A/N So... this isn't crack exactly. Well, no, it's not. It's just... I don't even know how to categorise it. Ah well - hope you enjoy nonetheless :) Oh, and I should probably point out - no, I do not own 'Chicago' in the slightest - and yes, it will make more sense if you've seen Chicago, if not it'll still make sense if you understand that I'm making references to a musical :D
Mike was surprised when his own bag was dropped on his lap as he sat pouring over documents in Harvey's office on Friday night. He looked up to see Donna stood there, smiling slightly.
"Am I being fired?" He asked, looking over at Harvey.
"I think Donna is officially welcoming you to the office," Harvey told him. Mike's confused face spoke volumes about his thoughts on the situation. "She's inviting you on a movie night."
Mike's sudden beamed warmed Donna's heart and made Harvey shake his head - the kid showed his emotions too easily; he would be shredded in court if he was a suspect. "For real?"
"I think you've earned it," Donna told him, beaming. "And I want to make you suffer slightly too."
"What? Why?" Mike asked. "And why would a movie night count as suffering?"
"Because on Harvey's first movie night I made him watch Dirty Dancing," Donna explained. "And so I have to do the same to you."
"I like Dirty Dancing," Mike said.
Donna's eyes lit up. "Harvey, we're keeping him!" She declared. "And don't worry, I'll find something to make him suffer - he has to go through the same hazing you did."
Contrary to Donna's initial thoughts, Mike was surprisingly lenient when it came to film. There wasn't much he wouldn't watch. So she decided to just piss off Harvey instead, seeing as he bad mouthed her beloved Patrick Swayze.
"So what are we watching?" Mike asked, as he curled up on Harvey's extraordinarily comfortable couch, a bowl of popcorn clasped in his arms. He had changed into an old sweatshirt that was too big, comfortable and ratty to throw away, and some old jeans that had been through so much they just moved with him, rather than restricting his movement after a certain point.
"My other favourite film," Donna said, shooting a look at Harvey who held up his hands and didn't say anything. "'Chicago'!"
"I haven't seen that for years," Mike mused. He looked over at Harvey's grim face. "Not a fan of musicals?"
"He's just not a fan of films about lawyers," Donna told Mike, slotting the dvd into the player. Mike chuckled and was elbowed in the ribs as Harvey sat down next to him.
"I thought I told you to dress up," Harvey said, looking at Mike's old, faded clothing with distaste.
"No, you told me not to wear clothes with holes in."
"And that, for you, is dressing up."
"Oh, I forgot it's 'Pick on the state of Mike's clothes' day," Mike sniped.
"Nope, that's a Tuesday. Fridays are free for all days. It's a basic 'Pick on Mike' day," Harvey retaliated.
"What about 'Pick on Harvey's weirdly unattainable expectations day'?"
"That comes right before 'Kicking Mike off the couch and onto the floor for being annoying during movie night'."
This introduced a wail from Mike. "Donna!"
"Boys, behave," Donna said, sitting down on the other side to Harvey. His couch was big enough for them all to settle down comfortably - although both Harvey and Donna found it interesting that Mike had chosen to squash himself into a corner as if attempting to be invisible. "If you talk over Richard Gere's syrupy voice I will kick you both off the couch."
Mike muttered a small apology and Harvey just smirked, but they all got comfortable as it began. However, two minutes in, just as Donna was starting to bob her feet and sing along with 'All That Jazz', a small fight ensued on the other end of the couch.
"I know I said it for just Richard Gere, but if you disturb any musical numbers you can guarantee I will end you," she said, glaring at both men. Harvey had attempted to take a handful of popcorn from the bowl on Mike's lap and Mike - forgetting where he was for a second - clung on, not wanting to give him any. They looked round at her; Harvey with his hand in the bowl and Mike with one on Harvey's chest, trying to push him away, and the other possessively snaked around the bowl.
She raised an eyebrow and they both looked at each other before slowly extricating themselves. Harvey kept a handful of popcorn and Mike let him, although he curled around himself more and into the arm of the couch.
"Wow, Catherine Zeta-Jones has really nice legs," Mike mused, chewing on some popcorn. A small agreement came from Harvey as they watched her dance up and down a stage. "But Renée Zellweger is way too thin in this."
"Amen to that," Donna nodded, watching as the blonde was stripped to her lingerie in a sex scene. "She's nearly as skinny as you."
"I'm not skinny, I have muscle," Mike argued uncomfortably. He elbowed Harvey as the man gave a snort in reply to that statement.
"You have to admit, Harvey," Donna pitched in to avoid another fight, "your boobs are bigger than hers in this."
Mike cackled but quickly stuffed popcorn in his mouth as Harvey glared menacingly his way, looking back innocently.
"You're lucky you can pull off puppy-dog eyes," Donna informed him as Velma Kelly finished her act, "otherwise Harvey would have fired you months ago."
