He Will Never Be You
Disclaimer: These characters belong to the creators of Glee… If not Faberry would exist already (as it should).
Authors Note: Pre-warning to people who read all of my stories, this idea was originally used in "I Remember" one of my Sonny With A Chance stories, but I liked it so much and wanted to revise it to make it Faberry because this seemed to match both pairings so well. (In fact most of my pairings haha guess I am predictable) Still, despite using the same songs a lot of things will be changed for characterization purposes etc so it is its own story and not a simple rewrite. Hope that y'all enjoy!
Wednesday, never felt so cold here…
Found your letter,
Didn't know your words could hurt me still…
Her hands shook as large brown eyes moved along the letter that she had read numerous times before. Over the last few years she had looked over the words so many times that she had them memorized well enough to recite them on command. She knew every detail from the curves on the cursive l's to the smudged ink where her tears had fallen.
Every time that she came to the end she felt her stomach clench and as if her heart were being squeezed tightly in her chest, so tightly that she lost the ability to breath and simply sobbed and gasped for needed oxygen. It was painful. The loss of the one person she had always loved more than anyone in this world and knowing that it was all her fault. Toward the bottom of the letter she once again allowed her large brown blurry eyes to scan the words as they had a million times prior.
'I always loved you Rachel, please be mine.
Fresh tears formed in her eyes as she curled up on the ground in a ball and sobbed into the sheets that had fallen from the bed, soaking them through. Rachel Berry had hated herself since that day, since the day that she had pushed the blonde she loved more than anything away, since the day she had given up on love. "I wish I could see you just one more time." She choked out through the sobs that wracked her body, her voice nasally from her nose that was now running down her face as her body shook.
Laying on the ground, nothing I can do but wait it out…
Creeping in, slowly wearing me down…
And I remember.
Changing everything I used to need…
They had slept together after she found the note, she had confronted her blonde friend only to feel pink and sweet lips pressed against her own. The passion behind the kiss was unlike any other she had ever shared with Finn or any other boy. It was intense and full of lust and desires that she only wanted to share with Quinn, that day she had decided that it was what she wanted and that the taller woman was the only one for her. In that moment Rachel had known that she belonged only in her arms.
What seems normal in the evening usually doesn't seem so normal in the morning though, and when she awoke in that bed she panicked. Despite the warmth and despite how right it felt being wrapped up in the arms of her friend, she knew that it was wrong. How could she be with a woman? Her fathers would not mind of course, considering, but her boyfriend would hate her, her friends would hate her, her fans would all hate her, and ultimately she would hate herself and never forgive herself for hurting Finn that way. Rachel Berry did not enjoy being hated.
She had not taken into account that by choosing for all of these unimportant people in her life not to hate her she would be making the one person she truly cared for and loved hate her. This ended up being a worse fate it seemed. Years had passed and she had never heard from her friend again, not since their fight.
Now instead of spending those nights wrapped up in the warmth of the blonde's body she spent them wrapped up in his embrace. Finn, her husband. She had married him more out of desperation than anything; she knew that everyone wanted them to be together. Her fans and most of her friends were all excited beyond belief when they found out about their marriage, it was "Finchel", a silly mash up name they had created, and that was the way it was supposed to be. Yet, every night since then she had spent wrapped up in his arms she felt an emptiness that only grew.
His arms don't fit the way yours did,
But at least they're holding me.
He will never leave me,
He will never break me like you do,
But he will never be you…
Although the fight had been Rachel's fault she still harbored anger with her friend and how she had reacted, how she had given her an ultimatum. Quinn had gotten amazing news she was accepted into a program at Yale and would ultimately be aiming to make it in the acting business; she would finally have her life straightened out and get back on track. She would finally find her own self-worth amidst the person fabricated by overbearing parental figures.
The brunette had been more than happy for her friend telling her how proud she was of her for following her dreams just as she would when it came to Broadway. The blonde had given her the cold shoulder; in fact she had been ignoring Rachel since the time they had slept together. Sobbing into her hands the usually optimistic girl allowed herself to travel down memory lane as she recalled the fight with her one true love.
'Quinn and Rachel were both in the bathroom and the blonde had just finished telling her about the amazing offer, the smile on her beautiful pink lips and the way that hazel eyes lit up was completely endearing. Rachel was beyond happy as well as proud of the other woman. "Quinn, that's great! I am so proud of you!"
"So you want me to go then?" Her voice was raspy and cracked as she asked the question, obviously she was trying to keep her emotions hidden but large brown eyes saw through them. Rachel could hear the hope practically drowning the question. The hope that she would stop her.
