Here's where my vent fics will be going. Well... vent fics, outtakes, and just anything I wanna write that may not fit into anything else.
I don't normally even consider submitting things like this, and here's why: I am highly emotional, and I have a hard time managing those emotions. So I do so the best way I know how. I tend to take whatever feeling I have and apply it to a character. Canon characters are especially fun because I can also consider how that character would act should they be feeling the same feeling as I am. However... characters might be OOC, the fics are not planned out (usually), and...well these are mostly the result of me getting feelings out, so they won't be anything like my current fics.
Most of these will be using Sephiroth... later, once fics like Ruin are done, I will be using other characters. Though most of these will be in the Ruin universe... I love screwing around with said universe... I have hundreds of pages of RPs to prove it. So who knows what sort of things you'll see in here. Just a warning... a lot of it will be sad, or angry, or even a bit of both.
Oh, and there may be typos. I do these without a beta. If you see any typos, just let me know, and I'll fix them.
1. Happy Ending
To say his understanding of interpersonal relationships was minimal would have been the greatest understatement conceived. He had years growing up in a lab, surrounded by people highly out of touch with their fellow human beings to thank for his ineptitude. However, Sephiroth possessed enough common sense and just enough understanding of human behavior to know when things were not right between Zack and himself.
It started off as occasional moments of tension—Sephiroth would come to learn later that he was much easier to read than he thought, and Zack had a very keen sense of when someone was bothered, troubled, or otherwise distressed. Sometimes he would lapse into complete silence, which seemed to trouble his new lover. Sephiroth, however, would never offer up any reasons for his silence and would do his best to move the focus off of himself, Zack seeming to notice and allowing the change in subject.
Worse still, there were days he would completely withdraw into himself and, acknowledging nothing around him... not even the younger First whom sat right next to him, stroking his hair in the hopes of getting him to respond.
Lately though, things were becoming increasingly tense between them. Conversations would devolve into cyclical arguments, Zack expressing concern for his older lover while Sephiroth dismissed him, offering no real explanations or words to ease his worries. Sephiroth merely insisted that any problems he had were no cause for concern, unimportant, to which Zack would adamantly disagree. The arguments would start here...
They usually stopped peacefully, one—usually Zack—quietly conceding and attempting to ease whatever tension had built between them. But Zack's persistence began to put a strain on Sephiroth's nerves, the silver-haired man not at all used to the treatment, while his refusal to open up put an equal strain on Zack as well. Eventually, it became easy for one or the other to snap, the arguments devolving further and ending with one—again, usually Zack—leaving and coming back once both had chance to cool down.
Still, nothing went solved, new problems piling on top of old ones, problems between them piling on top of personal ones, making everything spiral down into one big emotional mess.
Eventually, both reached a breaking point, an initial expression of concern becoming both of them yelling obscenities and name-calling, ending when Sephiroth said something, Zack flinching before leaving in silence.
Sephiroth had not realized just how serious the situation was until the next day when Zack didn't even show up at the office to greet him.
One day became two. Two days became three.
Work became difficult, Sephiroth distracted with confusion and, dare he say, worry pooling in his gut. Even fights that ended with Zack leaving his apartment seemed forgotten the next day, the young First returning to him, all smiles and affection. Sephiroth would apologize, things would appear to be fixed, and their relationship went on... until the next fight.
This time though, it was clear that he'd done something wrong, something to upset Zack enough that he did not desire to be in Sephiroth's presence. Had he somehow hurt the younger man? Had he angered him? Whatever work he'd intended to do that day was forgotten as he began to go over their last verbal altercation, attempting to find the problem so that he could devise a solution.
All he could deduce however, was that he'd obviously done something... and he needed to apologize, so he got out his PHS, and sent Zack a mail, asking that he come to the office. Perhaps he should have called the other First... but he was very much averse to speaking on the phone, and Zack always seemed to understand.
He got no answer.
Sephiroth made many more attempts at contacting Zack over the next few days, each one being receiving no answer and leaving Sephiroth with a sense of dread that settled heavy in the pit of his stomach. All the while, he continued to dwell on their argument and tried to reason why Zack would suddenly refuse to speak to him. Zack was never one to turn away from a problem; instead he almost seemed too eager to fix anything that seemed wrong.
