Chapter Twenty Two – Emotionally Charged Addict
In the principal's office once more. I've been in here so many times that I can count the dust bunnies behind the bookshelf's, the cracks on the wall and ceiling, the dead ants on the windowsill and the chewed-up gun under the desk – put there by yours truly.
When I'm usually here, I'm usually not on the verge of tears. I hated crying and I'd be damned if I let a few tears stain my face, reddening my checks, stuffing my nose with mucus – I'm not the cutest crier. So I'll hold it in, at least for now.
The other cohorts in here didn't have a frequent fliers pass like me, well maybe except Christian, but Lissa and Camille – St. Vladimir's Angels – not so much. But I better paint a better picture. I sat at the end near the door, Christian beside me than Lissa and Camille – no idea why they're seated together but that's Dimitri's call. Camille was silently seething, pulling on a loose stand of the skirt of combing through her extensions that sat on her lap. Liss was looking pretty smug and proud of herself, fighting a smile. Christian, well, Christian looked like Christian except for a black eye and budding bruises. Besides the occasional upward glances, I kept my gaze down, playing with my fingers.
Dimitri was silent. I could practically hear the cogs working together, thinking of how to engage this problem first. Finally he spoke and like usual, his deep accented voice sent my heart (and other organs) on overdrive.
"Ozera, explain your situation first."
Christian grimaced and Lissa gave his arm a light, encouraging pat. "There's not much to it, Sir." Christian started. "I ditched class to beat up some jerk and he kicked my ass. End of story."
I hesitantly looked up to gauge Dimitri's reaction. His eyes were intently focused on Christian but as if he sensed my stare his brown eyes looked to me and I didn't waste a second in averting my gaze.
"Well I can't punish you for fighting since it was off school grounds but I can punish you for ditching. Latrine duty." Dimitri said, plucking off a Sticky note and scribbling some words on it before handing it to Christian.
Christian groaned and slouched in his seat. "I'll smell like shit again." He sulked.
Dimitri ignored Christian and started to address Lissa and Camille. "Ms. Dragomir, Ms. Conta -"
"Wait," Camille interrupted. "Before you go on, I believe I should not be held at any account with the video considering that I had not taped it." She said and waited a moment before going on. "Also I should not be held accountable with the fight with...her," She said jutting her thumb out at Lissa, as if saying her name was beneath her. "Considering she threw the first punch. But I'll respect and trust your supreme head of this school."
Dimitri leaned back in his chair and looked at Camille who was trying to portray the innocence. Something she wasn't since she was still in her embryonic period.
Lissa cleared her throat in a dramatic fashion. "Well I must be the mature one here and take full responsibility." Lissa starts. "I threw the first punch and should take my punishment," She then turned to Camille. "Instead of trying to thwart it like a little bitch." Whoa, when did Lissa turn into a badass? It was between this morning and lunch. What did those lunch ladies feed her? Dimitri apparently had the same thought, his eyes widened at her language.
"Babe, you don't know how much your turning me on right now." Christian said with a wag of his eyebrows, hard to do when Adrian tried to rearrange it. Christian then peaked over Lissa's shoulder to Camille. "On the other hand your ass kissing needs a little work."
"We can discuss the fight later, right now we need to talk about the video." Dimitri's words turned the room's air somber. Dread settled onto my shoulders once more. Not that it ever left. "Spreading pornography is grounds for expulsion, Miss. Conta."
"But I didn't take the video!" Camille yelled. "It was taken by someone else, I swear. I can't be expelled, I have a spotless record! Can't I get some leniency?" She begged, pathetically so, I may add.
Dimitri looked hesitant to believe that, everyone knew Camille wasn't so perfect. When I was with the teachers of this school Camille was right beside me, her rap sheet probably longer than mines yet because of the willingness to open her legs she had the illusion of a faultless record.
"While you are one of the star students here at St. Vladimir's, your recent actions cast a looming shadow over your good work here." Dimitri said. "No matter how clean and good your previous behaviors were. Something like this can't go overlooked."
The room was silent for a moment. I dared to peak over at Camille, her mouth open in shock and eyes blurry with tears. I couldn't garner any sympathy. If anything I wanted to go over there and shove it in her face and while I'm at it, make what Lissa did look like the appetizer to the main course.
"That can't be!" Shouted Camille, shooting up from her chair. "I'm one of the best students at this god damn school and she is just a whore! Everyone has already seen Rose naked anyways!"
"Miss. Conta that is enough!" Dimitri's voice bellowed, arising from his chair quickly. His voice wasn't angry, just annoyed perhaps – like a principal would act. Even with the desk separating them, Dimitri towered over Camille's willowy frame. He was like a giant in comparison to a squirrel, a blond, balding squirrel. Camille seemed to have cowered, understandably. "Insulting other students won't help your case, Miss Conta. It's best to take your punishment with a bit of grace." This is similar to what Lissa said but with, well, grace. With a sad someone-just-kicked-my-puppy look, Camille flopped down on her chair. Her face faced down for the duration of the meeting.
"Now for you Miss Dragomir," Dimitri started sitting back down as well. "A typical fighting suspension for you. Ten days." Dimitri also handed her a note along with Camille. Lissa still carried a smug smile, even as she looked at her suspension note which will likely earn her a God-filled lecture from her holier-than-thou mother.
Dimitri sat back in his chair a tired look in his eyes, as if this whole conversation exhausted him. "Now is everything settled?" Hardly. For me hell was just beginning – while Camille should've burned in hell Conta is expelled it doesn't mean my troubles just went poof. If anything it's gonna get worse. The Barbie's are gonna have my picture taped on their dartboards and my name at the top of their hit list. I took away a key ring leader and booted out their other one. Lissa can say goodbye to her high class society lunch table. She'll probably be as hated as me, it doesn't matter that she was the Queen Bee of those bitches; she attacked Camille who was only a slither away from taking the crown for herself. With Lissa dating Christian, the residential emo boy and being B.F.F's with me, the county call girl, her prized position was already teetering.
No one answered Dimitri so he dismissed us. As I got up to leave I could nearly feel his eyes burning dark holes into my back. Once his door was closed Camille stormed ahead of us, shoulder bumping me on the way out.
"At least one good thing came out of this." I muttered, watching her retreating figure.
"Yes, me kicking Camille's ass!" Lissa yelled with her fists – which were already bruising – in the air.
"I'm so proud of you, sweetie." Christian said and they engaged in one of those weird nose kisses.
After a few nauseating seconds, Lissa pulled back. "Maybe after I'm done soaking in all my glory, I can teach you to fight." I would have laughed at Christian's expression if it wasn't for the sour mood I was in.
Christian scoffed and continued to face down Lissa. "I can fight! It's just I wasn't warmed up, I was going on anger not strategy…" He then trailed off into this report like tirade of how he 'wasn't ready' and 'not properly equipped'. All of it can be summed up in one word: Bullshit.
Lissa just laughed at his attempts to seem manly. Her emerald eyes then tuned into me. In the mist of her fighting splendor, Christian's lost manhood and Camille's expulsion the thought of what caused this must have slipped through. She walked over to me and engulfed me in her skinny arms. "I'm so sorry, Rosie." She said rubbing my back lovingly.
