I got the idea for this from the cute little bakground moment between Kurt and Blaine at the regionals competition. (The bit with vampire!Ian.) Also, I am a little obsessed with Cooper Anderson, so... More almostcrack!fic from me. :D Let me know what you think!
I don't own Glee. Unfortunately. There would be a lot more spooning if I did.
Late Night Monster Movies and the Consequences Thereof
When Blaine wakes up in the middle of the night his bed is empty.
He shouldn't be alarmed, perhaps, as this is the general way he finds himself at night – that is, alone in his bed – but on this night he is sure that he had fallen asleep with Kurt next to him. He rubs a hand over the sheets to his left and finds them stone cold. Still he is sure, even in his groggy half-conscious state, that Kurt had been there. He rolls to his side and buries his face in Kurt's pillows and takes a deep breath, comforted by the scent, the mishmash of moisturizers and cleansers Kurt uses on his skin before going to bed each night. Blaine knew Kurt was here. Had been here. But where had he gone?
He rolls the rest of the way to the edge of the bed and lets his body dangle over the side until one foot makes contact with the cold, wooden floor. Using it as leverage, he pushes his body upright with his arms. With legs still a little wobbly, Blaine sets off in search of his missing boyfriend.
He hears him before he sees him. Kurt has a very distinctive voice, whether singing or simply speaking, but especially when he is frightened. And his very distinctive high-pitched fear shriek is currently coming from the direction of living room. Blaine's heart picks up speed and he blunders forward, cursing as he knocks his elbow into the bannister. He is petrified something horrible has happened until he hears another frightened voice join with Kurt's.
"Holy shit!" Cooper.
Something, Blaine has discovered, that his boyfriend and brother have in common besides their propensity towards overreaction and their love of waistcoats, is their irrational fear of horror movies. Especially horror movies that involve vampires. So what are they doing at two o'clock in the morning but sitting in a pitch black room watching a particularly gory one, twined around one another in terror.
"Make it stop!" Kurt shrieks again and hides his face against Cooper's shoulder.
"Oh my God, by the jugular! So much blood!"
"I don't need a running commentary! I'm hiding for a reason here!"
Cooper laughs for a moment, Kurt's head bopping up and down on his shoulder, then the violins pick up and there is swift, jerky movement on the screen and that shuts him up rather sufficiently. He laces his arms more tightly around Kurt's body but keeps his eyes on the TV.
"What's happening?" Kurt stage-whispers, as if the movie vampires might hear him if he speaks normally.
"I thought you didn't want a running commentary?"
"Ass!" Kurt grumbles and punches Cooper in the thigh. Cooper laughs again and ruffles Kurt's hair.
When his brother begins tickling his boyfriend, Blaine decides it's time to make his presence known. "Having fun, guys?"
Kurt and Cooper practically jump out of their respective skins, holding each other is dual death grips.
"Jesus, Blaine!" Kurt chastises.
"Why'd you sneak up on us, B? Fuck! This movie is bad enough without you lurking about in the shadows." Cooper stretches his arms out in front of him, fingers reaching and moves them in a manner that Blaine supposes is meant to be some indication of lurking but looks more like a crude attempt at a zombie-walk.
"Why are you even watching it?" Blaine asks and flicks on a table side lamp. "And in the dark?"
"We didn't want to wake you up with all lights blazing."
"Oh, but your terrified screeching was okay?"
Kurt winces and his eyes flicker towards the TV. "What the hell is that?" he gasps and curls further into Cooper's embrace.
And that is enough of that. "You two can get off of each other now."
Kurt and Cooper look at one another then back at Blaine and shake their heads in unison. It would be cute if Blaine wasn't so irritated.
"Fine," Blaine says. "I'm sitting between you." He knows it's stupid to be jealous, but he's half asleep and he can't seem to stave off the memory of a whispered your brother is really hot. Or a cocky wink and a well you've landed yourself quite the little cutie, haven't you, B?
By the time the movie finally comes to an end, Blaine has been squeezed and scratched and pulled and deafened by screams and is so beyond ready to go back to sleep. "Well that was lovely. Bed time?"
Kurt and Cooper do their weird cadenced nodding again and Blaine pulls Kurt up from the couch by the hands. In the hallway at the top of the stairs, instead of turning in the direction of his own room, Cooper follows them to Blaine's.
"Coop, what are you doing?"
"Coming to bed."
"In my room? You do realize you're 25 years old, right?"
"So? Doesn't mean I can't get scared."
"Shut up! You're afraid of ferrets and small fluffy dogs."
"That's because I've been bitten by both. You have never been bitten by a vampire because, you know, there is no such thing. And you aren't sleeping in my bed."
"Why not? You've got a king sized bed! We can fit!"
"Cooper, you are not sleeping with us!"
"But I don't want to sleep by myself!"
"Do you have any idea how weird that is?"
"Why is it weird? I see you in there spooning with your lesbians all the time."
"First of all – they're not my lesbians. And secondly – Kurt's my boyfriend and... God, we had sex in that bed only hours ago."
"Um... is there, like, stuff on the sheets or..."
"No!" Kurt exclaims, red-faced and looking horrified.
"If I tell you there is will you go away and sleep in your own room?"
"Only there isn't," Kurt interrupts.
Blaine pretends that he didn't hear him and watches his brother's face as he weighs his options. His eyes narrow and his brow furrows and he bites his lip and scratches the back of his neck. After a long moment he raises his eyebrows and grins. "Still wouldn't care! I want the side not by the window." He elbows his way past them and jumps onto the bed.
"I call the middle," Kurt says, following Cooper into the room. "I don't want to be next to the window or the door." He seems relieved that the possibility of their bodily fluids is no longer a topic of discussion.
"Oh shit, the door!" Cooper eyes the offending entrance warily from his comfortable position amongst Blaine's fluffy pillows.
"Too late," Kurt tells him. "I already called the middle."
Kurt has already gotten under the covers next to Cooper when Blaine finally comes to his senses. "No way. If anyone is sleeping in the middle, it's me." He crosses his arms over his chest and glares at the pair of them, wide-eyed and nearly spooning in his bed.
And then Kurt does the thing he does with his eyes – all wide and innocent and there is slow blinking and a little bit of a pout on his lips. "But... please."
And how can Blaine argue with that? He rolls his eyes at his weakness for, well, Kurt and climbs into bed next to his boyfriend for the second time that night.
"Keep to your side, Cooper," Blaine warns as he extinguishes the lamp. Cooper's booming laughter echoes throughout the sudden darkness of the room.
Sometime in the early morning before the sun has fully risen there is a strange scratching at the window that startles Cooper awake.
He lurches upward only to find he's being held down by something warm and heavy. It's Kurt – his spiky hair tickling against Cooper's chin. His face is snuggled into Cooper's armpit, his arms wrapped around his waist.
Kurt mumbles something indiscernible and rubs his nose against Cooper's bicep, his hands sliding down and palming Cooper's ass. He gives it a firm squeeze and mumbles something else. Cooper stifles a laugh and Kurt pulls his head back and yawns. He opens bleary eyes to look up into Cooper's face.
"Blue eyes," he says, voice thick with sleep. His hands slacken on Cooper's ass after a beat. "Wrong Anderson ass," he slurs. "Oops." He takes a deep breath and sniffs Cooper's chest before pulling back completely. "You smell kinda the same."
Kurt's eyes flutter closed again and he flips his body completely over, curling into Blaine's open arms and reaching around to rest his hands on his backside. "Thas my baby," he says into Blaine's neck and Cooper has to turn his head to muffle his laughter against the pillows.