I aboslutely love the Blackadder series and i thought id have ago at writing a Blackadder fanfic. I love George and he's my fav character so thats why ive used him.
All characters belong to the BBC.
"Valentine's day," Edmund sighed as he sat down on a chair opposite the fire, "What has the world come to? Who even invented the idea?"
"I don't know sir" Baldrick shrugged, he was cooking breakfast.
"Of course you wouldn't know. I don't know why I bother talking to you Baldrick."
"Why? Don't you want to talk to me no more sir?"
"Let's put it this way Baldrick. I'd rather have a conversation with you than to have a conversation with his royal self-importance upstairs". He picked up the paper and then quickly threw it back down again.
"Don't fancy reading the paper today sir?"
"As a matter of fact…no. I hate valentine's day. Even the paper has love letters from screwy eyed peasant girls to their heroes. It's a surprise that anyone reads that rubbish."
"I've read it my lord."
"Yeah. I bet you did. you're a magnet for rubbish"
Baldrick placed his masters breakfast in front of him and then asked, "Don't you have a valentine sir?"
Blackadder almost choked on his food, "Do I heck? I tell them I work for the prince regent and they're off. Still I don't blame them he's a right git. How about you Balders? Got anyone special?"
"As a matter of fact I do," Baldrick grinned.
"Really? Who is it this time? Flora the flea?"
"You can't get any lower than that Baldrick. Are you sure she's real?"
"I'm absolutely positive sir. Will the prince be wanting his breakfast?"
"Nah…the gits probably still fast asleep. Still less work for me to do," Blackadder wondered now, "So who is your valentine then Baldrick?"
"oh she's the best."
"Here she is," Baldrick held up a turnip, "Teresa!"
"I should have known" Blackadder muttered and he finished his breakfast. "Right I'm off to Mrs Miggins to see if there are any sane people left living." Blackadder fetched his hat.
"I might not be here when you get back sir." Blackadder looked confused.
"Well…"continued Baldrick, "I'm going out for a walk with Teresa cause its valentines and all."
"Right, I'm getting out of here as long as you give the prince his breakfast and me all the money you own I'll let you go. Also make sure you're back in time to cook my breakfast in the morning."
"Will do sir."
"Right…" He left Baldrick peeling potatoes to go and search for more normal people even though he knew that there wasn't much chance of that happening.
As Blackadder walked through the street he saw that nearly every window had something red, pink or with hearts on in the window.
"How can they live with themselves?" he muttered. In the street there were people giving flowers and pretty little hats and that was before Blackadder had reached Mrs Miggins. When he did, however, he was greeted by a little boy dressed as cupid.
The boy asked in a high voice, "Can I deliver your gift to your one true love?"
"I don't have a one true love, now sod off. Now! Before your face has a meeting with my fist."
The boy ran off as expected and the butler strolled casually into the café. Inside he saw that there were only two chairs per table, there were musicians playing calm music and Mrs Miggins; well, she looked like an oversize Christmas tree decoration. She wore a huge pink dress with big bows and a towering hat to match.
Oh god, Blackadder thought as he walked to the counter.
"Oh good morning Mr Blackadder," She spoke in her usual squeaky voice, "fancy something to eat?"
"No actually I've just eaten"
"That's a shame that is. I had new recipes and all" She gestured to the food on the counter. Red and pink buns. Lots of them.
"What is wrong with the world?" Blackadder wondered outloud.
"Nothing wrong with the world Mr Blackadder. Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"
"I'm more than sure. Even if I were hungry I'd rather starve than eat that rubbish. I should probably introduce this place to Baldrick. He'd love it."
"Well someone got out of bed the wrong side this morning."
"Right that's it. I'm leaving. If I so much as spend another second in this place I might end up like you"
"Oh I see," Mrs Miggins smiled, "Got someone special to get home to, oh I see."
"No I do not. Only that pathetic prince and he's probably wondering where I am so good riddance!" Blackadder stomped out of the café slamming the door behind him.
"My point exactly" Mrs Miggins muttered to herself and then carried on cleaning tables.
