(I've backtracked a little in the real eastenders eps because Billie's birthday happened after janine and Ryan's wedding but I wanted to include it)

It was a few weeks later and everyone knew that Whitney and Billie were back together, everyone was pleased for them, even Carol, but that was probably because she knew that Billie would be coming back from the army every chance he could to see Whitney, which meant she could see her son as well.

It was the night of Janine's hen do and Ryan's stag. Whitney walked downstairs ready for the do, Bianca was stood at the bottom.

"Why are we even going? We don't like her!" Bianca asked.

"Because she's marrying my brother! We have to go, besides you can't say you don't like her, she's Ricky's sister!"

"I just did!"

"It's a free bar!" Whitney said convincingly

"Oh yeah! Okay we're going! Cmon mum are you ready yet?" Bianca said.

"Yes yes I'm coming" Carol called.

Whitney walked through to the living room.

"Right we're off" she said to Billie, who was sat on the sofa next to Ricky.

"You look beautiful" he said.

"Thanks. Be nice to my brother, no tying him up to lamp posts!"

"Babe, it's a stag, I ain't making any promises!"

"Fine, just don't sleep with any strippers!"


"I mean it! No sleeping or touching any strippers!"

"I'm going on your brothers stag do! I ain't gonna sleep with any strippers"

"Fine, make sure you keep your phone on you, so I can call you if I need to" she said.

"Okay, but if I don't answer it's probably cos I'm sleeping with a stripper"


"I'm joking!" he laughed.

"Cmon Whit lets go!" Bianca said.

"Right, see you later" she said kissing Billie and following Bianca and Carol out the door.

At R&R, Bianca, Carol, Whitney, Kim, Denise, Heather and Shirley were sat round one of the tables drinking and joking, when they saw Pat and Janine talking to Ronnie in the doorway.

"Oh so she turned up then" Carol said.

"Probably just to ruin everyone's night" Bianca retorted.

"Oh come on Bi, she ain't that bad!" Whitney said.

"C'mon then, fill me in, why don't no one like her?" Kim said lowering her voice.

"Take no notice, it's a pantomime, everyone needs a villain to boo" replied Shirley.

"But what makes her the villain?" Kim asked.

"She's dangerous, bothers some people" Shirley answered.

"Don't seem to bother you" Kim said

"I've met a lot of Janine's in my life, they soon find out if they bite me, my bites deeper" Shirley said menacingly. Heather giggled at her best friends words. Kim raised her eyebrows and said "So...what's the plan girls? Get leg less and pull one of them fellas over there?"

"Well you can count me outta that" Denise said.

"Yeah me and all" Bianca said "I'm married, she's taken by my brother and too young" she continued pointing at Whitney "and she's too..."

"Don't finish that sentence!" Carol warned seeing her daughter pointing towards her. Bianca and Whitney burst out laughing.

"Right well we've shown our faces, we'll have a couple of drinks then we'll make our excuses" Carol continued.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Besides, I'm here for Pat not Janine" Denise agreed.

"Yeah, same here and the fact that she has put a couple hundred quid behind the bar" Bianca said.

"What we doing sitting here? We should be drinking c'mon" Kim said.

"Weheyyyy" all the girls whooped.

Pat and Janine finally made their way over.

"Here we are. Well this is nice isn't it?" Pat smiled.

There was an almost deafening silence among the girls, and Janine smiled and waved sarcastically.

At the pub...

"Look boys you don't have to do this, I can pretend to Pat that we had a great night" Ryan said.

"Oh right don't you wanna have a drink with us?" he said looking to Billie then back at Ryan.

"Nah its not that, but it's not like we're mates is it?"

"Well no, but it's your stag night innit" Billie said.

"Yeah but if I wanted a stag night, don't you think I woulda organised one myself?" Ryan said.

"Yeah, but when Pat suggested it I thought yeah why not, get to know my new brother-in-law but it's fine. We'll just go and watch a bit of telly cos Dots got the kids" Ricky said walking off.

"Boys wait! Forget I said that, we'll have a drink, celebrate my last night of freedom. Tell you what, we'll go the whole hog, get completely bladdered, and you can tie me to a lamp post or whack me on the last train to Glasgow alright" Ryan said.

"Forget the lamp post mate, been strictly warned off that one by Whit" Billie laughed.

"Really? She's my little sister, anyone woulda thought she was my mum!" Ryan laughed.

"Yeah she likes to mother people" Billie replied.

"Yep, that's my sister for you. Right what we getting? Pints?"

"Yeah" Ricky and Billie both replied.

"Right, three pints please Trace"

Back at R&R...

"Un, Deux, Trois" Kim counted as all the girls downed a shot each. They all winced.

