A/N: Three chapters today (6/29/20) Chaps 56-58
Chapter 58: Stay (Tyrese)
"Really, you two went all the way to New York to go see a play about cheerleaders?" Rachel seemed offended as we sat with her on video chat later that afternoon. We sat on the living room floor with takeout updating her and Quinn about our fabulous time together in New York so far.
"I would have liked to see it. Cheer is life for us, we put our blood, sweat and tears in it. I mean look at me! I'm crippled for goodness sake. If we want to enjoy a show dedicated to us, then damn right we should, Rachel. You love to sing and then you go watch people sing like you can't do all the things they can do, we really need to work on your condescending tendencies." Quinn said as she tried to discreetly scratch inside her cast with a stick.
"Must you do that while we eat?" I asked her, and she looked horrified that I noticed.
"I didn't know cheering and shaking your asses in those short skirts was something that you had so much passion for, Quinn. I thought you just liked being a boss bitch."
"I do enjoy that very much." Rachel rolled her eyes and Quinn ignored her. "Bottom line is that it's okay that they didn't want to go see Wicked."
"It certainly is not. Bring it On the Musical is not going to deliver the vocal stylistics that Wicked brings. It's a limited run, so it's obviously sub-par."
"Simmer down ladies, we weren't in search of great vocal stylistics, Rachel. We just wanted some pure fun together and that's what we had. I told Britt that she could choose any show in the entire city and that was what she chose. It was a good show and since you'll be here soon enough, you can just take her to see Wicked yourself."
Rachel perked up and grinned. "I would love to give you ladies a proper Broadway education."
"Count me out. I think I've heard enough singing to last me a lifetime." Quinn muttered. Rachel glared but Quinn didn't seem bothered by it one bit. Rachel though, stormed away and Quinn just moved in closer and grinned at us. It was becoming more obvious that Q was ready to move on from her relationship with the hobbit. "So how do you like the house, B?"
"It's amazing. We have already enjoyed it a lot and we're going to enjoy it some more in a few minutes!" She winked, and I put my face in my hands. "What? Did I say something wrong?"
"Tell me you two haven't already fucked on every surface? Wait a minute no, don't tell me. Ignorance is bliss!"
I cackled, and Q just shook her head at us.
"Hey Q, I'm sorry that I just left you like that yesterday morning."
"We've been friends for a really long time, San, I think I had a gut feeling that you'd be gone when I woke up. Having only one leg limited my ability to run after you."
"So, you're not mad at me?"
"Not really...we talked about that. You're going to slip up from time to time until you are actively getting help but once you sort out your priorities and focus on what you truly want or once you just get tired of everything that comes with the addiction, it will finally start to change. You need to start putting Santana Lopez first...that's it."
"Being here with B...visiting with Carmen and Nico, refocused some things."
"That's a start. How is Carmen? She is a knockout, I mean wow!"
"Well she is married and pregnant so, down girl." I said.
I could hear things slamming and muttering in the background and Quinn sighed.
"Rachel! What are you doing? You are a guest in my home, don't slam things!"
"I'll do what I want." Rach bit back in a very Santana Lopez type of way.
"At your own fucking house."
"Are you kicking me out?"
"Good because I'm not leaving. We still need to get you showered and fed!"
"I am not an infant. I can take care of myself."
"That's crap, Quinn Fabray and you know it! Don't show off because your friends are on the phone."
"I already have a mother, thanks."
"You know what...that was low even for you."
"What did I say?"
We watched in amusement as Q and Rachel bickered back and forth, it was so satisfying not being the ones arguing. Britt was sitting against the wall and I was between her legs, leaned back on her shoulder. I could feel my body relaxing into her comfort and then she was kissing my neck, I let out a moan and then I noticed how quiet it was.
I opened my eyes and realized that two sets of eyes were watching us. Britt kept kissing and nibbling, there was lust in Q's eyes and then she snapped out of it.
