I was listening to Glee's version of Whitney Houston and Dolly Parton's classic song I will always love you and it got me thinking about Gene and Alex because it just suits them perfectly. I will set it after season 2 because I have a huge obsession with that part of the series. Hope you like it. I don't own the song and I don't own Ashes to Ashes.
Singing Me Home
Things between Alex and Gene had become very tense and strained following the weeks after her shooting. Alex had withdrawn from human contact, still hurting from Gene's words and bitter rejection while Gene was distant from Alex after she had lied to him and after hearing her confessions on tape. It had affected the team badly and their performance rate was suffering as a result from it. Alex had been starting to feel strong pulls back home in the future after she had heard the doctors say that she was on track to wake up and make some sort of recovery which made her weep for joy and in pain. She was glad to be leaving this place and was looking forward to holding her baby girl in her arms again, but on the other hand she was broken hearted to be leaving Gene but since he had pushed her away after his rejection of her she had decided that it was for the best and was glad that they never became a couple, knowing that leaving him would be one of the hardest things she had ever done in her life. But in her heart of hearts she knew she couldn't have both, her daughter always came first and not even her love for Gene will be enough to make her stay.
The feeling of home became stronger and stronger everyday and it was when she heard the news that she will be waking up after successful movements in the next 24 hours, Alex knew she had to say her goodbyes. She knew that the Annual Police Gala ball was on tonight and she had agreed to perform that night since they had trouble getting someone to sing for the guests. She knew that this would be her last chance to tell Gene how she really felt about him without actually saying it to his face she just hoped that it would be enough. She had alerted the super that she had planned on leaving the force which saddened the super but at the end wished her well, Alex decided that when she went back home, she would find another job that would allow her to put her daughter first and would help her heal from her heartache. The last challenge was choosing a song that articulated her feelings for Gene beautifully; she was having trouble until she came across Dolly Parton's song "I will always love you". Alex remembered when Whitney Houston first sang that song in the 1990s in the Bodyguard, a movie that made her and Molly cry whenever they watched it and decided that it was the perfect song for the night. Alex knew she had the vocal range to hit the song out of the ball park, thinking back to her love for singing and for music when she was younger Alex smiled, yes she will do this song, hoping Gene would understand.
Alex had spent the morning and the afternoon before the gala preparing her musical arrangements with the musicians who were impressed, they had never seen this composition before and thought it was risky but if pulled off would be perfection. Alex had chosen a beautiful strapless long flowing red dress and chosen the same accessories and make up that would remind both her and Gene of the first time they had ever met but instead of the fake jewels she had chosen an authentic diamond necklace on a sterling silver chain. It wasn't the dress she was planning to wear at the gala; no she had baby blue one shoulder strapped dress for that but this red dress will be her final performance ever before she returned home. As she saw everyone start to come into the ball room, she started to get nervous, it had been a long time she had sung to a large crowed and feared that she would stuff up. She shook off the feeling and took her place next to Shaz never looking at Gene, who was staring her, not even once.
Gene didn't want to be here, looking at her for all of her beauty and grace, chatting to Shaz and to Viv. Hell he didn't want to see her at all, especially after everything she had put him through and then hearing of her resignation made him that more furious at her for playing him around for so long. But because the super forced him to go he had no chance but to sit and torture himself by looking at the woman who he loved and hated but will never be his. How could she be? After what he had heard on the tape and after she had lied to his face and treated him like a fool he couldn't even look at her without feeling disgusted at her, even after he had heard that she wasn't corrupt he still couldn't forgive her for everything else.
There were many performances throughout the night and people were laughing and enjoying themselves, Gene had lost track of Alex which made him feel relieved, he wanted to lose himself in a warm willing paid for body, but found through a busty young blonde that he wouldn't need to pay for her tonight and flirted with her throughout the night, happily forgetting Alex until he saw the final performance for the night.
The Commissioner got up to announce the next performer. "The final performance for the night, we are sad to see her leave the force but we wish her all the best for the future. Please welcome to the stage Alexandra Drake."
Everyone applauded and sat down, Gene stared in shock at the beauty that was in front of him, all dressed in red, which reminded him of the first time, he and Alex had met. All of a sudden he forgot who he was flirting with, captivated by the woman in front of him. Shaz, Ray, Chris and Viv all sat down and prepared to watch their DI start to sing her heart out. Alex meanwhile stood in front of the microphone, hoping no one could see her shaking. She was going to go out with a bang, the musicians behind her were ready and everyone quietened down as the lights went out and the spotlight became focused on her. This was her last night, her last chance and she was grab it with both hands, in thinking that, Alex took her breath, opened her mouth and started to sing, first, without the music which stunned everybody, including Gene into silence.
