Dear Mary-Sue,

You know, damn, I never thought I would live to see the day that the captain got married.

I mean really, Eustass Kidd, married? What the goddamn fuck is going on there?

Considering I haven't ever met you, I'm guessing you're either pretty damn badass, or unwilling. When I think about it, it's more likely that you're the latter.

If that's the case, you can tell me, you know. I probably won't do anything to help your situation, but hey. I think we all would want to know if our captain's marrying a kidnappee, and who exactly might we need to account for to try to get you back.

If you're the former, then I look forward to meeting you when you and Kidd get back from your honeymoon. You might actually be a useful addition to the crew, especially if you can cook (a skill which is a rarity on our ship).

Not so much if you've been kidnapped.

But otherwise, your consensual marriage to Kidd is okay with me. I assure you that you can find a friend/confidant/acquaintance/love affair in me, so long as you're not a bitch.

Seriously, if you've been kidnapped, tell me right away. Ransoms are a pain in the ass to set up and take a hell of a lot of time.

With Conflicted Regards,

Killer