"Just don't fuck in my room." Q said and then the call ended.
"Did they not like the show?"
"No...but I did."
My phone buzzed after that.
How can I get her to leave?-Q
I snatched my phone up from the floor and texted back while Britt's hands began unbuttoning my shirt.
Break up with her already.-San
If that doesn't work, invite the gleeks over-San
"Put the phone down so I can fuck you." Britt growled, and I tossed the phone to the side. "Good girl."
My body was vibrating with excitement as she pushed her hand into my shorts. "Fuck." I was putty in her arms as she kept kissing and sucking on my neck and shoulder. Her hand moved slowly over my clit, slowly working me up. Reflexively, I was closing my legs, so she used hers to keep mine apart as her other arm secured me against her.
"You're so wet, Ana."
"All for you."
"I love that you're all mine, baby."
"Always and only you, Britt Britt."
Her fingers moved faster, and I crumbled.
"No more Ian?" She asked.
"No more Ian." I groaned.
"No more Marco?" She asked, moving from my clit to pushing her fingers inside me.
"Oh God...no more Marco...fuck...only you. No more Fran...Frankie, right?" I said but she didn't say it back. I bit back the sting and just gave into her touch.
"Who am I?"
"Brittany." I said as I thrust down onto her fingers.
"Who am I to you?"
"My wife...fuck...yes...my love. My only." I came hard, shuddering against her fingers and she growled in my ear.
"I love you...don't stop rocking baby." She said, so much nicer than any command back in Lima when she was off her meds and being an asshole. This time she just seemed greedy for my orgasms.
I kept my hips still as she moved her fingers and then dug my nails on her bare thighs. She hissed but I still didn't rock my hips.
"Say it, no Frankie." I growled.
"I can't." She said, her fingers finally stilling. I grabbed her hand and pulled it from my shorts. The tears were pricking my eyes as she still held me in place.
"Let me go, B."
"No, we were having a good moment. I don't want to ruin it."
"Too late, please let me go."
And because this was medicated, sweet Brittany still she let me go.
I was on my feet and grabbing my keys seconds later. My panties were soaked and so was my face, but I had walked the streets of New York in worse condition.
Britt sat there, tears in her eyes back still against the wall and I lost it.
"No, you won't even say anything to me? No comment about your drug addict wife about to leave the house with endless money at my disposal?" She bit her lip and then more tears came. "Say something for fuck's sake!"
Finally, Britt was on her feet and walking towards me, her hands shoved in her pockets.
"I love you, Ana. Before this year, I would never think I could be like this. Loving you and her at the same time...Needing you but wanting her. Together you make the perfect person. I just...I'm not sure I can let her go after the divorce is final. I don't know if I want to be married anymore. I'm 18...there's so much time for marriage."
She was ripping my heart from my chest and I deserved every single moment of it.
"Fine, you're free. It's over."
"I will tell Sal not to submit our marriage papers. You're off the hook, B."
"Off the hook? I still want to be with you and I still want to be a mom to Izzy."
"You can't have both, B. I'm all in but you are not, and you don't need to be, I was ready to do this all on my own from the beginning. I have a support system. My sister is here, and Q will be here. You can go on tour or go live at Julliard."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I can't stay sober and be in an arrangement where you destroy my heart piece by piece." I was swallowing back all the tears as I stood there looking into those beautiful eyes. "For so long I wanted this to work but I think I actually get it now...what Q was saying earlier. I'm tired, B. I'm tired of not choosing what's best for me."
"Ana...baby, I still want you."
"But I don't want you. I need to focus on me and MY son. Your guardianship is terminated in two weeks and then, I will need to prove that I'm a good mother on my own. Until I leave rehab, Mami will have temporary guardianship."
"Wait...you can't take him from me. I'm his Mama. I love him more than my own life."
"Just not me then. Right?"
She stepped closer and I took a step back and shook my head.
