Holding my breath
Last one I've got left
'till I see you
She held little hope that he was still out there. Somewhere. At least not as the man she knew, the one she remembered -
Such simple, silly words…
But she couldn't fool herself. Those words, that idea – it was the flicker in her heart, the reason she went on. The only thing she had.
There was so little left for her in this galaxy. So little now without him.
Deep undercover and far, far away when the order had come – she'd only learned of it in pieces, each new story worse than the next, each truth another weight on her chest until she couldn't breath.
And she couldn't believe it. Not him. He wouldn't.
But if he had resisted… would that mean he had been – he was –
She couldn't even think the word.
She couldn't believe it. Not him. Not his brothers.
But neither could she deny what she felt in the Force, every day. The chaos, the darkness, the death. The Jedi had been betrayed by their soldiers.
And if she had been there? With him? Could he have been different than all the rest?
The doubt, she couldn't bear. So she pushed it away.
He was strong, and kind.
Ahsoka held tightly to that little bit of hope. That he was still out there. Somewhere. And she would find him. Her Rexter.
The lyrics are from Send Me The Moon by Sara Bareilles. The idea that Ahsoka was undercover during Order 66 was entirely borrowed from laloga's Eye of the Storm: Alchemy. Her stories are canon to me :)
The theme of hope in Star Wars is most important to me, and I think, what draws me back to all the characters over and over. I came up with this title for another story I had edited to post else where, and it really stuck with me so I decided to try to explore it some more, and then I've also been dying to use this song, so here we are. I do hope to continue this as I'm able. I'm also posting the other, very different, story with the same title in the Star Wars category.
Thanks for reading, feedback is much appreciated.