Beta'd by Leon Stryfe.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

From the Personal Journal of Rupert Giles:

I have begun this journal in order to record the events of the life of my slayer, Buffy Summers. She has turned out to be an extraordinary slayer, but I fear what the Watchers Council would do with this information should they ever find out about the personal life of my slayer. This might explain the reason I have been unable to find any research materials relating to the unusual circumstance that we find ourselves a party too. I doubt any past Watcher would divulge to the council similar circumstances concerning their slayers.

At first I was hesitant to write these observations down, but recent developments have made it necessary to put to paper the unusual things that have happened in an effort to better understand them. This journal is separate from my official Watchers Diary; that volume is related to her slaying duties and only her slaying duties. This journal is more of a personal nature, but as Buffy's personal life and her life as the slayer intertwine some of her slaying duties will be mentioned. Despite that, this journal shall be kept private and locked away.

It seems that my slayer has had not one but two Master Vampires fall in love with her. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that both vampires are of the same line? They differ greatly in terms of personality, motivation and, from my observations, the way they express those feelings. Angel, the first vampire to display affection for my slayer, was cursed with a soul and hid from society for one hundred years because of it. Beings calling themselves 'The Powers That Be' offered him a chance at redemption if he were to work on the side of the light. To that end they brought him into our lives, although I doubt they did so with the full knowledge of how much he would change our lives and not all for the better. The second vampire, Spike, claims no soul, nor neither need nor desire for redemption. His motives are apparently for love and love alone. Love for Joyce, Buffy's mother, who showed him kindness and friendship when he needed it. Love for Dawn, Buffy's younger sister, who became a friend to him and a younger sibling of sorts. And finally love for Buffy herself.

When Buffy first arrived in Sunnydale she wanted nothing more than to pretend that her calling was a thing of the past. Events soon made her realise that she couldn't shut her eyes to the supernatural world and her calling, no matter how hard she might try to wish it away. Soon, Buffy had amassed a group of children who not only discovered the reality of vampires and demons but who stood by her side and fought with her. She also met a vampire, not unusual for a Slayer, but this vampire was supposedly different. She initially hid his existence from us, at first because she was unsure of him, or at least that is what I choose to believe, and later because of an attraction she felt for him. Eventually she brought him into our group and it was revealed that he was Angelus, or more recently Angel, a vicious vampire who had been cursed with a soul by gypsies over a century ago.

I was unsettled at the time by the development of a relationship between the two. My trepidation was not only due to the fact that he was a vampire, although that certainly gave me pause, but more because he seemed to skulk in the shadows. There were times when he had information that would have assisted Buffy with her duties but he was decidedly reticent in revealing all that he knew. My slayer has died once already, albeit briefly, because of inaction by myself and Angel, and was saved only through the actions of one of her human friends, Xander Harris. This is something that will haunt me for many years; could we have changed the outcome? Did Buffy have to die, thereby splitting the slayer line? I fear I will never know.

My worst fears regarding this relationship were realised during Buffy's junior year. Angel's soul was a curse, this we knew, but what none of us, Angel included, had known was the way in which the curse could be broken. I must add my utter contempt towards Angel for not researching the curse for himself over the last century. If he had, any number of deaths and terror would have been avoided. Buffy, being in love with Angel and he with her, had consummated their relationship. That provided Angel with a moment of perfect happiness and the thus his curse was broken. My Jenny, who had been sent here by her gypsy clan to keep an eye on Angel, was a causality of his reign of terror once the curse had been broken. She was in the process of translating the curse with the purpose of re-cursing him, when he snapped her neck and left her for me to find.

Eventually Willow was able to curse him again, but Buffy was still forced to send him to hell mere moments later. That battle also brings up the reason I decided to write this journal; Spike, William the Bloody, The Slayer of Slayers. I have spoken to Buffy in depth about the battle against Angelus since Spike's reappearance in our lives and what I have learned has made me start to rethink my beliefs about demons. Spike came to town to cure his sire Drusilla, who was in turn sired by Angelus. Spike seemed to have a single-minded focus on curing his lover and after what I can only assume was an inordinate amount of research he eventually came upon the cure. His victory in curing her was short lived as a fight broke out during the ritual resulting in Spike being confined to a wheelchair. Within days of that event Angel lost his soul and returned to them a fully evil soulless vampire bent on mayhem and destruction.

I firmly believe after witnessing said events and speaking to Spike after the fact, it was what transpired during Angelus' return to Drusilla and Spike that precipitated Spike's later actions. Angelus reclaimed his position as head of the clan and used those rights to humiliate Spike and take his sire from him. Drusilla and Spike had been together for over a century with Spike in love with her that entire time, acting as both lover and care giver. That Angelus could return and take her from him angered Spike and due to his injuries, he had no recourse to stop Angelus. His position did however allow him to be able to obtain information that we desperately needed to stop Angelus. Spike was privy to Angelus' plans and when he found out that Angelus was going to release hell on earth Spike chose to act. He turned against his family and allied himself with Buffy to stop Angelus. The two came up with a plan and in the process Spike saved my life. He left town with his sire and was to never darken our door again.