Title: Show me yours I show you mine
Pairing: Klaine, Kurtbastian
Summary: Kurt realizes that he and Sebastian have more in common than he thought
A/N: After 3x14, so spoilers. Also: Heavy talk about Self-harm, Bulimia, Suicide
On Sunday, after they'd found out that Quinn would survive, but might lose an arm and be scarred for life, Kurt looked up Sebastian on Facebook.
He stared at the picture for a long time, before he opened a new message and thought about what to write. He wasn't sure if he should really do this, if he might be wrong… But then he remembered Sebastian's face at the Lima Bean, talking about Dave, remembered all those other signs he'd ignored.
Before he could change his mind, he sent a simple message: We need to talk.
And then he waited.
He got the answer a few hours later, after dinner. Why?
It was short and clearly dismissive and Kurt sighed at the sight of it, before typing out a response: I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
There. He'd said it. Either Sebastian would get it and react accordingly, or he'd just make a crude joke and Kurt wouldn't need to talk to him again.
A few anxious minutes later, he got his answer: My room, after school tomorrow.
Included was Sebastian's room number.
Kurt didn't bother to reply this time; Sebastian had understood him and he'd know that Kurt would be there.
Feeling uneasy, Kurt got ready for bed, not sure if he'd be able to concentrate in class the following day, but deciding to try anyway.
Kurt sighed heavily as he left McKinley the next day. As he'd expected, he hadn't been able to concentrate at all, but, lucky for him, people were so distracted by Quinn's accident (and did they even care about Dave? It hadn't even been a week since… Kurt shook his head, trying to forget about that, of course they wouldn't care, he was just "another queer" after all), that classes consisted mostly of rumours and prayers.
Also, the last two classes were cancelled, so Kurt had enough time to get to Dalton before they even got out.
He didn't even remember what he said to Blaine to make him go home alone instead of going to the Lima Bean or even the hospital. He hated lying to his boyfriend, but this was something he had to do alone, and he couldn't very well tell him that he was out to meet Sebastian Smythe, of all people, to talk about the one thing they definitely had in common (except for their interest in Blaine, of course).
The ride didn't seem long enough and all too soon Kurt was sitting in his car outside of Dalton, unsure if he really wanted to do this.
Go in there. Into the lion's den. Into Sebastian's room. Talking about things he'd never before talked about to anyone.
Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Don't chicken out now," he told himself firmly and stepped out of the car, walking to the front doors in determination.
He found Sebastian's room easily enough, seeing that he'd lived at the dorms himself for a while. He was glad that he was early, he didn't really want to meet any of the other Warblers.
He knocked at Sebastian's door and after a brief shuffle a voice from inside told him that it was open. Kurt took another deep breath and stepped into the room.
When Sebastian had gotten Kurt's second message, he had felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Hard. He tried to find another explanation than the obvious, tried to tell himself that Kurt couldn't mean that.
In the end he had to accept that Kurt probably did mean what he was afraid of and wouldn't stop sending him messages, even if he pretended not to understand. Kurt was stubborn like that.
So Sebastian had agreed to meet Kurt, on his terms, in his room. So he could at least feel like he had some advantage.
But now Kurt was standing in his room and Sebastian was already freaking out, trying his best to not show it on his face. Kurt was here. In his room. And he wanted to talk about the one thing Sebastian tried to hide more than anything else.
He swallowed and sat back on his desk chair, crossing his arms in front of his chest, looking at Kurt expectantely.
"Hello, Hummel," he said, his voice quivering slightly. He realized just a second later that Kurt was shaking and not looking at him, not directly. Good. At least Sebastian wasn't the only one who was nervous.
Kurt took a deep breath and pulled a picture out of his jacket. "Hello, Sebastian," he answered, walking closer and handed the other boy the picture. He then proceeded to sit down on the bed, crossing his legs.
Sebastian looked down at the picture. It showed a young, overweight boy, maybe ten or eleven with brown hair. He looked from it to Kurt and was just about to ask what this was about when it hit him.
He looked at the picture again, then back to Kurt, his eyes wide.
Kurt nodded lightly. "Yes, that's me," he agreed.
Sebastian swallowed and handed the picture back. "What happened?" he croaked, his voice rough. The boy looked nothing like Kurt now.
Kurt looked at the picture before pocketing it again and shrugged. "My Mom died when I was eight," he said. "I turned to food. In Middle school the bullying got so bad that I decided to do something about it."
Sebastian's gaze landed on Kurt's hands, and when Kurt reached out with his left hand he saw the small white scars on the knuckles. Scars made by teeth, from pulling the fingers out of your mouth too quickly.
"No one but my Dad knows how bad it really got," Kurt continued quietly, taking his hand back. "And not even he knows that I'm not really cured."
Sebastian nodded, looking him squarely in the eye. "Because it's nothing that can ever be cured," he said flatly and Kurt nodded. "Exactly."
They sat in silence for a while after that, not looking at each other. Sebastian knew that Kurt was waiting for him to… share something of his own. But Sebastian didn't know if he could really do it.
Instead he asked something that had been on his mind for a while now.
"Does Blaine know you're here?"
He looked at Kurt who shook his head. "No," the brunette said. "Blaine… He's had his own bad experience, which I can't tell you about because they're not mine to share. But I… I know he never thought about… Hurting himself. No matter how much pain he was in, he'd never do that. He's stronger than that."
He smiled weakly, tiredly. "He doesn't understand. He told me so himself, when we heard about Dave. And I… I never wanted him to know about my weak side, and now I'm sure it's nothing I can talk to him about."
He looked at Sebastian. "You're different."
Sebastian thought about that and then nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess I am."
They didn't say anything else and Kurt left after a while, leaving behind his number and the promise to come back the next day.