"Just remember my safe word is 'apples'."
"Jack, this was supposed to be a surprise!" Ianto scowled at his partner.
"It is!" Jack protested. "I am surprised!"
"Then how come you already have a safe word picked out?" Ianto frowned. "It can't be a surprise if you're already prepared."
"Oh, come on!" Jack waved his arm at their surroundings. "What else was I supposed to think when we walked into this place!"
"Lawyer's office was the first thing that popped into my head." Ianto looked around the room again, taking in the elegant decor. "Tell me, Jack, what is it about this room that made your mind immediately go straight to 'sex club'?"
Jack looked around the room analytically. There had to be something, anything - he couldn't let Ianto figure out that he'd been here before. The walls were expensive walnut panelling, with an intricately carved ceiling high overhead. The furniture, various couches and chairs, were over-sized and upholstered in soft leather. The odd tables set about were made of mahogany, highly polished. Underfoot, marble tiles were set in the intricate patterns of a mariner's compass. The lighting was provided by a number of fixtures discretely inset in the walls, as well as several Tiffany lamps scattered about the room.
"I'm waiting, Jack." Ianto's tone of voice was changing, leaving behind the persona of the sweet, loving young man who almost idolized his exotic, older, more experienced lover, and taking on the veneer of a harder, stricter, more demanding dominator.
Even though Jack knew this was all a game, the change in Ianto caused a tiny niggling tickle to develop on the back of his neck. He rolled his head and shoulders, trying to make it go away. It didn't.
The crisp click of heels on marble had both men rising to their feet immediately. Walking toward them was a stunning Asian woman, her face as serene as the Buddha himself. "Gentlemen, if you will please follow me?" Without waiting for their reply, she turned to her right and walked toward a set of over-sized smoked-glass doors.
As they followed her down the hallway, Jack was mesmerized by the way her hips swayed gracefully back and forth, the way her black silk cheongsam rode her skin as if it were painted on, the way her black hair hung straight down her back to caress the curve of her buttocks. He could feel himself becoming hard already.
Never let it be said that Jack Harkness was anything but an equal opportunity admirer of natural fine art.
"I've got it!" he hissed at Ianto. "Her shoes! No secretary in the world is going to wear shoes like that to work!"
Ianto looked down at the woman's feet, which were encased in black leather from her toes to above her ankle, with a two-inch sole and a six-inch spike. How could she walk so gracefully, so enticingly? Ianto flashed on her lithe body bent over Jack's desk, those heels thrusting her perfectly-shaped arse into the air, those red lips begging for him to… Ianto shook his head, sending that vision away, but it was too late. He was already becoming hard.
"Really, Jack?" Ianto glared at him. "You…"
Unaware of the tension between the two men behind her, their guide stopped at another door about halfway down the hall. She ushered them inside, indicated a small seating area to their left, and said, "If you will have a seat, your Mistress will be with you in a few moments. Have a pleasurable afternoon, gentlemen." She walked out and closed the door firmly behind her.
"When I find out what you're hiding, Jack, you will be sorry." Ianto spoke quietly but firmly.
"Ah, come on! I'm telling you it was the shoes that gave the whole thing away." Jack shrugged, feeling smug and vindicated. Talk about thinking fast on your feet!
Ianto sighed. "Jack, you told me your safe word two seconds after we walked in the front door."
"That was like ten minutes ago, Jack." Ianto rolled his eyes. "You didn't see her shoes until just now." He snorted. "Next you're going to tell me that you have X-ray vision or that you're psychic and saw her in your mind?"
"Well yeah, I am psychic, but…"
Ianto shook his head and motioned for Jack to be quiet. "Whatever, Jack." The disappointment in his voice was clear. "Just leave it."
Feeling guilty, Jack walked over and put his arm around Ianto's shoulders. "All right, I'm sorry. I should have told you right from the start." He kissed Ianto on the temple. "I have been here before." His breath was warm and tickly in Ianto's ear, and then his teeth were pulling gently on Ianto's earlobe. "But it wasn't for me."
Ianto pulled away and looked askance at Jack, one eyebrow arched.
"No, I swear it's the truth." Jack held up his hand as though swearing an oath. "A friend of mine from the Time Agency was getting married and wanted to do something none of his friends had ever done. Since none of them had ever travelled back to the 21st century, this is what we gave him instead of a stag do." He nodded. "All I did was drop him off and pick him up a few hours later. I never went beyond the front lobby." He pulled Ianto back into his arms.
"We're both virgins as far as this is concerned," he whispered into Ianto's mouth as his lips caressed, nibbled and kissed. He could feel them both growing harder as he pressed his body against his lover's.
"I hope you didn't start without me, gentlemen. I am Mistress Vega."
Both men turned towards the voice and watched as what Ianto would later describe as one of the most exotically beautiful creatures in the world entered the room and stopped a few feet away from them.
Ianto stood, frozen, his mouth agape and his already too-restrictive trousers suddenly way too binding. Jack also stood frozen in place, his mouth open but his impressive trouser tent suddenly deflated. 'I am in deep shit' was the only thought that he could muster.
Mistress Vega took a few steps towards them, paused and looked at Jack thoughtfully for a moment, before she smiled widely.
"Why, Captain. What a pleasure to see you again!"
Jack's shoulders slumped in defeat. The game was up. He risked a quick glance over at Ianto, worried about what he might see.
He was right to be worried. From the look on Ianto's face and the way he was fingering the various paddles hung in the cabinet, Jack knew he was probably going to need that safe word, and maybe even more than once.