Haunt me no longer

Klaus once said that he loved birthdays. It's partially true, he used to love them. Lately he's been losing all his interest in celebration.

Uneventful days were slowly passing by. Rebekah was again stuck in her high-school rut, and Elijah spent the time brooding over the meaning of vampire existence.

Kol, on the other hand, was having a perfectly good time playing pool and getting drunk at the Grill. Some people never change.

The night before his birthday he went to bed early.

Villain's gotta do what a villain's gotta do, but what to do if there's no hearts to tear out, no Rippers to torture, no ball to throw, and no blonde to fu-

No woman to sink his fangs in.

He turned on the radio and started to change stations in search for some good music. Good meaning the Beatles, maybe?

A loud wave of pop music hit his ears.

Dooooooon't stop make it pop DJ blow my speakers up tonight I'mma fight 'til we see the sunlight-

For God's sake! He switched to another station.

It's the way I'm feeling I just can't deny but I've gotta let it go we found love in a hopeless place we found love in a hop-

Seriously? Let's try again.

When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly, I PIMP to the beat, walking down the stree-

Who knew Kol has written a song about himself?

He turned off the radio and stared at the fancy ceiling above him.

Klaus couldn't get any sleep that night. He was tossing and turning in his bed, and even fantasizing about Caroline didn't help. Not that he fantasizes about her a lot, of course not.

Only sometimes.


In fact, he doesn't do it at all.

Who are you kidding, Klaus?

He opened his eyes and sat straight in the bed. Another nightmare. He was chasing someone but to no avail. No, it wasn't any familiar blonde. Nope. He closed his eyes in self-defense against nagging thoughts.

Then he heard a faint noise. Somebody knocked three times at the bedpost.

A teenage girl was standing in front of his bed, looking at him with a searching look.

She was chalk-pale, with long, dark hair and slightly slanted eyes. She was wearing simple white dress and was walking barefoot.

"Who are you?"

"I am the Ghost of Birthday Past."

Klaus raised an eyebrow.

"Your past." She added.

He didn't respond, just looked at her with confusion.

"You can call me Anna. I'm going to show you something. Please just follow me to the woods."

"Aren't you supposed to teleport us to the woods or something like that?"

"We're not in a movie, Klaus. And even if we were, it would be a low-budget production. Ghosts are virtually just blue-collar workers. So get your ass going, we don't have much time."

They walked to the woods in silence. She seemed to just look ahead with blank stare, but Klaus' mind was racing. He snapped back to the reality when he saw a big bonfire in the woods and some people dressed like... Vikings, maybe? Both the vampire and the ghost seemed to be invisible to the people sitting next to the fire.

"Do you recognize this place?"

One second, and he understood. "I do."

"And that two boys out there?"

There were two boys close to them, fighting with two wooden swords against each other, having fun, laughing.

One had longish dark brown hair and the other - light brown and curly. The eyes of both of them were full of joy. Pure child's happiness.

"It's Elijah... And I."

"One point for Team Klaus."

He was staring at them like hypnotized.

"It was your ninth birthday. He carved a wooden horse especially for you."

Yes, the wooden horse. Klaus lost it when they moved out of the village, and has never seen it again. It was a beautiful piece of carved wood.

"I forgot how close we used to be. How we trusted each other."

"And here you are, putting dagger into his heart. Several times."

It was like he woke up. All the memories faded away. He wasn't himself for a second, but then he was back again in his bad guy mode.

"It wasn't easy for me."

"I believe you didn't have a blast daggering your brother."

"Yeah, I mean, he looks like a pansy, but the guy fights like a madman, he's a tough son of a-"

Anna did one thing she could think of at that moment - facepalm.

"You never learn, do you?"

"He plotted along with my enemies to kill me. What you give is what you get."

"My mother was killed by my boyfriend's uncle, yet I didn't seek revenge."

"You know how to choose friends, I must say."

She squinted at him angrily, then took a deep breath (wow, do ghosts do it?) and exhaled slowly to calm herself down. She muttered a few words, one of which was "zen" and other "chi", and then turned to Klaus.

"I have to go now. But I warn you, there are two more ghost to come."

Before he could make up a clever retort he would be proud of, the girl was gone.

He didn't know what to do; wait for another stray ghost to come along, or just drag his ass back to his house.

What was wrong with ghosts and that godforsaken town?

He was enumerating in his head the things about Mystic Falls that were pissing him off, and when he reached number 37 (public library apparently devoid of good literature), someone appeared in front of him.

"Look upon me!" A woman demanded. "I am the Ghost of Birthday Present," said the Spirit.

"You realize how comically it sounds, don't you?"

"Do you recognize me?" She said gloomily.

"Of course I do. You're Elena's aunt who was so kind to sacrifice herself for the greater good."