"No. Look, you can still be my friend. You can have a relationship with Isaac when things settle between us but for right now, it might be best if we don't push this anymore."
"I don't want to be in a world that doesn't have you as my girlfriend."
"Britt, we both know this isn't working. What we have right now isn't enough for me. I need all of you or none of you. I want to be able to lay with you knowing that you are only thinking of me. It always comes down to her and that's not fair to me."
"We were doing good. I was focused on you and you brought her back up!"
"Because you brought up Ian and Marco while fucking me! If I didn't bring up that pendeja, she would have come up anyway. Okay, yeah, I need to go right now...let's just do our own thing tonight...I'll see you later."
She grabbed my hand and I stood still, trying my best not to weep. She stepped in front of me, took my face in her hand and leaned in, kissing me with all that she was.
I pushed at her shoulder.
"Britt, stop. I'm serious."
"When will you be back?"
"I don't know, if I'm not back by noon tomorrow...I'll meet you at the airport."
And then I walked past her and out into the streets of New York looking for the kind of comfort that I had only found in one place.
"Santana? Is everything okay?"
"Where are you?"
"Just got home from church, putting Johnny down for a nap and then treating myself to some wine. What are you up to?"
"I'm in town, can I come over for a bit?"
"Um, yeah, of course you can!"
"Okay, I'm getting in a cab now."
"Don't. I'll send a driver...just tell me where you are."
"I'm already in the cab on my way to you."
"Okay, I guess I'll see you soon then. You really shouldn't be wasting money when I pay people to drive."
"Right now, it was the smartest and safest option."
"Enough said. See you soon, sis."
Twenty minutes and a crazy amount of money later, I was pulling up outside Sandra's mansion in Westchester. She was standing on the front steps, a baby on her hip and a worried look on her face.
I have never felt happier in my life.
"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" She asked, searching my eyes for that look of malice, I guess.
"I just broke up with Brittany. I um...I didn't want to get high, so I came to you. I needed some...um...stability." When I looked into her eyes, they weren't intense like when I do something to piss her off. All I saw was understanding.
"Great, take him." She shoved her son at me and I took him without complaint. "When are you leaving?"
"My flight is tomorrow evening, six I think."
"And where is Brittany?"
"I left her at the house...but she might be going to off to fuck that puta."
"Okay, language." She teased, and I rolled my eyes as I rocked my nephew. "Johnny is with his friends in Vegas for a bachelor party. Feel free to hang out here for as long as you need."
"You came to me sober instead of doing something dumb in a town where you know a lot of ways to fuck up. I'm proud of you right now and for that you get whatever you want. You hungry?"
My sister spent the next few hours, making me laugh and avoiding giving me advice because she knew how it went with a relationship like mine and B's. The probability that we could end up back together is always a possibility and she didn't want to say anything that could threaten our relationship.
She had offered for me to stay the night, but I insisted on going back to the house because there was no fucking way that I was going to allow Brittany to run me out of a house that I paid for.
I had turned my phone off in the cab earlier and had left it that way until I was on my way back.
When I turned it on, I had the usual notifications and then four missed calls from Britt and the longest most proper text from her.
She is an addiction. I can't let that steal you and Izzy away from me. So, I'll be here whenever you come back, and I called Sal, he knows that I'm still all in on this marriage. I love you Santana. There is no girl in the world that means more to me than you. I'm sure a life with Frankie would be just okay but there's nothing that can replace what we have. You were made for me and I was made for you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I choose you every time.-Britt Britt
My head was aching as I stepped out in front of my house. All the lights were off, and I sighed, it was already past midnight and I was wondering if I'd find my wife inside.
When I tried to push the door, it wouldn't budge.
I tried pushing it again and then I heard a groan.
The foyer light went on and then the door opened fully, there was Britt her face looking swollen from crying and hair all over the place.
"What were you doing sleeping on the floor?"
"I didn't want to miss you coming home." She rubbed her eyes and then crossed her arms over her chest. "You okay?"