I wanted to cry. By sheer determination I didn't bawl like a child on Lissa's shoulder. I'll save it for my pillow and spare Lissa's designer shirt. I plastered an obvious fake smile on my face and give Lissa a reassuring pat.
"I'll be fine." Eventually and that's because one day I'll be six feet under and the dead don't retain horrible high school memories. If by chance they do – I'm screwed.
"Are you finishing the day…"
"No way in hell." I said. I'm not even coming tomorrow, or the day after that or the one after that or the next one or the next one – wait, not the next one – that's a weekend. I'll probably be here then.
"That's fine." She said. "Do you want me to come over?" She asked. I shook my head; I really didn't need Lissa there to see me drown in my own tears. I'll have my stuffed animals and band posters do that job.
"I'll be fine, Liss." I repeated. "I'll see you guys later." I walked out of the office and give a small prayer of thanks when I see the halls still empty. I don't want to deal with the stares, the laughter and mockery. In person that is – I'm sure it'll still haunt me in my dreams.
I should have known arriving early would raise the eyebrows of my mother and Abe. However, being in a sullen mood has dulled my foresight and therefore I had to endure their bitching when I walked through the doors.
"Why are you home so early?" My mother asked. No hey or hello? Janine was seated on the counter, a wine glass in her hand a few papers scattered beside her. Abe was on the stool and spun around at my entrance.
I just looked at her for a moment. I'm not sure if my distress was evident or not, but I hoped that this time she could see it on my face. See that her daughter, the one she carried around for nine months, bathed and fed was not in the best of moods. I hoped that she could see it and know that I had my reasons and that when I was ready I'd talk to her. We had that relationship once. That was before she buried herself in her job and before I became the less rich and brunette version of Camille.
"Well?" She asked. That relationship won't be coming back anytime soon. Sparing another argument, I run up the stairs avoiding her voice calling from below. The barricaded tears begin to fall before I even slam my door shut. I throw my book bag onto the floor and flop onto my bed, my head buried into my pillows with the tears falling mercilessly. Violent sobs wrack through my body and the best I can do is muffle the pathetic sound with the blankets and pillows. It was almost like throwing up; you can't stop once you start. You just hope that your stomach empties out quickly. For me it seemed like eternity but soon enough my sobs turn into silent tears with the occasional hiccup. My nose was stuffed and my eyes were felt dry, despite just crying. I can only grimace in horror of how my face must have looked.
"I thought you'd never stop crying." A voice said. I quickly sit up in my bed and look towards the door. It was slightly ajar but no one was in the hallway. The real culprit was sitting peacefully on my bed. Abe. The nerve!
"Get out of my room!" I tried to scream but my voice was hoarse and dry, the effort was nearly painful. He cocks an eyebrow at me and reaches down and hurls an object my way. I barely catch it in my hands before it hits the floor. I feel the cool glass in my hand and feel the slosh of the liquid inside along with the faint smell that emitted from it. Beer. My dad brought me a beer.
"I thought you might need cheering up." He said when he saw the confused look on my face. "Alcohol isn't the best way to deal with your problems but for the time being it sure as hell helps." I didn't want to mention that alcohol was the main reason I was in this mess anyway, drinking away my problems with the view of a brown glass. I should have given it back to him but you know what they say – old habits die hard.
I lean over to my nightstand and smash the top against the ledge. The lid comes off with a noticeable pop and springs onto the floor, rolling under my bed. I take no time putting the cool material against my lips and tipping back – letting the burn of my familiar friend wash down my throat once more.
"Better?" He asked.
"No." If he thinks one beer will fix everything he's clearly delusional. Probably explains why he's about to marry my mother in a few weeks.
Silence settles for a moment and I take a few more sips from my bottle.
"You want to tell me what happened at school today?" He asked. I glared over to him.
"No." I parrot my earlier answer. In another world with another girl, a beer can have me open up to anyone – in more ways than one. Yet now it's not like that anymore, I'm not like that anymore. Maybe I never was. I was just acting the part. High school handed me a script and I put on an Oscar worthy performance. But it's time for the curtains to fall, to wipe off the makeup and to throw away the script. However, I don't want to go to who I was before. That girl, the one that ate her sorrows away but at the same time shouted and screamed and made herself known no matter if someone or no one agreed. She was also the one that was naïve, trusting and secretly wanting acceptance. She needed to feel wanted by whoever took the offer.
I can't be that girl. She's dead. The whore killed her, suffocated her with an extra-large, extra stretchy condom.
But I don't want to be the other girl either. The one who tried to find love and acceptance on a guy's cock. That girl that tried to fit in with people she hated and was too damn lazy to do her own damn work. That being said, there is nothing wrong with having sex. Girls, guys and hermaphrodites can have as much sex as one desires as long as promiscuity isn't seeded because of emotional turmoil. Then at the end of the day, after everyone's disconnected and you come to that awkward moment where you're putting your clothes on and you don't feel satisfied. You just feel used.
I feel used. And I haven't even had sex in a while.
But the memory is still all too fresh.
"I just want to hear your side of the story." Abe continued. "Lissa's mother called, Rhea, I think her name is." I sighed and closed my eyes, already knowing how this would end.
"She yelled about you tainting her daughter. Apparently Lissa fought someone at school; Rhea said it was because of you. Is that true?" I opened my eyes again and looked at Abe.
"I didn't ask her to fight." While I didn't ask Lissa to fight I can't help but be a little proud of my best friend. The girl wouldn't hurt a fly, yet Camille will be feeling this for days. A small smile comes across my lips as I think of it. "Is that all she said?" I asked. If Rhea blew the whistle on the 'sex tape' well, more like 'foreplay tape' than I can no doubt count on grounding. Doesn't matter if I turn 18 in only a matter of days.
He nodded. "But I know something else is up. You wouldn't be so distraught because of a fight your friend got in. If anything you two would be out celebrating or whatever you teens do. There was a reason for it. Care to tell me?"
"No." I answered bluntly.
"I'm gonna learn sooner or later."
"Then it won't be from me." I keep my eyes trained on my drink. I tilted it back in forth, watching the liquid swish around the bottle with feigned fascination.
"Look Rose, as –"
"Why do you even care?" I asked brusquely. He looked over to me, his eyes so identical to mine. There were a lot of things I can see that I got from Abe - appearance wise. Our skin tone, the almond colored tan, the killer hair and some facial features. Most say I look like Mom did in her younger days but I can defiantly see Abe's influence. For some reason this pisses me off. "It's not like you cared for the past 17 years. The only reason you're in my life now is because you're banging my mom and for some unknown reason you want to marry her. You can't just waltz in her with a beer and expect us to best buds. You're not getting a 'World's best dad' mug this father's day."
I paused for a second, taking another sip. "Unless of course you get me a car. Then it's different."
He gazed at me for a moment; I thought he was thinking about actually getting me a car. "I wish I could change things Rose and nothing I can possibly say will fix that. But I don't want you to think that I don't or didn't ever love you. From the first day I found out you were on the way, you were never far from my thoughts."
