"Total Drama American Gladiators"
Disclaimer: I really, really don't own the Total Drama series or the show "American Gladiators".
Episode 1, Part 2
Chris McLean: We're now back for more Total Drama American Gladiators as Rusty Aldridge Jr. takes the lead against Ares King, 10 to 0. And now it's the women's turn for Assault this time-
Chris's nose then cringes and then turns to Owen.
Chris: (disgusted) Ahh! Damn it, Owen. What in the holy hell did you frickin' eat?
Owen: Oh, it's nothing. It's my mom's homemade cabbage bean sandwiches! My favorite...
Chris: No kidding. It smells like a skunk covered in rotten foot odor!
Owen: I know, the referee tried it and he said it was excellent.
Noah the referee: I said it smelled like excrament! That's poop, you fat bastard!
Chris: Tell me about it. Why don't you just light a match before these people die of fart inhalation!
Owen: (muttering) Fine. No wonder you don't appreciate my mom's cooking...
Owen finally brings out some sticks of strawberry incense and lights one up on the announcer's booth.
Owen: (annoyed) You happy?
Chris: Verily, and now it's time for the Women's Assault! And taking the gun this time is Anne Maria Blaze!
Anne Maria Blaze: Hmmmm...only two women in this competition and I'm gonna kill em both with one stone! I'm gonna be the dragon that will burn them right up. Check this out!
Anne Maria Blaze takes out her hairspray off from her pouffe and sprays it in the air. Then to add amazement. she takes a lighter from her pouffe, puts it on the spray particles and creates a huge fireball as if like she was a fire-breathing dragon.
Owen: Wow, what a firecracker she is!
Chris: And that brings us to car mechanic Ananasia Marksmen. Lets see how he can try to dismantle Anne Maria Blaze just like she does her cars in everyday life. Gladiator by the gun as the rowdy car junkie takes her mark.
Noah: Okay, on your mark, get set... (blows whistle)
Ananasia takes off really fast on her feet. Anne Maria blaze tries to shoot at her, but Ananasia makes it to the first station in time. She tries to get her hands on the crossbow but Anne Maria Blaze keeps trying to hit at her repeatedly.
Ananasia: (hesistant) Geez, it's like she's not getting me a chance! This is a tough bitch!
Ananasia barely grabs the crossbow, but misfires.
Chris: Whoa, looks like she had a little trouble with her aim.
She then takes off and does a little somersault to get to the second station.
Owen: What a nice move! It's weird why Anne Maria Blaze didn't think of shooting at her as she was moving like that.
Anne Maria Blaze keeps shooting at her once again, just trying to prevent Ananasia from grabbing the rocket launcher.
Chris: No kidding, it looks like Anne Maria isn't even giving her a chance to take the launcher.
Ananasia finally gets her hands on the rocket launcher and shoots, but it misfires and it ends up hitting Noah on the nads. He clings on to his testicles.
Noah: (groaning in pain) AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! CRRRRRRIPES!
Owen: Did he say "crepes"?
Chris: He said "Cripes" Owen.
Owen: I'm certain he said crepes.
Chris: It's cripes, Owen. Now our referee is wiped out.
Ananasia tries to get in the third station which involves the ball cannon, but Anne Maria blaze hits her right in the head as she slumps, therefore Ananasia loses.
Owen: Yeah, and so is Ananasia! What a nice shot by Anne Maria herself! Excellent mark right there!
Anne Maria Blaze: Whoooooo! See what happens when you mess with the dragon itself? You're gonna get burned just like that!
Ananasia: (frustrated) Lucky bitch. This ain't over! You may be a dragon with a lousy-ass pouffe, but I'm gonna slay you!
Chris: Ooooh, more fighting words here. This could get really confrontational if it goes on! And now that Ananasia is out of the way, we now move on to Lauren Michaela. Owen's now down on the arena floor with her right now.
Owen: So Lauren, you're up against Anne Maria Blaze as you just saw what she just did to Ananasia right now. Are you somehow worried about what you're going up against?
Lauren: When you're a broadcast journalist like me, you definitely have nothing to fear. I've seen some who are in the brink of war, dodging bullets and getting past gunfire. This is gonna be like this except I'm going all out! This is definitely one war I'm gonna come back alive, just you wait.
Owen: We'll see about that, the referee's got the whistle and we're ready!
Chris: Uh, we don't have a ref, Owen. Noah still has bloody nads.
Owen goes to Noah and he is still cringing from the shot that Ananasia gave him. Owen picks up his whistle and takes in Noah's place.
Owen: Ok, on your mark, get set... (blows whistle)
Lauren takes off on her feet as Anne Maria Blaze continues to shoot, but she misses as Lauren quickly grabs the crossbow.
Chris: Wow, she's really fast on her feet, Owen.
Owen: It's like a Californian Speedy Gonzales with Chocolate hair!
Lauren takes aim at the target upside Anne Maria's head and shoots, but it ends up hitting the ceiling, therefore missing the target by an inch.
Chris: Why in the hell are you always thinking about Chocolate hair?
Owen: I miss Izzy...
Chris: Cry about your own problems, this isnt damn "Maury"!
Lauren tries to get to the second station which contains the rocket launcher, but she ends up tripping which causes Anne Maria Blaze to shoot right at her, hitting the tip of her ankle as Lauren is out.
Chris: Boom! Right there on the ankle! Make that Anne Maria Blaze: 2, Contestants: 0!
Owen: She's sure having one hell of a field day, McLean!
Anne Maria Blaze: (celebrating like crazy) That's right! I told you that I would kill 'em with one stone and I did it! Jersey For-evah! WHOOOOOOO!
Anne Maria Blaze once again takes her hairspray and lighter, spraying them both together to make a giant fireball as the crowd erupts in applause.
Owen: I could use something to cool off after that performance...
Chris: Keep your thoughts to yourself, man...after the 1st round, it goes like this for the women...
Chris: Coming up, we finally move on the second round with one of my favorites, The Human Cannonball! And it's all coming up next on Total Drama American Gladiators!
Never play with fire, children. What will happen next in Round 2? Read and review until then!