This is basically a filler, sorry for the long wait guys and this might be a bit disappointing as its rubbish and so short :]
Olivia froze and stared at Cary in confusion and horror. Her mouth flopped open like a fish. Cary's crystal blue eyes were full of sadness and pity as he stared down at her wrists forlornly. Olivia almost expected them to well up with hot salty tears, and drip down his face and land on one of the scars.
He didn't though; he just dragged his eyes away from her arm and worked his way up to her face. His eyes flickered across her face, as if searching for something. Olivia watched him silently, and suddenly her eyes drizzled a few luke-warm streams, some of which dropped on to her bottom lip and sunk into her taste buds. She tasted salt. She glared through her watery eyes to see Cary staring at her in pity. He thought she self-harmed. He thought she deliberately mutilated herself.
And she couldn't ever refute that accusation for fear of if her mother ever found out. She was frightened of the punishment. Her mother had once warned her that if she ever told a soul the consequences would be worse than she ever had faced. And what would be worse than what she had? Death?
So instead of curling up and crying even harder and sobbing to her hearts content, she did what she did best and forced a smile. "I promise." She whispered, barely audible. Cary seemed to have heard though, as he smiled weakly, his eyes filled with pain. He held out his hand, pinky held aloft.
Even in a situation like this, Olivia couldn't help but snort in laughter. He was so childish. But she did what he asked, and linked her pinky in with his, her pale creamy skin and just his pale pasty one.
Hurriedly she wiped tears from her face, and peered round Cary at her other friends.
They must think I'm such a freak. She thought bitterly, and more and more tears welled up in her eyes. This was the part where Joe, Charles, Preston and Martin all started calling her names and a suicidal freak. This was the part where they all laughed at her. This was the part where they told her all the hate they felt towards her and wished she was dead. And then after that Cary would see sense and join in with the laughing.
And then Olivia would tell the truth. And then she would jump off the bridge- committing suicide so she wouldn't have to deal with her mother's final punishment. She'd get to make her own choice for once.
Olivia's heart broke, and she quietly hiccuped. Steeling herself for the rejection, she raised her eyes and met the eyes of her former friends.
They were all smiling sadly at her, except for Alice. Alice roughly shouldered Cary out of the way, and the two of them hugged it out, sobbing uncontrollably. The boys shuffled awkwardly behind them while the girls embraced, hugging onto each other for dear life. Olivia could barely breathe with relief, and her knees felt weak with happiness, her heart swelled to three- no four times it's normal size with delirium.
"I know things may seem bad now." Alice hiccupped, pulling back from her with a red splotchy face. "But things will get better. I promise." Olivia had never been the sentimental type and seemed a loss for words, so she shrugged and smiled weakly, pulling away from her new best friend. She took a deep shuddering breath, and was almost afraid to see the other guys. But they all had encouraging smiles on their faces.
Joe, the best and sweetest friend Olivia could ever have; came over to her and kissed Olivia on the forehead like a big brother, and hugged her. Automatically her arms went around him and Olivia had never felt happier. She almost squeezed the life out of him, and just then she had never felt less alone.
Maybe, she would be able to tell her friends the truth if they swore to secrecy, and they might still want to be her friends. Maybe. And Cary had kissed her wrist! Which was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Her skin still tingled with the electricity pulsing through her veins, and she felt giddy and lightheaded. Must mean he's always there for her. And the slightly scared but determined look in her friends' eyes made her confident they would help her.
Not now. But some day…
"Ahem!" The accusing voice clearing of a very ticked off boy made Olivia and Joe spring apart. To her disappointment it wasn't Cary. To her horror it was Max.
She smoothly, but quickly pulled down her sleeves, pretended to rub her face in tiredness to get rid of stray tears, and forced a smile on her face.
"Hi Max!" Olivia chirped happily, going over to him and linking her hand in his. He grunted in response and glared at Joe, whose eyes were wide and freaked out.
"Lay off my girl." Max practically growled at Joe. If possible, his eyes got even wider, as did the others. Except Alice and Cary. Alice was sending thoughtful glances between Cary and Olivia, and Cary just looked sullen and moody, his face completely closed off.