"I think there has been a misunderstanding. Which part of 'you killed me for your selfish reasons' haven't you noticed?"

Irony never dies, Klaus smirked at her.

"It might have got lost somewhere between the lines. Anyway, what are you doing here? Want to show me something, I guess."

"I'm here to show you the present."

"Oh, how nice of you, you shouldn't have."

"This joke is getting old, you know?"

He shrugged.

"Listen to me. I know what is going on. For your information, I'm in fact living in the present."

Jenna crossed her shoulders.

"It doesn't mean anything. You look, but you don't see."

"And I drink, but can't get drunk enough. Spare me this philosophy of yours."

She looked like she wanted to punch him right in the face. Hard.

"Just... let's go."

They got to Elena's house very, very quickly. An angry ghost and a wicked vampire can do that.

"Look how Elena's life has changed because of you." She complained. Then they noticed that it was strangely quiet around the house. The lights were off, and everything was enveloped in silence. "Interesting. Maybe she's not here."

They entered the house and went upstairs. Jenna insisted that Elena must have fallen asleep already. When she reached for the door handle, she heard a sigh. Slowly she opened the door, but as soon as her gaze fell on two people entangled in the bed covers, she backed off.

"Oh my-!"

"Well, she seems perfectly fine to me."

"Don't look!"

"Ok, ok, I'm not looking. It's nothing surprising, after all. We've all seen it coming."

"How dare he? Freaking Casanova!"

"I don't want to interrupt you or anything, but if that's all-"

"No, it isn't." Jenna tried to shake off the shock she just got. "Now you'll see something more surprising."

They went to a store in the center of Mystic Falls. It was closed of course - what store would be open in the middle of the night? However, the store wasn't empty. There was one particular customer inside.

"Kol. Buying a... gift? For... me? I thought he would be the last person on Earth to care." Klaus pondered. "Wait a minute, is this...?"

He was stealing a lot of... pink. And he was putting the stolen things in a pink bag with "Happy Birthday" written on it. In candy-pink letters.

Klaus' eyes widened with terror as he saw a rainbow and the words "My Little Pony" written on a t-shirt.

"Yes, you see, he cares. In his own way." Jenna seemed genuinely amused.

"At least he remembers."

"Oh yes, he does remember. You're getting the whole My Little Pony collection this century. And if you live through the next, you'll get also some Hello Kitty stuff."

"Son of a-"

"This is what you get for being an ass. They eventually end up as a butt of jokes. No pun intended."

It was the first time that night when Klaus got truly angry. He and Kol never got along. They might share some tastes - in alcohol, blondes, and alcohol. And alcohol, of course. But apart from those things, Klaus thought, there was little similarities between them. They used to bicker about everything, get into a fight eventually, and then plan an evil revenge later.

Although neither of them would ever admit that, they both liked that bizarre tradition.

"I assure you, I know how to make amends with Kol." Klaus smiled maliciously.

Then he was standing in the store alone.

Five minutes later he saw another female ghost which was looking through Victoria's Secret stall, admiring new lingerie. He went up to her.

"You are the Ghost of Birthday Yet To Come, I assume."

"Oh, it's you! Geez." She panicked, then frowned. "You ruined all the fun!"


"I was going to scare you to death, do some spooky dance and haunting, and you just said it!" She was definitely way too much exuberant. A big ball of emotions sent to him from heavens above just to embitter his life, more.

He shook his head.

"And who are you? Did I kill you as well?"

"No baby, I died so many times it's hard to count them all." She jokingly wiggled her eyebrows.

"So no hard feelings?"

"No hard feelings, but you're still a prick." She stuck out her tongue at him. "I'm Vicky by the way. Ready for some shocking news?"

Her enthusiasm was driving him mad.

"Hit the road, Jack!" She cheered, and they headed towards the familiar mansion.

"Why are we at Salvatores'?"

"This is where you are living now. I mean, in the future-now."

"Why should I leave my classy, luxurious house?"

"Maybe because somebody kicked your classy, luxurious ass out."

"Sorry love, it will never happen."

"Wanna bet?" She grinned.

They got inside, just to see three silhouettes sprawled in three armchairs. Three drunk men were sitting by the fire, every one looking extremely depressed. Torn.

Klaus recognized his companions.

"Wait a minute, I'm living under one roof with Damon Salvatore and Alaric Saltzman?"

"Right! You make up quite a trio. Party every day. Too bad it's always a pity party." she pouted.

"Impossible. I would never pity party with those losers."

All of sudden, Alaric stood up and in a fit of rage he threw a glass of red liquid at the wall and Klaus could swear he smelled blood. Then the unfulfilled vampire slayer sank back into his armchair and started to drink straight from the bottle.