When he realizes I'm not going to say more he gets up from the bed and walks over to the door. His hand is on the knob when he turned around to look at me. "I know this isn't the best time but your mother and I are going on a trip tomorrow. It was a bit spontaneous but we're treating it as a pre-honeymoon but you're obviously going through some things, we can stay to…comfort you. I'm sure I can get your mother to relent."
"No thanks. I think I need the time alone." This trip is a blessing in disguise. It'd be easier to mope and cry without the presence of my parents. My sad face would just raise eyebrows and would compel them to talk to me. I get shivers just thinking of it. Especially how the conversation with Abe just went. Abe just nodded before closing the door behind him.
I didn't waste time going back to the infamous pity party.
The pity was in full blast for two days. My old friend Meredith would have had a blast. Though the décor was utterly lacking. No balloons, cake or music. Good music anyways, my mother Tchaikovsky masterpieces cd was playing. On the bright side I had a collecting tower of Ben and Jerry's ice cream cartoons collecting on the trash, a riveting masterpiece if I do say so myself. The blinds were all closed creating a dim and intense setting – some might call it depressing – I call those people assholes. The host – that would be me – was looking quite…uhm…hell; I can't even turn that into a plus. I looked like shit, actually worse than shit. I didn't smell that hot either. My eyes were puffy and dry from my endless fountain of tears, my shoulders sagging with the weight of high school dysfunction and my heart ached from the person I silently called but I know would never answer.
So, it's not the worse party I've been to…
My friends, or those remaining, called constantly. Lissa continuously bombarded me with texts asking about my welfare and how I was holding up. She was like a mother, asking if I been eating, showering and getting outside for some nice vitamin D. She was grounded so she couldn't come over and force me to do those things. The one time I was thankful for Rhea.
Christian also texted occasionally. He decided to attend school the other day with the battle wounds and everything. He was getting shit for it – an expected response. Also the fact that he was so close to the blast (with Lissa, Camille and me) people are bombarding him questions. Before everyone ignored him. Now he's the new Camille except without the blond hair and boobs.
And in his words, it's equivalent to hell.
Boo-hoo, I have my own pity to wallow in.
Except for that afternoon I got an unexpected and unwelcome visitor. I was lounging in the living room, the TV station was giving off white noise and I was finishing off the tenth cartoon of Ben and Jerry – my new boyfriends. They won't criticize me for my unholy deeds. Hell, they probably doing some stuff themselves.
The doorbell rang, sending a chime through the household. I scrape my spoon across the bottom of the cartoon, eagerly getting the last bit of goo stuck at the bottom. I decided to ignore it, whoever it was they'd go away eventually.
The doorbell rang again.
Groaning, which was hard to do with a spoon in my mouth, I sat up. As I walked to the door I plopped the cartoon and spoon in the trash. I didn't look through the hole, I didn't care. "Whatever it is, the answer is no!" I yelled at the door before going back to my soft spot on the couch.
The doorbell rang again, accompanied with knocking. Gritting my teeth together I go to the door, unlocking and swinging it open. "I don't want your damn brochures!"
Pale blue eyes started back at me. "Good, because I only preach on Sundays."
I glared at Christian. He was looking just as fucked up as the first time I saw him. If not worse, those bruises were turning a bit yellow mashing terribly with his pale skin. However he still managed to keep that cocky smirk on his face.
"What do you want, Christian?" I bit out. While I had no animosity towards the emo boy, today anyways, I sure as hell didn't want visitors. The Rose pity party only accepts invitations only.
"Wow you look like –"
"Watch it, I know where you live."
"Shit." Christian finished. "Oops. Whatever, you know what they say. When you're ready come and get it na na na na." He said, singing the last part.
My glared softened and a slight smile almost made its way on my lips. "What do you want Christian?" I asked, the question losing its fire the second time around. I even stepped back and allowed him inside. He didn't hesitate. I realized this is the first time he's been inside my house; he's not exactly a welcomed visitor. He looked around for a moment taking in note my closed curtains, trash swept around and empty cartoons.
"Nice place." He said, sarcasm dripping from the words. He walked over to the trash can lifting an overflowing cartoon out. He looked over towards me. "Ice cream fever?"
"More like cold depression." I said sliding onto a barstool. Christian put down his book bag on the counter. He regarded the overflowing dishes with distaste before opening the refrigerator. Inside it was mostly empty. The groceries that my mother bought for their weeklong trip was nearly gone. When you have nothing to do you eat.
I soon got tired of him snooping around my kitchen so I broke the silence. "I'm so tired of asking this question, what are you doing here?"
Christian stood in front of me with the granite countertop separating us. "Lissa was bugging me to check up on you. She can't do it herself because she's been confined to her house. Not a big deal in my opinion, they have a movie theater, spa and an inside pool. The horror." He said with a roll of his eyes.
"You forgot the nun that stalks the halls with an iron ruler."
Christian made a face as I mentioned Rhea, didn't have to say her name but we both knew who I was talking about. "Yeah, that's mainly the problem. You know when Lissa and I hitch to college I'm gonna make a banner that says 'I fucked your daughter – and liked it'."
"She'll send you to hell for that."
Christian scoffed. "She can't do that."
"I wouldn't bet on that. I hear she knows God."
Christian laughed at that but soon enough the air around us grew stale and serious. "In all seriousness, how are you holding up?"
"Not good. That was my last box of ice cream." Christian rolled his eyes.
"So am I."
He just shot me a look that said 'quit bullshitting'. I sighed. While these days I was floundering in my pity, I tried not to think about why I was sad, just the fact that I was sad. Spending time on how I probably lost the little respect I had, some friends and Dimitri would send me into another spiral all together. I wanted to stay afloat for now.
"Horrible." I answered truthfully. "I can't go back to school after this. No way. I can't even believe you went back, so soon that is."
"I have to keep up appearances." Christian said with a shrug. "But it hasn't been easy, as you can imagine. They keep attacking me with questions with you, Camille and Lissa. Where is Lissa? Where is Rose? Why is Camille not here? Who made you their bitch? Excreta."
"Are they still talking about the video?" I wanted to shy away from the question, it haunted me and I kind of already knew the answer: Hell yes!
"Yeah, sadly." Christian said. "But they are talking about another video now. Lissa attacking Camille. Damn, I'm pissed that I wasn't there to see it in person. It looked kick ass on a camera phone, though. See, watch." He said pulling out his phone. He swiped his thumb across the screen and touched a few apps before a video popped up.
It was the auditorium and the fight was already in full swing. It seemed that Lissa had reached across the few isles and pulled Camille and was beating and scratching her face while Camille was laid across the top of the seats, thrashing trying to get away. Camille's Barbie Value pack was screaming yet not doing anything; it seemed that their main goal was to look horrified yet Vogue worthy. Everyone else was just jeering like some blood thirsty crowd waiting to see some extensions snatched away from scalps or teeth knocked out of mouths. The fight went on for less than ten seconds before Dimitri came into the shot and he effortlessly pulled away the two girls.
The video then ended.
"Someone sent this to Mason and he forwarded it to me." Christian said sliding the slick phone back into his pants. "I'm proud of our Lissa, aren't you?"
I smiled and nodded. Lissa was never one to be pushed around but she was one who fought battles with words, not fist. Unlike some people.
"Is she still taunting you for losing?"