If I should stay,
I would only be in your way.
So I'll go, but I know
I'll think of you every step of the way.
"Oh my god, she is amazing!" said Ray.
"I never knew she could sing." whispered Chris.
"I love this song, but this is so different, heartfelt and sad" replied Viv.
"It's like she is singing it to someone she is saying goodbye too." Said Shaz
Everyone than looked at gene and realised that Alex was singing her goodbyes to him, the only way she knew how. Gene of course was shocked to the core but ignored the stares and continued listening as the musicians start to come in, playing the most beautiful piece of music that he had ever heard, joining forces with Alex's heavenly voice making his heart constrict.
And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
You, my darling you. Hmm.
that is all I'm taking with me.
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.
We both know I'm not what you, you need.
And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
The saxophone's tune just made the emotions that much raw for Alex as she sung from her heart to the audience and to Gene. She felt the tears build up and allowed one or two to slide down her cheek, the spotlight catching her defeated figure beautifully. There was not one person in the room who didn't have tears in their eyes as Alex's heartfelt goodbye to Gene penetrated the room, everyone was feeling her sadness, sorrow, regret, love and pain in those notes, in that one song, in that one voice. Gene, felt his heart shatter as she looked at him staight in the eyes which made him feel like a bastard and a gutless wonder, especially when she called him darling and revealed just how much he actually meant to her.
"Such a beautiful creature' said one man.
"You will never find anyone like her in the world" replied another.
"Such emotion in that performance" agreed one woman.
"Only a woman who loves a man that strongly while suffering from a broken heart can feel that much emotion in that one song and sing it so beautifully." Pointed out another.
"That's the way love goes, for everyone win in the game of love, someone else must fail." Chimed in another.
Gene vainly tried to ignore the comments but couldn't help but agree with them, but that didn't stop the knife from twisting that much further into his battered heart. He choked back tears as he locked eyes with the love of his life that was now leaving him.
I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.
But above all this, I wish you love.
Alex stared at Gene while she sang her song, her eyes stinging with tears once more, she really wished she didn't have to do this, but again, knowing that by dawn she will be gone, she knew that she had done the right thing. She was now gearing up for the big one, putting her heart and soul on the line in this one performance that will make Gene feel just how much she loved him. She had seen Shaz start breaking down with Chris holding her while Ray and Viv just had sorrowful faces written on them, knowing that this was her final stand. Knowing that this was really goodbye. The music paused, her face stared at the ceiling, her eyes closed, arms spread out before she forcefully forced her arms back down which started up the music into a full blown ending with a single beat of the drum as she belted the chorus out with everything that she had which would make Whitney Houston herself proud.
And I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I will always love you.
I, I will always love you.
Everyone in the room was blown away with the power of Alex's voice, she had commanded everyone's attention as they all saw her sing her heart out to Gene. The tears were flowing down her cheeks by the time she got to the final line, not being able to control her heartache anymore and revealing to Gene and to everyone in the room just how much she really loved him and just how much she was hurting over his rejection of her. Gene, feeling every one of those emotions, couldn't help but allow a couple of tears slide down his cheek, his heart breaking, regretting all the miss chances and all of the harsh things he had ever said and done to her, especially during and after operation rose. He wanted to take her into his arms, to kiss her, to make love to her and tell her everything he had ever felt for her but knew from this song that he couldn't. He had lost her and he knew that.
The music started to die down, Alex was relieved that the hard part was done but stayed on note, determined to complete the song. The music once again paused and Alex took a breath once more before singing the final note.
You, darling, I love you.
Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you.
Once the song had finished and Alex bowed her head in response, the crowd erupted in applause, standing to their feet, clapping, cheering and wolf whistling while the women tried hard to wipe off the tears that were streaming down their faces and wrecking their makeup in the process. Alex just smiled and bowed her head in response. She looked over at the CID table and saw that everyone else had stood up. She never thought she would see the day when she saw Ray Carling, Viv and Chris cry but she can now testify that she did. Shaz, of course was clapping very enthusiastically while trying to stop a fresh batch of tears from flowing freely down her cheeks, she was smiling, but Alex could see that she didn't want her to leave. She took one last longing look at Gene, hoping that her eyes expressed everything to him, love, longing, desire, regret, sorrow and apologies before taking her leave from the stage, from the gala room, from 1982 forever as the bright light engulfed her, taking her home...back to Molly.
