh all of the sudden.

Even if he wanted to, Momoshiro is sure he'll be too aware of Kaidoh to even close his eyes, let alone fall asleep. "Like I even want to," he responds.

Kaidoh snorts, not believing that, and Momoshiro doesn't either.

Momoshiro's leg continues to shake.

"Stop that," says Kaidoh.

"Stop what?"

"That, your leg."

Momoshiro puts his hand down on his leg to stop it from shaking, but it's not listening to him. "It's not like I can control it," he says irritated.

Kaidoh sighs and stares out the window again, but Momoshiro can tell that he's paying attention to him, to his shaking leg which is annoying the crap out of him. A few more seconds pass, and he still hasn't stopped, and Kaidoh huffs loudly, and then puts his hand on top of Momoshiro's and squeezes it hard.

So hard that he's cutting off the blood flow in his hand again, and it makes sweat start to ooze from his palm onto his thigh.

Oh hey, his leg stopped shaking.

Oh shit, he can't feel his hand.

Momoshiro makes little noises of protest and uses his other hand to lamely pluck Kaidoh's fingers off of his. Except of course, Kaidoh's a freak with elephant strength, and Momoshiro is a wuss who wishes he could bang his head against the wall. Kaidoh squeezes even harder, and Momoshiro sucks in a breath and sits up straight and keeps still.

He ends up falling asleep on Kaidoh either way. At least he didn't drool this time.


"Stop rubbing it already, fshuuuu." Kaidoh puts his bag down in the corner of their room, irritated at Momoshiro.

Momoshiro gives him a dirty look and continues to rub his hand. "It's your fault. You've got the grip of a fucking elephant. I thought it was going to die and fall off."

Kaidoh hisses again, and his cheeks are slightly pink.


Momoshiro's hands start to sweat.


He wobbles a bit uncomfortably on his spot. So they arrived, and he fell asleep on Kaidoh's shoulder, and Kaidoh never let go of his hand—and now he has no clue on what to do. What did they do last time? Oh right, they trained. Well, they're not here for training at the moment.

"Wanna go eat?" That's the first thing that pops up in his head. Food, he can deal a lot better with these jumpy feelings for Kaidoh when he's eating.

Kaidoh's already walking out of the door, and Momoshiro follows him like a lost puppy. They decide to go walk around the town and act as tourists, and visit some of the little food stands on the shopping street. There's a nice little ramen shop that smells delicious, and Momoshiro hovers towards it like a bee claiming honey.

"Really?" asks Kaidoh as he looks at it questionably.

Momoshiro sits down on the little stool, then pats his hand on the other stool right next to him. Kaidoh obliges. They order two bowls of ramen, and Momoshiro happily scarfs it down his throat, anything is better than having to think of something to say to Kaidoh.

Wait, he hasn't yet told him that he looks nice. Right, Eiji told him to, didn'the? Momoshiro steals a sideways glance at Kaidoh, who is properly eating his ramen, by picking out all the vegetables first, and then slurping the liquid from the bowl. What to compliment him on ... uhh ... he's wearing his red bandana today, accompanied by a black sleeveless shirt—he's obsessed with sleeveless shirts—and just some plain white pants. He sort of looks like a gangster, almost, because he knows Kaidoh is actually a big whimp and is in love with cats and hits no one other than Momoshiro himself. No wait, he did punch someone else that one time ... hmm ... alright, maybe he is a gangster. No wait, he's not supposed to be thinking about gangster Kaidoh!

Just compliment him already!

Uhh ... uhh ...

"You look hot."

Momoshiro snorts and chokes on a noodle as he realizes what the hell he just said, and Kaidoh looks up from his bowl and gives him this incredulous, unbelieving look. Momoshiro hits his fist on his chest a few times to dislodge the noodle stuck in his throat and swallows it. Then he quickly tries to hand wave his compliment to save what is left of his dignity.

"The sun, I mean. It's shining directly on you," he says. Kaidoh is indeed half sitting out in the sun, and half underneath the stall.

Kaidoh looks at the spot that's under the sun, half his shoulder, then shrugs and goes back to sipping the soup from his bowl again.

Momoshiro wants to facepalm himself; great going, Momoshiro! That was the best compliment ever! Oh you fucking dumbass. Momoshiro asks for seconds and decides to not say anything anymore, in fear of screwing up again or saying something really embarrassing.

After eating their bowls of ramen, they wander around the shopping street and look at the little stalls with souvenir items on them. Kaidoh lingers around at one stall that has a lot of bandanas for sale. Momoshiro wonders if he should offer to buy one for him, they do that sort of stuff on a date right? Buy presents? Before he can even offer this generous idea of his, Kaidoh's already seen handing over some money to the vendor for a shiny new black bandana. Well, fuck.