Blackadder had returned to the house, Baldrick had gone and Blackadder hadn't heard from the prince; yet.
"Whats this then?" he muttered. He'd spotted a pink envelope on the table, "Probably a letter Baldrick wrote to his turnip. Deary me." There was nothing for it so he picked up the envelope and found that it wasn't addressed to Teresa the turnip but to him; Edmund Blackadder. He was really confused now. Had Baldrick the rotten flea bag wrote a letter to him on Valentine's Day?
"Things just keep getting worse," He spoke to himself as he tore open the envelope. The letter inside read:
I know that you are always too busy that you don't have enough time to read your own letters and I should know. However this letter must be read or else the pixies will continue to steal my socks and I love my socks but not as much as I love you of course. You are always on my mind, as well as socks but that's beside the point. When you are near I want you to leave but I know if you stay the flea brain downstairs would do something incredibly stupid. Don't know what but something very stupid. I can't see a future without you and it's not just because you're my butler.
Love you lots Bladders,
Lots of love,
Your secret admirer
"Oh god this day just got worse," Blackadder sat down and put his head in his hands, "This day just keeps getting worse. My secret admirer turns out to be the prince regent. Oh joy. And what's the point in writing `your secret admirer` I know who you are. I mean there's only one person I know who's obsessed with socks and calls me `Bladders` and that's the man upstairs who shares a brain cell with Baldrick!" He shouted at the celling and was now on his feet, "but he's also the man I've known all my life. Could it be?" he checked the time he had ages until Baldrick came back from his date so he decided he would confront the prince.
"Might as well go and find out"
Blackadder made his journey upstairs and was greeted by a cheery voice, "all right bladders? I dint call for you," the prince was spread out on his sofa.
Blackadder smiled "indeed you didn't your majesty but with Baldrick gone I thought it would be alright to talk to you instead"
"Oh yes Blackadder we can talk about how stupid Baldrick is and…and…"
"And read letters your majesty" Blackadder cut in.
"Oh alright but only if we get really bored. And since when were you interested in reading letters? You didn't seem happy when you had to read and then explain to me all of those letters from parliament I got the past week."
"Of course I got bored your majesty. Reading letters from parliament is just plain boring. Even talking to Baldrick would be more entertaining and that's saying something. But as it turns out I do have one letter that I wouldn't mind us reading."
"Alright then, who wrote it?"
"You did." Blackadder chucked the letter to him and a few moments later the princes cheeks turned bright red.
"Oh yes…that letter" he blushed.
Blackadder looked blank.
The prince stood up, "I'm sorry Blackadder but it was Valentine's Day and I had to tell you at some point"
Blackadder took a step closer to him, "so it wasn't a trick?"
George smiled, "unfortunately…no"
"I see…" Blackadder stated.
George took hold of Blackadder's hands, "oh I love you Bladders"
"Is your dad's madness finally rubbing off on you? Why would you love me anyway?"
"Because you've always been there for me, ever since we were little." The prince blurted. Blackadder had never seen the prince like this so….normal.
"We defiantly couldn't tell anyone."
"Oh of course not Bladders, not a word"
"And you have to spend your money on other things as well as socks."
"Oh I don't know. Maybe a qualified army and all the equipment they need and then maybe….maybe we'll win some wars."
"I'll see what I can do" George leaned closer to Blackadder and kissed him softly on the lips.
"BALDRICK!" Blackadder had jerked away from the prince and he now had his hands around Baldricks throat.
"What are you doing here?"
"I work here my lord"
"Don't give me none of that, what are you doing back right now"
"Oh right…..well… I was walking down a street with Teresa and some woman jumped out in front of me and took her. I tried to get her back but it was too late"
The prince hot into action, "I'll send out guards to search for her Baldrick they'll…"
"No. Don't bother your majesty" Blackadder cut in.
"But Baldrick is heartbroken. He's lost his one true love."
Blackadder removed his hands from Baldricks neck and told him to go and put the kettle on. Then he turned to the prince and explained, "You see, Baldricks one true, now very lost, love is a turnip called Teresa so you see it would be pointless" and he kissed the princes red lips once more.