She looked in my eyes and without asking was asking if I had slipped.
"I'm sober. I went to see my sister and was able to gain some perspective. Can I come in?"
It was in that moment that she realized that I was still on the front stoop waiting for her to let me in. She finally stepped back and opened the door wider.
Once I was inside, I stopped short. The smell of alcohol hit me and then I turned back to B, who was locking up the door. "Were you drinking?"
She shrugged and then turned off the foyer light. "So, what?"
"Nothing, it doesn't matter. I'm going to bed, goodnight B." I said, heading up the steps and into our room. I had just enough energy to brush my teeth and clean the important places before collapsing into the bed.
I heard her shuffling and then I felt the bed dip, but she didn't try to get close.
"This is the only bed...is it okay if I sleep here?" Her voice was small, and I knew that she needed me to be her best friend and comfort her, but I had reached my limit.
"Do what you want...that's what you're good at."
"Wow." Was all she said and then I fell into a fitful sleep, hoping that maybe I'd wake up to a new reality, one where I didn't feel like a total loser for not being able to be loved the way that I deserved.
"I know mom...but what if it's a mistake. What if she isn't it for me? I feel like we are too young to know."
I sat at the top of the stairs early Monday morning while Britt sat on video chat with her mom. She was sitting in the kitchen, but their voices carried.
"Brittany, age doesn't matter. There are people who wait until they're older and they spend life searching for a love they may have passed up. You and Santana have been intertwined since the first day you met. Do you remember when you were 8 and I'd just had your sister?"
"Do you remember when your dad went and stayed with Aunt Janet in Springfield for the summer?"
"He had left us, for a woman that gave him adventure and all things that I couldn't do with two little girls running around."
"That woman gave him the fun he was looking for, but she had no stability, she wasn't his wife. She was a good time. His 20%."
"In life there's multiple ways that an 80/20 rule works. In relationships there's this belief that in every relationship you get about 80% of what you want in a partner, but they might be missing some things...little things. 20% of them isn't exactly right. Some people make the mistake of going after that 20% person and lose out on that 80%. The reason you feel that Santana and Frankie as one person would be perfect is because one of them is your 80 and the other is your 20. Together that makes what?"
"Exactly, so the question is who is who and what do you stand to lose either way?"
"Well, if I lose Frankie...I lose fun, no drama, and someone who gets my dancing. If I lose Santana, I lose everything...my family, my home, my heart. Mom I messed up...what do I do?"
"Only you know that, Brittany. Maybe you take a beat and think about all the good things she brings to your life...you also need to go back to therapy, re-calibrate your dosage. You cannot be a good wife and mother, if you aren't first a good person to yourself."
I sat there, tears in my eyes just taking in my mother-in-law's words, wishing she'd explained this whole 80/20 thing to me before I slept with Ian.
She was right in so many ways. I finally was understanding the meaning behind a break. Before Britt ended the call, I went back to the room. I took my clothes into the bathroom and locked the door, I needed this time to myself.
When I came from the shower, Britt looked freshly showered and was dressed for the day as she sat on the bed waiting for me.
A smile came to her face when she looked at me and I felt my heart race at the sight.
"Good morning." I said, pulling a brush through my hair before twisting it into a top knot.
"Hey, are you hungry?"
She nodded and then took a deep breath. Then I watched as she dropped to her knees and looked up at me. "I meant what I said yesterday...I'm not ready to be married. I think we should spend some time engaged and when we're both ready...we can get married for real...if you still want me. Will you marry me, for real when the time is right?"
"I don't know, B."
"You don't know?"
"Well, I also meant what I said...I don't know if I want to be with you at all. Right now, I just don't feel like I can be what you need."
She nodded and then got up. "Okay, alright. Maybe we can date then?"
She was nodding, a pure sadness coming from her in waves. I expected her to back down but then she was in my personal space and she knelt again, her hands on her lap.