Momoshiro kicks some dirt on the street and quickly walks away from Kaidoh, to another stall with a lot of keychains. He looks at the collection, and then he sees the ugliest keychain in his life, and picks it up. It's a ... well, Momoshiro is not quite sure what it is, but it sort of looks like Kaidoh. It's round, not perfectly so, green, there's some weird black hair at the top of it, and some googly eyes stuck on the front.

"What the hell is that," says Kaidoh when he finally spots Momoshiro again.

Momoshiro shrugs, then dangles it in front of Kaidoh's face. "I don't know, but hey, it kind of looks just like you, don't you think?"

"Asshole, what part of me looks alike?" Kaidoh says in an irritated voice.

Okay, he wasn't really trying to insult Kaidoh or anything, especially since he called him 'hot' just a moment ago, so this was probably not a good idea. So he says nothing and puts the keychain back on the big rack. Kaidoh is already stalking away, his hands stuffed in his white pants—which don't look that bad on him, actually. Now he's feeling a bit plain with his boring yellow t-shirt and some blue shorts. Great, he knew he should have taken an extra hour to find better clothes to bring with him.

"Oh, you looking for something specific?" asks the vendor of the keychains. It's an old lady, smiling friendly at him.

"Uhh," says Momoshiro.

"Are you looking for something to give to your girlfriend?"

Momoshiro snorts, but his cheeks betray him and they turn red. "I don't know."

"Ahh, are you out on a date with her right now?" she asks with a wink of her eyes.

Momoshiro strains his neck a bit to see where Kaidoh is, and he's at the next stall, looking at a collection of cat pictures. Of course. "Sort of."

"Well then, how about this one?" she asks, and then plucks a keychain from the rack and hands it over to Momoshiro.

It's a big red plastic heart that says 'I LOVE YOU' and now his cheeks really betray him. He quickly puts it away. "Something a little ... less obvious than that?" he asks embarrassed. Not that he 'loves' Kaidoh or anything. Ew. No.

The woman hands him another keychain. This one is a cute little plastic white kitten, with huge anime eyes drawn on it. Momoshiro smiles; that's perfect. "Yeah, I'll take this one." He pays her the measly 200 Yen for the keychain, and before he can leave, the vendor stops him and stuffs something else in his hands.

"This one's for free—for young love!" she says and gives him another wink and goes back to her stall.

Momoshiro frowns and looks what's inside of his hand. It's a small blue plastic square, and Momoshiro immediately knows what it is and his face turns completely blank.

"Momoshiro, you done yet?" asks Kaidoh as he comes back to check up on Momoshiro.

Heat flashes onto his cheeks, and Momoshiro quickly stuffs the two objects into his pants and smiles widely at Kaidoh. "Hmmhmm," he says, and wobbles away from the stall.

They spend the rest of their day looking at all the little stalls, and it's not as awkward as he thought it would be. He still doesn't know what to say, and insulting Kaidoh doesn't seem to be a good option either, and when their hands accidentally bump into each other, he pulls it away as if he's been burned. Fuck. Dating is really hard!

It's getting late, so they decide to go back to the inn. Momoshiro sort of wants to go to the hot springs, and he sort of doesn't, because then Kaidoh would join him, and that sort of freaks him out—especially since that old lady had to give him ... give him that thing! Honestly, what was she thinking? He stuffs the stupid objects in his bag when Kaidoh's not paying attention.

Luckily, before there's another awkward silence while Momoshiro ponders on whether to go to the hot springs or not, Kaidoh says he's gonna go train and he'll be back later. Momoshiro feels slightly relieved, and slightly irritated; does that snake ever think about anything other than training? He can't even give up one measly day, what a training freak.


Momoshiro is soaking in the hot springs, without Kaidoh. Of course, there's other guys in there, but they're not Kaidoh and they don't make him feel awkward and self-conscious. He relaxes in the hot water at his usual spot and reflects on what he's done today.

He broke his phone yesterday. Then today he arrived late at the bus stop, and Kaidoh squeezed the shit out of his hand during the trip, and he fell asleep on him again. They ate some ramen and Momoshiro embarrassed himself by calling Kaidoh hot, and some old lady gave him a condom.

Ahh, today was just one big mess of awkwardness. Is dating really supposed to be this awkward? Or is it just him and Kaidoh? He wonders what he's supposed to do to not be so awkward around him, but the epiphany never comes. And he can't call Eiji for advice either, since he's got no cellphone. Hmm. It's getting kind of late, he's been in the water for an hour and a half already. Is Kaidoh going to come in as well when he's done training?

