Hey all this is Spawn the Risen One with a new slightly crazy idea I had! It's about Naruto with a bloodline called the Irony blood. Basically what Naruto says comes true at times randomly. Hope you like this story idea because it has my focus right now.
?: And as your Beta I say let the games begin!
Today was the Day of the Graduation exam for the Konoha Ninja Academy, and one Naruto Uzumaki was really excited! His only problem was the Clone Jutsu but his Jiji, The Sandamie Hokage, fixed that with the Darkness Clone Jutsu; since Naruto had an affinity for Darkness because of the Kyuubi. But Naruto didn't know why he was given this jutsu nor did he really care.
Today was also the day Naruto would, unfortunately, find out about the Kyuubi because of an idiot instructor (*Chough* ?: Mizuki *Chough*).
The Forrest of Death
We find our hero in the middle of a deep dark and evil feeling forest because of an earlier encounter with said idiot instructor, Mizuki (?: Called it!).
"Hey Naruto, I have a special mission for you. If you pass you can choose your jonin sensei and teammates."
Now Naruto was not stupid, far from it in fact. He knew how to tell when someone was lying; he had to learn from a young age, mostly because of all the lies and things that happened to him, so he knew Mizuki was lying to him.
He went along with the lie anyway, to keep up appearances; and so he could catch Mizuki in the act. Thus he did as the idiot instructed but also told the Hokage who gave him permission (?: Not like that idiots! This isn't Yaoi nor Shotacon!).
Naruto heard rustling in the bushes. When he looked up he saw Iruka pop out of them with a glare as the scared Chunin said: "I finally found you Naruto! You're in big trouble!"
"Iruka-sensei, can I show you the jutsu I learned so I can choose my jonin sensei and team now? I studied really hard!"
"Naruto what the hell are you talking about?"
"Mizuki-sensei said that if I learned one technique from the scroll; I could choose my Jonin sensei and team!"
Iruka looked shocked that his long time friend Mizuki would do something like this. But then he immediately had to push Naruto out of the way of a huge Fuma Shuriken as it lodged itself into the tree behind them they then heard an thoroughly evil chuckle.
"HAHAHAAHAHA I never thought you were a demon lover Iruka! Naruto hand me the scroll!"
"No, Naruto don't! He's going to leave the village with it, you can't give it to him!"
"Ah, don't be that way Iruka. You hate the kid as much as everyone else should I tell him why everyone hates him"
"No Mizuki its forbidden!"
"What's forbidden to tell me? Come on sensei tell me"
"HAHAHA, the Yondaime could not kill the Kyuubi cause a mere human can not kill a demon, let alone the strongest of them! So he sealed it into a baby boy born that night! You, Naruto, are the nine tailed fox, Kyuubi! Now when I kill you and Iruka I will be seen as a hero for killing you and acting like I was trying to save Iruka!"
At that time Naruto had a breakdown (?: I swear that I will make him a BAMF! Can't have your main character suffer a breakdown now can we?); that is until Iruka said he was not the demon just its jailer. After Naruto calmed down a bit he followed Iruka's instructions for him to run with the scroll and find the Hokage.
Naruto was about to run, but because of an unknown feeling, he suddenly turned around and said: "I wish I had one thousand feet. So I could shove five hundred of them in your worthless cocksucking ass!" As soon as the words left his mouth Naruto, for an inexplicable reason, grew one thousand feet. As he looked down he gained a disturbing and quite devilish grin. That night everyone would be haunted by the screams coming from the Forest of Death, as a traitor received an even worse punishment to his ass then when Orochi-Uke decided to reward him.
Iruka was understandably shocked by his favorite student's actions; and after the additional feet disappeared, called Naruto over: "Hey Naruto, come here I have a present for you! (?: So many damned Yaoi and Shotacon references!)" Naruto walked over to Iruka and closed his eyes; he soon felt a weight put on his head. Opening his eyes he saw Iruka without his headband; going on instinct he felt his own head and felt the headband was now on his head. With great care he traced the emblem of the Leaf symbol with his fingers.
Unknown to him a few tears slid down his face, confirming to Iruka that this was Naruto, and with a shaky voice he spoke: "Thank you Iruka-Sensei." Naruto quickly ran up to his surrogate big brother and hugged him, but without the creepy sunset Genjutsu of a certain two who shall remain unnamed.
Hokage's Tower: 2 hours later
The old wizened man, Sarutobi Hiruzen aka the Sandamie Hokage, puffed on his pipe as he looked at the scared Academy teacher and the blond that he considered his grandson, who had somehow gained a massive Nodachi on the way here. With one final puff to collect his thoughts the Old man spoke: "So Naruto-kun, how did you do those things"
Naruto looked thoughtful, something that if he was older would have him rolling in women and sex because of its charm, for a second before he responded: "I don't know, but in my head somehow I knew that if I said 'I wish' before saying anything it would happen. So I went for it, and it did. I think it maybe a new bloodline or something." Naruto finished his statement with a shrug.
The Sandamie and Iruka nearly choked when what Naruto said caught up to them. The Sandamie spoke through his coughs: "Why do you say that, Naruto-Kun?"
Naruto shrugged again, almost as if the answer was self evident: "Because it called itself Random Blood. So I think what it does is random or ironically. A good example would be having a fire user attacked by his own Jutsu or the like."
Now imagine the looks on Iruka's and the Hokage's faces when they hear Naruto using these big words. It was almost too much and the Third finally spoke up again: "Naruto-kun how do you know those big words?"
Here Naruto just chuckled: "I have always been smart, I merely hid my intelligence. Mostly because the attacks and beatings would have been a hell of a lot worse if I was smart. . I was once beaten to within an inch of my life before being raped when I showed I could answer Jonin level questions at the start of the academy; so I hid my intelligence. Better a dumb demon container then an intelligent powerful one in the eyes of the civilians and parts of the Ninja corps." He chuckled mirthlessly as he finished speaking.
After a few minutes of silence Naruto spoke up with a slight chuckle: "Hey old man, I am going to tell you a secret. I am not who you think I am."
The Sandamie was understandably shocked: "What do you mean Naruto-kun?"
Said blond chuckled: "What I mean is I'm not really what I look like. I had a little time working with seals, and as a result made a transformation seal that makes it so no one can detect the transformation; I look a whole lot different under the transformation."
With a raised eyebrow Hiruzen spoke: "Well let us see Naruto-kun."
Naruto made a hand sign, which revealed a seal on his chest. It looked like a circle with an eight sided shuriken in the middle and four kunai one for each end it; it then disappeared and, following a poof of smoke, standing before the Hokage and Iruka was something that shocked them.
Naruto was not the four foot five midget everyone thought he was. In his place was a five foot nine young man and his hair was longer and less spiky but held a few spikes it was also a moonlight silver color instead of blonde. On top of that his muscles were no longer the malnourished looking noodles they used to be; instead they were ripped and looked like they could tear a person in half. Another thing that changed was his clothing, instead of the orange monstrosity he now had on a pair of camouflage pants that were baggy but also tight enough so they did not fall down he had a black shirt with a scary looking skull on it with the kanji for Pain and punishment underneath it.
He had a Chakram tied to his hip on a belt made to hold them and he had an earring in each ear both looked to be a tooth of some type of animal. The two senior ninjas fainted from an information overload.