It was a particularly cold night out in Ponyville. It was also particularly dark, no thanks to a freak blackout that had encased it, shrouding the little town in darkness. The only sources of light were the flickering embers of candles in the windows and the moon glowing above the pitch-black village. The silence was thick and unflappable, and it caused many ponies to toss and turn in their sleep.
Even Twilight couldn't find the energy to enjoy her slumber. She rolled around in her bed, eyes straining against the darkness like a scroll of tiny, imperceptible text. The silence was eerie; she normally could at least hear Spike's snoring (for a little dragon, he sure had some lungs on him!) or the flutter of paper from a book opening and closing from residue of magic. The lone ticking of the clock downstairs was equally maddening, ringing in her ears as loudly as a clap of rhythmic thunder.
Another second longer, and the unicorn sprung out of bed, her patience running short. "UGH! I can't sleep!" she grouched, leaving her bedroom. "Spike! I need you to take a message!"
She trotted down the stairs, clearing her throat as she readied her monologue. Her horn glowed, giving her plenty of light to navigate her way down. "Due to the lack of illumination within our home, I'll have to resort to candlelight and other primitive means to continue my studies. But, as her faithful student, it will be an honor to show her my excellent adaptation skills in such, er, dark times. Ready, Spike?"
Only the ticking of the clock answered her.
The unicorn rose a brow when her assistant didn't respond, turning to his empty bed. "Spike?"
A sudden gust of wind shot behind her, making the unicorn's magic glow fizzle out in her surprise. Before she could activate it again, a shadow bloomed overhead, a dark giggle filling her ears.
She froze, the unfortunately familiar voice making the unicorn's blood grow cold.
The voice continued, amusement obvious in its voice (as always). "Tell me. How are you... 'adapting' so far?"
Twilight scowled and whirled around, coming face-to-face with Discord's annoyingly illuminated smirk. "What are you doing here at this time of night?" she hissed, rather unsurprised to see him skulking around. Wherever a helpless pony lived, there came the Boogeyspirit. "Didn't Fluttershy give you a curfew?"
The spirit's smile faltered, giving her an annoyed expression as she now wore his sneer. Point one for Twilight. "Oh, please. A curfew stopping the spirit of Chaos? So unoriginal, little egghead," he snorted.
"You're getting off-track. What are you doing here?" A thought occurred to the unicorn, and she gasped in terror. "Are... Are you here for my books?" Immediately, her frightened visage morphed into anger, and she steeled herself against her bookshelves. "What are you going to do? Turn them into frogs? Slather them in ice cream? Infest them with bookworms?" Oh, if he so much as conjured up ONE squishy little in vertebra into her precious pages...
The spirit startled Twilight by giving a loud cackle, hovering over her in his glee. "Brilliant notions, my dear! Those will certainly be, heh, 'bookmarked'!" Oy. His puns were as horrible as ever as he floated over her, his claws clasped eagerly to his chest. "Do you have any more good ideas? I'd love to hear them."
"Don't you DARE hurt my books," she snarled.
"Oh, Twilight! I wouldn't dream of hurting your books!" He gave a not-too-reassuring grin. "After all, books are best in the dark."
"Then why are you here?" she asked the spirit, no little amount of venom coating her words.
"I just thought you needed a little help in... rearranging."
She blinked. "Rearranging...? Oh, oh no! NO!" she shrieked, charging towards him as he lifted a glowing claw.
Twilight watched as dozens of novels and dictionaries were encased in golden light, quivering before jumping off of the shelves, soaring around, looking like papery shooting stars that bounced across the room.
"MY BOOKS!" she wailed, eyes wide in horror as she watched several rows of books switch and soar out of their places and rearrange themselves within different slots- all in incorrect order! "DISCORD! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!"
The draconequus took her hysteria in stride, relishing in the chaos he was creating. "Relax, Twilight! Didn't you say change was good? Think of all the fun you'll have putting them back in their rightful places!"
"Whoa-hoa-whoa!" Spike shrieked, watching the books as they swirled in a blur of paper back and hard cover - that threatened to lob off their heads! Well, maybe not at that speed, but still. "Hey - hey, knock it off! Discord, come on!"
