Chapter Four

"Erin! Erin!" she called to me, her singsong voice as sweet as ever, making me instantly smile.

"I'm coming!" I ran over to her. Holding her hand was Rachel, while Chris played on the rug inside. "Yes?"

She seemed to study me for a long time with conflicting emotions running across her face. It was if she wanted to memorize me, every little detail. She sent Rachel inside and asked me to go with her.

"You're just going to leave them alone?" I asked. Was it safe?

"Harry will be home soon," she said. Why did he always refer to him as that name? Did she not really like what he was to her? Or to me?

We got in the car and she drove. I looked out the window, studying the trees and anything else I could have spotted. I did not know that it was the last time I would ever be in that area.

We walked into a large white building. I was holding her hand, but I could tell that she did not want to hold mine. I looked around and seemed to take interest in the ceiling, the walls, and the secretary. Her desk was taller than I was and I stood on my tiptoes trying to reach for a piece of candy which she held in a jar. She eventually leaned over the desk to hand one to me. I did not listen as they continued their conversation, I just loved the flavor of the candy. I loved the feel of it on my tongue.

The secretary pointed down the hall and told us to go there. While still holding hands, the woman I trusted led me there, pulling me along, even though I desperately wanted to look at a painting that was framed and hanging on the wall. We walked all the way down a hall and into an all white room. Two men are in there, wearing long white robes. They weren't bathrobes, but the kind that a doctor would wear. I smiled at them, they both were looking down at me. One looked a little sad but the other showed absolutely no trace of emotion.

"Thank you. We will take her from here." The woman gives my hand to the sad looking man. She turns and begins to walk away. I pull away from them and run back towards her.

"Wait! Mother, wait! Where are you going? Are you leaving me here? What did I do wrong?" She turned to look at me again, this time her eyebrows bent. I didn't know then, but she was mad at me for making it harder than it had to be. I stretched out my hand to her and still moved towards her. The sad man grabbed me, and the emotionless one smacked my hand away from my mother. I was lifted over his shoulders, and I watched my mother grow smaller and smaller as we walked down the extending hall. She looked at me until the way began to turn, then she turned and left. "Mother! Mother! Mommy, why?"

I woke up screaming. I lifted my head from the desk. My cheek was red from being flat against it for so long. My hands formed fists and I banged the desk, I hit it too.

"That is why you don't sleep?" Lucy said. It appeared that she never left.

"What did you do?" I yelled.

"You were looking fatigued. I thought you were too stubborn to sleep until we solved the case. Now I see. Was it an event in your childhood that now terrifies you?" She asked. She didn't need to though. She already knew she was right.

"Get out," I said. My voice was so quiet, even I had a hard time hearing myself. My hands were covering my eyes.

"What?" she asked. She didn't hear me.

I pulled my hands away to show that I was not crying. "Get out!" I screamed. "Get out, get out, get out!" I threw the porcelain cup from the table at her. I wasn't looking, so it did not hit her. She was shocked by my performance. She stuttered a bit before backing out of the room. I knew it wasn't like her to be scared.

I'm sure that I looked psychotic. I bet she could see the anger, fear, and pain in my eyes. It was wrong of me to take it out on her. It was my mother. I looked in a mirror on the wall and half of what I saw was her. Only some of my features came from my father. I grew even more enraged. I screamed again and I punched that girl I saw. The one who looked so similar to that wretched woman who left me behind. She shattered to pieces. She crumbled on the floor It gave me minimal satisfaction. My hand was bleeding and I knew I would have to pick up the mirror eventually.

Mother. Father. Chris. Rachel. They were the past. They were my secret demons, always haunting me. Lucy. Hauser. Soto. Madsen. They were my current issues. The battles of the past only ensure weakness in the future, so I let my demons be. I did not face them. They simply stayed the way they were, in my mind. I did not want anything different. I just wanted to move on, but the monsters kept following me. I did so much to avoid them. Why had I failed?

AN: Hi, back again! I wrote this pretty quickly. I was in a bit of a rush. I hope you like it. Personally, I like the last paragraph, especially the battles/futures thing. Anyways, not sure when I will update again. Please review?