Disclaimer : If I owned 'Naruto' it would be called 'Itachi' and be a lot darker, and badass. More of the dark side of the Ninja lifestyle.

This randomly jumped into my head and was like 'come on…you know you want to write it…do it or I'll harass you!' And so it did harass me. So I finally agreed. Outsmarted by my own imagination.

Ok in this fic Tobi is Madara, but had lost his memory and actually acts like Tobi, until he regains them and becomes Madara. Tobi is not faking the…idiocy. Possibly brain damaged? Hmm…

Deidara was sulking again on the roof of their newest hideout. Stupid fucking Uchiha, he thought, tossing another clay bird roughly into the night air before shouting "Katsu!" and exploding it. He was using his weakest clay, as he did not want to wake up the rest of the Akatsuki.

Deidara did not like being in the Akatsuki. Sure, he could blow stuff up and annoy Kisame but…he hated that he was forced into it! That cheating teme Itachi, using those shitty eyes to defeat him, it wasn't fair!

"If only I had fucking known about not looking in his eyes, un." Deidara grumbled to himself, moulding another bird in his left palm.

After another hour or so of venting his frustrations, Deidara went back inside to sleep. But what he didn't know was that his idiot of a partner Tobi had been watching him. And he had thought up a plan…oh Kami no.

"Tobi will help Deidara-sempai!" The masked Akatsuki member cried.

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The members of Akatsuki were in various places around the hideout that morning, except Leader-sama, Konan and Kakuzu, who were in their monthly meeting to discuss the organisation's finances. They had left at an ungodly hour, as Kakuzu always looked forward to these meetings.

Kisame was in the kitchen, chowing down on whatever leftovers he could find in the large, industrial fridge. Hidan was preforming his daily ritual, in the process of driving a Kunai through his heart and screaming to Jashin-sama. Zetsu was in the garden, arguing with himself over which plant was his favourite, but trying not to offend the plants...they were listening. Itachi was presumably brooding in his room, away from everybody else. Deidara had just woken up, and was in a bad mood. He had not slept much last night. Tobi was jumping around ecstatically.

"Everybody, everybody! Come quick!" Tobi shouted in an urgent tone, which automatically alerted the members. Tobi rarely sounded so serious.

Deidara flung open his door in alarm and annoyance, thankfully being fully dressed, as he had fallen asleep in his clothes last night. Black cloaks with red clouds came flying from all directions as the Akatsuki members arrived to see what had happened, Hidan bleeding heavily. Well, everybody except Itachi had come. He just simply didn't care. The rest of them stood crowded in the narrow hallway, glaring at the cheerful Tobi.

"Tobi did it, Tobi did it! Tobi is a good boy!" he said while clapping as he jumped up and down, causing Kisame to sweatdrop, Zetsu to twitch and Deidara to start moulding his explosive clay. Hidan lifted his scythe threateningly, its three blades gleaming with his own blood, from the ritual of course.

"What! Tobi this had better be fucking important or I swear to Jashin-sama I will sacrifice your retarded ass." Hidan growled. He hated his rituals being interrupted.

"I remembered it all! Now Tobi can help Deidara-sempai!"

Kisame's eye twitched and he reached casually for Samehada, which was strapped to his back. "Tobi," he said, "What the hell are you on about? And you had better answer like a normal person this time or I'll shave that mask right off."

Tobi eeped, but quickly ran through some handsigns.

"Tobi will show you!" he yelled happily.

At first, nothing happened. But then, the corridor seemed to darken and Tobi's orange mask swirled rapidly, and in a blink of bright light, the hallway was empty.

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Birds were startled out of their trees by a loud crash in the forest beneath them as five S-class criminals hit the ground, on top of each other.

"Tobi! What happened, un!" Deidara cried from under the dog pile. He was being poked by Hidan's scythe! That thing was sharp!

"Tobi remembered a special jutsu Deidara-sempai! A time-space teleport…ination jutsu! Tobi is a good boy?" Tobi asked with a hopeful look on his face, under the mask.

"What the fuck do you mean a time-space jutsu you fucking dumbass!" Hidan yelled, "And Kisame get your blue ass off me you mutated shark spawn!"

"I would be thrilled to Hidan. But, TOBI IS SITTING ON ME!" the blue shark-man yelled back to the Jashinist.