"What will it take?"
"You know what it will take, B."
"Okay, I'll do it. Anything else?"
"Honesty and some fucking devotion."
"Are we friends at least?"
"Barely...but I want to be. I can't live without you, B. You are what I prayed for but maybe it's not this version of you, maybe it's a version that's more mature and ready to be my partner in all things. I still love you, I'm just not sure I like you right now."
"Even with all of my craziness you still love me?"
"It takes your bit of crazy to understand mine, B. Can you get up, so I can hug you?"
She popped up to her feet, looking all acrobatic and shit. It made me smile and then she was smiling back at me. She stepped into my personal space and then just pulled me into a tight hug. I dangled for a second before wrapping my legs around her waist. Her hands roamed my back and then she was gripping my ass at about the same time that I was sucking on her neck.
Our words and our actions were always split like this. I craved her body on mine and I needed her touch, but she wasn't mine completely and that was a deal breaker for me.
"I'm starving." I said again.
"Then you should eat something." Her eyebrow was raised.
"Put me down then." I said back.
She kissed my forehead as she put me back down on my feet and then sat back on the bed. I winked at her and then left her in the room.
It took her a few moments to realize that I hadn't meant sex.
When she came into the kitchen, face burning red with whatever she was feeling, I was heating up waffles from yesterday. She stood in the doorway and watched me as I took my plate to the table and began to eat. I was humming to myself when she came over to the table and dropped to her knees again.
"B...what are you doing?" I asked as I chewed a giant piece of waffle.
She crawled under the table.
"I'm hungry too."
"B-" I started but then she was sliding my pants off, taking my panties with them. Then she was pushing my knees apart and I wanted to tell her to stop but then her mouth was sucking my clit and I nearly choked on a waffle. I gripped the edge of the table as she slowly sucked on my clit. "You make it so hard to let you go...fuck."
She pulled away with a pop, "Lollipop, lollipop...oh Lolli Lolli pop pop." She sang happily. "Keep eating baby...I'm just going to keep working on making you like me again...don't mind me. Just know that if you stop eating...so do I." And then she was back to sucking as I tried like hell to eat.
Who could say no to this?
It took two hours of fucking me...licking and gripping me until finally Britt pulled away from me, leaving me a shivering mess on the kitchen table.
"Do you like me yet?" She asked as she slid onto the bench, her fingers trailing my shivering naked body on the table top. "You are so beautiful...every bit of you."
"B...this doesn't mean-" I started to say but then she put up a finger and left me there, splayed out for her to take. I heard the door to the fridge and then she came back with an ice cube. "What...what are you doing?"
"You still don't look like you like me...so that means I still have work to do." She trailed the ice cube around my nipple and then pinched it.
"Oh God!" I shrieked as she moved to the second nipple and then she was drawing on my stomach with the ice, moving towards my clit.
"Daddy." She whispered.
"No." I said, she could fuck me, but she wasn't getting that from me...not while I wasn't her one and only.
"What?" She looked sad but kept moving until she was putting the ice on my clit, circling and circling. The cold water was dripping as the cube melted.
"As long as there's a Frankie...you are just B to me." I said, surprised that I could still string words together. Her eyes changed and then she sent me to new heights as she pushed the ice inside of me. "Fuck!" She moved from my line of sight and dropped between my legs, sucking the ice out and pushing it back in with her tongue until it melted. Then she was working my clit again and her ice-cold fingers were moving inside of me. "B!" I screamed out as I came seconds later.
"I love you." She said, wrapping her arms around me and lifting me. As I wrapped my legs around her, I could feel my wetness soaking her shirt. "I'm sorry I can't be what you need right now, baby. I want to be so much but I'm not ready." She said, tears in her eyes as I clung to her.
"I won't take him from you, B." I said to her as she looked at me with the saddest eyes. "You can keep guardianship when I go to rehab, I know that no matter what happens between us that you will look out for him."
