Shere Khan's Average Day - By Michael Jan Krizik
Another ordinary day at the office...
Shere Khan is on his Windows 7 computer Playing Doom on his favorite buggy Doom95 source port, with his specially free download of dplay_dll for Windows 7 compatibility (I'm sure he's feeling real special right about now). He laughs maniacally as he plows through the former humans with only 2 pistol shots each. "I must be the best player in the world." Shere Khan told himself, reassuring his confidence.
Suddenly, one of Khan's employees bursts forth from the doorway, looking panicked. "Khan, sir!" he shouted. "Not now! Can't you see I'm busy?" "But sir, the whole of Cape Suzette is on strike right now outside the building! They're demanding lower gas prices claiming these newer-priced gasoline increases are absurd! The security can scarcely contain their rage!" "All right, all right, lower the prices by a dollar or two, will that suffice their demands?" The employee looked rather confused at Khan's quick solution. "Well, that sounds a bit more natural, but…" Khan felt rather annoyed at his employee's persistence on his gaming time. "Oh, what is it? Spit it out already!" "…Are you just saying this because you want to play your game?" "Oh, who do you think you are? Sherlock Hound? Of course I want to play my game! It gets my blood flowing enough to make the big decisions I have to make in my business life. Now carry out the solution I've supplied you, that's an order!" "Yes…sir." The employee jogged out of the office quickly.
As the employee took a long descent on the elevator, he thought to himself, "That's an order? What does he think he is? Some battle commander?" Then remembering the sounds he overheard while having a conversation with Mr. Khan, he thought again, "I think those games are going to his head, I hope he doesn't make any rash actions…"
Khan, now satisfied with his gaming experience, opened his drawer and spoke to himself, "Now on to some serious work…" He took out a pink knitting yarn and continued to knit a little pink sweater out of it. It just so happened about that time the employee returned to give Mr. Khan the wonderful news that the crowds had subsided to his suggestion of lowering gas prices. "Mr. Khan! I have great news! It seems your suggestion has withdrawn the raging crowds and everything is going…to…be..." He slowed down as he approached Khan's desk, seeing the pink knitting work he was doing. "What…on Earth are you doing?" "What? I'm making a little sweater! You'll be very pleased when you learn of whom I designed it for!" The employee looked puzzled. "And…who would that be for?" He wondered. "Why, it's for your little Jack! Didn't you say pink was his favorite color? It'll look nice on him in the winter time!" "Um, actually, my son's favorite color is blue." Then Khan traded expressions with his employee, looking puzzled. "Oh? Well, then I must be thinking of your daughter! Surely you could give it to her!" "I'm sorry, sir, she's at least 6 years older than my son and it would never fit her…" Khan then felt emotionally distraught. "And I suppose next you'll be spitting on the hand that feeds then, huh? Oh, the things I do for charity!" He angrily tossed the little pink sweater outside his window as far as he could. Closing the window not long after the sound of a car crashing somewhere down by the street where the supposed pink sweater may have landed. Khan gathered his senses and spoke gently, "I've been running this business for many, many years. You see, I like to give a little back of what people like you have given me; a place of honor, of which people can look to in times of much needed guidance. Is it such a crime that I tried to knit a little sweater for your son? I thought I was doing the right thing!" Khan then slightly stumbled to his chair and turned it away from the employee facing the window. "But Khan, I never said I didn't appreciate your gift, why…I was rather shocked that you would do such a thing for my son. Besides that, I never knew you had a thing for knitting sweaters. I thought it was quite nice." Khan remained silent, and motioned for the employee to leave the office. "I am in need of some much needed deep thought." Khan spoke. So the employee dared not to arouse any more of Mr. Khan's feelings and left the room.
