Compliments. What a simple word. But don't let it fool you. Words that fall into that category have the power to destroy your life. They surely destroyed mine.
I always was a good girl. I had straight A's, I never drank alcohol and I never did drugs. I was beautiful, at least that's what my parents told me but I didn't believe them. I mean come on they are my parents, they're supposed to say that. I had low self-esteem. That changed one day, when I went out with my friends. I usually never wore make-up, so it was a surprise to all my friends.
"Oh my God! Jade you are absolutely beautiful!" said my friend Cat. She wasn't the only one that thought that. I received a lot of compliments that night and boys actually noticed me. Little did I know I would soon become addicted to compliments. After that night I changed. I started wearing make-up, I started drinking and I started going out every day during the week. My grades started slipping. My 4.0 grade average dropped to 3.2.
Whenever I went out I got thousands of compliments and I was happy. Once everyone got used to my new image they stopped giving me compliments and when no one said I looked beautiful or sexy or pretty I wanted to cry. It hurt so much. I needed to feel pretty. I wanted all the boys to like me. School wasn't important anymore. I spent most of my time on the phone or thinking about boys. I turned into someone I despised the most.
One day I met a guy named Beck, he was the pretty boy in our school. I fell desperately in love with him. From the start I knew it wasn't meant to be, but every time we were together he softened and I started imagining that he liked me and that he would soon ask me out.
When I found out that he was going out with Tori, my school rival, I was sad and that night I cried myself to sleep. Later a rumor spread through the school that Tori was just a onetime thing and that he was free again.
But although he was single I didn't confess my feelings for him and whenever I saw him I cried, because I was scared he would get a girlfriend. My interest for him turned into an obsession. I remember the day that got me to where I am now.
"Hi Jade." Beck said.
"Hi Beck." I smiled. I was happy. I was finally going to tell him that I loved him.
"So, what did you want to talk about?"
"I love you!" I blurted out. In my head he was supposed to say that he loved me back, but in reality he just stood there and was looking at me like I was crazy.
"Er…Jade…what are you talking about?"
"I mean it."
"Look I'm sorry, but I don't find you that attractive."
My world came crushing down. I collapsed on the stone floor. Beck rushed to me and wanted to help me up. I pushed him away.
"Don't touch me!" I ran away.
I went home and told my mother everything.
"Well Jade you aren't beautiful in everyone's eyes." my mom said and walked away from me, leaving me stunned. How could she say that? She is my mother, she was supposed to tell me that he doesn't know what he's missing and that everything will be okay.
That day I made a decision; I was going to kill myself. I took my pocket knife and locked myself in my bathroom. I filled the bath with water, I climbed in, but didn't even bother taking my clothes off and I prepared for the end. I placed the knife on my vein and sliced it. I let out a faint scream as the knife cut through my skin. My dad heard it and went to see what was wrong. My head was spinning, the pain was unbearable. Suddenly the door was kicked down and my parents came in and called 911. My world went black.
I woke up in the hospital. My room was filled with flowers and get-well cards. I saw my mother sleeping on a chair.
"Mom." I weakly said.
"Jade!" my mother hugged me and started crying.
"Where am I?"
"You're at Riverview Hospital."
"Honey, you tried to kill yourself. You've become obsessed with your looks and Beck. It's not good for you."
"But I'm fine now. Really!"
"You should rest." she placed a kiss on my forehead and called in a nurse. The nurse injected morphine in my vein and I drifted to sleep.
After a month I was allowed to go outside. My mother didn't believe I was feeling much better so I am forced to stay in the mental hospital.
As I am writing this I am looking at the people around here. They are all the same. All wearing white robes, all talking to people that they themselves murdered. It's funny. All these people committed serious crimes and lost their minds. I lost my mind because of simple well-meaning words.