Zim was again planning an ingenious plan to kill Dib and his sidekick sister so that Earth could be destroyed. Gir, however, was different, being all about being an artist and making huge dirt sculptures of itself, Zim, Dib, Gaz and the Tallest, and it looked really nice with the two snack-eating morons looking over the inanity of Planet Earth.
Until one day an airplane flew through, and from it came a jade green package, just as Irken blood.
"Gir! We have an intruder!"
"That package of doom!"
Zim and Gir went outside and watched as the cube got bigger and hopy shit it's really bigger than Zim-
The package landed. Zim looked at the inscription on the outside.
From: Kanaya Maryam, Austerlitz, New York State, USA
To: Jade Harley, somewhere near Kiribati, Pacific Ocean
"Who! Who is the human female named "Jade Harley" who is actually the almighty Zim!"
Gir, not waiting, opened the package and saw a nice dress, all cyan and light gray like any human city, with wiring holding it even when a human female body wasn't holding it. The robot partially submerged itself into the dress and shouted like crazy:
"I'm an attractive human female!"
"Gir! What do you think you're doing!"
"Being an attractive human female?"
"As Irken Coco Chanel said, fashion is a madness that must be exterminated before a civilization can make any progress. Do you understand?"
"Hello? Dib and Gaz Membranes? This is Gir Harley, the attractive human female that would like a few photos for her Facebook profile, and since her Master is unwilling to co-operate, she would like you to take them! Goodbye!"
"You have a Facebook profile?"
Gir let out an electronic nod.
"What the hell? I thought I had a worthy robot minion!" Zim went back to his base and immediately gave a call to the Tallest.
"My Tallest? Since the robot you sent is a completely useless piece of metal almost as bad as the filthy humans, I would like to be sent a replacement SIR unit. Thanks, Zim!"
While Zim waited, he turned up a few dials on his PAK's inside, making time go faster as he could wait for his leader's response.
"Wow! Now you're not just an evil robo-minion, now you're a sexy evil robo-minion!"
"Thank you!" Gir said, copying the Oracle Turret's manner.
As Dib flew off, Zim switched himself out of hyper-sleep mode and decided that the Tallest will send him another SIR unit. He re-packaged the dress, leaving Gir inside, and slightly rewrote the address:
TO - "Kanaya Maryam, Austerlitz, New York State, USA"
from the almighty ZIM!, "somewhere near Kiribati, Pacific Ocean"
Let me out! Gir shouted, but wasn't listened to.
"And last, a heartwarming note! Let's see…"
Zim took out a piece of trademark Irken paper, guaranteed to never burn down, melt in acid or otherwise be destroyed, and started writing.
Dear "Kanaya Maryam",
filthy HUMENS do not send me packages with items of FASHION! as Irken Coco Chanel said fashion is a MADNESS that must be EXTERMINATED! and thats precisely why the IRKEN EMPIRE is so much great while filthy HUMENS are still MELTING in a single planet and soon will be TAKEN OVER when ZIM! gets another sir unit that isnt as USELESS! and just so its put in perspective with your FASHION item ZIM! has sent "Gir" so itll DESTROY you and your FASHION! filthy humen
with demand for respect to the fist,
As he finished, Zim put the letter inside the package, then the package on his Voot Cruiser and flew off to the "New York State" himself.
As he flew, he didn't stop wondering. So Gir already has a Facebook account! He's jeopardizing our mission! Ah, let's see if a new SIR unit will better serve me.
He reached New York State, dropped the package just like he received it, and left back for his operation base.
Here we go. Now just wait for a new SIR unit. I'll name him Zim II, after the best Irken Invader EVER!
Zim returned to his little island. Dib's little blue rocket was nowhere to be seen. Another victory. Now just to wait some more…
Zim descended to his main base. Still no message from the Tallest…
No SIR unit detected. Reconstructing last known SIR unit from memory.
It was his computer.
"You are not messing with ZIM! and returning him that filthy robot!"
Zim shut down his entire house. Peace and no inane robots.
The Tallest finally caught up with all the messages up to Zim's, inbetween many breaks of snack eating. They were two most ridiculous leaders any space empire ever had. Well, maybe also Mitt Romney, but he wasn't a figure in this alternate history.
"Oh yes, Zim! We should send him a robot considering him hostile!"
A spare functional SIR unit walked into the Massive.
"This is Zim. Zim is the Irken Empire's rogue Invader and a threat to our sovereignty."
The SIR unit blasted away the entire screen, disallowing the Tallest to contact anyone anytime soon.
"Good robot. Now go to Earth. That's where Zim really is."
The SIR unit went into a spare Spittle Runner the Tallest had for some reason and started crossing the vast space for Earth.
The Tallest started laughing maniacally. For some reason.