Hesitantly Rachel nodded her head and smiled "Well, of course. Why wouldn't I want you to go after your dream?"
"I don't know! Maybe because you slept with me Rachel! Doesn't that mean anything to you?" Quinn screamed out in agitation, her voice deep, husky, and shaking as she did so. A scowl written across her lips and her jaw clenched tightly as hazel eyes filled with tears as they glared to the other woman in the room awaiting her response. When none came Quinn continued. "Okay? Not good enough? Well how about this then Rachel."
She started to pace the room and brown eyes watched as she moved back and forth shaking her hands in anger. "How about you choose now, either be with me or I am taking this offer and you will never see me again!"
So just tonight I let you in,
Close my eyes and I pretend,
That it's you instead of him…
As the memories flooded back into her mind the tears flooded from her eyes to the sheets covering the wooden floor, soaking them as her body shook and her chest heaved violently, heart hammering away in her chest like a drum. "Why? Why did I let you go?" She practically screamed through ragged breaths.
Softly she whispered through the sobs and quavering full lips. "I miss you so much Quinn."
I kiss his face, hold him close,
Whisper softly so he won't know,
That I'm remembering you again…
'Rachel's eyes had filled up with fear when she was confronted with such a choice, how could she either choose to be with her friend romantically or let her go permanently? It didn't seem fair to her, it wasn't fair to her. "You want me to make a choice like that?" She practically shouted at the blonde as tears rolled down her cheeks, eyebrows knit together.
"Yes Rachel, I want you to make a choice like that. I need to move on with my life. I have spent the last four years in love with you and all you notice is him." Quinn whispered out as tears filled her own eyes but she quickly turned to disguise her weakness with a mask she had learnt to wear well.
"But Quinn, I am your friend… you are my best friend, can't we just go back to that?" She squeaked out her voice high and cracking.
"No! Don't you see? I never looked at you as a friend! I always wanted more! Please Rachel I know you feel it too. We could be happy." The taller of the two said turning back to the brunette moving toward her and wrapping her up in a warm embrace that she found she loved a little too much.
She felt comfortable and safe and never wanted to let go, but she knew she had to. "I apologize Quinn but we simply cannot be together romantically it's wrong, what about Finn?"
"But you feel it too! You love me too!" She screeched out angrily her voice so raspy it broke, hazel eyes filling with tears, before planting her lips firmly on Rachel's in a deep and passionate kiss. Once, her lips had tasted of sweet vanilla, now they were tainted with salty tears. Still it was perfection. She felt more than a spark, she had felt an explosion, but she knew it couldn't be and pulled away from the ex-cheerleader.
"No, Quinn. I-I'm sorry. I do love you but this is wrong… I can't give you what you want." The last words were only a whisper. Secretly she hoped that the other would not hear her at all.
Letting out a loud groan of anger the blonde screamed "Fine! You can live in your little delusional world Rachel! But I refuse to be a part of it anymore! This is the last time that you will ever see me, and please do not contact me!" And with that, she was gone.'
Closer, closer than I like to be,
Loving him and letting go of you isn't easy…
Nothing you can do, nothing he can be,
Nothing I can ever say,
I'll keep you here till you fade away.
She had called, so many times. Left so many messages on her answering machine in hopes to gain her forgiveness. Even told her that she would be with her if she just came back. The pain that Rachel had felt from missing her only multiplied as the months turned into years and she said yes to Finn's proposal. Quinn knew about it, she knew that they were married and just knowing that she knew that hurt Rachel. It was hard to really understand.
I could fight it, try and forget you…
I could fight it but I don't want to…
Still she knew that she had to suck it up. All of these tears were only being wasted. She was optimistic and she always smiled when he held her. She always smiled. Always. But, when alone she turned into someone unfamiliar to herself. A sobbing mess crying on the floor screaming at herself that she hated herself as she tore out her hair. Staring at the pictures she and Quinn had taken in her phone and reading over the letter that had led to that fateful night.
It was as if she were in constant purgatory. She could not reach heaven, but she was not in hell either. She was simply in existence for as long as her life may last, and she would never obtain the one thing that she had always longed for. Quinn Fabray would always be the one who got away.
And I remember you.
G g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g g
Authors Note: Hope y'all like it. Please review y'all make me super smiley! Love you guys!
If I get enough reviews I will add the next chapter VERY soon, as in tonight! :) Anywho a little depressing but it will get happier with time.