"Not anymore but after we left school we crashed at her house and she went all Rocky on her dad's punching bags. Her glory days lasted for about 30 seconds. She broke a nail and then she decided to go back to being our sweet little Lissa." Interesting. I didn't know Lissa's dad had punching bags; he was as conservative as Rhea – if not worse.
"She could have used gloves."
"Nope, apparently they make your hands sweaty and give you warts." Christian said. "I'm glad that phase is over. If I wanted to date some violent Amazonian women I would have went out with you."
I snorted. "Boy, I'm so out of your league." Plus my heart belonged to a certain Russian – but mainly the out of league thing. Christian scoffed.
"Whatever, Rosie." He said coming over the counter and ruffling my already messy hair. "Anyways, I miss my little blond girlfriend. I'm gonna try prison break number four. Hopefully Rhea doesn't send the dogs on me this time."
"I hope she sends the dogs." I muttered but apparently he heard.
"Same old Rose." He sighed. "But in all seriousness if you need to talk you can always call me, maybe."
I rolled my eyes playfully. "God, Christian you listen to too much pop radio. What happened? Did your black cat scratch all your My Chemical Romance records?" The look he sent me was comical.
I see him out the door. "Send Lissa my regards." I yelled as he pulled out of my driveway. He waved me off before disappearing down the road. While I'd never admit it, Christian actually made me feel better. It lifted my spirits just a tad bit. While there still wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel I didn't feel miserable, it's more like depressed now.
Yet there still wasn't any ice cream.
Back to miserable.
Thirty minutes later the doorbell rang. I was once again sprawled out on my couch, this time stuffing Bar-B-Que chips into my face while munching obnoxiously loud. The sound mixed in the Maury show drama. "You are not the father!" Maury said and then some asshole jumps up from his seat, arms spread, celebrating his victory with the roar of the crowd. The girl runs back stage in an overdramatic fashion, probably embarrassed because she said on national television that he was the only one she slept with. Liar. But I can sympathize, like her, everyone now knows I'm a whore when before it was just speculation. Reasonable speculation.
I set the back on the floor and peer over to the door. With all the sweets I consumed in the last twenty four hours those few steps seemed like a mile. The 'Should or Shouldn't I' game played in my head. It could be Christian again, hopefully Jailbreak number four worked and Lissa's with him. While I hate to admit it, I don't want to be alone anymore. With two days with just me and my thoughts, I desire some human to human communication – especially with my best friend.
I decided to get up. Not bothering to clean myself I opened the door as is. And promptly slam it shut when I see a pair of brown eyes staring at me – brown eyes attached to a six foot seven frame. Oh my god! Dimitri's outside – like right now! Are you fucking kidding me? Fate – you cruel, cruel bastard!
I quickly brushed the crumbs from around my mouth and off my shirt. I ran my fingers through my tangled locks, trying to comb out two days' worth of knots with my nails. Do I have time for a shower? Make-up? A new outfit, because while a Tickle-me Elmo shirt and blue sweats might cut it for the house it wasn't the outfit you wear in front of your boyfriend, I mean ex-boyfriend, no, uhm, ex-something.
"Rose?" He called. His voice, oh that voice, how I missed that voice. I melted at the sound. "Roza, can you let me in?" Roza, it sounded just as chillingly beautiful as it did before. It made me want to throw myself in his arms and never let go.
Once I deemed myself almost presentable I tensely opened the door. I peeked my head out and looked up at his mighty form. He started down at me with kind, loving eyes.
"You haven't been answering any of my calls." He said. He called? I pretty much ignored any call that wasn't Lissa or Christian, fearing it was torment from my classmates – all who are dead to me. I stepped back and opened the door, letting him inside. With his massive, god-like height he seemed to dwarf everything in my modest sized house.
"Sorry I've been kind of busy." I lied as I closed the door.
"You haven't been at school for the last two days." He said looking down at me. I turned and walked to the staircase, sitting on the third step, it helped put distance between us. I couldn't think when I smelt his aftershave, the smell that made goose bumps appear in odd places.
"I can't go back there Dimitri, you know that."
"You still need to go to school to see you're to complete your last year. It won't look good on a college application if you skipped the last few months of school." He said taking a seat next to me – defeating the purpose, still, I couldn't bring myself to move.
"I don't care." I said stubbornly, trying to portray indifference. But I did, while the drama of school, Dimitri and my parents made everything take the backseat, I was still determined with my academics. I'm doing so well I had drop Viktoria a couple of months ago. Since starting high school my grades are good and I'm backtracking.
"Maybe not. But I know some of your friends will miss you if you left." He said. "I know I missed you and we're not even together that often." Was he just saying that? Or did he mean it?
"You're not…" I trailed off, not able to say the words.
He shakes his head. "You should have no fears about my feelings for this matter, Roza. If anything I feel responsible maybe if we were still together we could have avoided this situation." Dimitri, always so chivalrous but I have to take Lissa's words into account 'I must be the mature one here and take full responsibility… Instead of trying to thwart it like a little bitch'. I can't be a little bitch; the job's already taken by Camille Conta. And Dimitri deserves better than having to protect and babysit me. I'm turning 18 in a few days for crying out loud.
"Don't Dimitri; it's not your fault. I should have been more mature, I chose to get drunk and run off with Adrian the blame is solely on me." I said. "But I'm not gonna cry about it, it already happened and I can't erase it." Crying would get me nowhere. So I, Rosemarie Hathaway, declare that this pity party has ended. I can't wallow in my distress; I'd rather wallow in the arms of a hunky Russian.
Dimitri gave me a sideways glance. "Good." Was all he said. "So I suppose you're ready to face the world again?"
I groaned. All because I wasn't knee deep in self-loathing doesn't mean I want to face school. With Camille out it only means I'd get double the ridicule I did before. So not interested. He must have recognized the look on my face because he corrected himself.
"Not necessarily school but maybe you might want to come out with me." He said. Hmm, tempting – a day out with Dimitri doing god knows what.
"Do I have time to get dressed?"
He smiled the expression lighting up his features. "Plenty, jeans and a tee-shirt would do." I smiled and ran upstairs.
It took fifteen minutes in all to shower, brush my teeth and hair and pick out a right outfit. Dimitri told me to go causal but still I didn't want to act careless, I wanted to give off the feeling of an unkempt beauty - trying without actually trying.
I finally settled on some acid washed jeans and a curve hugging plain white tee. Throwing on some flats I ran downstairs to meet up Dimitri. He was found waiting patiently by the door, playing catch with his set of keys. I smiled at him, feeling genuinely happy for the first time in what felt like years.
We were out and in his car in a matter of seconds. Inside an unsettling silence blanketed me. Dimitri, on the other hand, seemed very wound-down with a small smile on his face with his fingers tapping to the horrible country music playing through the car speakers. I didn't comment on how I hated country.
We drove for a good forty five minutes, one horrible song after another and the same silence. I didn't feel as brave as before to start making moves on Dimitri, even the thought of some good car sex didn't outweigh the whole awkwardness. It'd probably bring up memories of how I slept with half the school.
Finally, after a thick patch of deserted landscapes a forest we made it to our destination – a small cabin in the woods. While it looked clean and stable, all cabins had the 'serial killer' theme to it. Don't blame me – blame Hollywood.
