Because sometimes, loving someone isn't enough, sometimes you have to let them go, as well.
I watch, from my vantage point at the start of the cliffs, as my sister looks for Sean Kendrick. The vicious January winds whip her hair around her face, and her desperate calls for Sean carry away with the wind. I should probably help her but I'm not going to.
She sees me, standing here, bundled up in my thick winter coat she bought me for Christmas, and I catch the hurt in her eyes. She thinks I'm distancing myself from her subtly, slowly pacing backward until, bam; I'm gone like Gabe, and Sean is all she has left. But that's not what I'm doing. I'm letting her go, because otherwise it'll hurt when she finally forgets about me, when I'm just her younger brother, someone she loves but not as much as her new family.
She calls out for him again, and I hear it: the catch in her voice, the crack. It tells me she still needs me, Finn Connolly. I stare at her, and she looks the most vulnerable I've ever seen her; all stubbornness and anger and just something that wasn't there before the races, something entirely new on my sister. I don't recognise it.
Her eyes meet mine, a simple understanding. It makes me sure she still needs me, even though she's got her job at the Malvern Stables and her 'relationship' with Sean. She calls out to him again and I start forward, questions I wouldn't dare to ask her on my tongue.
I see Sean through the thick sheet of rain, with Puck, and suddenly, they're fading. I cry out, a noise that startles me because I'm such a private person – just like my parents were – and I wouldn't dare to make such a noise normally. I see black and no other shapes but black until I hear the whooshing of the wind, but it's muffled now, covered over by the glass in my window.
It was a dream.
Fear pricks me, because I haven't awoken from a dream since just after mum and dad died, and then shortly before Gabe announced he was leaving. Every time I've lost someone, I wake up from a dream that isn't any better than the reality I've been forced to face.
Puck, Kate, Puck, Kate. I creep out; because I'm scared she's gone and left me on my own on this complicated, wonderful island. And then I'd be finally on my own, lonely, the last Connolly left on Thisby. This thought scares me more than I'd like.
I peek through the door, left open a little, and I see her, alone. I know she's not asleep because I can hear her breathing.
"Puck?" My voice is a whisper, soft, silent.
She turns, and I'm too relieved that I don't notice that she looks awfully happy for however-late-it-is. "Finn? Are you alright?" Her own voice is as loud as always, worry etching it.
This one worded sentence eases everything that silly dream made me feel. She's not gone, she's here, and the look I can see in her eyes, the happiness, I know is there because of Sean, but that's okay. Just because she's got Sean now, doesn't mean she's leaving me, and I'm finally accepting that.
Not the bestest thing I've ever wrote, but hey-ho :) review and tell me what you, even if it's just improvements I could make :)