Please take your time
The pain of losing Violet had been one thing. The pain of reliving her loss every waking moment was another thing entirely.
"How would we die?" Kol had asked his older brother once, centuries ago when they were still young and impulsive and busy playing God. [and if Kol were honest, he still enjoyed playing God. Taking life. But if were God, godlike, he would be able to give life. And yet, when Violet was turning blue in his arms he had been unable to save her.]
"It would take a great deal to kill us," Finn said and didn't elaborate more, "We are family and we shall remain united. Nothing will destroy us as long as we are together."
They'd been idealistic back then. They viewed threats as… well, they never viewed anyone as a threat, especially human women with quiet smiles and laughter like the sun. Finn had never viewed Aria as a threat and Kol had certainly never thought of Violet, impish, gray eyed Violet, as anything remotely threatening.
And yet their losses were destroying them. Sure Finn had been reunited with his lost love, but adapting to that sudden change was shifting their family dynamic. And Kol's loss of Violet was causing him to crumble, which was causing a break in the family front that they wore like a shield before them all. He was a crack. The weakest link.
All because of some small, gray eyed girl who smiled at him one day when she was human and said, "You are beautiful."
You look good with your patient face and wandering eye
Don't hold this war inside
"Kol, you need to get out. Eat something. Do something." Rebekah was never any good at convincing him to do something. Actually, Rebekah had never been good at convincing anyone save for their father. Their cruel, abusive father who had adored his younger daughter in his own, strange way. It wasn't their fault he was so hard. He'd simply lost a child and was never the same after that.
Elijah's twin Emilia had died of the plague when she was twelve. Most of them were too young to remember her clearly and Rebekah hadn't even been born yet. She was the only daughter and Mikael had loved her dearly. After her death, he was a changed man. The arrival of another daughter had only drove him further into himself. It did not help that Rebekah was so unlike Emilia. So unlike the daughter Esther and Mikael had adored. To be abandoned by her parents was one thing. To be compared to a dead girl was another thing entirely.
Kol liked to think that was why Rebekah disliked Violet. She had the same dark hair and quiet tendencies of a sister Rebekah had never known, yet was constantly compared to. Perhaps that was why Finn, who had been Emilia's favorite brother, was drawn to Violet. Perhaps that was why Elijah had kept his distance from a girl so very much like his twin. As for the behavior of himself and Klaus, Kol could not say. Perhaps they wanted to prove that this was not Emilia. That she was not some perfect, angelic being whose loss began to slowly ruin their family.
And yet that was what Violet had been, what Violet was. In her own unique, non-Emilia way, Violet had been their undoing. Fate seemed an inescapable thing.
You left your home
You're so far from everything you know
"But can it be done?" Rebekah would mock him if she could see him now, asking Bonnie Bennett for help of all people. The witch stood warily inside her doorway, having been smart enough to invite him in. Her mother, a baby vampire thanks to Damon Salvatore, stood at her daughter's shoulder.
"Yes," Abby Bennett said before her daughter could say it was not possible. That bringing a vampire back- a bodiless vampire at that- was impossible.
"If you can guarantee my daughter will not be harmed by any members of your family," Abby said, "We will bring back the woman you wish." Kol regarded Abby's eagerness and Bonnie's reluctance, but decided he didn't care. He'd drive a stake through his own heart if it would return Violet from him.
"You have a deal." They didn't shake on the terms. It was deemed too risky and Kol couldn't care. He couldn't care about anything now.
Wake up and dream once more
"Kol, wake up!" He bolted upright to find Finn's worried face hovering before him. His elder brother's hands were gripping his shoulders and they were both breathing unnecessarily.
"You were screaming," Finn said and brushed away Kol's damp hair from his forehead. His baby brother sank backwards and stared at the ceiling.
"I was in hell," he said, not to anyone in particular, but just for the sake of getting the truth out in the open. "I was in hell and Violet was there, telling me to save her, to bring her back."
"You cannot bring a vampire back," Finn reasoned, but those were not the words Kol wanted to hear, so he blocked them out.
"She was in hell. Violet, of all people. I should've brought her back with me."
You've done nothing at all to make me love you less
"I'm sorry," Bonnie Bennett said through the phone, "The spell wasn't successful. If it were, Violet would be back by now."
Kol didn't listen anymore, throwing the phone into the nearest wall. A perfect hole formed and somewhere in the mansion Rebekah started yelling at him. With his luck, he probably hit her and she'd come in yelling at him any second. She never came.
He wondered if he could somehow dagger himself. He wondered if it would work. If he could convince his siblings to leave him be, it would be a nice reprieve. He'd never been the sort to dream when daggered.
Finn would no doubt be the one to put him in his coffin again. Maybe this time he could drop him to the bottom of the sea.
Come back, I'll help you stand
Let go and hold my hand
"If you're there," Kol whispered to the darkness of his room, as was habit since Violet's death, "Haunt me. Haunt me forever. Torment me. Kill me. Send me nightmares. Just stay with me."
That was his only request. He would endure the torment as long as she stayed. He held his breath as the bed sank slightly and a body curled up beside his. Fingers splayed across his chest and while he didn't look down for fear of shattering the illusion, he could smell the scent so uniquely Violet's.
"Kol," she whispered against his chest, lacing her fingers with his.
"Just stay with me," he begged before closing his eyes and allowing a dreamless sleep to overtake him.
She was still there when he awoke in the morning.
Come back when you can
[song fix inspired by "Come Back When You Can" by Barcelona]