Joe held his hands up in mock surrender, and Charles and Preston sniggered at Joe's horrified expression. "I'm-not, we're not- I am, we are just friends! She's like, my sister." He managed to splutter out, sending an alarmed look at Olivia. She shrugged, and mouthed, "What can I do about it?"
Instantly, scary Max went to be happy Max, and he smiled at them all.
"Well, isn't it nice to meet all of my girlfriends' friends. I'm Max, her boyfriend." Charles, Preston, Martin and Joe's eyebrows nearly shot up in their hairline with surprise when that was said. Olivia glared at them. Wasn't she good enough? Did they really believe she was a lesbian? Not that there is anything wrong with them or anything, but that just wasn't what she was. Cary's fists clenched and his face was unnaturally pale with red forming on his cheekbones, contrasting with his pallor. Olivia hoped it was from jealousy, but knowing her and her great success with men (Max going out with her because she was 'different'), he would probably only be angry because Max was arrogant and cocky. And hotter than him. And he probably just didn't like him the way he liked her.
Unfortunately for me. Olivia thought sadly.
"What?" Max said, looking over at Olivia expectantly. She groaned in frustration.
"I'm always doing that!" She grumbled. Her friends all laughed, and Cary smirked, his eyes sparkling.
"Do what?" Max asked, looking at her in confusion. Olivia sighed. This would have some getting used to- explaining all of her quirks to him.
"I always accidently say my thoughts aloud. It's really embarassing." She blushed.
Max raised his eyebrow cockily, and Olivia was once again distracted about how cute he was. But that was seriously the only thing he had got going. Where-as Cary had the whole package. For Olivia anyway.
"A penny for your thoughts?" He asked flirtatiously. Olivia scoffed.
"No way, I'd sell them for a dollar." He laughed, deep and throaty, booming and loud right in her ear and it took every ounce of her willpower not to flinch and jerk away from him.
"So Max… why are you here?" Olivia tried her best to sound sweet and not awkward or irritated at all. It seemed to work because he flashed his heart melting grin, which sort of faded into something between confusion and sadness.
"I have three dogs, and they're all missing." Max said in a troubling voice. "I'm just putting up lost and found flyers." He said, gesturing to the brightly coloured bits of paper in his other hand. Olivia's insides filled with dread as she watched Joe's eyes go round. She sent him a questioning look, which he sort of ignored, mouthing 'later'.
"Do you want to help me?" Max asked Olivia, is voice full of sincerity and hope. A pang shot through Olivia's chest as she shot a quick sideways glance at Cary. It was brief, but she could see the barely controlled anger simmering in his bright blue eyes. Looking back at Max and his big green eyes and heart warming smile made Olivia's heart split in two.
She was such a bitch.
Before she could answer, her new best friend swooped in and saved the day. Alice stepped up, grabbed Olivia's arm and linked it with her own, slightly pulling her away from Max. Alice faked an apologetic look, and started backing away, Olivia in tow.
"Sorry Max, she can't. We're going to…" Alice drifted off not knowing what to say. She sent a pleading look at Olivia.
"Wash my cat!" Olivia practically screamed, not wanting to leave it too long so it would seem untrue. Everyone turned to look at her with a 'WTH' expression. Max looked disappointed but nodded, seemingly reluctantly.
"Ok, see you around." As he moved forward to kiss Olivia, Alice dragged her back a few steps.
"Sorry, gotta dash. A cat is in a great need of a… wash." She said, glaring at Olivia slightly. She grinned sheepishly and the two skipped off, leaving all the guys behind.
"Wash your cat?" Alice hissed, whirling round at Olivia in disbelief once they we're out of earshot. "You don't even own a cat!" She exclaimed, face-palming. Olivia shrugged. "You're such a bad liar."
"I know! That was humiliating."
"You're telling me? That completely sucked. No, we're going shopping. You need more dresses." Alice said, smiling at Olivia cheerfully. Olivia shifted around uncomfortably. She absolutely hated shopping, she never knew what to do. She would just stand there awkwardly looking at the clothes pretending to be interested. She usually got the first thing she saw and got out of there as fast as she could.