"Wait a sec. Alaric's a vampire now?" Klaus found it unbelievably funny.

"What did you expect? The guy used to die every few months. Patience has its limits. Believe me, I know it."

"Why are we so miserable in the first place?"

"Alaric was left by Meredith. Tragic story, as always. And Damon's still drinking because of Elena. Young Werter could take a lesson or two from him."

"And what has happened to me?"

"Come upstairs, you'll see."

He went up the stairs and to the bedroom Vicky pointed at. There were hand-painted pictures everywhere - on the bed, on the floor, glued to the walls, on the mirror. It might have been his bedroom after all. Then he noticed a photo album on the window sill. He opened it carefully and got speechless.

"Are these...?"

"Yup. Caroline and you. Rome, Paris, Tokyo..." Vicky came closer and flipped through some pages. "Look, there's one from Egypt and a lot from Amsterdam. And this... Oooooh. You dirty old man!" She giggled.

He ripped the album from her hands and closed it with a thud.

"So what you're telling me is that, basically, Caroline gave me a chance?"

"What's more important is that you acted like an ass you truly are. Screwed it up. Messed up. Fucked up. It was a disaster. Epic fail. Klausaggedon. Catast-"

"Get it!" He exploded. "I get it, ok? I. Get. It. But what happened next?"

"She left you."

"Is she still alive?"

"Somewhere in Peru."

"She never told me she wanted to see Peru."

"She knew you wouldn't look for her there. Smart little thing, isn't she?"

"How did we happen? She and I?"

"That's a funny story, you know, this romantic-comedy style funny." Her eyes lit up. "If I remember correctly, she spotted you in the forest when your were jogging half naked - only in sweatpants, can you believe it? - and she just lost it. Oh the drama! To be honest, I don't blame the poor girl." She winked at him and nudged him with her elbow.

Klaus got too lost in thoughts to focus on her hyperactive attitude.

He just processed her words.




A chance.

They may be together.

Now that he knows, he will not screw it up.

Vicky coughed significantly and Klaus looked at her with his irritaed 'what is it now?' stare.

"My time is up. Now, the most important part. Do you promise to amend?"

"What? Yeah. Sure." He brushed her off.

"Really? Because you know, it's my first job. If you don't change for the better, they'll fire me."

"I promise to amend." He sighed.

"Hell yeah!" She shouted. Then she got dead serious. "I mean, yeah. Whatever. It's time for me to vanish into thin air. To fall into the depths of darkness. To plunge into eternal nothingness. To surrender to the emptiness. To sink in the rivers of-"

"Please, just do."

She was gone. No cheerleader's war cry. No babbling. Silence. Golden silence.

Klaus grinned with his evil-villain-up-to-no-good grin, and said to nobody in particular,

"Now watch me amend."

He entered the living room later with gigantic grin on his face.

Elijah stared up at him from the sofa. He was reading "Great Gatsby" which indicated his slow recovery from 'we're-all-damned-anyway' mood.

"Have you won something in a lottery, Niklaus?"

"Even better."

He didn't have time to explain (not that he would, anyway, who would believe him?), because a loud "Fuck!" resounded across the house, and instantly Kol, only in his underwear, appeared next to Klaus. He gripped Klaus by his t-shirt and yelled and him.

"What the hell have you done? Are you nuts?"

"What's going on, Kol?" Elijah put the book aside and became more and more interested in the mysterious link between Kol's rage and Klaus' good mood.

"I wake up in the morning in a room with pink walls. I open my pink wardrobe next to my pink bed with pink covers, only to find out that all my clothes have been replaced with pink ones with My Little Pony motive on every single item! This is going on, Elijah!"

Elijah couldn't stop it. He covered his smile with his hand, and looked over to Klaus."Don't you even dare to laugh!" Kol bawled.

"I just thought, my dear brother, that if you're so fond of that pink ponies, I could make you even more happy. And I did." Klaus stayed amused, but still calm.

"You're plain crazy!"

"It runs in the family."

Elijah burst out laughing but quickly suppressed it after having received a murderous glare from Kol.

"I'm soooo going to kick your ass!"

"Later, brother." Klaus saluted him. "Now I have a little errand to... run." He grinned to himself at the pun and took off his shirt, then opened the door, and jogged away, half naked.

Elijah sighed heavily, "I don't want to spread panic, but I'm afraid our hybrid brother is on drugs."

Kol nodded, "I just hope he doesn't steal mine."

The End

A/N: Uno: Yes, I love torturing Kol.

Dos: Let me know what you think. The story came to my head during a very boring lecture. So yeah, instead of studying, now I make up stories.

Tres: Thank you, gracias, thank you, merci, thank you, obrigada, THANK YOU for your response to my stories so far. I'm Kate's moved heart.*wink*