Secretly In Love

Chapter 17 – Struggle

A/N: Hey guys! Are you all ready for one last chapter? I know you guys are sad, I am too, but there's a sequel! And if you all are wondering about STARLET and the others, they have a bigger role in the sequel so prepare to get frustrated, angry and pissed at them! I'm sorry the last chapter was delayed, I wanted to rest a little cause I have a little plan for Valentines ;D A fic, of course, which is still kept secret. Forgive me. Anyway, thank you as always Rosella6199 for beta reading this chapter. I knew you were busy so I am sorry ^^

Read time... but wait! You have to open a link for two songs :D

Songs: How To Love by Jun Sung Ahn (violin version) AND Torn by Cassadee Pope (I like her version better)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Humor, Hurt and Comfort

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail, Hiro Mashima does.

Gray walked through the hallways of the school and was greeted by the students. As usual, the bitchy girls were giving him seductive calls and were giving him gestures like, 'Call me!' or 'My place or yours?' It was giving him the creeps already. But today, he was okay. Today was the day of the festival and he hoped to see a familiar blonde haired girl. It has been a while since he had last seen her and he wanted to apologize for his cold attitude the other day. But unfortunately, he didn't see her.

He sighed sadly and felt the guilt seeping into his core. He hoped that he wasn't the reason why she was absent for 6 days. He suddenly missed her whines and ranting. But he missed her smile more whenever she saw him. Then again, ever since the scene with Natsu, he pushed her away.

The young teacher arrived in his assigned class and saw Levy and the gang huddled around the corner. They all spoke surprisingly low and soft and the others looked like they didn't have enough sleep. Being the concerned guy he was, he approached them and at his sight, Levy broke down.

Lisanna's eyes watered silently as she watched Levy being comforted by Mira, whose eyes were also watering already. Loke and Jellal stared at Gray, waiting for a reaction. But when they realized he just kept staring with a surprised face, they lowered their heads.

"Lu-chan's going to live in America and she won't come back."

Loke whipped his head to look at Levy with wide eyes. The bluenette stared at Gray in the eyes and he suddenly went rigid. His breath was caught in his throat and he blinked, unmoving after. He looked at each of their faces and they were all holding the same look, sympathy. He gritted his teeth and was about to yell why but suddenly stopped, unable to shout it out. He felt so frustrated that he felt like killing himself right there on the spot. He bit his lip and dropped his books on the floor before dashing out of the room, heading out of the building.

Levy fainted and Gajeel caught her from falling. He gritted his teeth and whispered an apology in the bluenette's ear and carried her to the infirmary. Erza looked at the ground with guilt.

"…Do you think we should follow him?"

The gang looked at her and then looked down again. Natsu sighed and clasped his hands behind his head.

"Why shouldn't we? I know he'll just head to her house. And if we're lucky, we might be able to see her off," the pinkette mumbled and Loke immediately disagreed.

"We can't just leave, today's the festival," he reprimanded and they sulked once again. Jellal stared at the ground hard and suddenly grinned,

"We'll just follow him to the airport then."

(Gray's Point of View)

I wondered why she suddenly left without telling me. Is that how much she hated me now? Am I the reason that she was absent for six days? Was I the reason why Levy caught her crying in the hallway not long ago? I don't know and I'm not sure if I can keep my hopes up with the thought that she'll still be there at her house. Knowing her and her mother, they would leave early but we'll never know.

I panted when I stopped in front of their house. I walked inside the gate with ease to find the maids talking. One looked at me and ushered the others to stand up. They bowed and smiled at me, "Are you looking for Lucy-sama?"

I nodded and tried to catch my breath. One blonde maid who reminded me of Lucy frowned, "I'm so sorry sir but they just left to visit some friends before leaving for their flight."

I closed my eyes in depression and cursed. I ran a hand through my hair and licked my dry lips. "Do you know what time they're leaving for their flight?" I asked and one of the brown haired maids smiled politely.

"Yes, their plane leaves around 8 pm. If you're lucky, you can still catch them," the brunette said and gave me a slip of paper. "Here is the address of the airport. I hope you can see Lucy-sama one more time. I've heard about you. She always seems to be talking about this one particular teacher that caught her heart," she said and smiled sadly.

"But it's sad to see her go. We'll miss her dearly for she's chatty with us and helps us sometime. But there's one thing I ask of you sir," the brunette said and the other maids nodded in agreement.

I gulped for air, "What is it?"

