Baby, don't hurt me... no more!
What…? Kurosaki...? No... It can't be him. That's impossible! I haven't known him for long and so well, but I know he would never do this! Killing a person. He couldn't even kill me and I was his enemy! He even SAVED me, for God's sake! Even though I tried to break every bone in his body and punched a hole in his shinigami girlfriend's stomach!
This doesn't make any sense!
"Grimm... jow?" The asks, looking at me with wide eyes. I can see all the emotions he feels in his eyes. It's like an open book to me. Shock, fear, confusion... hurt.
Why is he hurt? It should be me! He killed my one and only friend!
"...You? How could you kill him?" He doesn't answer, just continue staring at me, anger replacing the previous feelings in his eyes.
"You fuckin' bastard!" I scream and hit him -after every syllable for good measure- so hard his lower lip splits open, making a stream of blood to flow down his chin and making bruises all over his face.
He turns back to me with his usual glare. It seems he didn't really like my diatribe.
We continue staring each other down, waiting which one of us would give up first.
"What are you doing here?" He asks, his voice is rough and is no higher than a whisper.
Shall I give him water?
Nah! Serves him right. The dead doesn't need to drink anyway. 'Cause that's what he's gonna be after I'm done with him. But first I wanna hear his reasons.
"Fuck you, Kurosaki! I'm the one to ask you the questions! And you answer! Not the other way around! Do you understand what I'm saying, you son of a bitch?" I scream.
I can't show any weakness to this asshole.
"You might've forgotten, Kurosaki, that even though I'm in a Gigai, but I am NOT HUMAN! I can fuck you up big time, so you better start spilling your dirty little secrets before you're begging me to kill you and end the suffering of your pathetic existence."
I don't even try to contain my anger.
He needs to know what he did. That bastard needs to know what he fucking did! He killed my friend! I don't care if he kills Aizen or Ulquiorra or even ME! But how dare he murder the only human being with cold blood who's ever considered me as a normal, living, feeling being?!
This bastard! I'm sorry Panthera, but he won't get out of here alive.
"Why did you kill Fujita?"
My whole body's shaking with my barely contained rage.
It would be so easy to end him. To make him scream. To feel his warm, coppery blood flowing through my fingers as I rip his eyes out, as I tear him into pieces so only the fluids of his body would ever remind people he's ever walked on Earth. I've done it so many times before. So why can't I now? I don't understand...
"I asked you a question. TWICE! Answer me! Before I lose my remaining patience."
"I... don't know..." He mutters, avoiding eye contact.
How dare he...?
I hit him square on his jaw, making his head snap to the side with such force for a moment I was afraid his head would rip off. It would be a shame. The real fun hasn't even started yet.
"What the fuck is that supposed ta mean?!" I scream totally out of myself.
What's happening? Until now I dealt with torturing calmly if not with a little sadism. But it is different. Is it because it's him?
No. It must be 'cause how I feel about Fujita's death.
He turns back to me and looks me in the eye.
"It means that I don't know."
He groans in pain as my fist digs into the pit of his stomach. He tries to hunch out of reflex, but he has to realise it's impossible while sitting on a chair and having all his limbs tied to said chair.
"Don't fuck with me, you bastard." I tell him. My voice is a deadly whisper as I look down at his miserable form with cold blue eyes. "I know you're lyin'."
He glares at me, his jaw tightens.
He really doesn't want to say the reason, right? Interesting...
"Just get on with it!" He yells, which isn't as scary as he wanted it to be, considering it ends with a series of cough.
His throat must really be dry. Even though it would be obvious to a blind and deaf child that it hurts him like fuck, he continues. He's stubborn. I give him that.
"You want to kill me, don't you? You've wanted to since the day we met! That's why you came in the first place! Now's your chance, you bastard. Just do it already!"
I grit my teeth. In a second I grip his arms with bruising force and lean towards his face, our breaths merging. He looks at me in shock, his eyes widening.
"Not a chance, Kurosaki. I will kill ya, alright, don't worry, but not until you tell why you did, what you did." I whisper, our faces hardly an inch apart.
"Bite me." He spits.
"Well I've eaten a Hollow yesterday, so I'm not really that hungry, but as you wish." His breath catches in his throat to my sadistic pleasure.
"But not until you spill, Kurosaki."
"Fine. You won, Grimmjow." I grin. This was sooo easy.
He looks into my eyes with his determined ones, as he speaks. "I was jealous."
I recoils. I stumble in my haste to get away from him and I don't stop until my back hits the wall on the opposite end of the room.