Zetsu, who was on the bottom of the Akatsuki pile, simply sunk himself into the ground to escape, and rose back up a metre away.

"This could be very bad." Zetsu's white half murmured. "For once I agree with you." Black Zetsu said.

After finally untangling themselves and brushing the dirt off their cloaks, the Akatsuki looked around warily.

"Tobi un, where the heck are we?" Deidara demanded, voicing all their thoughts.

"Tobi took us back in time so you can defeat Itachi-san Deidara-sempai! 'Cause now you know not to look at his scary Sharingan eyes! Tobi is a-"

"WHAAT! TOBI WHAT DID YOU DO? TOBI IS A BAD BOY, VERY BAD!" Deidara screamed, clutching his head. He felt a migraine coming on.

"What the fuck Tobi you idiotic bastard, Deidara can't beat Itachi even if he knows that, you useless son of a bitch!" Hidan spat. Sure, he was immortal, so time didn't really matter. But still, he was pissed!

"Tobi, perhaps that was not your best idea." Zetsu told the heartbroken boy…or was Tobi too old to be called a boy?...Well he certainly was not a man so boy it was, age be damned.

Tobi sniffled behind his mask. "D-Deidara-sempai is angry with Tobi?"

"YES! We don't know where the hell we are, how do we even know you did the Jutsu right?" Deidara hissed at his cowering partner.

"Yeah," Kisame put in, "And I don't see any Itachi around here, do you Tobi?" he said sarcastically, gesturing around the forest.

"Actually," Zetsu said in surprise, "We can sense Itachi-san's chakrasignature about a hundred or so metres in that direction." He stated, pointing to the right. Zetsu never said 'I', always 'we' when referring to himself.

"Then what in Jashin-sama's name are we waiting for mother fuckers! Let's go." Hidan spun around and began walking in the general direction of the Uchiha.

Kisame shrugged and followed him, Deidara, Zetsu and Tobi behind him. Tobi was skipping like a five year old girl in a flower field, but they were used to it by now, and paid it no thought.

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The five Akatsuki members stumbled out of the trees, finally reaching Itachi's chakra signature, after no less than two hours of getting lost amongst the thick forest. They had arrived at a large practice clearing. There was twelve round targets set up in multiple places, as well as training dummies that looked as if they had been in a warzone, and killed many times over.

In the centre were two small boys, both with black hair. The Akatsuki stayed hidden in the shadows of some large trees, confused. One of the children had his hair tied back in a short ponytail, and the other had odd spikes. The elder of the two looked no older than eight or nine, and the younger was probably around three or four years old. The smaller boy was crying.

"A-Aniki, w-why do I haf to leave? I wan'a stay wif you!" he whimpered, rubbing his eyes with the back of his dark sleeves. It was then that the Akatsuki noticed the Uchiha fan on the backs ok both the boy's jackets. What…?

The older sighed, holding the bridge of his nose. "Otouto, because I said so. And since I am older you have to do what I say. Now go to Kaa-san."

"Aniki!" the younger whined, pulling on his older brother's shirt.

"Now Sasuke." The longer haired child ordered, pointing sternly in the direction of where their house presumably was. Glaring, the younger boy –Sasuke-, ran out of the clearing, screaming out as he went.

"You're a meanie Itachi!"

The Akatsuki's jaws dropped. ITACHI? NO WAY! This kid couldn't possibly-

Itachi turned around, now facing his future colleagues. "Come out now, before I kill you all." He demanded, and his eyes bled red. His face was emotionless, but scary. And he was just a kid!

Holy SHIT its Itachi. Is what ran through four of the five's minds…Tobi was just happy that his Jutsu actually worked! If a little too well…

It was silent for a moment, before Deidara could take it no more.

"It's a Chibi Itachi, un! He's, like…Itachibi!" the artist exclaimed, and Itachi looked at Deidara as if he was insane.

Kisame giggled at his partner's…rather fitting nickname. Yes, as if this day could not get any weirder, the great, fearsome shark-man had actually giggled.

"...Well this is awkward." Zetsu said, nodding in agreement with himself.

Tobi began to dance around the clearing, singing to himself, "Itachibi, Itachibi, is so sca-ry!"

