"Okay KITT, ready to execute the plan?" Zoe asked.
"I am ready. Mike is not," KITT replied.
"And... start now," said Billy, grinning maniacally.
The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the traffic was light and the road was smooth. In other words, it was a perfect day for Michael Knight the Second and KITT the Second to be alive and free of duty. The two were driving in companionable silence, Mike leaning back in his seat with both hands off the wheel and his feet nowhere near where the car's pedals should have been, and KITT driving at a leisurely pace.
"Mike, how can time be sexy?" KITT asked suddenly, voice somehow sounding puzzled despite its lack of emotion.
Mike blinked in surprise. "What are you talking about?"
"I've been listening to the radio lately in hopes that it may assist me in understanding humankind. I recently heard a song-'Beautiful People' by Chris Brown-in which one of the lyrics was 'take your sexy time'. Could you please explain this to me?" the Mustang explained.
Mike looked perplexed.
KITT signalled a turn and took it before continuing. "I cannot be expected to function well among humans if I cannot understand them." He carefully avoided a squirrel as it nearly ran under his tire, "You seem uncomfortable. May I inquire as to the source of your discomfort?"
"I... I..." Mike struggled to find the right words, "KITT, you're a computer! It's disturbing when you use the word 'sex'!"
"My analyses of human-machine interactions indicate that you will no longer find my use of the word disturbing after approximately 4.6 more conversations of this type," commented KITT as he parked in front of a movie rental store.
"You didn't just bring this up so I'd get over how creepy you are sooner, did you?" Mike asked.
"Of course not. Telling you about the results of my studies has increased the number of conversations required to acclimate you to me using of the word 'sex' to 5.1. I'm hurt that you think I would manipulate you so."
Mike climbed out of the car with a sigh. "I miss my old race car. It never tried to have weird conversations with me. What movies should I get for you?"
"You never answered my question. And get me all the so-called 'Disney princess' movies, please," said KITT.
"Sorry, I am not renting movies intended for little girls. That's just disturbing," Mike snapped. "And I have no idea what Chris Brown meant, so you'll have to live without an answer until you get back to headquarters. Maybe Zoe can help you."
"You told me you'd rent me a few movies of my choice if I didn't tell anyone about the time when you got drunk and-"
Mike glared at his car, turning red with embarrassment. "I know! But I thought you'd want to see The Matrix or something!"
"Mike, the Disney princess movies are classics. I fail to see why this troubles you so deeply. Is it a painful childhood experience you are trying to repress, perhaps?" the Mustang's voice was full of curiosity.
"Of course not, KITT," Mike growled.
"Then get me the movies, and I shall not tell your friends your secrets. I am quite sure you still don't want them to know what I know."
"Fine, I'll get all the Disney princess movies for you, you wretched machine!" Mike hurried into the store, ignoring the curious stares of those who overheard him.
"Thank you, Mike. Would you like to watch them with me tonight?"
"No!" Mike yelled.
"It was merely a suggestion," KITT replied mildly as everyone in the movie rental store turned to stare at Mike again.
Billy and Zoe collapsed on the floor laughing.
"Please can you tell us what Mike did when he was drunk, KITT?" Billy asked, gasping for breath.
"That would be rude of me," the Mustang retorted in his calm way.
"And letting us listen in on Mr. Knight's awkward conversations isn't?" wondered Billy.
KITT's voice became even more smooth and calm. "You are helping me to understand humankind. I believe that is a good enough reason to let you listen in."
Zoe smiled in an evil way. "Makes sense to me. Ask Mike to rent My Little Pony for you next time though; his reaction will be priceless!"
Inspired by the episode called "I Wanna Rock and Roll All Knight". Despite the fact that it's pretty creepy, I find the idea of Zoe and Billy spying on Mike (and Sarah) to educate KITT highly amusing.
I'm currently trying to decide if I should expand this into a series of oneshots featuring KITT, Billy and Zoe. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what my brain comes-or doesn't come-up with.