Perhaps something had happened to him? No, that was unlikely. There was no way a SOLDIER could go missing without someone realizing. Someone would have seen him leave the building and would have noticed if he failed to return. Perhaps he simply wanted to be alone... Though, in the short time Sephiroth knew Zack, the young man loved being in the presence of others. It was likely that Zack simply did not desire to be Sephiroth's company... which left Sephiroth right back at square one: why would Zack be avoiding him?
The lack of an answer to this problem is what distressed him most. Is Zack desired space, he only needed to say so and Sephiroth would gladly give him that. He understood the need to be away from someone after a while. But if he'd done something to upset his lover, he wanted to make amends... But he would not know anything until Zack enlightened him; the reason he'd left was something only he would truly know.
So almost as quickly as the thoughts came, his mind conceded, and the waiting game continued.
Sephiroth had completely given up trying to do his office work by the time he'd heard anything about Zack. He did not deal with uncertainty very well, and anything that he could not find an answer for ate away at him and tormented him until he could find an explanation. All he could do was dwell and stress and worry three things that never produced good results for him.
Learning that Zack had been sent out on a weeklong mission gave him some sense of clarity. Clearly, Zack was just fine, physically speaking, and there was little doubt in Sephiroth's mind that he'd come back from said mission unscathed. But the comfort in that fact was short lived. It didn't fix anything between them, and while it meant that he could potentially have the chance to make things right, there was no guarantee.
Once again, he was back at square one.
For a while, as the thoughts he let run rampant began to wear on him, he wondered if he were possibly taking things too far, jumping to conclusions much too quickly. Every thought in his mind eventually cycled back to one consuming fear: that Zack had left him. Loss wasn't something he'd dealt with often, since he was rarely ever actually given anything. But when he was forced to experience it, loss was not something he could endure easily.
Loosing Genesis and Angeal still haunted him and still pained him, and had it not been for having Zack, he was sure Angeal's death would have left him shattered. The two former Firsts were the first ones in a long time that he'd allowed himself to be close to... to an extent. He'd held them dear to his heart, even if they did not see it themselves. It had honestly broken his heart to lose them, and the mere thought of losing Zack hurt just as much.
But, there was nothing that seemed to indicate with certainty that Zack wanted to end their relationship. There was nothing that proved to him without doubt that thing were ending between them. It was honestly irrational to think so, and it was very unlike him to jump to such steep conclusions when he had little proof to justify himself. There was no real reason for him to be so concerned...
So why was his chest tightening? Why did that horrible feeling of heartbreak and loss seem to be creeping up on him? Why was he sitting in his room, in the dark trying to stave off the dread and sadness?
He'd honestly lost track of the days...
However long had passed, he'd spent it in a train of thought that had more use in the train graveyard. His mind whirled and that uncomfortable feeling seemed to have found permanent refuge in his gut.
Sephiroth went about his routines like a machine, no thought put into his actions. He barely ate a thing, the thought of food making his stomach turn in his increasing stress. Work required too much thought and focus that he could not conjure up despite his best efforts, and he ended up frustrated with a headache whenever he made the attempt.
More often than not, he kept in his bedroom, watching time creep by on the clock next to his bed. Occasionally, he'd get up and wander into the kitchen for something to drink—even if he couldn't eat, he would at least keep himself hydrated—only to wander back into the bedroom. The one part of his normally strict routine he stuck to was washing. He took an odd comfort in the heated water as it fell down his body, the warmth seeping through his skin. He also took comfort in tending to his hair, the task keeping him occupied for a few precious minutes, taking his mind off of the worry and the odd pain that had begun to make itself known...
Sephiroth had also adopted an odd habit of keeping his phone close, wherever he went, hoping perhaps to finally get a call or mail from his (ex?)lover. They'd been separated due to missions before, and did keep in some sort of contact... manly because Zack insisted on making sure Sephiroth wasn't running himself ragged, as he was prone to doing. His phone had rang many times... and all of those times it wasn't Zack, so he refused to answer. He was pretty sure he'd rejected a call from Hojo, informing him of his next appointment. No doubt he was in pretty deep, then, but he honestly couldn't bring himself to care... at all.
At one point, he'd even gotten a call from President Shinra's secretary. He ignored that one too... not the best decision, but once again, he couldn't bring himself to care. His mind was in disarray and too full of too many thoughts, fears, and concerns. He had no desire to give himself anything else to worry about...
...Gods he was a mess...