Alex opened her eyes and found herself once more in a hospital room, surrounded by Evan, Molly, Bryan, Marge, a few nurses and a surgeon.
"Well, looks like those drugs have worked, we were worried that you wouldn't make it after you slipped into a deeper coma but we gave you fresh wave of antibiotics and along with your fighting nature you are now back. Dr. Gerald would be delighted. You may not fee it but you are lucky that the bullet didn't penetrate. Now someone wants to see you." Replied the surgeon.
Molly than jumped into her mother's arms and Alex tightened her grip on her, breathing her scent in and showering her faces with kisses while Evan smiled.
"Knew you wouldn't leave me mum."
"I love you. I love you. I love you. Never forget that" sobbed Alex.
"I never doubted it mum."
"Come on scrap, your mother has been through a lot." Said Evan.
"Quite right, let's give your mum some time to wake up eh Molly." Replied the surgeon.
Everyone had walked out of the room while Alex went back to sleep, memories of her time with Gene in 1982 were now flashing through her mind, her heart breaking once more and a single tear flowing down her cheek.
Despite taking a lot of time to recover from her injuries including learning how to walk again Alex became much more stronger and her relationship with Molly was stronger than ever. Her relationship with Evan was bumpy, especially after she confronted him with the truth about her parents, but remained solid. Alex had resigned from the force much to Molly's protest but Alex resisted, stating that her daughter was much more important than work. Alex than went back to university and completed her medical training that went hand in hand with psychology and psychiatry and got her the right to carry out her degree in both areas medically. She also took the time to write her books and do speeches and lectures in International and national institutions and in universities across the world, her books were regarded highly by professionals and several of them went on The New York Times best sellers list. This new change of direction in her life allowed Alex more time to spend with Molly, having movie nights, going shopping, going to the cinema, going on holidays overseas whenever there was an international conference coming up, everything that a mother and a daughter should do. Their closeness allowed them to talk about the time when she was in a coma, their heart to heart talks fascinated Molly as she listened to her mother's wild tales of Gene and the 80s but even she could tell that there was a hint of sadness in her mother's eyes whenever she spoke of Gene. One night while cuddled in bed together after watching the Bodyguard for the billionth time Molly finally decided to speak up.
"Would this Gene bloke like me?" asked Molly.
"You would have given him a headache, but yeah I am sure he would have adored you, even if he wouldn't say it."
"You loved him didn't you mum, in that one place and in that one time?"
"If I am honest with myself I still do."
"That's why you haven't been with anyone since you woke up."
"Nah, I like having you around, just you and me against the world."
"You must think I am mad" said Alex.
"No. I don't. I believe you mum; you might see him again through your dreams."
Molly was right, she did dream of Gene often. She saw him and his team try to move on without her even though she could see that they were struggling. She often saw Gene alone in his office, drinking like a fish and smoking like a chimney. She knew that Gene was suffering from her departure badly, especially since they had no chance to say goodbye to each other properly but Alex had no choice, the light had claimed her the moment she got out of the building and into the cold night. She would often see his team try to encourage him to go out with them and she could see that day by day he was trying to make an effort even though he was struggling to mend his broken heart.
She saw Shaz and Chris's wedding, their first dance as a wedded couple, their first child, a girl whom they named Alexandra after her. She saw Ray meeting a red head named Odette; she saw their first date, their first kiss, the day when she moved him with him, their wedding day, their first and second child and the day he was promoted to DI and DCI. Alex felt warm whenever she saw them happy and getting on with their lives. She was saddened when she dreamt of Gene though. Professionally he was on top of his game, promoted all the way to chief Superintendent with a string of recommendations and awards to go along with it which made her proud of him. Personally however, he was sad. He had never found anyone after her departure even though she hoped that he would find happiness with someone even if it wasn't her. He had got a lot of offers but he would only turn them down, saying that he had lost the one love of his life a long time ago, which made her heart ache for him.
2011 New Year
"Come on Mum!"
"Coming Molly, you look beautiful in your gown."
"You look great too for an old bird."
"Cheeky!" Alright everyone gather up for the cameraman!"
Alex, her work colleagues, Evan, Molly, her boyfriend Zach and all her girlfriends and their dates bundled up for the camera and posed.
"Say cheese everyone."
A photo came out revealing the happy faces in their gowns with the beautiful night lights of Sydney Harbour Bridge and the city of Sydney lighting up behind them on their hotel room balcony that they had booked for New Year's Eve. Fireworks was in the background as the loud music penetrated the air and the screams of excitements came from below. Alex had a lot to be grateful for. She was able to pursue her leads to find out whether Gene was real only to find his shallow grave. When he was identified as PC Eugene Hunt Alex was able to give him a proper burial and hoped that wherever he was, he could now be at peace with himself and move on. She was grateful to Gene for teaching her how to live again. For teaching her how to love. She would always love him and was sure that she would see him again.