Aghast, the baby dragon hurriedly grabbed the candle and scurried into the corner of the library where the ladder was. He had no idea if this would reach high enough or WHAT he expected to do with an unmoving ladder, but he couldn't just sit there as the books flew about.
Discord was on the ground in hysterics as Twilight ran about in a panicked frenzy, managing to capture a few of the books in a magic field with her horn, that at least lightened the room enough to illuminate every book.
"But it took so long to organize them all! Noooo!" Furious, the lavender mare whirled to the spirit, snorting and scraping her hoof. She hesitated at the last second and instead turned to Spike. "Spike, get him!"
"What do you want me to do?"
"I don't..know..just..GET HIM!" She was too nervous to do so herself. This was the spirit she nearly killed after all.
Sighing and looking just a tad apprehensive, the baby dragon hurried up to the draconequus, latching himself around Discord's tail. Darn it, what the hay did Fluttershy do to punish him? He was too afraid to do anything! Spike and Twilight both gave a startled cry as Discord smirked and harshly blew out the candle. The baby dragon felt himself being carried away.
"NONONONO- what are you doing to me? Hey, knock it off! Let go, Discord!" The baby dragon's protest were lost in the freezer as he was abruptly shoved into it.
Shutting the door and conjuring up a few locks to wrap around the fridge, Discord pressed his ear against the door, smirking at the furious thuds pounding from the inside.
"Whoopsie~!" He craned his neck over to the unicorn who was struggling with a notably heavy encyclopedia buzzing around, almost lifting herself off the ground. "Do you always like to keep your assistants on ice, Twilight?"
Twilight hadn't seen what he had done to poor Spike, and thus just ignored the obnoxious entity, kicking a cloud of dust up into his face. "For the love of Equestria - get out! Don't you have a guardian to get back home to? A kid to look after? A bunny to turn into..things? GO!"
Discord sneezed at the cloud of dust, sending sparkles of magic across the floor- where tiny mushrooms and singing flowers popped up around Twilight's hooves in a chorus of bird chirps.
The draconequus sniffled, watching her struggle with the book. "Aw, you want me to go? Right now? At this very moment? Stop letting your books do the tango and just leave and enjoy a nice, peaceful evening of not-bothering-you?"
"Y-YES"! she gritted out in the midst of a tug-of-war with a strangely aggressive copy of Fragile Finn and the Cupcake Crusades.
Discord stood there a moment, weighting the options with his claws. "Hm. Uh-huh. Go, now. Stay, no. Um..." He tilted his head with a grin. "Don't think so~!" Another flash of light.
It hit the book, causing it to shake and whirl around, jerking the unicorn's magical grip off and sending her tumbling to the ground as it flapped away to perch on the top shelf, rustling its pages in bookish laughter.
"Reading is sooo much fun~!" Discord chirped in twisted joy.
Twilight moaned and rubbed at her head, teetering about dizzily as she rubbed the spot. "Oh, you big jerk," she muttered, conjuring some ice and pressing it to her head with a hoof.
A violet glow encased her horn and she summoned the spirit away. She wasn't sure where and she didn't care where, just as long as the brat wasn't tormenting HER.
And the chaotic demon promptly appeared in the black shadows of the apple trees in Sweet Apple Acres.
"Apple Bloom, come along now!" Applejack said hesitantly, ducking a firefly as it whizzed over her head. "It's high past yer bedtime! Come on now, Sugar Cube. I know them fireflies are fun, but y'all need to hit the hay."
"I already hit the hay earlier, sis," Apple Bloom grinned, clasping the bug in between her hooves. "Y'all saw me! I was sorting the bales for ya!"
Applejack snorted, unaware that one certain pair of yellow orbs hovering above the two weren't fireflies. "C'mon, sis! Quit chasin' these poor critters and git to bed, please? S' too late to be hoofin' around!"
"It's never too late for a good hoof! Or two!" Apple Bloom giggled, both at her joke and at one of the fireflies delicately landing on her nose, shining like a beacon. "Lookit, Applejack! I sure got a 'nose' for lightnin' bugs, don't ya think?"
"Alright, knock off the jokes an' git to b-" The pony paused, jolting as a long, obnoxious cackle exploded in the trees, sending flocks of slumbering birds into the sky. "What in the hay?"