Before her father had died, he had set up a private bank account for Olivia to access when she was 18, but she managed to forge her mom's signature to get early access. Thank god for that or she'd be walking round in garbage bags and chip packets on her feet. Plus, she got all her dad's money transferred into her account for food. The only thing her mom had to pay was the bills, which she rarely did. It was only basically the mortgage anyway. She didn't pay for hot water and they had a very limited supply of electricity- meaning only her mom could use it. Olivia often burnt herself when lighting a candle. Her mom slept around and used other peoples hot water, and worked twice a week as a babysitter. Once or twice they had the not very pleasant visits from the repo men.
Reluctantly Olivia agreed, and before she knew what was happening, Alice was practically dragging Olivia to the mall.
Three hours later
After buying half the mall, Olivia's arms were ready to drop off from the sockets. There were easily 50 bags of clothes that belonged to Olivia, and it didn't help she had to carry Alice's clothes too. Although Olivia was stick thin, she was surprisingly strong, and Alice pretended she hurt her shoulder so Olivia was left carrying everything. She had lots to learn from Alice about how to lie properly, so she went along with it.
The two went into the girls bathrooms and changed into their new favourite clothes. Olivia had only picked out a couple of items herself, Alice doing all the rest. It was like all the times Olivia had been shopping. Hovering and following Alice like a pack-horse, feeling totally out of her comfort zone. She just wanted to run away and hide from the pristine and perfect cashiers, the clean smelling, stain-free clothes.
Alice jumped out the stall, and Olivia gasped, grinning from ear to ear.
She was wearing a long flowery blue skirt, a cream tank top and a denim jacket. She looked beautiful, and she wiggled her eyebrows at her.
"What will Joe think of this?" Alice blushed madly and twirled round to look in the mirror, her skirt swishing round her knees. Olivia loved the skirt and had bought it too.
The sad reason being that it matched Cary's eyes almost perfectly.
I need to get a hobby I'm that pathetic.
Olivia was dressed in a leather jacket, black tights and ripped denim shorts, a flowy black blouse and a pair of black flowery dock martens. Alice looked her over, nodding with appreciation at her work to herself thoughtfully. Olivia, suddenly feeling extremely self conscious could feel her face flame, and hurriedly covered her face with a veil of fiery red hair.
"Almost." Alice murmured, and shoving all the bags back in Olivia's arms and rushed off. Olivia had to jog to keep up as she weaved through the swarms of people, and once or twice Olivia bumped into an unsuspecting stranger carrying scolding hot coffee, making them spill it all over themselves. Olivia would hurriedly reply before chasing after Alice. She hoped no one from school was here, seeing her dressed like she was. She looked so grungey and like a rock star and stuff. The minute she got home, she was going to dress in her white blood stained dress and paint until the early hours, and then go for a nice refreshing walk. And donating all her new clothes.
"Where are we going?" She panted, coming to a stop behind Alice, who was looking up at a white, clean store. She looked up, and saw to her horror the words across the store door: Madame Lacey's Salon.
By this time Olivia felt as if she had run a marathon she was so tired, but seeing this she seemed to get a new burst of energy.
"Oh look! I saw a pet store. Let's buy a cat." Olivia said hurriedly, backing away. Alice rolled her eyes in irritation.
"You need a haircut. That's all." She said, and then dragged Olivia in behind her.
"I need someone now!" Alice screamed when they were inside. The décor was very plain, pristine white and smelling of lavender. Olivia squirmed uncomfortably, and leaned over to whisper to Alice.
"I've never been to one of these before." She said self consciously, and Alice shot her a happy look.
"That explains this then, doesn't it." Olivia leaped back, and snatched back a strand of hair from the lady standing in front of her, who was twirling one of her strands in her fingers. She had long, luscious brown hair and moss green eyes. Not a blemish on her face, except the frown as she stared down in disdain at the two young girls in front of her.
"I expect you're both in need of a haircut?" She said, raising an eyebrow at the two of them. Alice nodded shyly. "Well, I'll do that, and give you highlights. Free of charge." The lady said, still talking to Alice.