"Now come on, he's gotta be good ain't he, why else would she be marrying him?" Kim said.

"Oi Oi Oi. She's marrying her brother" Bianca said seeing Whitney's disgusted face.

"Oh put your hands over your ears. C'mon Janice, share with the group" Kim said getting Janine's name wrong as usual.

"Actually, he's amazing. He knows exactly what he's doing, and he's very unselfish" Janine said.

"Yeah I don't wanna hear this!" Whitney protested

"Yeah well go toilet then. How unselfish?" Bianca asked inquisitively.

"Well, you know how most men are...well you know, running a race, warm up stretches as quick as they can then sprint to the finish, well Ryan he paces himself and when he reaches the finish line he makes sure its always a photo finish" Janine said winking.

"What every time?" Carol said.


"I've heard of men like that, never been with one though" Kim said.

"Yeah we'll it's not everything though" Bianca insisted.

"Speaks the married woman, of course it isn't, who needs slap and tickle in the bedroom when you can have cuddles and a hot water bottle!" Kim laughed.

Whitney looked at Bianca making sure she was okay, she seemed a bit upset, but okay.

"Yeah whatever" Bianca replied.

"What about you then" Kim asked Whitney.


"I've seen your hunky man, in the army ain't he? Does he wear the uniform in the bedroom?" Kim giggled.

"Oi thats my son!" Carol exclaimed.

"Yeah, and my brother!" Bianca said.

"Yet it was okay, when we were talking about my brother? You were saying Kim? Oh yeah the uniform, yeah sometimes" Whitney laughed.

"Whit! I don't wanna hear this!" Bianca protested.

"Go to the toilet then" she said imitating Bianca.

"Come on then don't leave us hanging, Whit" Kim said excitedly.

"Billie? Yeah he's good, really really good" Whitney winked, bursting with laughter at Carol and Bianca's disgust.

"Has he ever done that thing where he's in the uniform and lifts you up? Like in the movies?That is so romantic" Heather exclaimed.

"Oh yeah Hev, been there done that" Whitney said enjoying every second of winding Bianca and Carol up.

"He is hot!" Kim admitted.

"Oi hands off, he's mine" Whitney joked.

"That's my baby, my little boy" Carol said, clearly disturbed by what she was hearing.

"Hate to break it to you Carol, but he's no little boy, he knows exactly what he's doing" Whitney laughed.

All the girls squealed with laughter, all except Bianca and Carol, that is.

Back at the Vic...

"...so she weighed the lid down with the bricks and that was the end of Tommy the hamster" Ricky said laughing with Ryan and Billie drunkenly . "I tell you the next year I-"

"Oh Ricky, no more!" Ryan exclaimed. Holding up a shot with Billie and Ricky and downing it in one.

"Alright boys" Tracy said taking their glasses.

"Alright Trace" Ricky said, clearly drunk, making Ryan and Billie laugh.

Back at R&R...

A stripper had arrived and Kim was dancing with the hunky male suggestively. Throwing his top to the girls. They all laughed.

"Look at Heather's face" Denise laughed at her gawping at the male stripper.

"She's confused, the only bloke she's seen naked is Darren Miller!" Shirley laughed. Whitney, Denise and Carol looked disgusted by that prospect.

"No, Darren's not the only one I've seen more! Ooooh you coming my way" Heather said, as the stripper walked near her.

"Sorry love. You'll have to wait your turn" he replied.

"He's heading your way pat!" Carol squealed as the stripper took Pat by the hand.

"Only cos she paid for him" Peggy remarked jokingly. As she, Sam and Roxy had joined the girls.

"You know what to do with a fella, do you Pat?" Whitney laughed.

"Cheeky mare!" Pat exclaimed.

"When I say, you yank yeah" the stripper said put Pat's hands towards his boxers.

"It's been a few years since you heard that from a fella innit?" Peggy laughed.

"Yeah, and he was married to you at the time" Pat replied cheekily.

"Ooohhh" Peggy said as the girls laughed. Pat pulled the boxers off and all the girls screamed.

At the Vic...

"This is good innit? Us all having a drink" Ricky said.

"Well that's what brother-in-laws do. And if you think about it we are all brother-in-laws, I go out with Ricky's sister, Ricky you go out with Billie's sister and Bill you go out with mine" Ryan said.

"Oh yeah!" Billie laughed drunkenly.

"Listen, at Christmas will you two help me do the washing up?" Ricky asked.

"Yeah!" Billie said.

"Yeah?" asked Ricky.

"Yeah, I'd be honoured mate" Ryan said. "Here's to Christmas" raising his glass.