Itachi carefully hid a sweatdrop. Who were these fools? They certainly did not act like threats, but Itachi knew not to let down his guard. Ita…chibi? I am not a child! I am a Shinobi of Konoha!

"Stop it! Now I demand to know who you are and what you are doing on the private Uchiha training grounds. Judging by your slashed Hi-ates – except the masked one- you are Missing-nin. I should kill you now, but I want an explanation. How do you know who I am and why are you here. So explain."

Silence.

Then, Hidan.

"HOLY JASHIN-SAMA ITACHI WAS TALKING A SHITLOAD! DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT KISAME, THE LITTLE PRICK WAS THREATENING US TOO! I'm gonna sacrifice him." He decided, lifting his scythe.

Deidara gasped, "Hidan you baka! You can't sacrifice him, he's a fucking kid! And he could probably still beat us at least one-on-one anyway." Deidara absolutely hated Itachi, that was true. But if there was only one moral he stood by, it was no killing children…unless they were collateral damage for his art. Then, it was simply unavoidable. When he had found Sasori-no-Danna's stash of human children puppets –made from only a few extremely talented kids-, he had turned them into his own kind of artwork. The children would have appreciated going from the world with a bang.

Itachi was furious now, and his Sharingan was spinning, both two tomoes blurring with their speed.

Kisame gulped. He had been Itachi's partner long enough to know that if you ignore him…the consequences hurt. He caved.

"We got here through some weird time-space transportation Jutsu Itachi-san. We know who you are because in our time, you are – what? Twenty-one? Yeah. I'm Kisame…your future partner in the Akatsuki."

"Akatsuki?" Itachi questioned warily, keeping his glare steady.

"Yeah, it's an organisation of Missing-nin. All of us are part of it, including me un." Deidara said offhandedly. Because of you! Cheater!

"I will not be a Missing-nin" Itachi said with an even more bone-chilling glare.

"Yeah you will, you kill your whole clan, un!" Deidara told the boy, flipping his long blonde hair back over his shoulder.

"You're lying!" Itachi growled harshly, upsetting Tobi.

"Deidara-sempai isn't lying! Itachibi it is true, you did!" Tobi told the Uchiha.

"Yes, however you did not kill your brother." Zetsu reasoned, playing the peacemaker. Hidan ruined it.

"I want to be here when he does it! Jashin-sama will love the sacrifices…" Hidan shouted, getting a dreamy look in his eyes.

"No, un!" The blonde yelled. Everybody looked at him in shock.

"Deidara?" Kisame looked down at the artist in surprise.

"I will not let Itachibi turn into the teme he is today!...Or in the future, whatever! We will stop the massacre from happening, un. Hell, we could even teach the Uchiha-gaki something. It'll be fun, un!" Deidara said firmly. If he never kills his clan, he won't join Akatsuki, and I will never be forced to either! Genius! Deidara thought proudly.

"I agree with Deidara-sempai! We must help Itachibi to not be Itachi-san! He is good when he's cute-scary but not when he's bad-scary!" Tobi waved his arms around wildly for emphasis. They all jumped when they heard Itachi speak.

"You…are not lying. I can see when people are lying." He looked at them with his Sharingan, scrutinising the five Akatsuki members for any signs of ill intent. He found none. "If you will help me stop it…I will not turn you in. I'll hide you from the village, but only if you give me your word you will not harm it!"

"Course we won't. We have no reason to." Kisame said, and then turned to Tobi. "Tobi, how long does your Jutsu last? The massacre isn't for about four or five years yet."

"It lasts forever unless Tobi does the time-space reverse version! …But Tobi does not remember that part."

Kisame, Hidan and Deidara face faulted, while Zetsu and Itachi face palmed.

Is this guy serious? Itachi wondered. These bakas will help me save my clan?...We are all doomed.

Deidara sprang up from the ground, smiling widely.

"Well Itachibi I guess we have a deal then! I am Deidara the artist, un. The plant-guy is Zetsu – he has split personalities- oh, and he's a cannibal. You already know Kisame is the shark-man, and the masked moron is Tobi. The one with the potty-mouth is Hidan, a Jashinist priest, un. From now on, Itachibi, we are your Senseis!"

Itachi's brow creased slightly. Why do I feel like I just made a huge mistake?

Ok, so now that that is done. Should I continue? Yes, No, or What the hell were you thinking?

-TITM