"Free?" Olivia asked in surprise, her eyebrows going so far backwards they landed in her back pockets and she had to re-attach them. Well, not really.
"Yes, this will be a delightful challenge." And before either girl could say another word, they were being pushed into big chairs in front of large mirrors, bare light bulbs going round the circumference of the mirror like movie stars.
She washed both their hairs, and the lady applied honey highlights into Alice's hair. She didn't want to touch Olivia's hair with anything other than normal shampoo and a pair of scissors. The hairdresser didn't want to ruin such a bright vibrant colour.
Never in her whole life had she seen a girl with such pretty hair. So she was going to do the colour justice, and give it a beautiful cut.
It took an hour, but it was totally worth it. The hairdresser made the two girls pose and took a picture of them. She was going to put Olivia in her magazine of hair styles. She only took a picture of Alice so the other girl wouldn't feel bad.
She held up the mirror and Olivia gasped. In horror. In shock. In surprise. In awe. In admiration. But mostly in horror.
"Is this… is this really me?" She whispered to herself, running her fingers across the picture in front of her. This girl was too pretty to be her. Her hair was shiny and thick with volume, falling down in loose waves past her shoulder. Her hair had a long side fringe tucked behind one ear, leaving her face clear of any stray hairs. Her hair was vibrant and bright red, looking completely amazing.
The makeup artist, who had been called over, had applied a light pink to Olivia's cupid-bow mouth, and a creamy foundation to her heart shaped face. Mascara lengthened her eyelashes, making her bright brown eyes seem wider and innocent. Rosy cheeks and light grey eye shadow on her eyelids.
"Holy moly!" Alice squealed in happiness. "Cary is going to be so jealous!"
"Didn't I tell you?"
"Tell me what?"
Alice rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Well, you obviously don't want Max. So, we're doing everything we can to make him jealous, ok? That's what all the clothes and stuff is for. Now, you are going to go home and walk past Cary's house with swag and make him fall in love with you."
She did what Alice said, she walked past Cary's house feeling like an idiot. She hated her plan. She wanted him to love her for her. Not because they made him. It all sounded superficial and fake, so she practically ran past Cary's house and up into her own house. Her mom was stood waiting for her in the lounge, and Olivia praised herself slightly for the forethought of putting all her shopping in the garbage can. She might get it later.
"Where have you been?" Her mother snapped angrily. Olivia gulped slightly, and curled her tiny hands into fists.
"I was just at a friends." She said with forced nonchalance. Her mom's eyes narrowed.
"The pasta you made was under cooked." She said nastily and threateningly. Olivia forced her tears back. She knew it was perfectly fine, her mom was just thinking of an excuse to abuse her.
"No it wasn't." Olivia said dejectedly. "But just get it over with." She said sadly. Olivia's mom looked at her in utter surprise, before twisting her face into a evil grin. Her mom walked over to the fireplace and picked up the metal poker. Olvia cringed and ducked s her mother swung it, but she caught it on her shoulder, creating pain deep inside her muscles. She fell to the floor, blood runnning from her cut.
Olivia's arms were shaking and were barely able to hold her above the floor. Her mother's foot met with her side and she fell across the planks. She wished for one day she could avoid this! Just one moment of peace for her poor body!
The woman threw herself upon Olivia, holding her shoulders and hitting her head repeatedly. Her arms flailed out, trying to protect herself, but in vain. Her mother stopped and grabbed Olivia's newly styled hair by its roots and pulled her to her feet, and she cried out in pain.
"Take off your jacket." She hissed, and Olivia hurried to comply. It was only by chance that when Olivia hit the floor, blood had seeped out of her fresh cuts.
"What is this?" Her mom screamed, grabbing her wrist and clenching it too tightly for it's current tender state.
"Stop it! You're hurting me!" Olivia screamed, wincing in pain. Her twisting summoned new blood from her fresh wounds.
"Did you do this to yourself?" she yelled at her, jerking her around as she tried to pry her hands off her.
"No! You did!"
"Why are you accusing me? Are you trying to die? Don't me and your father treat you well enough?"
"No!" she cried. "It's not that! You do it! Because I'm bad!" she sobbed.
