A/N: Glee is not mine, obviously. Neither are the lyrics, taken from Theory of a Deadman's Heaven (Little by Little)
You got me through the days, when I thought I couldn't face it
It seems like it was yesterday. Dave was in that hospital bed, throat still burning, head still messed up. Sebastian was standing next to him, gripping the railing of the bed. Apologies were made. A promise too. He promised to be there, to help him make it through it. He did keep that promise.
Just hold on, I'm not that strong…
It was easy, surprisingly so. An instant harmony. No one believed it. On Dave's side, it was doubt and protectiveness that surfaced in every one of his friends (the ones he still had). How could he let himself fall for a bully? How could he trust the always-fleeting Sebastian with his heart? It made no sense.
There's a little piece of heaven right here where you are
The fact that you keep trying is what sets you apart
It didn't stop Sebastian. He ignored them all and just kept… being there. Late night calls, early morning texts, when the days ran long on weekends, anytime really. When, in the middle of a movie marathon, Sebastian suddenly paused the TV, turned towards Dave and kissed him, it wasn't even a surprise. This deep, meaningful kiss, it felt expected, almost overdue. It felt right, most of all.
Now, you're far away and I'm alone to cry about it
So it's not fair that they're in here. This uncanny similar scene, with the roles reversed. Five years later and the hospital room is just as clean, disturbingly so. The lightly colored sheets don't even make a contrast with Sebastian's translucent face. This is nowhere near his usual, cheerfully colored complexion.
Hold on, I was never that strong
"Why did you do it, Bas? Why didn't you call me earlier?" he chokes out. His throat is so tight, the words barely get out and when they do, they sound nothing like they're supposed to. Sebastian doesn't hear them, so it shouldn't matter, right? Dave grabs his boyfriend's hand tightly. His thumb rubs deep circle in the back of it. No response.
You'll get stronger
In a way, the whole problem is there. It was always Sebastian who was doing the giving, who helped him. He could never let Dave repay him, he could never let go. It took months for David to actually notice the real problem. By then, Sebastian was in so deep, it was pretty much hopeless. He tried nonetheless. Lectures, rehab, support groups. They did some good, for some time.
So, just hold on
I'll help you find a way
I'll help you find the way
It gets harder. Never before had Sebastian fell off so hard. He barely got there in time, despite all his efforts, rushing there as soon as he got the barely audible phone call from him. He would always call him when it got too much, when he would go too far. Well, it had been the case today, again, and Dave had found him, curled into a ball in a corner of their bed, unconscious and shivering.
Help me find the reason and I'll help you find the way to get rid of all your pain
The reasons were blurry. So many dark places in Sebastian's mind. His sunny, mostly bitchy disposition was, still is, a mere façade. It's cracked now, but the truth is still so far away from Dave. It's not as simple as a mere event of the past, something that happened to him or anything like that. It's indescribable.
Dave draws a shaky breath, tears his eyes from their joined hands to finally look at his face. His whole body stills.
"Dave?" The name hardly got past the chapped lips, but the room is so silent, it might as well have been screamed.
"I'm there Bas."
Never letting go of the cold hand of the man he loves, he leans forward, burying his head in the pillow, right next to Sebastian's cheek.
"I'm so sorry…" Sebastian murmured.
Sebastian twists his head just enough and Dave can feel his cold cheek against his. He can also feel the unsure breathing on his neck. He pulls back. The sheer panic in Sebastian's eyes is a knife to his heart.
With his free hand, he pushes away the unruly strands of hair from his forehead before kissing it lightly.
"Don't be afraid babe." he says with a small smile.
"I can't, I don't…." Sebastian stammers.
"Shush. It's okay. We'll figure it out." He cups his boyfriend's cheek, lets his fingers cradle the back of his head in a comforting manner.
Sebastian closes his eyes but a few tears spill anyway. "You should have left me ages ago." he says flatly.
"Maybe. But I won't. I can't actually, because I love you. Nothing's gonna change that."
Sebastian looks at him again, tries to smile, to no avail. "Help me then?" he asks in a shaky voice.
Dave smiles again and drops a feathery kiss on Sebastian' lips. "Always."
Little by little, day by day.