"Is this it?" I asked, needing clarification. He nodded and got out, after a second of hesitation I got out. Dimitri already had the door opened and was waiting for me inside. Once inside I quickly took in the closeness and home-like feel of the place. First walking in you see a little kitchenette and a small living room with a plush couch and small retro looking TV set. A door was at the side and from what I can see was a bathroom. At the back of the cabin was a short hallway that lead to a bedroom not furnished with much except for a king sized bed and a lot of books thrown around loosely.
There also was a back, glass double door that overlooked the lake. It seemed to sparkle in the afternoon sunlight. I wouldn't mind going swimming in there.
"Is this your cabin?" I asked Dimitri after I finished my little tour. The question was moot, the western novels that was in the bedroom screamed Dimitri, just like the ones in his house and around his office. I just couldn't believe Dimitri could afford all of it. First the large house, which just houses two people but could fit for ten kids and add a cabin in the woods on top of it. I wonder what the school is paying him.
"Yeah, it was a friend's and he gave it to me on the cheap. I couldn't resist the offer." He said coming to stand next to me. We both gazed outside the screen doors.
"Wanna go swimming?" He asked.
"I didn't bring a swimming suit." I said. Shame, I wouldn't mind prancing around Dimitri with limited clothing.
"You don't need one, it's just us." He said. I looked over to him, confirming what I thought he was suggesting. His eyes meet mine with a suggestive twinkle in them. Fuck limited clothing, going naked is better anyways. I smiled devilishly as I slide open the doors, my shirt already half way up my stomach by the time I reach the lake. I throw it carelessly behind me, quickly followed by the rest of my clothing. Once I was naked, I look over my shoulder to see Dimitri looking on – fully clothed.
"I thought the offer was valid for both of us, Comrade." I said, careful to keep my body angled in a way that he only gets a peak at the side of my breast and my ass.
"I'd much rather watch you."
Is that so? I sauntered over towards him, bearing everything for the world to see. Once I got in touching length, Dimitri couldn't help himself and stuck his arms on my sides. God, I missed his touch. Even though it wasn't entirely sexual, I wanted to moan at the contact.
My hands made their way to his belt, like a pro, having it off his waist in a matter of seconds. Before I worked back on the pants, I trailed up to his shirt, taking off every button at an agonizing pace. I left small, teasing kisses at every piece of skin I uncovered. Once I pushed off his shirt, revealing that chiseled to perfection chest, I started unzipping his pants. He pushed them off, along with his underwear in one clear swoop.
Finally, he was just as naked as I.
Now, this would be the perfect time to start tumbling in the grass as a horny-as-hell couple. But I really wanted to get into the lake. So with a teasing smile, I ran back to the lake, not stopping and diving in. I was submersed into the water, which was surprisingly freezing. I should have known since spring just came in.
Dimitri jumped in a few moments after me. Our splashes apparently scared away all the nearby fishes, which were only guppies as far as I could tell. With hands held we explored the close nook and crannies of the lake. The water was surprisingly clear, with no trash nearby. When my lungs were burning for oxygen I couldn't help but go up. I grasped onto the land, gasping for air with Dimitri right behind me. A smile spread over my face as I saw droplets of water roll down his abs leading below.
"The water is beautiful." I said once I caught my breath. The whole landscape was breath taking, actually. This small portion of lake seemed to actually flow right into a larger one that sat at the base of a few Montana Mountains that were a few miles away from here. Even from the low vintage point, I could see the mountains that rose to the skies.
"It pales in comparison to the beauty before me." He said coming up behind me, wrapping his arms around my torso. "You want to go inside. It's freezing out here."
"Really? Is the Russian comrade complaining about it being cold?" I taunted. "In the summer you probably had icicles hanging from your ass up there."
His laugh sends waves over my back. "Whatever you say Roza." Oh, that name again. So erotic, so sexy…
"Let's get out of here." I told him climbing out. Once fully out of the water, goose bumps rose from my arms and legs. It was ten times colder with the wind whipping around full force. I quickly ran inside to get the warmth of the cabin.
Dimitri, always thinking, picked up my clothes from outside and laid them on a bed and went to fetch me a towel. He came back in only seconds, swiftly wrapping the towel around my shoulders. Sadly, he came back with pants on. How he got dressed so quickly I'll never know.
"Thanks." I said trying to dry off, not bothering with covering myself. He's seen everything already.
"Are you hungry? I can whip up something in the kitchen." I never turn down food so he goes in the kitchen while I get dress and make myself presentable again. Once I was clothed I realized I forgot to bring my phone. Damn, I really hope Abe or my mom doesn't call, not that they'd be to surprise if I dodge their calls. They know I don't really care for them at the moment.
I decided to stay in the bedroom. I heard Dimitri rumbling around the kitchen but I didn't want to intrude. Also didn't want the time I spend in there to become so heart-to-heart moment where he talks to me about us. Us. What the hell is us? Are we back together? Does skinny dipping in a freezing pond mean we can both change our Facebook statuses to 'in a relationship'?
It's clear we both miss each other and the delicate touches and words means that no feelings have erased, but does that qualifies an actual relationship? I'm turning 18 tomorrow, technically now the law doesn't stand in our way. I'll be graduating soon so that whole taboo teacher/student thing will be out of the water so what now?
I looked over to the bed, the lone bed. How long am I staying here? All night, a few hours? Will we be sharing the bed if it came to be an all-nighter? If so, how the hell am I supposed to keep my hands to myself? Whatever the case is, I'm certainly not going to be asking those awkward questions.
I go over to the bed and flop down. The covers are soft and the pillows are neatly arranged. It doesn't have the natural Dimitri smell to them so I know it's been a while since he's slept in here. That being said, I wonder how many girls he's brought here?
I immediately shake the thought from my head. Dimitri doesn't pry into my sexual past; I won't do the same to his. Plus, I fear the answer.
Dimitri soon calls me for dinner and while the smell is beyond delicious, I find myself dragging my feet. When I came to the small kitchenette two bowls of soup (I think) on the table.
"I'm in dire need to grocery shopping." He said. "But I was able to make some black bread." What?
"It's Russian, my mother made it a few times back home." I smiled thinking of Dimitri's home. While it was just bread it seemed almost intimate that he was sharing such a thing with me. He doesn't talk about 'home' much, at least that I've noticed. But when he does he gets this glow about him, I know he misses it. Viktoria – not so much.
I took a seat across from him. The table was so small our plates almost touched. Peering at the bread I saw that is was like its name. It bore a dark ebony but wasn't complete black. While it looked strange, I didn't hesitate – it was food after all. Surprisingly it was good. I wonder what other things Dimitri can cook…
"How long am I staying here?" I asked Dimitri after I finished my "bread".
"As long as you want." Dimitri answered without skipping a beat. He picked up both of our plates. I stood up and went with him to the sink, not five feet away.
"Will you stay with me?" I asked, creeping up behind him. Almost on instinct did I wrap my arms around his waist. His skin was surprisingly hot. Mindlessly I began tracing the ridges of his abs that I long since memorized.
"Of course. I can't imagine the trouble you'll get in, being in the middle of the woods and all." He said. "Plus you'd be incredibly bored."