The hour was ungodly by the time he could head back to the barracks, and he'd almost considered just heading to his own apartment and waiting till morning... but he'd begun to miss waking up next to a big sleeping lump next to him on a huge bed made from the bosom of the Goddess. He just hoped said lump would be willing to wait till morning before he wanted to talk... and they needed to talk, but he was tired and just wanted to sleep.
He was caught by a funny sense of déjà vu as he stood there at Sephiroth's door, his fist raised to knock. He resisted the urge to chuckle as he remembered all the times he'd been so afraid to even knock as he lowered his fist and quietly entered. He'd been eager to get to his lovers apartment to talk to him; no doubt Sephiroth had been wondering where he'd gone. However, he'd been further delayed when he had to head to the briefing room to report his return.
Shutting the door quietly behind himself, Zack crept to his lover's bedroom, his enhanced eyes easily able to catch sight of the silver-haired man all but curled up under this comforter. That sent a strange jolt of worry through him; Sephiroth had a distinct way of communicating his feelings, and his body language was most obvious once someone understood it. He didn't sleep that way unless he had fallen asleep while in some sort of distress. Had he been to the labs that day?
Of course, he'd found Sephiroth sleeping that way when he returned at night after they'd had a fight—and his heart clenched. Ever since their last fight, Zack had not said a word to him... He knew of his lovers tendency to brood and ruminate on things to the point of causing himself a great deal of unneeded stress. Zack could only imagine how crazy Sephiroth must have driven himself, wondering where he'd gone and why he wouldn't talk.
Perhaps he shouldn't have left those texts unanswered...
Slowly, he come to the bed and lowered himself down next to the bigger man. He took the opportunity to look at Sephiroth's face, finding it partially obscured by silky bangs, the rest pressed into his pillow. It would have looked adorable had Zack not noticed the way his brow furrowed.
His own brow furrowed in concern and he reached over to gently brush away the silver hair. Sephiroth stirred at the touch, his eyes opening. He watched those eyes stare tiredly at him, before blinking and gaining focus, and he almost wanted to laugh at the way they widened.
"Hey, you," he said softly, letting his palm rest on the side of that gorgeous face.
There was a moment where Sephiroth said nothing, blinking as if he could not believe what he was seeing.
Zack let his lips turn up in a soft, comforting smile.
"Of course, silly. Who else looks this handsome?"
If Sephiroth found that funny, he didn't show it; he just stared, causing a sigh to leave Zack's lips. He scooted closer, wrapping his arm around his lover's waist, pulling himself against him. His head fell forward to rest against the other's collar bone, and he released another sigh, one of contentment.
Sephiroth remained still for a few moments, and Zack felt that worry settle in him again until a strong arm tentatively settled across his side. For a moment, they just lay there, both enjoy the other's touch, lying in comfortable silence.
"Zack, I'm—" He looked up to Sephiroth when he spoke, those eyes staring back down at him. "I'm sorry."
Zack felt another clench in his chest as he reached back up to touch the other's face. Sephiroth blamed himself for his going away. He thought he'd done something... then again, he knew Sephiroth was quite used to being blamed for a great deal of things, and he had a terrible habit of blaming himself for almost anything.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Seph," he whispered.
He pressed a finger to Sephiroth's lips.
"It's all right, Seph. I understand."
He pulled his hand away an immediately pressed their lips together before Sephiroth could say another word. He felt the silver-haired first pull their bodies flush together, and the kiss deepened. The pleasurable jolt was a more than welcomed sensation and he moaned, shuddering when Sephiroth let out a low rumbling noise.
The kiss lasted just a few more moments before they pulled apart, Zack pressing another soft kiss to the soft skin over the other's jaw.
"We'll talk in the morning," Zack said against his skin. "I... needed time to think. Hadn't expected that mission though, or I would have come back to you sooner. There's so much bothering you, and so much I don't understand... We need to talk about those things."
He could feel Sephiroth swallow nervously.
"We have to be able to talk, Seph. I want to know why you get upset, what bothers you... so I can take those problems away.
Zack hadn't exactly expected Sephiroth to agree so easily, but he was glad for it nonetheless.
"Good. Tomorrow morning?"
A silent nod.
"Good." He pressed another kiss to Sephiroth's lips. "Now let's go to sleep. I'm tired as fuck."
The chuckle Sephiroth gave made his heart swell, and he nuzzled his neck happily. It wasn't long before they both fell into a deep contented sleep, Sephiroth holding Zack in a tight embrace.
I'm a sucker for happy endings...