"Now, I'm going to need you to hold me for a bit...I can't really feel my legs enough to walk."
She hugged me tight and danced us around the kitchen humming that lollipop song as she moved. I hung tight as she kissed my face and felt comforted just by her being her.
"Do you like me yet?"
"Are we still endgame?"
"Then yes, B. I still like you."
We cleaned the house and packed our things, we locked the house and waited on the steps for our ride. Carmen had promised to pick us up but when the car pulled up and only Nico stepped out, looking tired and extra serious, I got concerned.
"Todo bien, Nico?"
He nodded and then opened the trunk before grabbing our suitcases and putting them in.
"Brittany, you sit up front with me." He said, opening the back door and there she was feet crossed on the seat, staring straight ahead.
I looked at B and she urged me to go.
"Carmen?" I said as I slid in the car next to her. "What's wrong?"
She turned watery eyes to me and then leaned against me, silent tears streaking down her face.
Once Nico and Britt were in the car, I saw that he was glancing back at us.
"Nico, what is it?"
"She told her folks about the baby...they disowned her because of me...fucking assholes." Was all he said.
I unbuckled myself and pulled her into my lap.
"Oh, my love, it's okay...I'm here. I'm so sorry they turned their backs on you!"
"I love Nico...who cares that he's older than me?"
"The baby though...it's okay?" I asked.
Carmen's eyes got wide, and she put a hand to her stomach.
"Oh yes, I'm sorry that I scared you."
We got to the airport two hours early and there was no rush.
"I think I'm going to have that conversation with Nico...just me and him. Okay?" Britt asked me, and I nodded.
While she went off with Nico, I sat with Carmen in the car.
"Tell me how you feel?" I said.
"Like I should tell them he's not the only killer...maybe then they'll see that he's not corrupting me."
"You can't do that, we buried that...burned the evidence. Let it rest."
"Santi, they're my family."
"Family means shit, you were living on the fucking street when I met you. Escorting, barely eating. Where were they then? Now that you're happy and married they have something to say? You deserve more than the crumbs they are giving you and can you honestly trust them not to turn you in?"
"Then there you go, that's your answer of you telling them. Nico is clean, you know that. He keeps his hands clean and you need to keep yours that way too."
"Yeah, you're right. What about you?"
"What about me?"
"The two of you look...unhappy."
"We broke up."
"No shit, you brought her here and she just dumped you?"
"It was me. She is hung up on that puta still...I don't feel like I can stay clean and be in competition with someone else."
"Rehab. Do not do anything else with your relationship...stay friends...co-parents and go to rehab no matter what. When you come out, you make that decision."
"Call me anytime."
When we were back in the terminal, Britt cuddled up against me with her head on my shoulder as she looked through pictures of Isaac.
The flight was delayed, and I was feeling irritable but then Britt leaned close to my ear.
"I'm going to do everything I can to hear you call me Daddy again."
I squeezed my legs together feeling the delicious soreness from that morning.
"Britt...things may not be the same when we get home." I said.
"Nope, they'll be better."
"How do you know that?"
"Because, together we can do anything."
"I don't know, B."
"It's okay that you've lost some faith in me, Ana. I can do the work for both of us for a while."
"What does that even mean?"
"It means you are my 80% and I know you know what that means because you walk heavy and I heard you listening this morning. I want you to know that she will never be able to give me all that you do. You are my life."
"But you're not ready."
"So, what then?"
"I'm going work on me so that I'm ready by the time we get back here. We will stay not married, not engaged. Just dating and I'll let you set the pace."
"You sound like Nico."
"Does that work for you?" She asked, ignoring my comment.
"Yeah, B...that works for me."
"Good." Then she went back to looking at her pictures while humming about lollipops with her head on my shoulder.
I kissed her forehead and tried to let go of the heaviness that was looming.
She knew where I stood now...maybe being her 80 was enough.
God, I hoped it was.