I'm back! With another Ella centric story. Warnings for slight suicide hints. Maybe more than slight but no actual attempts...
Also, send in any pretty girl names, and unique boy names for my upcoming short novel. The name I already have for one of tje main characters, a girl, is Irelli. So... any ideas are welcome!
Disclaimer: Me no own. Me no claim to own. Me Tarzan, you Jane. Comprende?
When I was little, I would stand on the edge of the roof, or on the railing of my mother's balcony, stare at the ground, and pretend I was invincible, sometimes even believed I was. I believed I could have jumped off and been just fine. It might have even been fun. Mom always freaked and yanked me inside before I could try though, screaming about how I must be crazy or stupid or both, then wouldn't let me outside for the rest of the day. I never understood why she got so scared, really.
I'm doing it again, only I'm not at my mother's, I understand her fears from back then, and I know I'm not invincible.
The railing to the deck sits high over the flock's backyard, at least thirty feet off the sloping ground, all polished wood and good craftmanship.
I want to jump.
The thing is, I'm not suicidal; I just want to die.
But I'm not alone on the deck or even on the railing, because she's there too.
Nudge is the definition of invincible. Even now, as she's doing twists and flips across her segment of railing, around the corner from where I'm standing, she has no fear of falling, because even if she does, she can always catch herself.
Her wings are open, for balance she always insists, and the noon sunlight is glinting off them like they're made of gold and silver and bronze. She puts both hands on the railing and throws herself into a handstand before landing and transitioning smoothly into a back handspring, all while staying in the skinny railing. If I ever attempted anything like that I wouldn't have to worry about jumping, gravity and my terrible flailing habits would do it for me.
I'm beyond jealous of her, though I can barely admit that to myself. I've always been a little pudgy, with little to no boobs to speak of. Nudge is tiny, but muscular in a slender way, yet still has a C cup. And to top it all off, she's gorgeous like a model.
I could take one step, and everything would end. Maybe even restart like those video games Gazzy always kicks my butt in. My mother's crazy, my father's death, my never being enough for anyone, me not being pretty, my entire messed up life.
I'm so tired.
"You have good balance. I bet you'd be great at gymnastics. I'll teach you!" Nudge scans the backyard from where she has perched herself, with ninja silence, at my feet, ignoring my startled jump. She looks at the trampoline for a long moment before settling her knowing eyes on me. She stands up and smiles. "Jump off, I'll catch you. It's the funnest way to get there!"
We could have just walked down the stairs to our left, riddled with Angel's toys and a few towels, but she was giving me an oppurtunity.
An opportunity to be invincible.
I have an obsession with the Nudge/Ella combination for friendship, and slightly cracked Valencia, who is only happy when she has Max because she was in love with Jeb, not Ella's father... Blah