A few branches crackled overhead, the raucous laughter unceasing as they snapped, sending the draconequus to plunge down to the ground, landing with a firm 'THUD!' against the tree.
"DISCORD?" Both Applejack and Applebloom cried out in surprise.
Discord continued to giggle, cracking open one scarlet eye to watch the both sisters. "My brilliant sense of humor must have been rubbing off on you, Bloomington! Hehe! We may have to team up and tour the countryside!" he managed between laughs, clutching his stomach.
Apple Bloom, recovering from her shock, smiled and tried to trot up to him, but her tail was firmly yanked back and she was shielded behind her angry sister's stomping hooves. "Oh, come on sis! Ah just wanna say hi to 'im!" She wriggled free from her sister's hold and trotted up to her friend.
"Ya scared us there for a minute, Discord. But then, ya's was probably meanin' ta do that." She rolled her eyes at his snicker, shrieking as he grabbed her in his tail and absently swung her upside down.
Dizzy, watching the world go back and forth, back and forth, the earth pony looked at him. Or what she could of him all upside down. "Oh yeah! Ah always wanted ta tour the country side! Ah mean I love the farm, but it gets..what's the word, sis? Re..redundant? Repetitive? Maybe one'a those." She squealed as he tossed her with the tail.
"Redundant, repetitive- such revolting, boring words!" the spirit sighed, juggling the filly with a few twists of his tail. Her squeals of joy filled the air. "What about splendiferous? Or stupendously stellar? We would storm the stage with super-silly shenanigans!" He could see it now! Introducing pies to the faces of ponies from all across the land! The sheer number of chocolate cotton candy conundrums! Intermissions with glue-soaked seats!
Apple Bloom squealed with laughter as she was tossed about. He tossed her high and even far away from him and then zipped back and caught her with astonishing speed.
"Haha! And them aren't big words? Wheee!" She yelped from a particular high throw, laughing harder. Her big sister looked to be fuming though and was already looking for a sizable tree branch. "Better get outta here b'fore mah sister licks ya again."
"Hm? Oh, Applejack! Almost forgot you over there, being so dull and whatnot," Discord smirked as the pony glared at him and hastened her search for just the right branch to make his backside sing with pain. "Are you looking for something? Let me help~!" He lifted the same claw.
Applejack ignored the chaotic demon's words, but leaped back as all the twigs were enveloped in the trademark glow. "Wha-?" With a poof, every broken branch vanished from her sight, her form of punishment disappearing with it. "Enough of that, ya varmit!" She growled at him, stomping her hoof angrily. "Now, just- just stop tossin' my lil' sister up 'n down like a jumpin' bean and leave! Go on! Git!"
Apple Bloom laid there relaxing in the coil of his tail. She waited apprehensively for her sister to find a switch and whip him - and probably her too for disobeying orders! She was half relieved when every branch was poofed from existence, but she managed a glare at her friend.
"Hey now, Discord - them apples need their branches!" She booted him lightly with a hoof, pouting
Discord ignored her, sighing, taking to rolling Apple Bloom up in his coils and unraveling her down, like a filly-shaped yo-yo. "That's the second time I've been asked to leave in the last ten minutes! I'm beginning to see a pattern here," he murmured with a malicious smile. "Whatever should I do?"
A quick 'snap' made Applejack's raging expression contort into shock as the grass began to shake, morphing into a sticky mess of pink goo. Her legs scrambled in the sticky mess, stumbling as it stuck to her hooves like glue. "Wha' in tarnatio-! WH-WHOA- OOF!" She tripped, landing her face in yucky, glunky... "C-Cotton candy!"
Apple Bloom watched the ludicrous sight of her sister sprawling into the hot pink goop each time she tried to get up again. "Pfffft-hahah! Walk much, sis?" Her giggle was short lived at the glare she received from her sister.
Applejack managed to lift her head up to glare at the spirit, who had fallen on his side from laughing too much, her sister bobbing in the tail with his cackles.