Shere Khan was stroking his chin whilst staring at the clouds in all their random formations. Suddenly, he stood up quickly from his chair and shouted to himself, "I've got a spectacular idea! I'll just retrieve that sweater I made and dye it in a blue color tint! Surely his son will love that!" So he hurriedly got up out of his office and took a long descent himself from the highest floor. Laughing to himself in an almost evil manner, he thought to himself of how his employee might react at the newly improved blue sweater (once he got it dyed blue, of course). After a long trip down, he rushed for the front door of the building, heading for the direction where he tossed the sweater. Then suddenly his run turned into a jog, which eventually turned to walking. He spotted police cars lined up by each other investigating a car crash with which a mysterious pink sweater landed on the windshield of the car, blocking the driver's view. As Khan walked up slowly to the site, a police officer approached him with the pink sweater. "Would you happen to know who the owner of this pink sweater is?" the cop asked him. Khan felt nervous, but did his best to keep an ordinary expression, while slightly smiling. "Why, I have no idea!" he quickly answered. He turned around and marched back into the building, quietly whistling the Talespin theme to himself.
He took a long disappointing lift to the top floor again and muttered to himself, "Dang, it's a good thing no one else knows of my knitting life!" He thought to himself further. "Who needs to meet the needs of this inconvenienced, imperfect society, anyways? Hardly anyone appreciates my work!" He then stomped back into his office and arrived back to his desk. Shuffling through paper work and quickly stacking them back into his open drawer. He then opened up his favorite game again and started playing in the hopes that he would distract his own immature behavior. Suddenly, the same employee peeked into the office again to ask Mr. Khan a question. "What is it now?" Khan asked. "Well, sir, my wife just called and told me there's a leak in the plumbing of our house. She asked if she could hire a plumber to take a look at it, but I told her that would be really expensive, and that I should take a look at it because it would save us a lot of money. So I was wondering, do you suppose I could take the day off early? It would save on a lot of trouble in our finances…" Khan quickly bolted his eyesight back to his game. "All right, then! Take the day off. Whatever works for you." He spoke. "Thank you, Mr. Khan!" The employee trotted over to the door. "By the way," Khan asked, "can demons instigate infighting?" he asked while playing his favorite PC game, Doom. "Um, what?" the employee asked, knowing nothing of Khan's gaming life. "Oh, never mind!" Khan quickly replied, returning his eyesight once again to his favorite game.
And so it was, another of Khan's employees marched right into his office, looking to ask Khan of a favor. "Mr. Khan, would you…wait…where are you?" The employee noticed Khan wasn't even sitting in his chair. Taken by surprise, he suddenly heard an echoing laughter in the ventilation system. "Oh no! Khan's in the ventilation system again!" He rushed to get one of the engineers in the building, strapped together with all kinds of tools. He got him to look into the vent cover and slowly unscrew it open, while hearing the echo of Khan's voice taunting them. "You can't get me you can't get me you can't get me…" he said, repeatedly. Soon enough the cover was open, but they could make no trace of Khan's footprints, hand prints or anything. So they moved over to the source of the echo as they heard Khan's voice taunting them once again. "Warmer…warmer…" he said as they got closer. Soon they found the vent cover in the ceiling that had been poorly screwed in, figuring this must be the work of Khan. So they unscrewed it once again and got it open. Just then Khan was within view of them in the ceiling, but lost his footing and slipped out onto them as they all tumbled to the ground. "WHOOOOOO! Take down!" Khan screamed. The annoyed employee left the room without a further word spoken. The engineer, slightly bruised, stood up and said, "Glad to be of service once again." With that, he left the room as well. Khan looked outside to see that it was night out, with the stars shining brightly. "Whoa, is it night time already? I must have been up there for hours!" he laughed at himself, reaching for his pocket diary that he keeps in his blue coat. "One day they will know of the incredible adventures I have put into this little book…" He smiled. Pleased with himself, he tucked his pocket diary back into his blue coat. He then made his way over to the clock to find it was much later than he thought. "Wow, well it seems my working day is over." He climbed the stairs into his bedroom and grabbed up his stuffed animal bear with a pink bow on its head. "I must say I am getting rather sick of that color after today." Khan said to himself, taking the pink bow off the bear's head and crumbling it up before making a failed toss to the nearby trash can. He then cuddled up to it in his bed as he slipped into his pajamas and fell into a deep sleep.
And so it was another average day for the immature life of Mr. Shere Khan. Who knows what he'll fret after next…