A/N: I kind of feel like Jade's starting to edge into arrogant Sue territory and needs to be taken down a few pegs… I'm starting to dislike her a little…
Sasori frowned and glared as the pale pink kitten, the Haruno girl, sped into the room, yowling something about blood and Hidan and gods and oh f*** Jashin was back wasn't he?
"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura sped over to the edge of the kitten pen, but found that she couldn't get over the wall.
Sasori realized why the idea of Jashin existing would be a shock, but did she really have to be so loud? Honestly, it was almost embarrassing, how she acted.
"Quiet down, girl." He hissed, low enough that it could almost be mistaken for a growl.
Sakura spun around, and her face betrayed no sense of surprise. "But—!"
"Enough." He stood, stretched, and languidly began to walk toward her. "I realize why you might find his presence here disturbing and surprising, but you are overreacting."
"There is a literal god sitting just a single room away and you're telling me that I'm overreacting?!" Sakura hissed.
The thing to understand here was that neither of them was wrong. Sakura had a very good reason to react as she had, and Sasori had a very good… okay, somewhat good reason to react as he did to Sakura.
"Are you insane?" Sakura hissed, and a certain modicum of bravery seemed to have made its way back to her, because she was now stalking toward Sasori, fur standing on end and ears laid flat against her head.
"I've been called such quite a few times, I will admit. However, in the context of this argument, whether I am or not is irrelevant. You are being loud, and you are being irritating. Juvenile, puerile, childish, immature, choose one. You are currently exhibiting that trait."
Sakura's eyes narrowed further, and she hissed wordlessly.
Unfortunately for her, the effort she expended to narrow her eyes was rendered useless as they widened in surprise when Hidan picked her up. She was held up to eye level, and couldn't turn her head to look away from the pink circles that just so happened to be Hidan's eyes.
"Shut up, pinky." He tactlessly threw her into the Konoha section of the kitten pen.
Kakashi padded over to her. "Sakura?"
"Sensei?" Sakura rolled to her feet and shook herself. "There's a literal god back there."
"I heard." Kakashi's voice was a little too calm, in Sakura's opinion.
"Did you hear who it supposedly was?"
Kakashi tilted his head to the side, ears flicking. "Not really."
"Remember how Shikamaru mentioned that the crazy priest kept ranting about some evil god." Sakura blurted out.
Jade kept up her glare at Jashin. Yes, she blinked (she was human, after all), but she didn't drop her expression.
"You'll get wrinkles if you keep that up, you know."
Jade's scowl deepened. "Then stop messing with me."
Jashin's grin was mocking, but only a little. "Oh, come on. You know you love me."
"Not really. I hardly know you."
He waved a hand dismissively. "Details."
"What is going on here?!"
It seems as though Kate had woken up. Well, at least Jade had stopped glaring at Jashin.
"Kate, right?" Jashin raised an eyebrow at the blond girl.
"Jade, what's going on here?" Kate ignored him.
"Rude…" Jashin seemed halfway between a reprimand and a whine.
Jade turned away from Kate and back to Jashin. "Would it kill you to be a little mature?"
Jashin raised an eyebrow again and sat up a little straighter. "Listen," He raised a hand, pointer finger up, "First of all, no, because I'm a god and thus incapable of dying. Second," He raised another finger, "I had several centuries where goofing off was reserved for once every three months and utterly banned otherwise. Third," He raised yet another finger, and then just splayed his hand and spread his arms. "Do you really think you should be telling me what to do?"
"I'm the main character."
…Maybe I shouldn't have made her so Genre Savvy…
"Did you just… you can't use that as an excuse!"
Actually, she, um, kind of can…
Jashin froze, and then turned his head to the ceiling. "Don't you dare even try that, Phoenix. We had an agreement."
Well, yeah, but she—
"Nothing! She nothing! There is utter no reason to—!"
"Oh, would you just stop already?" Jade rolled her eyes… and then found herself tied to a chair and gagged, with a god pointing a finger in her face and no idea how she had gotten there.
"No. Don't try. I'm putting you in a time-out." Jashin folded his arms. "You let your position and knowledge get to your head, and you got arrogant. So you're in a time-out."
Jade seethed where she sat, eyes narrowed at the god. He flicked her nose. "No. Bad mortal."