"Ah think ya should go now, Dis - WAH!" The earth filly squealed as he lightly tossed her off his tail and into the goop, smiling devilishly at her before disappearing in a bright flash
Meanwhile, in Rarity's boutique, the unicorn was fighting off her insomnia by furiously working in the dimness. Her hooves darted around the table, searching for scissors or clumsily reaching for a button. The Element of Generosity frowned, giving a nod as she carried her newly made slippers to the sketchbook.
"Hm. Aquamarine blue with..." she muttered, squinting in the faint light to get a better look at her design, eyes widening at the colors on the paper. "Oh, no!" she cried, eyes darting to her newest creation.
"Oh! Those shoes won't possibly go with this ensemble? What WAS I thinking?" Rarity exclaimed in disgust, tossing them aside. "This ghastly darkness is cumbersome for my delicate eyes to see the fabric!" What was a fashionista to do in such times of crisis?
She was fretting away, her mind filled with ways to possibly save the rag-tag ensemble. "I could turn it into a style of raincoat with a reversible attachment! No, no... Perhaps a jacket with a velvet inseam? Pull yourself together, Rarity! Nonsense!"
A thoughtful voice piped up from behind her. "What about something in the color of... chaos?"
Rarity blinked, scoffing. "Chaos? What sort of ugly color is... EEP!" She ran forward, twirling around to gape at the grinning draconequus, bristling at the mere sight of him in her boutique. "What are you doing here, dog?"
He shrugged playfully. "Just slunking around in the dark like all the other mutts. Now, about that design..."
Rarity growled angrily, seeing the way he was peering eagerly at the fabrics and mannequins draped with outfits and sequins. Things she worked so hard on - no way in Equestria was he ruining it!
"OH NO!" She growled, running in front of the mannequins to protect them, bristling at his last words. "Oh, you will do no such thing! You even THINK About touching my designs and I'll-'ll-!" She blinked, cut off by a sudden, large shape in front of her. It was hard to distinguish what it was. It was pitch black after all. Curious and worried, the fashionista took the candle into her mouth - only to shriek and nearly drop it by what met her sight.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she wailed, curling up into a heap on the floor, left eye twitching to show her distress, as Discord merely howled and laughed on. "Why? Whyyyyy? Get away! Get it away!"
The large boulder just sat there in the light; the dotting candle light seeming to make it smile at her.
"Why the cold shoulder, Rarity? Tom missed you so much that he decided to visit! See?" Discord grinned, pushing the second bane of the unicorn's existence closer- cackling harder as she shrieked and took off for the closet, slamming herself inside. Nothing like using a large chunk of mineral to render one annoyingly elegant Element of Generosity incapable of function.
"Looks like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place!" He slithered over to the closet, giving it a few knocks, snickering at the sound of fabric falling inside and Rarity's stuffy exclamations.
"Oh, you brute!" Rarity cried tearfully, backing up into the back of the closet and encircling her hooves around her knees. "You horrible beast! I will never understand why Fluttershy and Mari love you as much as they do!"
Silence. Pure, dead silence.
"...Discord?" The fashionista had barely peeked her eyes out of the closet when the boulder hovered there to meet her, grinning its sinister Discord face as he projected himself onto the rock. Rarity gave a long, shrill, blood curdling shriek and promptly fainted, dragging a few hangers with her.
Her shriek did not go unheard as the boutique doors swung open and a certain pink party pony had bounded in.
"Rarity? I heard you get all screamy! Are you okay? Are you - oh, hey Tom!" she chirped, waving to the boulder..and doing a double take when Discord said a cheery hello back. "Whoa! That was super neat! I never knew boulders could talk! Are they like pet rocks? Can pet rocks talk too? I once had a pet rock when I was a teeny weenie Pinkie Pie, but it never spoke to me!"
It was during the fast, infinitely-long chatter that Pinkie Pie was perfectly happy to continue that had Discord decide against further stimulating the happy-go-lucky pony. He just sat there, watching the pink pony in case she turned blue from a lack of oxygen. Seriously, how many words could she use in one breath?
"... I named the rock Francis, though on some days he looked more like a Reggie or a Julius or even a Rocky once, but I thought 'Rocky? I bet there's a dozen pet rocks named that, but none of them are named Francis!' But do you notice how Francis doesn't really rhyme with anything but Schmancis? I thought that was kinda funny, because it's not that catchy and..."