Gene walked along the corridors of Fenchurch East and went upstairs to his office where he sat down and poured himself a tumbler of scotch. He thoughts wondering to Alex and the night when she sang her goodbyes to him and left, never to be found again. He knew that she was reunited with her daughter, from what his dreams were showing him and he was happy for her, but that didn't stop his heart from crying out in pain. He had many chances to tell her how he felt about her but like the gutless wonder that he was, he had let her slip through his fingers and was now suffering the consequences for it. Professionally, he was on top of his game, still the feared Manc lion and achieved the rank of Chief Superintendent but personally he was still suffering from his loss. He couldn't muster up any enthusiasm for any woman; he got a lot of offers but turned them all down, saying that there was only one woman for him. He would always remember that night when she sung to him, that song, the way she composed it, different to the original version that he had heard from Dolly Parton, the way she sung it, full of love regret and sorrow. He felt all those emotions that night when she looked at him while singing that song to him and every time he heard that song on the radio he couldn't help but listen to it before turning it off half way through.
He had wanted to tell her how sorry he was but never got the chance because she had disappeared from his life, he missed her badly and seeing all of his mates get paired up in weddings killed him. He was pleased for Ray and Chris, Ray a DCI, Chris and Shaz both DIs as well, all whom had a family to go home to while he had no one but a cold empty house. He only had one photo of her, which was taken during Viv's birthday party with her in that gorgeous gold number. She had wrapped her arms around his neck, looked at him and smiled that secret smile that was always meant for him while he had one arm around her with a beer in the other, his head turned to Alex with a half smile, half smirk plastered on his face. It was a beautiful moment that he would treasure forever, that one photo was in an expensive golden frame which took place with pride on his desk and would look at it whenever he was lonely and whenever he had thought of her. His golden hair had turned to a greyish blonde colour, his face tired and worn as his age started to catch up to him. He was tired of fighting.
Suddenly he was gagging for a pint at the railway arms. Something told him that this was the end of the line for him. He had left a note for Ray, Chris and Shaz explaining the circumstances of his "retirement" along with the rest of his estate. He picked up his photo of Alex, his mam' ring, his shooting certificate and his number, having the feeling that he was going to need it. He walked out of his kingdom for the final time and walked down several roads, where he found Nelson, Sam and the Railway arms waiting for him. Gene couldn't help but choke on his emotions as he approached his best mate.
"Nice to see you again Mon Brav!" said a cheery Nelson.
"Beer still the same Nelson?"
"Of course it is."
Gene looked over to Sam whom held out his hand to him. He shook Sam's hand before pulling him into a full on embrace, slapping his hand on the back.
"Come on, there is a pint and a whisky chaser waiting for you on the bar, plenty of people to see you" said Sam.
Gene just nodded and followed him and Nelson in, the bright light engulfing him as he found himself at the bar with every copper he had ever helped standing up on their feet and applauding him. His memores of his death and what his world was started to come back to him and he then realised that Alex was indeed telling him the truth on that fateful day all along. He now felt guilty and ashames, Sam than patted him on the back as he guided him to a table where Annie and Phyllis were at. Gene sat at the table with his friends and started drinking his pint, he couldn't help but feel sad for leaving Chris, ray and Shaz behind and he still missed his bolly like crazy.
Nelson gave him a sympathetic smile as he gave him his whisky chaser.
"Cheer up Mon Brav! This is heaven! Everything you want you can have."
"There is only one person who I want here with me" said a sombre Gene.
"I know Mon Brav, but it isn't her time yet, she will be here soon" said Nelson as he turned on the television that was in front of the bar, showing Gene the image of Alex partying on the dance floor in an unknown large fancy hotel room with her daughter and her friends to music that he has never heard of before. She was happy. She was living and loving again.
"Alex, found your body and gave you a proper burial, that is why you are here, you're connection with each other is very deep, deeper then you two ever realised until it was too late. Don't worry, you will see her again. Just not now but in the meantime you are welcome to watch her on the television and drink with us." Said Sam
Gene could only nod and drink his whisky chaser; he would see Alex again one day. It still hurt but he loved her and until she came home to him he would wait forever and a day for her. It wasn't much but it was enough for him.
That is it then. Drop on by and tell me what you think. I appreciate all feedback.