"…I'm so confused." Kate whispered. Sai seemed to realize that he needed to do something, but wasn't sure what to do. So he just ambled across her shoulder and started to nuzzle against her cheek.
Jashin looked around the room, folded his arms and nodded. "Sweet. That works. Oh, and by the way? I'm going to take care of your little plan for Taka and Seven. Keep a little self-control in reserve next time, m'kay?"
Jade looked as though she was going to start glaring even more, but then suddenly seemed to be frowning more to herself. Then her eyes slammed shut, and the audience she had, few as they were (be they god, girl, or guileless), could see her eyes darting around under her lids at a rapid pace, as though trying to figure something out.
Then her eyes opened again, slowly, and revealed that she was calm as a cucumber. She eyed Jashin a little, and then just nodded.
He just sighed and shook his head. "This is why I hate working with the logical ones. I can never play with you guys. You always realize what the lesson is early enough that there's no point in embarrassing you anymore. Whether you learn it is beyond me at that point because you've already figured out what you need to fake."
Jade made a small, somewhat amused noise in the back of her throat. Then she shifted a little, as if to loosen her bonds, which brought a short round of laughter from the blue-haired god. "Hahahahahaaa~, no. You're not getting up until this whole thing is over, sugar."
Jade's eyes narrowed again, but she was incapacitated and incapable of retaliation.
Jashin turned to Kate, who immediately put her hands up in surrender, slightly jostling Sai, still sitting on her shoulder.
Jashin stared at her strangely, and then shrugged. "Whatever. Not my problem."
He then seemed to remember something. "Oh, hey, do you mind doing me a favor?"
Kate hesitantly nodded.
"Great! Now, if you could just…"
Hidan yelped as he felt a glass of cold water get dumped over his head. He felt himself become a kitten, and turned to his at—
Why did Kate look scared?
Hadn't he just heard Jashin-sama ask her to do somethi…
He couldn't even be mad at her.
She'd done this because Jashin-sama had asked her too.
How could Hidan argue with that?
Kate picked him up, though gently, and carried him back over to Jashin. Hidan nearly sniggered when he saw Jade tied up on a chair, but didn't, as he was quickly seized and held by Jashin-sama.
"Okay, now we're good." Apparently, Jashin didn't like being around Hidan when the latter was human.
Probably because Jashin was, when normally sized, several inches shorter and plenty more waifish than Hidan.
But that's not the point.
The door slammed on the group.
What was the group?
Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi.
Oh, and Sasuke was there too.
(Jashin wasn't one much for theatrics, unlike Jade. He just tossed them into a room and told them to go at it.)
They all just sort of stared at one another for a few seconds, not quite believing that they were in this situation. Yes, the loyal Konoha shinobi had been searching for Sasuke for a long time, and he had been evading them for just as long, but… to meet him as cats?
It was a little ridiculous.
And then Naruto got over the awkwardness of the situation and head-butted Sasuke.
Classy. Real classy, Naruto.
They can't hear you.
Shut up, Obitobi.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Just shut up and go away.
In any case, Naruto's first action was to attack. Which wasn't a very good action, but at least it was something other than just standing around, awkwardly waiting for something to happen.
Sakura had, of course, immediately tried to intervene, because starting off any kind of reunion with an attack just wasn't a good idea, but honestly? Not a single one of them could currently use chakra, and Sakura was, as mentioned before, quite a bit smaller than the boys, and outnumbered as well. Kakashi simply grabbed a hold of the scruff of her neck and pulled her back, easily.
It was slightly humiliating.
The boys continued to fight. Unfortunately for them, they looked rather pathetic, as they only had soft paws with tiny, ineffectual claws that they had no idea how to use, and just tumbled around like stuffed animals.
It was like a puppy trying to jump onto a bed. It was absolutely adorable but… so futile.
"Wake me up when they're done." Kakashi ordered, and then padded over to the wall, lay down next to it, and appeared to go to sleep.
Sakura felt like sweatdropping. This was probably Kakashi's answer to not having his book.
It made a little sense, she supposed. The situation was safe enough that there wasn't much of a fear that Sasuke would run away, or that one of them would kill the other (the very idea was laughable), so it all just felt as though it had fallen a little flat.
