This is a companion piece to my RepCom multi-chapter 'Reasons to Live For'. It takes place right before chapter 3 (Reversals and Revelations) begins. HOWEVER, you do not have to have read that fic to understand this. It's simply some Fi/Parja first-time fluff that distracted me for a minute. So basically, it's a one-shot, but you can consider this happening just before chapter 3 if you've read RtLF.
This is for those of you that like Fi/Parja or who want some back-story (or back-fluff) to my fic RtLF, so that when Fi blushes and reminisces, you can know exactly what he's thinking about. ;)
The night had started like any other night.
But it had ended like no other night of his life.
Lying here, surrounded by her warmth, her love, was the safest Fi had ever felt. Which went without saying, because he had spent a vast majority of his life before meeting her getting shot at. Even so, there had been something both familiar and oddly different about the look in her eyes when he'd come into her room earlier in the evening.
He had simply gone to see her to talk with her. He'd always found her so easy to talk to that nothing else had entered his mind. Her presence had this odd effect on him; it both calmed and soothed and yet enflamed and thrilled him. He'd never felt anything like it before. She was so easy to be himself around, but he also found himself on edge at times, as though he would make a fatal mistake that would ruin everything. If she sensed that he felt like this, she gave no heed. She would just give him that smile, that dazzling blue-eyed smile that wiped every thought from his mind and made him feel like he was floating.
She had been undressed when he'd arrived, in a simple top and shorts, her scarlet beskar'gam plates stacked by her cupboard. He remembered thinking that her skin looked very smooth, and wanting to touch it, to run his fingers along the curve of her calf where the skin looked like poured cream. She had been undoing her chestnut hair from a long braid at the back, but had abandoned it when he had walked in.
He had sat on the bed heavily; the day had been long and wearisome and he had needed someone to tell him that he was perfect the way he was, like she always did, and that the missing ten point eight percent of him didn't matter and never would matter. He had needed to hear that she loved him.
She had sat down gently next to him, curling her legs under her, somehow smaller out of her armour. He couldn't shake the constant tingling anticipation he got the closer she moved, as though his skin ached for her touch. He had no idea whether or not these feelings were normal; he had no experience to compare with. All he knew was that he got a thrill from being with her that he'd never felt before in his life.
He had opened his mouth to talk, but once he had caught her eyes he couldn't form the words. Usually so calm and open, it was a surprise to see a new depth in them, a new – dare he say passion? – that darkened and clouded the blue. Her lips were slightly parted, her chest rising and falling slowly as she had waited patiently for him to form the words he was looking for. She was nothing if not patient with him.
The words had stuck in his throat; he wanted to tell her how much he loved her, and that he felt like she had saved him from something very dark, and that the look in her eyes did very, very funny things to his gut. But all he could do was look deep into her eyes and let his hand wander across the bed to find hers.
Fi really hadn't been sure what was going on to start with. They had always talked openly about how experienced they were and about how they felt about this, always assuring each other that they would not rush it, that slow and gentle was the way to go. He had been glad, had felt a weight lifted off his shoulders.
But once his hand touched hers, he had suddenly wanted nothing more than to crush those soft lips beneath his, to hold her body so tight to his that it bruised the pale smoothness, to somehow quell the aching need for her pulsing through his every vein. The lightest touch of her skin had caused what felt like an electric shock to shoot through his whole arm. He'd never felt anything like this before.
He wanted her.
But he couldn't find the words to tell her this, so all he had done was swallow and lean in closer.
Somehow, as she always did, she'd known exactly what he was thinking. Words were what he struggled with the most these days, but with her it never mattered.
She had leaned in to meet his lips with hers, sliding her hand over the top of his as he tried to suppress a shiver of excitement. It didn't quite work. She had smiled against his lips, bringing her other hand up to cup the side of his face, tilting their heads to deepen the kiss. Fi couldn't say he wasn't enjoying this, but he had wanted more. Removing his hand from under hers and bringing them both to the side of her face, he smoothed his thumbs over her cheeks softly before nearly crushing her mouth against his, wanting nothing more than to taste the slight fruitiness of her lips, feel her tongue against his. He had opened his mouth and she had met him, letting the kiss linger for a moment before pouring all her heat into it.
