I'm Still Here
"Thank you for that report, Skywalker," Windu said and turned to Ahsoka, who just stood there, motionless, not giving me any sign she was paying attention.
As soon as we had gotten back to the Temple, she had locked herself in our room and refused to open the door. I had to stay with Obi-Wan, who had come back early from his mission to protect Duchess Satine, for the night.
The next day, I eventually had to come into our room through the air ducts. When I got in there, Ahsoka was crying on the bed. I lied next to her for the entire afternoon. She eventually realized I was there and she grabbed onto me. I thought she would try to hit me, but she just latched on me and cried into my shoulder.
I had put my arms around her and rubbed her back for the rest of the night. When I woke up, it was about six in the morning and the Council was requesting our presence. When we got into the Council room, all eyes turned to Ahsoka, who was latched onto my arm like a scared child.
I gave the report to the Council, but I don't think anyone except for Windu and Yoda, was actually listening. All of their eyes were on Ahsoka.
"Anyway, while you two were on this mission, we felt a disturbance in the Force. We wondered what or who could cause this, when we got a hint from something that Shaak-Ti had heard something through the Force. She had heard something along the lines of "Lux!"
"The Council immediately suggested you, Tano. You're the only person in the Order who's worked alongside Bonteri more than once. Do you agree with the Council so far?" Windu questioned.
Windu asked, "You do know that you will have to face punishment from the Council, right?"
Ahsoka nodded again, still not speaking. Windu looked at her with disappointment and… sorrow? I wasn't sure at that point.
"The Council has decided to put you on leave for six months in hopes that you'll have learned your lesson and cleared your head by then," Ki-Adi said. I almost yelled in at him. Six months at the Temple would be like torture.
But Ahsoka just nodded again. I wondered how she was taking this so well, how she could be told it was wrong to fall in love, when almost everyone in here had done so. Even Master Yoda.
"Alright then, Ahsoka. Council adjourned," Windu said and then everyone left, except for Ahsoka and me.
"Ahsoka, how could you stand that?" I asked her. When she didn't answer, I said in a more forceful tone, "Ahsoka Tano, answer me this instant!"
She suddenly looked up at me, her eyes brimming with tears. She said, "Maybe I don't want to! Maybe I just want to be alone right now!" When I didn't answer her, she continued. "Have you ever considered that maybe I don't want you to tell me what to do or that I want to coordinate an attack on my own? Even though I'm just a padawan, I still want to be trusted enough by my master to do stuff on my own!"
She immediately burst into tears after she said that and ran out of the room. I just stood there like an idiot not chasing after her, or really do anything besides breathe.
I couldn't believe that Ahsoka, Snips, had just talked to me like that. She never talked to me like that, no matter how mad. Not mad, depressed.
I was startled by hearing this, but I soon realized that this voice was correct.
I ran out of the room, tears flying out of my eyes. I ran past Plo, Kit, and Aayla, who tried to stop me. I evaded them and continued my run.
I ran past my dorm, the mess hall, and the training rooms. I ended up in the hangar, where I stole a speeder. I took off and headed toward the Senate building.
I arrived there within minutes and took a turbolift to the top. Usually, they'd be having tours right now, but the roof was empty.
I went toward the edge of the safety railing and climbed over it. I started walking toward the edge of the building and I stopped only a few inches away from plummeting over two hundred stories down to the ground.
I looked up to the sky and said, "Lux, how could you leave me like that?" I noticed that storm clouds had formed and it was going to rain pretty soon. "How could you do that to me?"
I still didn't get an answer. It started raining. I kept looking at the sky and asked, "Lux, why won't you answer me? Why not?"
I started sobbing and I looked down to the ground, which looked almost miles away now. "If you won't answer me when I'm here, I'll just have to meet you wherever you are," I said and I took those last few steps and I jumped.
But a split second after I did that I heard "Ahsoka, what are you doing? I'm still here!"
I gasped and immediately recognized the voice. Lux.
I grabbed onto a pole and climbed up it until I reached an opening where I could climb in. I sat there for a minute and tried to catch my breath, but it was to no avail.
Lux was still alive.
I immediately tried to contact him, but I realized that I wouldn't be able to. I was still happy.
I no longer felt the depression that had settled over me. I was happy again. I still felt sad but now I knew that I could find him.
You won't be able to find me, Ahsoka.
His voice startled me again, but I was happy to hear him, though his statement confused me.
"Why not, Lux?"
The Confederacy has placed me in a coma. They also moved me from the prison on Felucia to another one somewhere else. I'm not sure where, but even if I knew I wouldn't tell you.
"Again, why not?" Lux was confusing me and I just wanted to see him again.
I've realized that with me, you'll always be distracted, always wanting to protect me in front of others. Without me though, you can focus on missions and successfully complete them with everyone coming back.
I knew that he was right, but I didn't want to admit it. "But Lux, what about us? What about starting a family and that wedding and…"
Don't worry, Ahsoka. When this war is over, I promise that we'll meet again. And don't worry, I'll be careful. I love you.
And just like that, he was gone.
The depression almost came back onto me, but I knew I had to stay strong. I knew that without Lux, I would always be sad and sorrowful, but he said that we would meet again and I believe him.
We'll meet again, Lux. We'll meet again.