Dear readers and writers of Fanfiction,

I am Commander Genesis Rhapsodos, SOLDIER First Class, of ShinRa. It has recently been brought to my attention that a large amount of stories on here contain inaccurate information about me. I am writing you all this letter to express my feelings about this whole situation.

First of, we'll start with the biggest problem so far; yaoi. I don't know what reason you have to believe that I am gay, but let me tell you I am not. I have no problem with people of different sexualities, and I think that all homophobic people lack a brain, but I myself am not gay. Trust me, I've tested that theory. I have a strict interest in women. Men just don't fill my needs. Now, if you think I'm just trying to stay in tbe closet, you need some serious mental help. Let me put it like this, how about I write stories about you being interested in a gender that you aren't? Yuri is actually hot.

Which brings me to my next topic. There is no way in hell I would ever be in a relationship with Angeal or Sephiroth if I was gay. It is disturbing on so many levels that you even think I would ruin our friendship, almost brotherly, bond. Plus, they are both straight as well. Sephiroth may be bisexual, it is hard to tell.

Next thing I have a problem with is that I am always the whinny, feminine uke in almost every yaoi pairing. Once even in this scary "het" pairing with a female Angeal... Very disturbing. Anyway, I am not whinny. It may come off as such at times, but I throw violent temper tantrums, not sit around and bitch about it. Also, feminine? Really? That is really insulting. My parents raised me to be a high class, educated gentleman. I do not go on about breaking nails. I'll break bones if you complain about breaking a nail. I'm also not that shallow. I won't freak out like crazy if I get a bit messy. I'm a SOLDIER First Class for Gaia's sake! As such, with training, and missions, I can't afford to be a clean freak. That doesn't mean I'm filthy either. It's all healthy hygenic habits for me. Unlike Zack. That is a memory I wish to forget.

Oh, I'm only getting warmed up. At some point, I'll give props for those who did get something right about my character.

Next let's talk about my... Body. I know my coat makes appear like I have curves, but if you notice, then you'll see it is designed to flare out just above my hips. I do not have a feminine body, or creamy white skin. I'm not some wannabe albino like Sephiroth. I'm also not that slender. I'm not really that much smaller then Sephiroth. I'm lean. There is a difference. A slender SOLDIER First Class... Ha! I'm pretty sure only a female could pull that off, since bigger muscles equal more strength. Even when enhanced with Mako.

Now, this isn't as common a problem, but despite some of your opinions, I am actually an okay cook. Not the best, but slightly better then average. Also, I hate baking.

Another problem with fanfictions is that I'm normally not in character. Let me give you a few key points to better grasping my personality. I got a psychologist to study me, and this is their results: 'Subject is prone to childish behaviour when attempting to prove him better. Also prone to endless reciting of LOVELESS. Subject can be very talkative depending on the company he is with. Appears to have a very philosophic outlook on life. Prone to violent temper tantrums, with frequent, though mostly minor mood swings. He also appears to have a slight addiction to sex.' Bonus points if I'm with a chick, which means a woman, in your story. Body damage if it is a male. Death if it is Angeal, Sephiroth, Zack, or a combination of the above. That's just distugusting.

Some of the things I've seen done right so far, is my tendecy towards mood swings, violence, my hotness, a contemplative outlook on certain situations, and my will to get what I want, and redeem myself.

I hope you have learned much from this letter. With luck, you'll take into consideration what I've told you. If not, we shall be having a personal talk. With my rapier.

Sincerely,
Genesis Rhapsodos


A/n: Hello, just wanted to say that this in no way reflects my own personal views of any of the stories there. This is just my imagination putting together a letter Genesis might write if he were to stumble upon this archive. This is not meant to be taken seriously, and is meant as a joke. Unless you decide to take it seriously. Then it is your fault if you are insulted. Leave a review in the form of a fan responding to this letter, and I will marry you, or become your slave. Actually, no. If I really like your reply, the most you'll get is the option of having a oneshot written for you.

Have a good day.