Her mother threw her to the ground, and Olivia knew with a horrible feeling of dread settling in the pit of her stomach what was coming next. She struggled to get up, but her mother shrieked, striking her bleeding shoulder.
"Don't you dare get up!" Olivia fell back down and she held herself lightly, her arm throbbing in pain. Her mother always made it a rule not to strike her face. It wouldn't look dignified for her daughter to have a huge welt under her eye without an explaination- as it wouldn't be believable that a child did it.
"You're supposed to be a good- a good girl!" she yelled, emphasizing each word by pounding a fist against Olivia's frail back.
She was forced to the ground, tears falling from her eyes, but she made no sound.
"I raised you to be a good girl! Instead I get a child of the devil who can't do anything right!" She screamed, and with this she kicked Olivia hard in the stomach and she recoiled in a ball.
Olivia's mother walked away, and she felt relief in hearing her footsteps retreat.
"Jonathon, Olivia is just sleeping. Let her be, she's been a naughty girl." her mother said in a quiet murmur to no-one. Olivia tried to drown out the noise of her insane mother by concentrating on her own pain; it was terrible. She lay in the middle of the floor admist the blood and coldness until she had cried herself silently to sleep.
Cary could hear yelling from next door, he tossed and turned in his bed with worry. What if Olivia went to her room and hurt herself again? What if today was teh last time he saw her? What if he would hear her jumping out of her window and seeing her crushed body in her lawn tomorrow morning?
He bit his lip so hard that it bled, and he felt sick with worry.
I should go see if she's ok.
But what if she shuts me out?
What if I was wrong?
What if I was right?
Thinking like that wasn't doing any wonders to his heart which was beating way too fast and erratically to be normal. His skin broke out into a sweat but he felt clammy. He had never felt more worried about her in his life.
Cary got up from his bed and walked to his other bedroom window, which looked out of the front of his house and onto the street. He saw someone walking on the sidewalk, and peered closer, recognising the limping figure.
Waking up wasn't the comfort Olivia had hoped it would be. She was sore and achey and cold. Olivia pushed herself up from the wooden boards where she had spent the last couple of hours. As usual, the house was quiet, so Olivia made her way to her room silently. Once inside her own cold room she added another beating to the tally behind a scrap of loose wallpaper in the corner of her bedroom. She tore off her new clothes and crumpled them up in the corner of her room, as far away from her as possible. She didn't bother putting on her blood stained dress just yet. She simly sat down on the only wooden chair in her bedroom and let the coldness surround her. She lit the little candle stub beside the chair. The cuts across her arms were visible by the dim light of the little candle. The buises across her legs and back showed slightly in the light.
Olivia didn't mind the sight of her tormented and abused body. It was her punishment, and she deserved it.
Not wanting any more time in the suffocating hellhole, she quickly changed into her white dress with red blood splatters all over it. Olivia didn't know why she still wore it, or why she even kept it. Probably becuase it was a reminder of her first ever beating, her first ever stab wound. Her first ever accaintance with death. She was on the brink of dying, her mother had stabbed her and sliced her across her hip, and she was losing so much blood. She thought it was the end.
And she kept the dress because it was sort of a reminder that she was still living.
When she got outside, she saw that it had been raining when she was unconsious. She didn't bother putting on shoes, and she slipped outside silently, wincing as the door shut with a slam. She walked through the centre of town, her bare feet tripping on the old, uneven cobblestones. The light of the moon was suddenly covered over by a cloud, leaving her in a dark shadow. She shivered, Olivia was freezing as a sudden icy wind blew and bit at her face. Her brown eyes suddenly matched the dirty mucky puddles on the ground. Olivia's lips felt chapped and sore, and when she licked them, she had that coppery, metallic taste lingering in her mouth. Blood.
The rain started to fall, battering hard against her head and back, soaking Olivia to the bone. It was hell to her bruises, but she didn't turn back. She let the water wash away her worries and troubles.
She forgot about her mother.
She forgot about her beating.
She forgot about the possibility her mother's insaneness.
She forgot about her dead father.
She forgot about Max.
She forgot about Cary.
She forgot about her feelings.
She forgot everthing.