Legato's Happy Place

By: Fishguts


Legato sat in a dark room twiddling his thumbs waiting for Knives to come and give his thoughts of the last battle. Legato stopped twiddling his thumbs when he heard some one outside his door.

The door opened slowly and in walked a very angry Knives.


"Yes, Mastah?" Legato said standing as Knives entered the room.

"I am very disappointed. Midvalley is crying over the loss of Dominique."

"I am sorry Mastah. May I ask why?"

"Because you had her killed for not destroying my idiotic brother."

"But Mastah, that is the consequences for not completing their mission, with success."

Knives walked over to Legato. "Now Legato. You know the rules. Now tell them to me."

Legato curled his lip and let out a sigh. "Rule number one- Cause Vash ultimate pain and suffering." Knives nodded. "Rule number two- no gay relationships aloud."

"That one is very important Legato." Knives stressed the word important. "Go on."

"Rule number three- Never make another member of the Gung-Ho-Guns cry."

"And you broke that rule. You have caused Midvalley to cry." Knives walked closer to Legato. "Finish the rules."

Legato bowed. "Yes Mastah. Rule number four- Never anger Mastah Knives. Rule number five- stay fit, there shall be no slow flabby lazy fighters in this regiment. Rule number six- Please the Mastah."

"Hold on a moment Legato. You have also broken rule number four. You have angered me." Knives took a breath. "There has been a revision to rule number six. The new rule states that you shall make sure the Master, me, Knives, is happy and has everything he needs. Now continue."

Legato nodded. "Rule number seven no fuzzy pink rabbits allowed what-so- ever. Rule number eight- Train as often as possible, the only time you shouldn't be training is when you are out on a mission. Rule number nine- Midvalley shall be the only musician allowed in the Gung-Ho-Guns, and this goes from now till the end of the Gung-Ho-Guns. Rule number ten- Vash is to suffer and the Mastah shall see to his demise, no one else. And rule number eleven- Sacrifice yourself for the Mastah in time of major battle."

"Very good Legato. Now how many have you broken?"

Legato began to count on his fingers. "Five I believe Mastah."

Knives looked shocked. "Five? I only thought it was four."

"No Mastah you forgot about the fuzzy pink bunnies that you don't know I have in my room."

"What?" Knives yelled.

"Sorry Mastah."

"Legato. Go to your room. Don't come out till I say you can. Do not snack. And DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT think of Midvalley and Dominique. And bring me ALL of the fuzzy pink bunnies you have!" Knives took a breath. "Now GO!"

Legato nodded, bowed and left. He walked up the steps to the top tower where he dwelt. He still couldn't figure out why the Mastah had made him live here. He collected all but one of the fuzzy pink bunnies and placed them in a pile by the door.

Legato sat on his bed and closed his eyes. "I am sorry Mastah." He cried. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and closed his eyes.

Legato began to meditate and concentrate on the happiest place in the world. (No not Disney world, although that is one of his choices, he especially likes the flowers that grow there and all the pretty dresses the girls wear.)

This place was bright and cheery. The sun shined and the birds sang. There was a cool refreshing breeze blowing. He was standing in a field full of pink and purple flowers. A lone tree stood in the corner of the field. By the tree stood a platform. The platform was decorated with pink streamers and blue ribbons. Legato stood in the midst of all of this. A small fuzzy pink bunny hopped over to his feet. He picked it up and began to pet it.

A little songbird came and perched on one of the spiky things on his shoulder. It began to sing, Legato whistled with it. (Knowing that in reality he couldn't whistle if his life depended on it.) His whistle became high pitched. The bird flew away. Then there was evil laughter. Legato began to panic. If anyone found him here, his career as a member of the Gung-Ho-Guns would be no more.

Then a loud banging was heard at the door. He quickly came out of his trance. He stood up and quickly hid the fuzzy pink bunny under his coat. Knives walked into the room. Legato bowed to his 'Mastah.'

"Legato, you are grounded."

"Yes, Mastah."

Legato bowed and Knives walked out of the room.

"Oh and you are not to leave this room no matter what!"

Knives left the room and closed the door behind him. Legatos sat down on the edge of the bed and stared out the small cell like window. (The kind that you see in the jails.) He concentrated on his happy place. (Not Wally World, he's not that privileged.)

Midvalley stood on the platform and played his saxophone. Legato swayed to the music. He began to walk up to the platform. Before he reached it, Dominique appeared by his side. Legato fell to the ground. He grabbed his chest. The fuzzy pink bunnies came and surrounded him and the birds hovered above his head. Midvalley and Dominique began to cuddle and laugh at Legato who was now being bitten by his once cute little bunnies.

The bunnies' teeth grew and formed into points. Their feet grew long dagger like claws. Their tongues pierced his skin as they licked him. He cried and his mascara began to run.

"MASTAH! SAVE ME!" The birds dropped their 'stuff' (you know their poop, dookie, and whatever other word there is for it) on him and buried him alive in it.

Legato opened his eyes. He lay there his head in the window seal the sun shone through piercing his eyes. He sat up. Music was playing in the air.

He grabbed his ears and began to scream.

Knives stood outside the door. He laughed as the record player played Midvalley's newest and most recent hits. "This shall show him that no one disobeys my rules…" He broke out into hysterical laughter and pulled out t his issue of YM. He flipped through the pages and began to read.


Ok I have no idea of where I got this idea from…maybe it was b/c I don't really like Legato so I have to make fun of him. But I do think this was one of the strangest things ever.