The spirit gave an invisible nod and poofed off without a sound in search of less talkative victims.
"HI-YAAA! HI-CHA! C'mon, ya cottony cowards! That all ya got?" Rainbow Dash zoomed around the rowdy night-time clouds, batting at the dark fluff as if it was truly a challenge. "What, scaredy-cloud? You a fighter or a floater?"
The cloud gently puffed away from her, unflinchingly calm.
"Oh, yeah? Well, I'm not afraid of you! Here I come!" The feisty pegasus grinned as she reared back, kicking the air before zooming off towards the batch of moonlit cirrus with force, her hoof extended to punch straight through the soft puff.
"YOU SCARED NOW, CLOUD? YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET A TASTE OF DASH AND DOOM-"
Rainbow Dash blinked, frozen in a vat of warm, sugary pink puffness. She glanced around, furrowing her brow in confusion, struggling as she fought her way out of the clunky mess of the cloud that had sucked her in as easily as Pinkie Pie could talk up a rock.
Rainbow Dash certainly hadn't expected the cloud to just engulf her practically. All sticky and ewy and sticky and- wait. Clouds weren't supposed to be sticky! Eyes wide, the pegasus waited for the moon to shine some light (ha!) on the situation. The silver beams cast silently over it. Pink.
"Ah, you've GOT to be kidding me!" she hissed, fighting and kicking in the sticky substance, finding herself fighting to keep from tasting it.
Suddenly the cloud bolted up, and she screamed. Just as quickly it plummeted back down, and then began swerving up and down, and up and down. The pegasus whined and fought to pull her hooves free, but to no avail. She closed her eyes as the dizziness worsened. Right when she was sure she was about to throw up, the swerving ceased. He appeared in front of her, howling with laughter.
"Hello, Dashie-doo! I guess it's true how you always have your head up in the clouds."
She groaned at his horrible jokes- really, he had a million of them - glaring daggers at the chortling spirit. "Shouldn't you be festering under some tree root or something, ya fungus?"
"Well, if it's all the same to you, I'd rather stay up here." He summoned up his own cloud to lay on, stretching out comfortably. "After all, you can't spell 'fungus' without 'FUN'! And 'gus', but that's more of a name for a rock, don't you think?"
She gave the spirit a good boot in the leg with her hoof, smiling as he whined and clutched his leg. "Why can't you just BEAT it, Discord! For the love of Equestria - go back to Fluttershy or something! Go away!" There was that word again. These ponies didn't seem to like him at all~
To her complete and utter shock he actually obeyed without question! Of course, not before summoning a large storm of molasses rain to drench her. The pegasus whined, wings flapping rapidly, fighting to stay airborne with the weight. "OH, YOU JERK!"
It was nearly nine at night now and most ponies were already asleep. Every pony except for a very miffed group of friends and one blinky-eyed filly. The ponies chatted angrily to themselves, muttering out threats and promises of what they'd do to the spirit once they got a hold of him.
"It's come to my attention SOMETHING needs to be done about Discord," Twilight announced, to which all her friends shouted an agreement.
"Oh, you THINK?" Rainbow Dash snapped, wringing her wings out as much as she could to rid them the thick, sticky substance. "It'll take forever to get cleaned!"
"Ah second that!" a sticky earth pony growled, fighting to separate her hooves from where the cotton candy mashed them together. "Ah vote we whip that miscreant good and well!"
Fluttershy gave a tiny squeak of horror, inadvertently clutching Marigold tightly at the thought. "Oh no, please don't do that! He has only just healed after another session with Celestia." She looked at the inquisitive stares. "He was at the palace, see, and..he thought it would be funny to douse the gardeners in honey. It..was funny until they were chased by a bunch of bees...and ended up having to be hospitalized." She ran a hoof through her mane. "It takes forever for me to calm him down when he gets back from a punishment by the princess. Besides, he was only playing.."
"PLAYING?" Rarity sputtered, looking worse for wear since fighting her way out of the collapsed mess of her closet. "That- That BRUTE charged into my boutique and traumatized me by showing up with... with..."
