Disclaimer: I do not own any of the character of Supernatural, nor do I make a profit from writing this story.
A/N: This is a Destiel drabble.
Originally posted on my tumblr. I edited it a bit.
AU: I wrote this before knowing about 7x17, so Cas is still "killed" by the Leviathans but this is an alternative result.
"I have been waiting for you, Castiel."
Castiel could not suppress his astonishment and as he looked around to find the most beautiful scene of nature, he knew amazement was written on his face. To be alive and whole once more not only surprised him, but to be in the presence of his Father shook his entire being. However he didn't expect to be in his Father's presence for long. Castiel knew of all his wrongs and he was more than certain of his Father having knowledge of what he had done. Still, he was curious as to how he could be back from Death.
"You have many questions, yet your speech is delayed. Why is this so, Castiel?"
"Forgive me, Father. I do have questions however, I know I am not worthy of asking." Castiel didn't dare to look into the face of God and, instead, laid his eyes on a single sunflower residing nearby.
"It is all right, my child. Speak. I would be pleased to unravel the knot which ties your frantic thoughts together." The softness in God's voice put Castiel's mind in a calm state at once. Castiel thought about his last memories and he was suddenly worried.
"I remember the feeling of death and dying. I was destroyed by the Leviathans, from within my vessel. I was.."
Castiel remembers being killed in front of his friends. Killed in front of Dean.
"Ah, yes. The Leviathans."
"Father, please forgive me. I only-"
"Meant to do the right thing. I have been gone for some time but I know of your actions, Castiel. Release your guilt, for I do not find any fault in what you have done. In truth, I find you to be very interesting." The thought of being called interesting caught Castiel off guard. He looked up into his Father's face, confused.
"Interesting, Father?" God smiled, replying with a single nod.
"Castiel, you helped avert the Apocalypse, which ultimately changed, and upset, Fate. You went against the Will of your brothers and sisters. You worked with the King of Hell to open Purgatory. You put your faith in humans. Why is that?"
Castiel lay puzzled as he started upon the face of his smiling Father. If God had said that he knew of his actions, then he should surely know why he committed those actions, right?
"Father, I am confused. You must know that I did it for you." God nodded and replied, "However, it was also for another."
Castiel looked away as he realized what God had meant. In the beginning, Castiel had done it for God; tofind God so as to restore order between Lucifer and Michael. But soon after meeting Singer and the Winchesters, Castiel's reasons for continuing on changed both because of them as well as for them.
Castiel nodded in agreement, yet he looked down as he thought of his last few moments with Dean. He bit the inside of his cheek; he felt bitter and his eyes were becoming moist.
"Castiel, you are whole yet you suddenly seem hollow. Why, my son?"
Castiel felt as though he had just been in a fight and while his body showed no sign of injury, his insides felt as if they were being ripped to shreds. He couldn't look up and allow his father to such a shameful creation, but even as he spoke, his voice trembled against his wishes.
"Father, I did everything for you and you are correct in saying that I did everything for another. However, my actions do not matter because-"
"At the time, he did not forgive you." Castiel could only nod.
"But then why does he weep for you? Why does he think of you so? If he did not forgive you, if he did not realize his error of judgment of your actions, why would he seem so pitiful now?"
Castiel being surprised was an understatement. Dean was crying for him? Although Castiel knew that his bond with Dean was very profound, he didn't expect tears. He didn't expect forgiveness because he didn't think that Dean would ever understand him. Castiel looked up to ask a question, but God then asked Castiel a question.
A question almost as powerful as the aura surrounding God himself.
"Castiel. I am going to ask you a question and it will be my last. I ask that you answer honestly. Think and only then will you be able to answer honestly."
"Castiel.. who do you love more?"
Castiel faltered, his mouth slightly ajar. His eyes searched the ground, looking for an answer as if it would somehow spring up from the ground. Castiel knew that God was and is his sole provider. Without God, he could not and would not exist; without God, he would not have been able to come back. He wouldn't even be a mere though, for there would be no such thing as surmising a though.
Castiel was meant to be a soldier of the Lord, to love what God loves and to follow his will. Moreover, to answer in favor of God meant to remain in Heaven and Castiel wanted Paradise; one that was everlasting, good, and wonderful.
But one that did not include his brothers and sisters.
Although nothing would ever hinder Castiel from loving his Father and siblings with the immense devotion with which God placed in him during his creation, he knew that there was also nothing that could ever prevent him from loving the one he saw within his Paradise. As Castiel thought of this, his eyes found there way back to that one, single sunflower.
To think meant tofeel with his heart. He could not deny it, nor would he try to. Not to himself, nor God.
For Castiel, love meant being with the one who would go insane if there were ever even a tiny scratch on his Black, vintage, and rather crampy automobile. Love showed Castiel that there was more than rules. Love showed Castiel the true sense of family. Love had green eyes, freckles, dark brown hair, and corny yet witty humor. As Castiel took his eyes away from the sunflower to answer his Father, he stopped short because of the smile upon God's face.
"Father, you are smiling…"
"You are my true son. You always have been and you will always be."
Suddenly, Castiel found himself outside. It was late in the evening and the only thing visible was the stores across the street. Walking forward, he placed his hands on a banister and looked down to see that he was at least two-stories above ground. Was he at a motel? Why was he here? Where was God?
You are my true son. You always have been and you always will be. What did his Father mean by that? Was Castiel forgiven? Was he meant to find the Winchesters? Castiel tried to sense the boys but when he failed to, panic mounted in his chest. Castiel reached to fish through his coat pocket for his cell phone, but when he realized that he had no trench coat he lost it.
"I have no powers and I have no way of contacting the Winchesters. You said that you found no fault in my actions, Father… Is….is this my punishment," he whispered. His eyes started to sting and they were brimming with tears. He didn't know what to go or where to go. Castiel didn't even know where he was.
But he knew that he felt heavy. He felt human.
He was human and he felt like he would break down at any second.
But before he did, a door flew open.
Blue eyes met with green and, suddenly, everything was crystal clear for Castiel. The man felt his body as it began falling towards the ground without his control, but even as he felt heavier and heavier, Castiel smiled. Feeling two arms wrap around his body, shaking yet strong enough to cradle him, he realized that his Father had granted him his Paradise and as he laid his body into the warm, heaving chest of the one God called "another", Castiel knew that he was safe.
He felt himself being pulled closer to warmth and while lips press against his forehead, Castiel managed to croak out the words he thought he'd never say again because he knew that he was truly home.