The brunette smiled sweetly, "When you realize your feelings… please tell her right away. That's the only thing we ask for."

I was confused but nodded nonetheless and bowed in thanks. "Thank you, I'll be leaving now," and with that, I returned back to FTA to prepare for tonight.

(Lucy's Point of View)

I smiled hesitantly at the blonde guy in front of me. If I heard right, he's my cousin from my mother's side so he was indeed playful… and annoying.

"Sting Eucliffe," he said and stretched out his hand, a playful smirk dancing around his lips. I pressed my lips together and shook his hand, a forceful smile on my face. If what mom told me was right, he's supposed to be in America but he and his mother went back in Japan for a while and will return in a few days.

"Lucy Heartfilia, please to meet you," I said through gritted teeth and he grinned slyly. I let go of his hand and walked over to where my mother was, talking to Sting's mom. Sting's mother was beautiful, with long blonde hair and blue eyes. Somehow she reminded me of my mother but I know that my mom's the most beautiful mother ever.

The woman, whose name was Alice – a fitting name – looked at me and smiled happily, "Lucy! Come here." I walked over to Alice and smiled as well, giving her a hug and a peck on the cheek. "Look at you! You're grown up so much," Alice said and pouted her lips in slight sadness. "I miss the times when you didn't even care about what others said."

I laughed a little – I don't recall ever visiting them – and grinned, "I still don't care, sometimes." A glance at my mother's smiling face made my day brighter than usual and I turned back to Alice. "So, you wanted to ask me something, I heard?" I asked and she lit up as if remembering something.

"Oh, yes! You see, Sting has a cousin who lives in America and near your father's house as well. I was wondering if you could… well, be friends with him. You see, his parents died in an accident and he has been lonely ever since. His only friend is Sting and his cat whose name is Frosch," Alice said and smiled sadly. "He's like a son to me you know? So please… befriend him, okay?" she said and at that face, I just couldn't say no.

I nodded and grinned, "I will, I promise."

She smiled and sighed in relief, "Thank you."

(Gray's Point of View)

"Hurry up Gray! There's only five more minutes before you have to play!" a staff member yelled and I struggled to get my violin in pitch. I was dressed in a white long-sleeved dress shirt with black pants and black dress shoes. I cursed and heard Loke snicker behind me.

"Looks like you've got your panties in a twist," he said and I glared at him. He laughed and I rolled my eyes before straightening my back. I massaged my temples and tried to get rid of my headache and I knew that there was only one solution, glasses.

I didn't like wearing my glasses, and I didn't know why as well. But every time I wear them, I feel intimidated and a little nervous. Maybe it was because nearly everyone would be staring at me for a reason that I can't think of. And whenever I would wear my glasses, I couldn't look at people in the eyes, unless it was my mom because I would definitely get killed.

"Holy shit, you wear glasses?" Loke exclaimed in surprise and I groaned in reply. He laughed and leaned back on the table in front of me, "Now I get why girls love you."

Despite of the fact that I was annoyed, I smirked and gave him a glance, "Of course."

"Gray! You're on the go!" someone yelled and I muttered another curse. Loke laughed and patted my back.

"Good luck dude; don't steal all the girls okay?"

I laughed and nodded before heading out to the stage. I gulped and heard squeals from the crowd. I smiled at the audience and bowed. "Today I will be playing… How to Love," I said through the microphone and sucked a deep breath. I placed the violin on my collar bone, supported by my arm and held in place by my jaw. I placed the bow on the strings and slowly started to play the beginning of My Heart Will Go On.

I knew what their faces looked like; they were surprised when I had clearly stated that I was going to play How to Love. But after a while, the music slowly turned into How to Love and I smiled when I heard them all start telling each other that they didn't expect that change.

I stroked the violin with the bow and tried to keep my eyes open, but I just loved the feeling of playing it again to the point where I could just close my eyes and play on forever. I almost wanted to sigh in disappointment when I remembered that Lucy was supposed to sing this with me.

I heard another gasp when they noticed that I mixed in My Heart Will Go On once again with How to Love. I sighed through my nose and suddenly felt like a weight on my shoulders were lifted, like I suddenly felt at peace for the first time in a few years. I started playing livelier and I finally opened my eyes.