"Excuse me; I'm doing excellent work, that's the reason I haven't been fired," Mike said in his own defence, looking at Harvey. "Right?"
"Damn those blue eyes," Harvey said sarcastically, before feeling another elbow to his side. "Have you forgotten that I'm still your boss?"
"Have you forgotten I was invited to your couch to watch a musical with you?" Mike replied sweetly, eating more popcorn.
Harvey eyed him in disgust. "Were you never taught manners?"
"I'm eating with my mouth closed," Mike pointed out.
"Yes, but the putting stuff-in-mouth process is very reminiscent of an ape," Harvey told him, looking back to the screen as Roxie Hart shot her boyfriend.
"Are you two incapable of watching a whole movie without arguing?" Donna asked, irritated. "I feel like your mother! And I'm way too young for that!"
"Sorry, Donna," Mike murmured, allowing her to reach over and grab some popcorn.
"I forgive you," she said graciously. "Just shut up."
And they kept quiet throughout the next three songs. But then Richard Gere appeared. And as much as Mike feared incurring Donna's wrath by making noise just before he was due to start singing and generally existing on the screen in front of them, he couldn't help but start giggling.
He got a slight dig in the ribs from Harvey, but couldn't help himself in laughing. "He's like you, Harvey," he whispered as dancing girls started to sway,
"We want Biiiilllyyyy - give us, Billlyyyy..."
"H - A - R, V, E, Y," Mike sung along, chuckling.
"Do you honestly want me to fire you?" Harvey asked. Mike shut up, but then started giggling once more as Billy Flynn appeared and started singing.
"I don't care about expensive things;
Cashmere coats, or diamond rings;
Don't mean a thing...
All I care about is love -
That's what I'm here for!"
"Is that all you care about too, Harvey?" Mike asked, snorting into his popcorn.
"Make no mistake, I will push you off this couch and make you sit on the floor," Harvey warned.
"Give me two eyes of blue, softly saying, 'I need you',"
Mike started cackling. "Is that why you hired me?" He asked. "'Cause all you care about is - "
He was pushed unceremoniously to the floor, his popcorn thankfully not spilling anywhere as Harvey had grabbed the bowl and kept it for himself as Mike thudded to the carpet. "Ow!"
"I warned you," Harvey growled, offering Donna some popcorn.
"Let me see, her runnin' free - keep your money, that's enough for me!"
"Is that why you always take on pro-bono's?" Mike asked. "You only care about the - ow!" To add insult and more injury to existing injury, he had just been kicked in the back.
"I will kick you out of this apartment," Harvey told him.
As Richard Gere finished his number, Mike pretended to wipe his eyes. "The lawyer I've always wanted to be."
Harvey then upturned the popcorn bowl over his head.
After Harvey had grudgingly given Mike an old football jersey to wear after Donna threatened him (The popcorn had gone down Mike's back and he was complaining about the feel of it down his sweatshirt) they had started watching the film again.
Mike wasn't allowed up off the floor and frowned, sulking and pouting, hoping this might draw sympathy from Donna. It didn't. Instead he started resting his chin on his legs, wiggling his toes slightly in time with the music.
"How you doing down there, kid?" Harvey asked, watching as the smooth talking lawyer Billy Flynn took on Renée Zellweger's case. He smirked as Mike flipped him the bird over his shoulder.
Mike was apparently a naturally fidgety person - every five minutes he switched positions. "Will you stop moving?" Harvey growled.
"Maybe if you hadn't banished me to the floor I wouldn't be trying to get comfortable!" Mike argued, changing his positions yet again. He gave a small yelp as a cushion hit him in the back. "Thanks," he dead panned, grabbing it and resting his arms on it, lying on his stomach and staring up at the large screen, resting his face comfortably on his arms.
Mike watched as Richard Gere manipulated the press to believe that his very-much guilty-of-murder client was the victim, thinking of Harvey.
"Oh yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun,"
Billy Flynn grinned at their agreement to his story. "Now you got it!"
"Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes they both,
Oh yes they both,
Oh yes they both reached for the gun, the gun, the gun, the gun..."
"I take it back," Mike said as he watched.
"Take what back?" Harvey asked, putting the empty bowl of popcorn on the floor.
"That's the kind of lawyer I want to be."
Another cushion hit him in the back. "I forbid you to perjure yourself," Harvey growled.
"Aw, Harvey - all you care about is love!" Mike gushed.
"You know how bad it's going to look on me if you get found out?" Harvey said.
"Come on, Harvey," Mike said, smirking, "You could get me off. I mean, it's perfectly understandable. Comprehensible even. After all, it's not a bit reprehensible. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that it's so defensible!"
Instead of a cushion he got the dvd case flung at his head.