"To Christmas" Ricky and Billie replied.

...Some time later...

"You wanna know something?" Ricky slurred.

"What?" Ryan asked

"Your my mate"

"Am I?"

"Yeah and mine!" Billie joined in.

"You sure?"


"I've never had a mate before" Ryan said drunkenly.

"Well you got 2 now, mate" Ricky replied.

"Well thanks mate"

"It's alright, look come here both of you" Ricky slurred holding his arms out.

"What you want a cuddle?" Ryan said as he and Billie joined Ricky in a drunken group hug.

At R&R

"Yeah I'd love it, all laid out on a plate for me" Carol said in mid conversation.

"I think I'm gonna be sick, I wanna go home" Heather said.

"Yeah well we'll come with ya unless your putting another few quid behind the bar, are you nan?" Bianca asked Pat.

"No I'm flamin well not, what's wrong with all you lot? All you do is think about yourself, this night was supposed to be for Janine" Pat replied.

"Yeah like Janine thinks of anyone but herself"

"Ughhhhh change the record! I don't know why any of you came unless Pat paid you!"

Janine yelled.

"No love, your the only one that does anything for money" Shirley laughed.

"No no, your in love with a crackhead" Janine said pointing at Shirley "and your the one that's got husbands buried all over the square" she said pointing at Denise "oh and we got princess Fiona here who was so desperate she jumped on a 12 year old" she said turning to Heather.

"Miow" Bianca said making a claw gesture.

"Thats it! The party is over, now get out the lot of ya, go on scram!" Pat screamed as Janine went and sat at the bar. All the girls exited one by one passing Janine.

Carol passed her, Whitney passed and said tipsily "why?" , Bianca pushed her stepdaughter towards the door and scowled at Janine, Shirley passed holding Heathers hand and said "You know what? I pity Ryan, I wouldn't wish you on a rabid dog, but I hope he gets the sense to kick you into touch before the ink dries on the register" , a drunken Kim passed Janine and said "Your alright you" before Denise shouted for her to come along, before Pat finally said "Satisfied?" and walked towards the exit of the pub.

Outside in the square...

"Oi boys, I'm getting married!" Ryan screamed standing on Arthur's bench. "Yeah to my mates sexy, gorgeous sisterrrr" he continued. As the boys laughed.

"Listen boys boys, I've had a great night, the best stag night ever! No I haven't, no I haven't it's not it's not, cos I still got my clothes on haven't I?" Ryan slurred

"What?" Billie laughed.

"Yeah cos when it's your stag do you have to take all your clothes off and get naked don't ya?" Ryan shouted.

"Waheyyyyy" the other two shouted as Ryan took his shirt off.

"I'm getting married and I'm getting naked!" Ryan screamed.

"Do you mind people are trying to sleep in here" Dot exclaimed from her doorway in her dressing gown and hair net.

"Hey Dot, do you want me to take the boxers off darlin?" Ryan shouted

"Certainly not! Put all of your clothes back on! I tell you this square's going downhill this year" Dot exclaimed.

"Yeah whatever, there coming off!" Ryan replied.

"Oh no no! Not on Arthur's seat!"

The boys laughed uncontrollably and Dot gave up and went inside. Ricky picked up Ryan's clothes as he ran threw the square naked, and Billie at this point was crying with laughter.

"Oh my god! Is that my brother?" Whitney's voice came from the entrance of the square, followed by Bianca and Carol.

"Is that Ricky running after him?" Bianca exclaimed.

Billie saw his girlfriend, his sister and his mum watching the two drunk men, Ricky managed to get Ryan to put his boxers on and the two guys walked towards them. Billie also stumbled towards the women.

"Whit! Look it's my Whit! My beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, amazing girlfriend! God I love you!" Billie slurred and hugged Whitney.

"Woah woah, you are very drunk!" Whitney said.

"They all are!" Carol said.

"Right, 'ome all of you" Bianca said.

"No! I don't wanna" Billie moaned.

"Tough" Whitney replied.

"Oh look that's my sister! My little sister, love you sis!" Ryan slurred.

"Yeah I know, love you too Ry, now cmon we're going to mine, let's go"

After a massive struggle, Whitney, Bianca and Carol managed to get the three men home. Whitney got Ryan to lay down on the sofa, by the time she'd got blankets for him, he'd fallen asleep. She covered him over and went up to bed where Billie was, he was in bed but not asleep yet. She climbed into bed next to him.

"Baby, I love you" he said and started kissing her neck.

"No Billie! You stink like an old brewery! Just go to sleep!"

"Ohhhh" he complained, but within minutes he was fast asleep. Whitney kissed him on the forehead, turned around and fell asleep.