When I did, I almost felt like choking. On the very corner of the auditorium was Lucy. She had her arms crossed while leaning against the wall. She had a hoodie on and was wearing the hood. Her mother walked towards her and Lucy nodded before following after her mother who left the auditorium. Right here and now, I wanted to stop playing and chase after her but I knew that I would be sued if I stopped playing. I started nibbling on my bottom lip nervously—What if I won't be able to see her one more time and tell her how I feel before she leaves?

Wait… what?

Did I just… no, it couldn't possibly be. But I… just thought of it, didn't I?

I continued playing and when I was finished, I lowered my violin and bowed, smiling pleasantly at the crowd as they clapped.

Is it… no, it can't be, but… what if?

Go on, say it!

My eyes widened and I covered my mouth in shock. I didn't even care about the crowd anymore; they were too busy surrounding me. But I just… can't help thinking that I…


I… I'm in love… with Lucy Heartfilia.

(Lucy's Point of View)

I sighed and covered my face with my hand, my body facing the window. I bit my lip and heard my mother sigh. A hand grasped my shoulder and I turned to look at her. "What is it?" I asked and stared at her with tired eyes.

She smiled at me sadly and tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear, "You can let it out you know, your pain."

"I've already done it too many times, and it still hurts," I mumbled and massaged my temples. "Somehow, I don't feel like I belong in Japan anymore and that is the main reason why I want to leave," I told her and looked at her straight in the eyes. I know that she doubts me; I can clearly see it in her wonderful brown eyes. I know that even I doubt my decisions, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

The cab stopped in front of the airport and the driver opened the door for me and my mother. I stepped out and wore my snapback cap but my mother groaned. "Oh please Lucy, if you're going to at least leave while on disguise, at least wear a cabbie or something," she mumbled and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You look like you're a hipster or something," she commented with a sigh.

I shrugged and took the black fedora from her hand, "Well I can have this, can't I?" I smiled teasingly when she rolled her eyes before I wore the hat on my head. I took my white trench coat from the driver and smiled at him, "Thank you."

He bowed, "You're welcome my lady."

I wore my coat and stretched my arms. A smile spread across my lips and I took my suitcase. I rolled it down on the floor as I started walking. I stopped after a while and looked over my shoulder and saw my mother staring at me with a brow raised, "You coming, mother?"

She laughed and shook her head before grabbing her suitcase as well. She walked over to me and nodded, "Of course."

We walked and I suddenly felt like laughing. It's funny how one single man can change your whole life. All this time I had been planning on living in Japan forever but ever since I met Gray, everything seems too twisted and cruel. I frowned at this—yes, perhaps I have been delusional all this time. Everything is cruel, except for the love of my family and my friends. The world is filled with shadows that even I can't face on my own.

My thought was cut off as my mother tugged at my coat. "Lucy, get ready. I experience this all the time but I'm sure you haven't yet," she said and I looked at her, confused.

"What do you mea—"

"Oh my gosh! It's Layla and Lucy Heartfilia! Kyaaa!"

Soon enough, my mother's fans – and I guess mine's too – were gathering around us. I sighed and smiled slightly, I guess your fans would recognize you even when your back is turned. I grinned at my mother, "It is hard to endure but I'll try."

"Kyaa! It's Lucy Heartfilia in the flesh! I love you!"

"I'm you're number one fan!"

"Can I have an autograph? Please Layla-sama? You too Lucy-sama, can I have yours?"

I scratched the back of my neck and signed whatever they presented me: books, hats, clothes, their arms and even on their phones – I wrote it down on their touch screen phones. I stretched out my arms and looked at my watch, "I'm sorry but we have to leave now everyone."

"Awwww!" everyone yelled and my mother laughed.

"You'll see me and my daughter more in the TV, so we bid you all farewell!" she said and grinned. I rolled my eyes and smiled at everyone. When we were walking away, I was about to pass my ticket when a voice stopped me.


My eyes widened and I looked over my shoulder. I gasped and dropped my ticket.

"G-Gray," I said and felt my knees go weak. I stumbled to the side and the woman who was getting our tickets supported me. I felt my throat clog and I swallowed, sweat trickling down my forehead.

Gray Fullbuster stood with my friends around him, being blocked by my mother's fans. They were panting – obviously – and Levy was crying again. I felt the corners of my mouth twitch but I regained my composure and handed the woman my ticket, "Here you go."

"B-But ma'am, you have some friends who want to say goodby—"

I sent her a sharp look, "I don't care."