Soon, he's alone in the hot springs again, sitting against the rocks and looking at the steam floating by. He feels dizzy, as usual, but he's waiting for Kaidoh damnit. He has to come, even if it's awkward and they'd be sort of naked together, he just has to come.

Momoshiro almost gets a heart attack when he hears a splash of water in the distance. "Kaidoh?" he calls out, since he can't see through the thick steam—or maybe his eyes are just really cloudy. He hears a hiss coming from the steam, which makes the entire setting look ominous, like a horror movie, and Kaidoh is going to come and kill him or something, since he's a gangster and all that.

Momoshiro pulls his legs up and makes sure his towel is covering his goods down there. Kaidoh finally walks into view, wading through the water and getting closer, and closer, and now Momoshiro is sweating even more and it's not because of the hot water. He's not wearing his bandana, and all he's got is a small white towel wrapped around his waist, and Momoshiro tries hard not to look—don't look damnit!

"How long have you been sitting there?" Kaidoh asks. Momoshiro wonders if he's concerned about him.

"Since you left?" adds Momoshiro vaguely.

Kaidoh sits down next to Momoshiro, against the rocks, and Momoshiro slowly and sneakily inches away from him a bit, because he's waaay too close for comfort. Damn, the awkward feelings come rushing back again, and they're both silent once more. There he is, in the hot springs, alone with Kaidoh. Kaidoh, who he is supposed to be dating, but he can't seem to do anything but feel awkward and say embarrassing things.

Momoshiro starts to whistle a tune, simply because it's silent and he's nervous, and this helps him calm down a bit. He quickly stops once he hears Kaidoh grunt in annoyance. What a prick. He splashes around some of the water with his wrinkly hands, and tries to think of something to say. Anything. Like, Kaidoh's a training freak and he doesn't know how to have fun, or that he bought him a stupid keychain, or maybe that his white pants looked good on him, or how that old lady gave him a condom. On second thought, maybe he should really just shut up.

Ahh, he feels lightheaded and nervous and awkward, and he wonders if Kaidoh does too. For ten whole minutes, they say nothing to each other, and there's a thick tension in the air between them. Momoshiro swallows and starts to play with the water again, since there's nothing else to do.

Kaidoh stands up, the water moving around him angrily and dripping from his body. "This is stupid," he says bitterly.

Momoshiro looks up at him, and he doesn't really know what to say, other than, "what?"

Kaidoh looks down at the stupid idiot. "This. Let's stop it, it's stupid."

"Stop what?" Is he talking about what he thinks he's talking about?

"Dating. If it's like this, I'd rather not." Kaidoh starts wading through the water to get away from Momoshiro.

His mouth falls open in surprise, and he's shocked and hurt and sort of insulted. What the hell Kaidoh—he wanted to do it in the first place! He can't just get up and leave when he feels like it. If anything, it should be Momoshiro who should get up and leave. And he does, he gets up after Kaidoh, but not to leave, but to pull him back into the water, and Kaidoh crashes against his chest and they both go underwater.

"Asshole!" says Kaidoh as he comes back up for air.

Momoshiro simply stares at Kaidoh through his wet and clingy hair. "Why? Why do you want to stop? I don't get it."

Kaidoh spits out some water. "It's you. I can't stand this awkwardness anymore. It's not like you even like me, it's pretty obvious you don't, I don't even know why you're forcing yourself to do this in the first place, you fucking dumbass. So let's stop."

"But I ... but I ..."

"But you what," presses Kaidoh.

Momoshiro throws his hands up in the air, some of the water splashing on Kaidoh's face. "I don't know! I don't fucking know! What do you want from me?"

Kaidoh hisses at him. "To act normal again, stupid! When's the last time we even fought together, huh?"

"Doesn't this count?" says Momoshiro in a smartass tone.

"No, no it doesn't."

"Well, uhm—this morning! Yeah!"

"And then you got all awkward again."

Momoshiro splashes some water in his face. "Well, I'm sorry! I don't know what to do."

"Act like you usually do!" hisses Kaidoh and he splashes water back at him. "It was fine before, and you didn't even think we were dating back then ... this is stupid. I'd rather be fake dating than real dating, if it turns you into something like this!"

"Turn into what!" A bumbling, babbling nervous fool?

"Like you hate me!" he sputters.


Oh, that might have come across that way.