"Don't you have to go to work?"
He shrugged. "I can take off. I have plenty of vacation time saved." Once he was done with the dishes, I let go so he could face me. "The question is what we do during that time." What he was implying wasn't lost on me – not by a long shot. The fact that he bent down to plant a long, luscious kiss on my lips was also a big hint. When our lips met it was similar to a poison, making my body feel numb all over, like my only option was to fall into Dimitri's arms.
Our lips moved in harmony, time didn't make them skip a beat. He was the one to break the kiss.
"We should head to bed." He said breathlessly. I nodded. While he didn't say it in the way that implied a night of lovemaking I still found the idea of cuddling up with Dimitri all night irresistible. I smiled just thinking of it.
"I guess I'll have to sleep in my birthday suit since I didn't bring anything else." I said flirtatiously.
He laughed. "I don't think I could handle you naked next to me. I'm sure I have an old shirt you can wear."
Dimitri gave me an old shirt, smelling of clean linen, to replace my shirt and jeans. While it was ten sizes to big it was beyond comfortable. It's something about a man's tee-shirt that makes woman all weak kneed. Whatever it is, it certainly worked for me.
We both crawled into bed together. I'm happy there wasn't any awkward 'who sleeps where' issues. It was like we already knew, that it was already programmed into our minds that we belong next to each other.
From where I laid, I had a perfect view of the outside. The moonlight looked majestic upon the clear waters of the lake. While the view would have lulled most to sleep, it was a bit hard with Dimitri's body pressed against me from behind. His breathing was soft and steady, I assumed he was asleep.
It gave me time to think. This moment of complete silence was oh-so-rare with my group of friends and not to mention when it comes through only bad thoughts seem to penetrate the silence. This time was different, oddly so. It seemed as if I was at complete peace when I was far from it. It'd take more than one hot Russian to cure my fears.
School was a major fear.
If I go back – emphasis on if – I would do it when Lissa gets off suspension. I can't possibly handle going back without back up. Christian doesn't count. He just got his ass ripped a new one by Adrian but on the other hand I can count on him to back me up if needed. Even if he gets his ass kicked – again. Still it's a lot to think about.
God, how can I think with this man behind me?!
I sighed. It was soft but apparently Dimitri heard it.
"Roza, are you up?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm up."
Dimitri was quiet for a moment before speaking again. "Penny for your thoughts?"
I didn't want to reveal to Dimitri what was troubling me. Though, Dimitri is smart and it wouldn't take much to put two and two together. Minus well be upfront.
"I'm thinking about returning to school." I said truthfully. "It's gonna be hell, I just know it." Dimitri didn't deny it. He knew it was true.
"Probably," He admitted. "But not going to school will make it seem like your running away from it. You don't seem like the woman to run away from anything." Woman – not girl. Is that how Dimitri sees me? An adult even though as we speak there is a very provocative video spreading like wild fire throughout the school?
In hindsight, that's a very, very adult thing to do.
"I'm not but…it's hard, Dimitri. I wanna be strong, I really do. It's just that Adrian, that bastard, really hurt me. Camille didn't help in the matter either."
Dimitri didn't say anything but I felt him pull me closer. His hand crept up my shirt, resting on my stomach rubbing circles with his thumb. It wasn't sexual, just comforting. Right then, I needed comforting.
"How do you know this Adrian?" He asked. I feared this question. I knew eventually someone will ask me about Adrian. I never even told Lissa that he popped the cherry. Why would I want to? Adrian was older than me and only had drunken sex with me because he couldn't bear to do the job sober.
Should I tell Dimitri? Should I give him the full sob story of it all, or only bits and pieces?
"He's an old…lover. Of sorts." I said.
"Of sorts?" He inquired. Even though my back was towards him, I could practically hear that eyebrow raising.
"Yeah…uhm, I don't really want to get into it." I admitted. I was on the verge of just saying it, telling him everything but chickened out the last minute.
"It might be better to get it off your chest."
No it won't. Like boobs, they may sag and drag me down one day but I'd rather it be on my chest then off.
"Rose, if we're going to be in a relationship than I should know everything that's bothering you. How can I help you if you don't trust me enough to confide in me? All I want to do is help you."
I turn around to face him. Seeing his brown eyes in the dim light was almost my undoing. "I know how you can help." I said and reached up and brought him down. Our lips met in a clash of lust and anger. Mine, mostly. I couldn't keep away, I wanted to portray every emotion I felt into him. So I don't have to use words.
I hooked my leg over his hip, grounding into his pelvis. Only a few articles of clothing kept up from fully connecting. And I know he wanted to, I could feel the budding hard on through his pajamas. I pushed his mouth open, letting our tongues intermingle. I was just about to hook my finger over his pants when he pushed me away.
Breathless he said. "I know what your problem is."
"I know to." I said, just as breathless. "I'm horny as hell." I then tried to grab onto him again when he pushed me back for a second time. The fuck?
"No, that's not it." I'm pretty sure it is. "It's that you have sex when you're emotional. Like now. You were fine a few minutes ago but now you insatiable. Also a few months ago with that kid in the basement, you were upset that I didn't talk to you. And with Adrian only weeks ago, we had an argument and you went off with him. God Rose, do you even like sex?"
I promptly sat up. Dimitri leaned back against the headboard of the bed, making us eye to eye. "What kind of question is that? Of course I like sex! That's why I'm the school whore, Dimitri! I have sex because I like it and did it on an almost daily basis with different boys and that girl once. Also if this is just some heavily sugar coated way of calling me some emotional charged sex addict then you can go fuck yourself." I yelled.
This would have been the perfect time to storm out. It wouldn't have been better if it was professionally choreographed – yet that little thing called reality told me that I was in the middle of nowhere without a car or cell phone. If I walk out I'll get lost or killed by some wild animal that's lurking in the woods. Not to mention that it's freezing outside. While Montana is just heating up the temperature drops at night.
Instead I stayed in bed next to him. My arms were crossed and I was glaring at nothing in particular with tears gathering in my eyes.
"Roza, I didn't mean to offend you. I just want to help you." He said. He brought me closer to him, I didn't fight it. I fit so perfectly at his side, even if he was pissing me off. "I love you."
Oh. My. God.
Did he just…? No, I mean…really?
"You don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know it." With that he kissed the top of my head, leaving his lips there for a moment. We stayed in that position for a while, him holding me to him and drawing mindless circles on my back. I didn't know what to do? What do I do? Saying the words 'I love you' back would be heartfelt but awfully cliché – plus Dimitri already heard the words. He knew how I felt.
So I'll show him instead.
With little thought, I turned around and straddled him. Besides his bare chest, he wasn't nearly as naked as I would have liked. He had on pants and a top of his grey boxers been peeking out, not to mention the blanket separated me from him.
"Roza, I thought we-"
"No," I said. "You're wrong, I like sex. I like it a lot and yes, I may be some emotional sex addict but you know what? When we had sex, it wasn't sex, it was so different, so beautiful and so good! The best I've ever had and it wasn't just because you have a big dick and are really talented – but it's because I felt emotion. It wasn't just sex, it was making love and that's what I want to do with you. Now. Here," I confessed. "That is if you want to." I'd wouldn't want to rape the man.