...What...?! I must've misheard it! That must be it. I've just misheard it. There's no way he could've said he was jealous. Is there? No. There isn't. There's something wrong with my hearing. I'll go, see a doctor. Maybe my ears caught a cold, or got some ear-virus. Yeah. That must be it!
"You've heard me, Grimmjow. You wanted to know the truth behind my actions. So I've said it. I was jealous." He says, glaring at me.
My lips part on their own accord.
Shit... I've heard it right? Oh, this is so not happening! He must be lying!
"I've seen you with him. I've seen the way he touched you. Freely. And you've let him. And I knew I couldn't do it." It can't be happening...
"I didn't want to kill him. I just wanted to beat the crap out of him. I wanted to make him learn a lesson. Not to touch what's mine. I don't know when these feeling started, or why. But they did, and I felt its darkness pulling me in. I tried to ignore them or to control them, like I did with my Hollow. But these feelings... they were even stronger then my Hollow could have hoped to be." He says, still boring into my soul with those warm, choke-late eyes of his. He's not lying...
"When I went to beat him up, he attacked me with a knife. I acted on reflex. Even though I only planned on unarming him, I acted on impulse. For this, I AM sorry. I should've been able to control myself better. But about you, I feel no regret. I only feel... relived. Because I know he's not a treat anymore. I won't lose you to him."
"Grimmjow... Since you left... I wasn't myself. I was just a hollow shell with everything except things that concerns you. I was able to hide it so well from my family, my friends... but I felt nothing, only emptiness."
What is he talking about? He feels like I did when I was not with him? Is it really true about mates...? (1)
"Grimmjow..." His eyes soften.
What does he want to say? What more is there to it?
I feel my heartbeat increasing speed. I can hardly breath.
No! I don't wanna know, what you think! Why can't I say anything? Speak, Grimmjow! Or just walk out of this room!
Do something, but don't just stand there! Do something! Now!
"... fallen in love with you. I wanted you to know, before you kill me."
I've heard of love. Of course I have. Gin told us about it. But I've never felt it. I don't know what it's like. This pathetic, weak feeling that humans and shinigamis have that keeps them going on even though they know they're running towards their demise. But I'm a Hollow. We don't have these feelings. We only have negative ones. But Gin said it's positive. Why would you have such a feeling for someone like me, Kurosaki?
"Say something. Anything." I look up at him to see him looking down at me with concerned eyes.
How long was I in my own little world?
"What it's like? Love?" I say so quietly I'll be surprised if he hears it.
But he had and his eyes soften even more as he looks at me.
"What does love feel like? Well... I'm not completely sure myself. It could feel different for each person, but to me... It is utter devotion to one person. When I cannot be with the person I love it feels as though a part of my very soul is ripped from my body.
When I'm with them I get the urge to hold them tight in my arms, to make sure, they're safe.
When I'm in love I get this unbelievable feeling... as though I can fly. I could stand on the highest building and scream to the world how I feel...
I would give anything for them, even if it meant giving my own life up for their happiness. Because that's all that matters."
My knees give out, and I slide down the wall to sit on the floor.
"At least, this is how I feel, Grimmjow. If I can't make you happy alive, maybe my death will make you feel better. You'll have your revenge." He says, smiling sweetly. "And... If I could choose the one by whose hand I die... it would be you."
I look up at him with utter disbelief.
Would he really throw away his life so easily? He's a hero! He saved everyone! Did losing his powers really break him this much? Or is it really what love's really about? Total devotion? What about his family? His sire? His sisters? Don't they count?
I glare at him.
You selfish bastard!
I get up without a word, and stalk towards Fujita's favourite knife that I've dropped what seems like ages ago. I pick it and turn around to close in on my victim.
He doesn't seem surprised. He just looks understanding. He never thought I'd chance my mind. He knows I've planned to kill him for so long now.
*No! Grimmjow, please! You can't do it!*
Oh, Panthera. You're still alive? I've thought you were gone for good.
I stop behind Kurosaki, as he looks up at me with sad eyes.
*This is not you! You would never get so low to kill someone who's unable to defend himself.*
I've been doing just that for the last 2 months!
I rise my hand. The knife shining in the dim light that the old lamp gives off from above my head.
*But he's your mate!*
I'm sorry, Panthera. I've already made up my mind.
He smiles and he closes his eyes, waiting for the inevitable to come.
"I forgive you, Grimmjow."
I don't say anything as I bring down the blade with as much force as I can muster.
(1) End of Chapter 9
Sorry for the long wait (I kept rewriting this chapter countless times)... and the short chapter... I'm only not sorry for the cliffhanger! Ehehehe!
I'm sure you have other things to do, so I won't take your time any longer! I hope you enjoyed it!
Have a nice da~y!