Vocaloid POV: Miki Furukawa (SF-A2 Miki)
15th Song – Matsuda-san
My mind is at a stand still. One side of me wants to keep trying, and the other, just wants to forget it all. But if I forget; I could never forgive myself.
I want only want the best for you... but I'm not that...
I gripped the chains of the swing I sat on remembering those words he said, and closed my eyes. In every way, he seems normal. When I met him yesterday, when he had taken me to meet with that mysterious man. Piko seemed completely normal. But how he admitted to killing his foster mother, like it was just such a normal thing to admit to. That part wasn't normal. It was scary, creepy even.
But yet he admits that he may not be "the best" for me... It's as if, he realizes that something is wrong with him. His is one living contradiction, saying the truth while he is living the lie. It's weird how this is all making sense to me.
I stare up at the sky as I began to swing myself slowly.
Piko and I both laid on the grass of our favorite spot in the little park lookin up at the sky. It was back in the elementary school days. We were both still about ten years old at the time. Back before everything started spiraling out of control.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"When you lay really still, without even twitching for a long time... it feels like the whole world is spinning..."
I tired it in that moment. After a little while the involuntary twitching of my fingers felt distant from the rest of my body... and sure enough the clouds seem to move along with everything else.
"... I think you're right..."
I heard Piko laugh.
"It makes you feel small, you know? To think that we are just so tiny, living on something moving around in a giant universe..."
"Yeah..." I whispered, "...It's crazy..."
I blinked as I looked down. Blinking and blinking again... but I still felt the stray tear trickled down my cheek. I slipped my tongue out of the corner of my lips to wipe it off.
I abruptly looked up and saw Matsuda-san looking down at me. He was this boy with sky blue hair with streaks of white mixed in. His red eyes matched mine as I looked into them. He had this deep contemplative look.
I wondered how he was able to find me here?
I know that he's an upperclassmen that became friends with Len. He sometimes comes up to me and tries to talk to me.
"I'm fine," I replied as I used my sleevie to dab away my watery eyes.
He sat on the swing next to mine. There was a moment of awkward silence between us. I was looking ahead at the small abandoned obstacle course where Piko and I spent so many days of elementary together after classes.
Slowly I looked next to me and noticed that Matsuda-san was actually staring at me. When he spotted my eyes meeting his, he immediately jerked his head away from me. I suddenly got this weird vibe. It told me that maybe he might have a crush on me. I've never caught this feeling before.
Has the fact that Piko's kiss, kinda awakened that sense? After all, when our lips parted in that moment, I've felt sorta weird all over. It was strange. I could feel my face get hot just thinking about it.
"... You shouldn't stay out here for a long time. It's cold and you might get sick..." I heard Matsuda deep voice echo out in the empty park.
I didn't say anything.
"...Well... I'm just saying..." I could feel him looking at me. But I didn't look at him back. Then, I heard him sigh, before he started speaking again. "I... know about your friend. Rin told me you're friends with this guy that's always getting in trouble..."
The hold I had on the swing's chains tightened.
"Utatane Piko, right?"
"What's it to you? Why do you wanna know?" I blurted.
For one, I never ever talked about Piko or his problems to anybody. Ever. And I could tell he was going to start pushing buttons for me to 'fess up. Why would he want to? Is this the reason he came to see me?
I started to wonder, that perhaps he might know about Piko. But I still had my doubts. I saw the look in his eyes. His face seem indifferent, but those eyes, the were warm, tender...
"Just... leave me alone..." I begged as I hung my head.
The silence seem to hang in the air as the biting winter wind blew about. I stared down towards my feet watching the tips of my shoes bump into each other.
"You're a good friend. The best type of friend anybody can have..." I heard him say, "Not everyone is like that... kind of reminds me of my best friend. He's just like you."
At that I looked up and our eyes locked with each other once more. The sincerity in his expression piqued my curiosity, "What has he done for you?" I whispered.
He looked away from me, into the sky, "Stay by my side... He always stayed by my side..."
Matsuda went quiet for a moment his eyes distant as if remembering the past, "I... was never good at talking to people," he began, " I felt like I didn't belong, and I blamed myself for everything. You know, the basic problematic traits for a child with an alcoholic parent. I was an easy target for bullies and such, and well, that's when he showed up. He... stood up for me, and since then, he's stayed by my side. He's even helped out my sister from time to time. I owe him everything. I owe him my life, but he asks for nothing. No, he just wants to be my side, and if I would get in trouble, he would fight tooth and nail to keep me safe..."
I looked back down at my feet as I listened to his story.
"... And I know that you are willing to do the same for your friend..."
I felt my bottom lip tremble. Without looking back at him, I spoke, "Was there ever a time where you felt like a burden to him?"
He chuckled, "All the time... but that never stopped him..."
"Do you tell him to stop? Do you push him away?" I felt my voice echo, my hands gripping tightly at the metal chains of the swing.
"At first, I did. I felt like I was selfish. He had lost his other friends, and all he had was me, I felt happy but at the same time I felt guilty. But then, he told me... that it was his decision. He choose to spend time with me, and that he wanted to help me. Because he liked me, and that he liked to be around me. That he wanted to be around me. After that, I stopped."
"... I see..." I whispered. I couldn't help but smile, "That is a good friend you have... I don't think I'm like him at all..."
"Furukawa..." I heard him whisper.
I stood up from the swing and brushed the wrinkles off my skirt, "Thanks Matsuda-kun, talking to you made me feel a lot better," I said as I gave him a bright smile.
His face suddenly burned a red color as he quickly looked off to the side, "Wha-whatever! I just hate seeing you all bummed out like that!"
I walked over and picked a small purse I had next to the swing pole. I can hear Matsuda's warm voice speak up.
"Are you leaving?"
"Yeah, I'm going home... My parents didn't know that skipped school, if I come any later, they'll find out that I'm cutting classes."
"Come to school tomorrow,"
I turned around and looked at him. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets, in his regular expression, but he seems a bit flustered.
Again with that feeling. My eyes unconsciously took in more of his features. He had a soft jawline, tall with broad shoulders... Perhaps... perhaps... it wouldn't be a bad idea to ask him out one day...
"...eh?" My eyes fluttered as my mind snapped back to reality.
"I said, that Rin's worried about you too. She was out looking for you today."
Shoot that's right. She's been sending me texts. She always gets upset when I don't answer them...
"Yeah, are you sure you're alright?" He said as he reach out a hand.
I stepped back, "Yes, yes! I'm fine... I'll just get going... I'll come to school tomorrow alright? So I'll see you then, I guess..."
"Y-yeah..." he uttered.
"Kay, bye!" I turned and ran off.
At distance, I casually looked back, and I saw Matsuda still stand there... I felt my stomach just churn with this funny feeling, so I just kept running even faster.
Matsuda is my favorite UTAU. I love him and I want more publicity for him! So if you don't who he is, look him up, NAO! щ（ﾟДﾟщ）
Okay, so in other news... My life is very hectic right now. So updates are going to random and erratic. So I can't make any promises. Please leave any reviews, if you feel you have any opinions to express. Thank you!
- Zerolr -