I was pretty much breathless at the confession, not only because of the rushed out words but because of the anticipation and the heartbreak I'd feel if he turned me down.
Half of Dimitri's face was shrouded in shadows yet I could see the brown orbs perfectly.
Slowly, ever so slowly he carefully took hold of the white tee-shirt hanging loosely on my body. He crumpled up the edges in his fist before lifting it up, over my hips, past my navel and stopping right under of my breast. I look down, seeing his left hand holding the tee-shirt and the other sweetly caressing my abdominal.
He traces his fingers at my curves, across the flat plains of my stomach and around my bellybutton.
"Do you ever want children?" He asked. His voice was low it was almost like I didn't hear it. Then the question hits me. Children. I used to shutter at the thought. I'd always taken my birth control religiously to avoid just that. It gave me nightmares to think of getting pregnant anytime soon – especially with spawn of those boys that I used to fuck. But children with Dimitri in the future? I almost smiled at the thought.
"One day." I said. I didn't want to tell him that I already named our future children. What were their names again? What kind of mother am I to forget my future children's names? Those kids are screwed.
Dimitri gives a ghost of a smile at my answer. Then then proceeds to lift the shirt higher till my breast were visible. My nipples hardened at the cool air of the cabin and Dimitri's erotic gaze. His right hand trails upward till they reach the underside of my breast, giving them a tantalizing feel. His hand cups one and they fit perfectly in his palm. My breathing comes out fast, near panting. I wanted beautiful love making but I also wanted him to ravish me – in way only he knows how to do.
Almost like he heard my thoughts, his hand trails higher into the danger zone. He circles my breast with his finger and goes to the small areola. Without warning he gives my nipple a sharp twist. The motion causes my breath to hitch and even through the minor pain is great pleasure. I wanted him to do it again.
And he does, giving little pitches with rubbing in-between. The motion causes my panties to moisten and insides to tighten with eagerness. "Mmm" I moaned, biting on my lip. It was a great pleasure but not enough to cause toe-curling screams. But this is just the start.
"You like that, Roza?" He asked his voice breathless.
"Yes, oh god, yes." I said arching my back to give him a better shot. He gives me a chillingly sexy smile and without warning dips his head down and start to suck on the abused nipple. My breathing completely stops as I feel his warm and wet tongue lapping over my breast.
My mouth opened in silent gasps, not yet screaming but not enough to keep it closed. The burning within me is too hot. It seemed like the fire would consume me and Dimitri is nice in covered from the waist down and I'm in no position to change that. So instead I let my hand slip below to my underwear.
From touch I can tell the clothe is moist and wet. All Dimitri's doing. His attention is so fixated up above he can't see the finished product. Oh well. I pushed my panties aside taking my finger to my damp and leaking core. My body shudders in thanks to myself as I give it some much needed attention. I go straight to my clit, readying to give it a nice rubbing when Dimitri's hand catches my wrist in mid-action.
"No, no Roza. This is for me to play with." He said in accent, thicker it seems with his arousal. Of course this only made me hornier.
I leaned down to his ear, letting my lips caress the lobe. "Then play with me." I whispered, and noise between a growl and a roar erupts from Dimitri's chest and the next thing I know I'm being flown and dropped. Dimitri appears right above me, in between my legs. Right where I want him. If only those pants were off.
Dimitri then grabs the shirt, forgetting about nice and gentle and takes it off my body. With his vigor I'm surprised it floated across the room in one piece. I watched it fall onto the floor and look back at Dimitri.
"Are you gonna take me now?" I asked.
He chuckled. "Soon." He said cryptically.
Dimitri's attention then went to my underwear. I was slightly disappointed that he didn't give attention to my other breast but giddy when I found out he was going straight for the Promised Land.
His hands skim over the black lacy fabric. I shivered. His index finger then traced the damp slit, touching me but not touching me. Damn him. "You're so wet Roza." He moaned.
"Yes," I breathed. "All for you."
Then I realized. I might be horny, but I wouldn't be doing my part if my partner isn't just as anxious. I looked down, stopping to stare at his masculine chest, then going further till I see the large tent in his pants. Oh – I'm defiantly not the only one who wants to "connection".
Dimitri then dips his head down to my underwear, breathing in the scent. "So wonderful." I think he whispers but his voice is too low for me to hear.
He slowly peels off my underwear; it clings to my bare skin for a moment before separating. I lift my hips to give him easier access. As he slowly lowers the material, he leaves soft, sucking kisses on my skin. Once the panties are off, he balls them in his fist and throws them across the room. Then he's back on me. I'm naked and the air in the cabin is cool, but my skin was burning. With Dimitri's bare chest against mine, lava flowed between us. Our mouths met in an explosion of passion. Our tongues twirled together in a sinful dance. I grabbed onto Dimitri's shoulder and hooked a leg over his waist.
Trying to get to his cock would be to no avail I'll have to just take his abs. To relief the burning, I grounded myself against him and began to rock steadily. My own ministrations helped but Dimitri wasn't having it. He unhooked my legs from around him till I was just spread out and without breaking the kiss, he thrust his fingers inside. I moaned into his mouth and gripped him tighter, pulling me into him.
Dimitri's fingers were merciless, inside and out they went with a steady rhythm. I was quivering under him by the time he curled his fingers touching that "special" spot. With the angle in he was thrusting he also brushed against my clit more times than one.
I broke apart our everlasting kiss to breathe. "Oh yes Dimitri! Harder…oh…yes, right there. More!" The rest of my words fell apart in pleasure, my tongue no longer able to make full sentence of even words that counted more than three letters.
Dimitri was like a cephalopod, moving his lips from mine to my neck. I arched my back, almost like I wanted to physically climb to satisfaction. Just as I felt the muscles tighten, Dimitri pulls out.
I stared up at him, seeing his mischievous face looking down at me. "Wh-why'd you stop?" I asked on the verge of whining. Dimitri said nothing as he lowered himself down and began to lap up to perpetually flowing juices. The sight itself was damn near orgasm making. I was already sweating (sweating when it's damn near sixty degrees in the cabin) and naked and seeing Dimitri, nothing but a mop of hair from my view was nothing short of amazing.
I had this done before. It'd only be so many times that I'd give a blow job and not complain about the other end of the bargain. But the boys I did it with were either to "grossed out" and the older men wanted to do so just to keep up with me but it's obvious they had little experience and their tongues resembled that of a dog licking up water.
Dimitri on the other hand. He could be like rough and messy yet change and be slow and sensual – a delectable torture. His tongue rolled up and down my slit, rolling around my clit and biting at my folds. I wasn't having any of it – I took hold of Dimitri's brown hair and held him to me. He took the hint and before I knew it his mouth surrounded my wanting clit.
I screamed, like, screamed as a powerful wave of pleasure washed over me. It drowned me in its essence and the only thing that I could truly comprehend was Dimitri, me and that tongue of his.
Dimitri, being the kind gentlemen he is, rode it out for me. He milked every ounce I could get from that one orgasm. Once he was done he climbed back up to give me a wet kiss on the mouth. A very wet kiss, one that I wasn't sure was coming from him or what he got from me.
We broke apart with an audible pop. "You taste so sweet, Roza." He said. I blushed at the comment. The hell? Since when do I blush?
