Title: Planet of the Hats
Characters: Amy Pond, Rory Williams, the Eleventh Doctor
Summary: "Hats, Doctor. Stay away from the hats, please, for your own sake." 646 words.
Notes: I'm aware this is not a very original idea. I still did it anyway. My apologies if any Americanisms slipped in, and corrections are welcome for that. For Lyl, who suggested "the Doctor, possessed."


Amy is the first to step out of the TARDIS doors, and she reels back into Rory, stepping on his toe. "Ow, Amy, what-" He looks up and stops talking as he catches sight of what lies beyond her.

The room is large, with no furniture, and lined with shelves upon shelves. On the shelves are nothing but hats of every shape, and description, fancy and simple. At the end of the room there's a pedestal of what looks like oak, ornate scrollwork at the top and bottom.

"Oh," Rory says, "that's... odd."

Amy hasn't taken a step forward, even though Rory is crowding her. She turns around, pushing at him to move him back inside. The Doctor's voice comes from inside, rising above a steady chime from the control console. "What is it?" he asks.

Amy says, "Nothing, Doctor!" She pushes at Rory again and then gives him a look when he doesn't move. "Rory!" she says, voice lowered to a hoarse whisper. He just gives her a questioning look. She says, "Hats, Rory, hats all alone. You know how he is about hats."

"Oooohhhh, I love a good hat," says the Doctor, and both Rory and Amy startle, turning guilty faces to him. Amy closes her eyes and says, "Too late now."

The Doctor peers past them into the room, and his eyebrows go up. Amy stumbles a little out of the TARDIS doors as he moves past them into the vast room.

Rory says, "Uh, Doctor, I hope you're not thinking of trying anything on."

He turns around to face them, face contemplative. He brings up a hand to tap at his chin, and turns in a slow circle, surveying the room. "Yes, it probably would be a bad idea."

Amy says, "You're going to do it anyway, aren't you?" The Doctor moves to shelf dominated with formal finery. "He's going to do it anyway." She turns and glares at Rory. He shakes his head and gives her a half-hearted shrug.

"Look!" the Doctor says, holding out a black bowler. "Dashing, isn't it?"

Rory holds up a warning hand. The Doctor puts the hat on his head. He smiles at them and they try to return it. Then, the smile drops off and he squints and both Amy and Rory rush over to him, reaching him just as he starts to babble, "Ow, ow, ow. Definitely a bad idea. Get it off!"

Amy says, "Can't you do it?" just as Rory says, "Not very wise, Doctor," and then they both reach for the hat, and pull with extra force, expecting it not to come off. It does and Amy and Rory stumble backward, holding the hat between them and staring at each other in shock. They look down at the bowler and drop it. Amy's hands go up and she backs away from it, all her body language screaming that she wouldn't touch it again for a packet of crisps and a fizzy drink. Rory's gone to the Doctor, who has sunk down onto the floor. Rory puts a hand on his shoulder, leaning in. The Doctor has his hand over his eyes. Amy goes to them, kneeling down.

Again Amy and Rory speak in unison, this time asking, "Doctor, are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine," he says, still covering his eyes. He lowers his hand and looks at them both, and it's okay, he's him. He smiles a wavering smile at them and says, "I'm incompatible software, apparently."

Rory says, "Do I need to say I told you so?" But, he pats the Doctor on the shoulder and then offers his hand. Amy helps and the Doctor gets to his feet without any trouble.

Amy says, as they enter the TARDIS again, she behind Rory, Rory behind the Doctor, "Hats, Doctor. Stay away from the hats, please, for your own sake."