"Tom?" Pinkie Pie piped up, blinking as the unicorn wailed and collapsed at the memory. "I thought he was nice! He was more talkative than last time! We talked about the sun, and cookies, and then we started discussing Rarity's mane because she had gotten up and fainted again and that led to grape juice and I said I preferred apples even though I have nothing against grapes and-!"
"Alright, alright, we get it!" Twilight snapped at the giggly pony, shaking her head and turning to Fluttershy with a semblance of understanding. "Well, what CAN we do to him, Fluttershy? You know he needs to be punished." THAT was the understatement of the century.
The pegasus hesitated, not sure how this would go. He had never been punished in any way by anyone other than her, Celestia..and well, Applejack apparently. She didn't want them to hurt him, even though she knew her friends would never do that. They were right; he needed an effective form of discipline.
"W-well, I...uhm.." The pony blinked as something lightly thumped her back hoof. Glancing down, she saw a sneering Angel holding onto the end of the feather duster. The pony hesitantly picked it up...and she grinned and looked over at her friends, who began smirking.
Marigold's eyes widened.
Discord continued to sail through the night sky on his cloud, happily licking away at a batch of molasses-soaked cotton candy goodness. After a few minute of staring down at the sleepy little houses (and conjuring up some powerful showers of chocolate rain and honey for good measure), the spirit decided to travel home.
Arriving in a fateful swoop of the door, the draconequus barged in, lapping up the last bit of sweetness from the corner of his mouth. "Fluttershyyy~? Are you awake?" he called out impishly, ready to hear the clop of groggy hooves sliding down the stairs, or at least a squeak of a yawn.
Discord slumped forward, annoyed. Such a spectacular entrance and even THAT didn't cause a stir? "Geez, she must sleep like a Gus."
Little Marigold had escaped from the group of conniving ponies, shuddering at the fate that awaited Discord as soon as he stepped back outside. At least no other pony had seen him; they'd mob him. She skittered in through the critter-door that had aptly enough become her entrance of getting in and out of their cottage.
"Discord! Discord!" Where was he? She squealed as her surrogate father wrapped his tail around her hooves, swinging her back and forth. "Yeah, happy to see ya too, but look! You're in - er - a lot of danger!" She squeaked as he tossed her up and down, catching her again and again.
"A..lot..of danger," she squeaked out.
Discord peered blankly at the tiny pony, then reared his head back in roaring laughter, shaking his tail- and Marigold in the process.
"Egads! I'm so scared!" The pony squeaked as the coils tightened around her before flipping her over, pulling back from the fang-filled grin of the spirit as he leaned in. "Spill. What's the danger, and what flavor of pie does it like to have smashed into its face~?"
The pony squeaked again as he leaned in to her, snickering and laughing harder at the thought of them actually being a "danger".
"I-it's the girls! It's the girls! They're all real mad at you and - and you gotta stay in here or ya's gonna be sorry!" She peered outside nervously.
Oh, that was good. Priceless! The spirit giggled harder, nearly dropping the small pony in his amusement. "Poor girls! They wouldn't know genius humor if it went and rearranged their books, covered their hooves in cotton candy, summoned up an old flame, or drenched them in molasses in the same night!"
He was obviously unaffected by the threat. What could they possibly do to him? Bake a cake of friendship and make him eat it?
"No really, they're gonna - what are you doing!" Marigold gasped as the idiotic spirit flew out the window to exert his point, laughing at the sheer horror on the child's face, not realizing the "danger" he was putting himself in.
"Discord, get inside!" she squeaked, "Discord, come on!" He merely floated around, smirking, and then turned to laugh and shake his head at her. That's when he was tackled by a blur of rainbow from the sky.
(So despite dealing with the loss of my brother I wanted to post something funny. Why? Mostly to make us all smile after this heart breaking day~
The next chapter is absolutely brutal.
Never have you seen six ponies so CRUEL. And a bunny. And a frozen dragon.
So I'm watching the infamous MickeyMonster on DA and I saw this glorious little gem in which Discord is pinned and tickled by the mane six I mentioned to my friend The Clockwork Hand that I really wanted to do a role play in which that picture was basically the outcome. So we came up with the black out idea.
I'm mostly all the mane six, Spike, Marigold, and she's Discord. Sometimes she's Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie, and AJ.)