His hands moved from her face, gliding down her neck to her shoulders, stoking her collarbone gently and feeling her gasp. Emboldened, he'd let his hands drift lower, falling to her waist. He played with the hem of her shirt for a minute, enjoying the sudden warmth under his fingers when his hand slipped from fabric to skin. Parja moaned, and grabbed his hands and lifted her shirt up to her ribcage, putting his hands on her bare waist for him. She leaned closer and straddled him, pressing her body flush against his and wrapping her arms around his neck.
This time it had been Fi who had moaned. He could feel the heat of her body through his thin shirt, feel her heart beating fast under her ribcage as his hands roamed upwards still, seeking more warmth, more skin, more Parja. The tension in his gut was almost unbearable. Every time he had brushed his thumbs over the sensitive skin under her ribs she had gasped and ground her hips into his, which had done the opposite of relieving the tension. He had gripped her hard, no longer wanting soft and gentle and slow. He didn't want her any more.
He needed her.
She near-squealed as he had lifted her off his lap and laid her on the bed with what little strength his shaking limbs could muster. Missing the physical contact, he lay on top of her and pressed against her once more, her legs entwining with his and their lips meeting once again. He could barely breathe; his heart was hammering in his chest and he felt oddly as if he was about to burst. His whole body throbbed.
She had broken the kiss for a moment, a moment in which he found himself almost begging her to just kiss him again, for fierfek's sake! But she had grinned at him and tugged at the hem of his shirt, which, he was distantly surprised to note, was sticking to him with sweat in some places. He got the message. He knelt up for a moment and nearly ripped his shirt off in haste, giving her a smile as he saw the appreciative smirk that crossed her face for a moment. But he wanted…he wanted…
Slowly, he had reached down to grasp the bottom of her shirt and pull it up and over her head, then fling it aside as her eyes burned holes into his, silently begging for more.
The feeling of their half-naked bodies against each other drew a gasp and a drawn-out moan from Fi's lips. He had never felt anything so intense. Their lips met in a deep kiss once more as Fi couldn't help but grind his hips against her, Parja responding by raking her nails down his back, eliciting a shudder from him that jerked his hips instinctively. Her hands were everywhere; sliding down his toned front, over the ridges and peaks of his chest and midriff, tracing circles on his shoulders and back. He could barely take it.
Seeking out more of her soft, delicious skin, he travelled his lips down her jawline, to her collarbone, nipping, tasting, kissing. He had never tasted anything as good as her. He had reached the swell of her breast, but he was so overcome with passion that he couldn't stop to ask her if she was okay with this. He kissed his way between her breasts, and down the line of her stomach, Parja writhing underneath him in delicious agony. Her legs had now gripped themselves around his waist, drawing their hips ever closer. She rocked against him, and he groaned into her flat stomach. She had laughed – he remembered something about her being very ticklish.
He stopped when he reached the waistline of her shorts. He looked up at her. She flushed deep scarlet. He had briefly thought about whether or not he should have asked Darman or Atin for pointers when he'd had the chance, asked more questions, so that maybe he could be more certain now, and not so…scared.
With that look in her eyes and her hands on his hips, she had guided him patiently and passionately through a night that he would never in his life ever forget.
He had never thought it could feel like that.
All of his uncertainty and his fear that he had been doing it wrong or saying the wrong things or had been to unsure for her – she had made it all go away. It was certain in his mind now that nothing he could ever do would make her stop loving him.
Parja gave a small grunt in her sleep, her hand curling slightly on his bare chest. He fought down the insane urge to giggle. Now was not the time for giggling.
Somewhere, out there, his vode were fighting a war and their loved ones were waiting at home for them to return. Fi was immensely glad that he didn't make Parja worry like that. Not the way Besany worried for Ordo or Laseema for Atin, or even Etain for Darman.
He wondered how they were all doing these days.
He'd have to call and find out tomorrow.
Ha ha. Squee. Clone love.
That is the closest to M rated I have ever made a T. Let me know if you think I should change the rating. Wait...I'm just being paranoid. Never mind me.
Hope you enjoyed. :) I did.
This is just sheer brazen fangirl service. It's also if you want to know exactly what Fi was thinking about at the start of 'Reasons to Live For' chapter 3 when he and Parja share that look.
Please review. Squees are welcome.