Momoshiro sinks his face into the water and stares at Kaidoh with sad looking eyes. "I don't hate you." He sinks his face even deeper, until only his nose is above the water.

"Well, you certainly don't like me," he retorts.

Momoshiro doesn't even know himself. This sort of thing just happened way too fast, and it still throws him off his game and he's nervous and looking into Kaidoh's scary eyes makes his brain turn into mush. It's not like he hated it ... it's just that he's not used to it. He's self-conscious, it's awkward and new and weird, and he still only half gets that Kaidoh likes him. If he likes him, why would he want to stop? Momoshiro, despite all those crazy and creepy crawling feelings he's gotten the entire week, doesn't want to stop. He blows a few pathetic bubbles under water, still looking into Kaidoh's eyes.

Kaidoh sighs and runs his hand through his wet and dark hair. "So let's stop."

Momoshiro blows some more bubbles.

"We'll just go back to normal. You can punch me as much as you like."

He blows harder, and more bubbles surge up to the surface.

"Let's just pretend this never happened in the first place."

Momoshiro jumps out of the water, a thousand sparkling water droplets fly around him, and he grabs hold of Kaidoh's arm. Their naked chests bump against each other, and his hand slides off of Kaidoh's arm because it's slippery. Then—something which he never thought he would do—leans in and quickly kisses Kaidoh on his lips. Momoshiro sort of misses and kisses the corner of his mouth though. He pulls away lightning fast and submerges himself in the water, blowing little bubbles again, trying to hide his extremely red face.

Kaidoh looks at him with shocked eyes; he's temporarily stunned. That is, until one of Momoshiro's water bubbles pops loudly, and he stumbles back a few steps, before slipping on one of the rocks and falling down into the water, their faces now at eye-level. Kaidoh stares back at Momoshiro, and then, just like him, lowers his face into the water and blows bubbles as well. They stay like that, for a while, simply blowing bubbles to each other back and forth, still staring into their eyes.

Kaidoh's the first one to speak. "I said punch, not kiss. Idiot." But he says it with cheeks so red, that it makes Momoshiro break into a goofy smile.

"As much as I like?" he asks.

This makes Kaidoh's ears turn red as well, and he stares at Momoshiro with half closed eyes, and he slightly nods his head. Momoshiro moves forwards just a tiny little bit, even though his heart is pounding and he's feeling really dizzy from the steam right now. He's right in front of Kaidoh's face, his very red face, though he's sure he doesn't look any better himself.

"Just to clarify—I don't hate you," says Momoshiro.

Kaidoh blinks slowly, and he leans closer to him. "I don't hate you too."

Their foreheads are now touching, and each of them is taking deep and slow breaths. He's feeling so dizzy right now; Kaidoh's face is so close and his breath is engulfing him. Oh, and there's the steam of course. Steam. Steamy. Steamylicious. And Kaidoh's lips, which are getting closer, and closer, and the world is spinning and oooh pretty lights.

Momoshiro blacks out.


Momoshiro wakes up in his futon again. The first thing he does is lift it up and check to see if he's naked; he's not, he's wearing his shorts and a shirt, and wow Kaidoh was nice enough to do that. Wait, Kaidoh did it? That's a little ... embarrassing.

"Finally awake?" asks Kaidoh, who's sitting on his own futon next to him.

"Ahh, I passed out again, didn't I?"

"Yes. You're an idiot."

Momoshiro huffs indignantly. He sits up straight and looks at Kaidoh. Then he remembers what he did to him moments before he passed out and turns pink.

"T-thanks for dressing me this time," he says sheepishly.

"Don't count on it again," says Kaidoh.

Momoshiro stares at his fingers, which he's fumbling around with. "So uhm. Are we still dating?" he asks, a bit embarrassed and also confused. His cheeks are still sporting a nice pink blush.

"I don't know, do you want to?" asks Kaidoh.

"Yeah, uhm, I think so."

"Okay then."

Momoshiro shifts awkwardly on his futon; so the awkwardness is still back. Remembering what Kaidoh said before, to just act like himself, he punches Kaidoh's arm. Kaidoh gives him this undignified look, but then smirks and punches him back. Heh. Alright, he can deal with this.

"Right. I found something," says Kaidoh, and he turns his head away from Momoshiro.


"As I was looking through your bag for your clothes, I found this." Kaidoh flings something onto Momoshiro's lap.

It's a blue plastic square; there's a clear circle shape in the middle of it. Momoshiro turns completely red as he remembers stuffing it into his bag.

"What the hell were you planning?" asks Kaidoh, his face as embarrassed as his.

"Well, you see, funny story actually ..."