Mike had managed to stay quiet for the last few songs, but grinned as 'Razzle Dazzle' started. "Don't you dare," Harvey warned as it started.
"Come on, Harvey," Donna nudged his foot with her own. "The kid's been good - I haven't heard him say anything for nearly 45 minutes."
"Have you ever considered going into court in a suit like that?" Mike asked, pointing to the glittery suit jacket that Richard Gere was wearing. Harvey snorted in reply but did secretly wonder if he would look more impressive if he sparkled, before instantly dismissing the idea.
"You know it would be a lot easier for me if you gave me advice like this," Mike informed him, before slyly singing along, "Give 'em the old flim flam flummox - fool and fracture 'em... How can they hear the truth above the roar?"
"I have Donna's heel and I'm not afraid to use it," Harvey told him, holding up one of Donna's shoes.
"It would help a lot, you know," Mike said, yawning slightly. "If you gave me demonstrations like this in the courtroom," he waved his hand at the screen as Billy Flynn danced around the courtroom, blinding the jury with show business. "Give 'em the old three ring circus - stun and stagger 'em... When you're in trouble, go into your dance..."
"Permission to kill?" Harvey said to Donna.
"Leave him alone, the kid's enjoying himself," Donna scolded gently, letting Mike grin at Harvey and waiting for him to turn back before leaning in closer. "Besides," she said softly. "He looks like he's about to fall asleep anyway - he's just babbling now."
"When doesn't he?" Harvey muttered.
"Give 'em the old Razzle Dazzle;
Razzle dazzle 'em...
Show 'em the first rate sorceror you are...
Long as you keep 'em way off balance.
How can they spot you've got no talent?
Razzle Dazzle 'em..."
"Please teach me like this rather than yelling," Mike pleaded, looking up at the screen in awe.
"Razzle Dazzle 'em... And they'll make you a star!"
"I am not going to sing and dance in a courtroom," Harvey informed him. "And it's got a very romanticised view on lawyers."
"I like it," Mike murmured, propping his head up on his hands in what must have been quite a painful way. "It's a great parallel," Harvey decided to be nice to the sleep deprived kid and not point out he said 'parallel' wrong. "I mean; think about - show business and law. You still have to put on an act, it's like - "
"Okay, you're being philosophical over my favourite part," Donna shushed them, engrossed in watching Richard Gere tap dance. Mike shrugged and wriggled slightly to make himself more comfortable on the floor.
"My arms have gone numb," he complained.
"Shush," Donna hissed, throwing one of her shoes at Mike.
"It wasn't me!"
"I'm going to be covered in bruises!"
"You should learn to stay quiet then," Donna said, pleased that Harvey got the blame for what she did.
Mike huffed but stayed quiet, his head lolling on his arms as he gazed up at the TV.
When it came to the end of the film - Harvey heaving a sigh of relief and Donna joining in with the large dance number at the end - they stayed silent for a second, debating who should turn the TV off.
"Well you're already up," Harvey said to Donna, who quickly sat back down on the couch.
"It's your TV," she shot back, before they both looked at Mike. He was curled up on the floor, arms clutching the cushions that had been thrown at him. His eyes were closed and his breathing was low and even.
"I'm guessing he's not going to be nominated," Donna said, quickly grabbing Harvey's arm as he was about to throw another cushion. "Harvey!" She scolded quietly. "Leave the poor kid alone! At least wake him up gently!"
Harvey frowned but got up, pushing at Mike's ribs with his foot. The kid shot awake, narrowly missing going face first into Harvey's TV. "Am I late for work? I'm sorry! I swear I set my alarm, I just - "
"Easy, Mike," Harvey shushed him, raising an eyebrow as he bent to take the DVD out of the player. "The movie finished. You fell asleep."
"Oh," was all Mike said, before slyly getting back on the couch and curling up with a cushion, yawning.
"Oh no, you are not camping out on my couch!" Harvey told him.
"Will you at least call me a cab?" Mike asked.
"My pleasure," Harvey replied, but as soon as he grabbed his phone and came back, Mike was asleep again on the couch. "Donna, call the shelter, I think I have a puppy problem."
Donna smirked at him. "Goodnight, Harvey."
He gave her a small smile back. "Night."
"So... same time next week?" She asked.
Harvey looked around into his apartment. The lights were dimmed and there were things flung half-hazardly around the living room. The floor was a mess of popcorn which also trailed to the bedroom and bathroom when Mike had to go change. Some empty beer cans were on the floor and ratty sneakers were sitting by the door. And, of course, Mike was curled up on the couch snoring gently, wrapped in Harvey's old jersey.
"Yeah," he replied. "Same time next week."
A/N I would love to go to a movie night, and for those of you who aren't familiar with Chicago - please go watch it, it's a terrific film :D And if you liked this or have a comment - please do review :)