"You taste good to Dimitri." I said. "But it's been a while, I think I need to refresh my memory." I told him seductively. I pushed him back so he was leaning on his elbows and crawled up to him like a sexy kitten. I leave light kisses on his abdominal before I reach the band on his pajamas. I unknot the draw string with a slowness that matched his pace prior, I wanted to shout "Karma" when I saw his agonized expression. When my fun was done, I wanted to get to the heart of it. Once the strings were undone I took his pants and boxes and shoved them down his legs. I wanted no time wasted to see my prize.
There it was.
In all of its glory and none of my vivid memories did his dick any justice. It stood proud and erect on its nine inches and just a breath away from my face. I truly thought I might just start salivating just looking at it.
I looked up at Dimitri with a smirk before I took the famed joy-stick in my hands and began a slow rub up and down. I was pleased when pre-cum beaded at the top, making lubricating easier, but even if it hadn't – I'd be using my mouth in a minute. I leaned forth and let my tongue roll over the slit, gathering his essence in my mouth. I made sure to keep eye contact with Dimitri.
"Mmm." I moaned. The pre-cum was always a bit sweeter than the harder stuff. Although I wanted to continue tasting him, I couldn't let it go to waste and instead used it to rub over him. My pace slowly increased, moving the foreskin up till it nearly obstructed the view of his head, till it went back down. I continued this for a moment and a wicked smile was placed on my lips when I saw Dimitri's head back in ecstasy with his hands gripping the bed sheets.
Just he wait.
Once I saw him nice and good, yet not ready to bubble over, I placed kisses over his cock. I let my tongue roll a lot, like a sloppy French kiss and then moved back to his head to cover it with my lips.
A moan that didn't sound human came from his mouth. In spite of the tip of his cock being in my mouth I still smiled. I loved pleasuring Dimitri – I want to do it for many years into the feature. I moved down further till I got right under the head – the most sensitive spot. I attacked harshly, not leaving room for mercy.
I swirled my mouth around the sensitive area and when I felt Dimitri was going to blow, I moved lower – relieving the pressure but still giving pleasure.
"R-Roza, Roza." Dimitri panted, he tapped on my shoulder but I assume it's to give warning. Why would I want warning? I want everything he can give me.
With that in mind, I sucked harder. I pretended it was a lollipop and I hadn't tasted sugar in years. But without warning, I'm once again thrown from my position and onto my back.
"Why'd you stop me?" I asked and feigned hurt. "I had a good rhythm going."
Dimitri smiled. "That you did, Roza. But I want to save it all for you." My heart raced – this is it! The time has come. With both of us fully arouse and just wanted to connect in the ultimate physical expression of our love, this will be it!
Dimitri kicked the rest of his pants off – leaving him as naked as me. I was to amazed and excited to smile. Instead I obediently spread my legs and watched him move between them. I pressed the insides of my thighs to his hips and pulled him down for a kiss. Our lips once again met and this time it was more sensual and sweet than sexual.
This is how I say "I love you".
Not breaking the kiss, I felt Dimitri line himself up with me. He didn't bother with the teasing, the want was already obvious and the lust was suffocating. I wanted him. I needed him.
He must've felt the same way because in one second he thrust inside. It was swift and I'm surprised I didn't orgasm on that alone. He broke the kiss but didn't move apart. Instead his forehead was pressed to mine, chest to chest, body to body. Not even air could come between us.
I loved it.
The intimacy was superior to any other feelings, any other highs or lows. It was amazing, spectacular but those words fall short to the actual feeling. It's indescribable.
And that was only the emotional part.
The feeling of the sex, or loving making, was astonishing. Dimitri thrust in and out of me with a wild, animal like passion. Inside I felt every part of him. His thrust were hard and made contact with my cervix several times. He filled me completely. Not to be outdone, I thrust my hips upwards to meet his. While his grunt was almost silent, I felt it rumble in his chest. This made me all the more confident.
His thrust speed up, so quickly that I could hear the skin-on-skin contact, each slap echoing in the empty cabin. Our moans mix together like our kisses – his noises and mine become so intertwined that I can't detect who's moaning what.
I felt an orgasm building up. Slowly. It coils in my stomach and insides, leaving me in a breathless grip. I didn't want to be alone. I squeeze my insides, kind of like holding in when you have to pee, to get Dimitri to come with me. I didn't want to be riding the wave solo.
A grunt leaves Dimitri and his eyes open to stare into mine. The most intimate moment. His eyes were so…brown, and beautiful up-close. I could stare into them forever. With one final thrust, I feel the spurts of cum come inside me, just in time for an orgasm that leaves whirling.
Reluctantly Dimitri disconnects himself from me but doesn't get off my body for another minute. I didn't mind. With a kiss to my brow he plops down next to me. When our bodies disconnect, I feel a lot of sweat caked onto my chest.
I turn my head to look at him. He's looking at me with a small smile. That gaze says a thousand words. Well, only three but on a continuous loop. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
He throws the covers back over us, the air brushing away the previous fiery heat. We don't cuddle up together – much to my disappointment. But his presence is enough, his words "I love you" still playing in my head like a pop song. I smiled thinking of our future – whatever it may hold.
Perhaps I lied when I said his presence is enough. So I seek out his hand, finding it laying on top of the blanket. Totally holdable.
I rest my hand in his palm, my fingers entwined with his.
Now this is enough.
*Super Long A/N*
A/N –I wanted to push this chapter out and leave with no explanation of where I've been or what I've been doing that left you hanging. Those of you that are still there anyways. Well, first things first and that is a big I'm so, so sorry! Now that groveling is over, I want to celebrate and say that this is the longest chapter of this story and longest chapter I've ever written. WOO! Next I want to give formal thanks to all the people that messaged me and reviewed after months of being A.W.O.L – you guys remembered! It was touching and every message implanted a seed of guilt that got my ass to my computer. Now, I'm sure you want to know why I've been gone. Well, hold onto you seats. Get ready to be disappointed.
I lost inspiration. I lost motive and my drive. Note that I didn't say I had writers block – my arch nemesis – no I just didn't feel like writing. I realized that on some level I wasn't into "writing" anymore. I felt like I was doing it for you guys instead of because I wanted to. That may sound bitchy, but it's true. It made me question a lot because I put so much of my time and energy into writing. It's what I wanted to do for years and it was starting to unravel.
This story has a happy ending, obviously. Anyways, what got me out of my 'funk' was writing, actually. But not publishing anything on the internet, I just wrote for myself and it reminded me of why I liked it in the first place. I originally did FanFic (and other sites) because I wanted to talk to other writers and get better with serious stuff but then I realized I'm not doing anything else, and I wasn't for a long time. It made me sad, like this emoticon - :( but I'm doing it now and I can balance FanFiction too! Cause even though I took an unannounced hiatus, I still love writing on here. When I get a review and feedback, it makes me happy in ways I can't truly explain. With that in mind, this last week I've been glued to my keyboard finishing this chapter. Sleepless nights and my mom's coffee brought me here today.
So that's it folks. I will be trying to get the last few chapters out within the coming months. Oh, one last thing, to anyone reading my other works – don't worry – I'm working on it.
Bye for now.