She went silent and nodded. I heard my mother sigh and she handed her ticket as well, "I'm sorry, my daughter is being awfully cold suddenly." I rolled my eyes at this and was headed towards our private plane. I knew I had to get my stuff check, but while the crowd was swarming around us earlier, the driver had done it for us. I bit my lip and lowered my fedora hat, trying to ignore Levy's cries.

"Don't just leave us hanging, Lucy!" Gray yelled. It was hard for me to ignore him, the man I love the most. But I have to; I have to for the sake of my sanity. Maybe I know I'm just torturing myself but this is what I must do. And ironically, I suddenly thought of a way to show him how much I'm broken.

"I thought I saw a man brought to life. He was warm; he came around like he was dignified. He showed me what it was to cry," I sang and Gray stopped yelling and I turned around to look at his expression. It broke my heart. He was staring at me with wide and horrified eyes as he clung desperately at the railing dividing the passengers and the visitors.

"Well you couldn't be that man I adored—"

"Don't do this Lucy! STOP IT!"

"—You don't seem to know, seem to care what your heart is for. Well I don't know him anymore. There's nothing where he used to lie," I sang and smiled at him bitterly. He gritted his teeth and began yelling at the guards to let him pass. They shook their heads and he continued yelling.

"LET ME PASS! You don't understand how much I fucking need to talk to her!" he yelled and I closed my eyes as I took one step backward. He realized this and started yelling my name in frustration.

"My conversation has run dry. That's what's going on, and nothing's fine I'm torn!" I yelled and took another step backward, nearing the hallway headed to our plane. He shook the railing and I laughed scornfully.

"I'm all out of faith, this is how it feels. I'm cold and I am shamed lying on the floor. Illusion never changed into something real," I said and took another few steps backward. My mother sighed and leaned back on the wall of the hallway, smiling at them sadly.

"I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn—"

"God damn it Lucy, I love you!"

"—you're a little late, I'm already torn," I sang and felt like crying as he said those three words. I've waited so long to hear those words and now it feels like it's just worthless now. I don't care anymore.

"So I guess the fortune teller's right, should have seen just what was there and not some holy light. To crawl beneath my veins and now, I don't care, I have no luck. I don't miss it all that much."

Gray clenched the bars, "Don't do this Lucy… don't leave me!"

"There's just so many things that I can't touch I'm torn," I took another step backward and his eyes widened again. He yelled my name again and I smiled.

"I'm all out of faith, this is how it feels. I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed into something real. I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn—"

"I love you so much Luce, don't leave me! Stop singing! STOP IT!"

"—you're a little late, I'm already torn."

He cried and leaned his forehead on his clasped hands around the bar. He cried and Mira patted his back, sniffing as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"There's nothing where he used to lie! My inspiration has gone dry! That's what's going on, nothing's right!"

He sucked in a deep breath and looked at me with begging eyes. At that point, I wanted to stay and love him again, but I didn't want to be fooled. I bit my lip.

"I'm all out of faith, this is how it feels. I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed into something real. I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. I'm all out of faith, this is how it feels. I'm cold and I am shamed, bound and broken on the floor—"

"Lucy Heartfilia… I love you..."

It was barely a whisper but somehow I read his lips.

"—you're a little late, I'm already torn."

And with that, I entered the hallway and disappeared behind the curve.

Gray gritted his teeth and yelled, slamming his clasped fingers on his forehead. He crouched on the floor and sobbed.

He bit his lip and stared at the hallway in hope to see her again. And when he didn't, he pressed his lips together and punched the floor.

"Damn it…"

If only he had realized his feelings earlier, then Lucy wouldn't have thought of an unrequited love.

She didn't have to be secretly in love.

Comment from Rosella: Oh gosh, the entire ending~! It was written spectacularly, the song chosen was also perfect! I immediately recognized it and it matched with the scene like a missing puzzle. XD

Beta's Comments: Once again, you should consider stopping using words repetitively. Also, you should get used to not putting commas in places not necessary.

A/N: Yes, hahaha, I love commas xD and the word "but" so I'm trying to prevent myself from using them too frequently :)) Anyway, please tell me if you liked it - I know Ella did - and tell me when you want the sequel released. But wait just a minute, not TOMORROW, okay? XD And not the day after as well, I can't handle that, hahaha. Anyways, yes, say goodbye to SIL and say hello to "A Love That Lasts Forever" - so long =w= So for shortcut, it shall be called ALTLF! Hahaha, it says ALT+LF, YOLO!

Anyway, that's it, say good bye! I shall say my good bye too :3

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