A tormented introspection on the feelings of Van Fanel.

By Pearl Drop Angel

Van wondered aimlessly through the empty streets as the rain pelted in heavy sheets onto the cobblestones, the cemented walls, and his skin.

His heart was heavy.

He didn't know why but he had a feeling of forebodying that made his being shake with worried anxiety.

He didn't care where he was going. He was being led by the lowest part of him, the center of his being, though he wasn't quite sure whether at that moment that was supposed to be his feet or his soul.

He didn't care.

Not a soul could be seen. The houses that he passed let out candlelight from the nooks and crannies of the windows and doors, along with the laughter of the people safely resting inside, comforted by their families in content happyness.




At the moment he had the feeling that it would be long and hard coming for him.

Maybe it was just the months of traveling and battling and getting hurt that were wearing down on him. After all, they had all been going through a lot.

But he felt it was more than that.

Ever since Hitomi had slapped him earlier and had run away, he'd felt something was going to happen.

Something wrong.

And just thinking about her made him sick with worry.

It was like what he was feeling was somehow connected to her, as it usually always was in some way.

With each leaded step he took the anxiety grew, gradually taking breath and peace away all at once.

What was this feeling?

Was it just the icy rain making its way through his veins to his heart, making it heavy, sick, tormented?

But as he turned the corner he knew.

It was like she always said.

She felt things, before, while, or after they were happening. Knew about them without being there. And everybody had that power, she'd said, to one degree or another.

And this was how it had revealed itself to him.

Before him, a few meters away, on a small bridge that connected one side of the tight canal to the other, she stood, wet, shivering, soaked to the bone, but beautiful as always.

There she stood, in the arms of a man who he had thought of as a friend to some extent.

There she stood, locked in the warm embrace and passionate kiss of Allen Shezar.




That was the only thing that his mind was conscious of.


He was frozen.


She loved Allen, and, even if he'd subconsciously known this, he had not accepted this.

But now he could turn his back on the matter no more. He could no longer think that the problem didn't exist. Forever have to face the reality that she loved a man outside of himself.

So he was frozen.

He loved her, he knew that now, but he was frozen.

The battles and scars and arguments that had been constant up until now had finally worn down on his heart with the help of the glacial sheet of water that kept on pouring onto his poor soul, freezing it.


He was frozen.

He turned his back on the scene.

He wanted her happyness.

He did.

Even if that meant that she could only be happy with Allen.


Where was his heart?

It was somewhere inside him. Lost inside his being. He knew it was there, but he couldn't guess where. He was conscious of it, but it was so cold that it felt like a crystal, hard and indestructible, but frozen.

She must be very warm inside the safety of Allen's arms, but he was frozen.

The only warmth he felt was on his cheeks. Two salty streams that were born on his lashes, to travel down wetting his already soaked face, and to die on his lips.


They tasted like salt.


Somehow their warmth made his shiver further more, freezing him.

He walked away from the couple, frozen.



Author's ramblings:

Wow! This was even darker than "My First Kodocha Fic"! Okay, as most of you have guessed, this takes place when Dornkirk uses his technology to make Hitomi and Allen kiss. When I saw that episode, first, I stared at the TV for about an hour in a state of semi coma after the credits ended, trying to erase it from ever having happened with my will, even if, honestly, I didn't think of much. My only thoughts were: "This can't be real!" Than, when I finally returned to my demented self I thought: "But...Van!?" Oh, yes! What could Van had possibly been feeling when he saw them? After that it took about three seconds to come up with the whole thing. Although I must admit I'm not happy with the ending, so any comments are welcome. Write to me at

Thank you

Pearl Drop Angel

AKA Roberta Jeanne Gallucci

PS: Consider yourselves lucky. This little piece of work is by FAR the shortest thing I ever wrote. Even my poems were longer. Yes, you are very lucky people!