She had been expecting so much drama, but it just… there wasn't a huge blow up. There wasn't an epic confrontation. There was just a pair of squabbling kittens, a sleeping teacher, and her.
Kate sat next to Jade on her own chair, though she had apparently managed to behave enough to keep herself free. She still had Sai and Sakura with her, but was also clutching Tsunade to her chest as well, with Jiraiya on her head and the Juugo on her knees. She had placed Karin and Suigetsu on Jade's shoulders, earning herself an irritated glare from the darker girl, which she ignored. Kate's knees were pulled up to her chest, Juugo performing his little balancing act, and Tsunade snuggled way up high against her neck. Kate was the very picture of scared and unsure.
"Oh, come on, I'm not that scary." Jashin complained from the couch, the white kitten, Hidan, sitting on his own lap. "You're overreacting."
Kate just shivered and pointedly looked away.
"You're a little boring." Jashin commented lightly. Then he tilted his head and his face took on a look of surprise as he glanced at the ceiling. "Well… didn't see that coming. Seems like something Phoenix would do, though."
Jade made an inquiring noise around her gag. Jashin stared at her for a few seconds and then sighed. "Keeping you tied up's gotten boring too. I'll just… yeah…" He snapped his fingers, and Jade's bonds fell away.
She didn't immediately speak, or even get up. She just prodded at the kittens on her lap until they jumped off. Then she turned to Jashin, arms crossed. "The h*** was that for?"
"You were getting arrogant and annoying. So I did something about it." Jashin didn't bother to move from his lackadaisical position.
Jade stared at him for several seconds with narrowed eyes behind glaring glasses, but broke it with a scoff. "Fine. What happened just a few minutes ago to get you all interested, then?"
"We're gonna have some fun little visitors soon, girly." Jashin chuckled. "Along with a few other familiar and quite strange visitors." He tilted his head to the side. "I'm guessing that there'll be a few people here that'll be pretty p***ed off, though. Definitely at least a few."
"And just who are these visitors?" Jade's arms were already crossed, but her grip tightened further as she stared at the god.
Jashin just pointed behind her and grinned.
A fairly tall man with graying hair and some small amount of wrinkles stood there, dressed in a smart business suit. Several figures stood behind him. Several familiar figures stood behind him.
"Hello." The man greeted her with a nod of the head, arms held behind the back as if by martial habit. Of the figures behind him, four were smiling, and one just seemed perpetually grumpy.
"He~y, Shinigami. Why'd ya bring those guys?" Jashin was apparently quite familiar with the leading figure. Given who the figure apparently was, this was no surprise.
Jade grit her teeth. "I really hope you guys aren't planning on staying long."
"Don't worry," Senju Hashirama stepped away from the other Hokage to placate her. "We're just here for a visit."
Jade's eye twitched, and Kate folded in on herself further.
Then Tsunade and Jiraiya shot away from her and towards Hashirama and Sarutobi respectively.
And then a red blur, hissing and spitting, rushed in and attacked the figure right in the back, the only one that wasn't human, Hokage, or god.
Three minutes earlier:
Sasori flicked his ears as he heard Jade's voice come from the other room after a flicker of, not quite chakra, but whichever power it was that Jashin had used on his every visit thus far. So she had been let go?
His fur stood on end as he felt another wave of godly power wash over him, larger and more. It carried an aura of death, one that he could almost recognize due to his many years working on corpses and leaching the humanity out of them.
Sasori's nose twitched as a clean, fresh, almost minty scent wafted over him. It was a strange one, as it held the same feeling of death as the earlier aura, but he ignored it in favor of feeling the chakra signatures that came with it. One of them felt strangely familiar.
Sasori got to his feet and padded slowly towards the sounds of conversation. He rounded the corner and paused.
Jade was no longer tied down, and instead stood tall, looking irritated.
Jashin was on the couch, looking like a lazy bum, with Hidan on his chest.
Kate was huddled in a chair, looking pathetic.
There was a new person there, looking like Diamond's illusion of the Shinigami from the explanation weeks ago.
There were the four dead Hokage, looking very much alive.
And in the back…
Sasori's ears lay flat against his head as his fur stood on end. His eyes narrowed to slits, and he bared his teeth.
He shot across the room to attack the Sandaime Kazekage.
A/N: Who expected that? Unless I told you, I doubt you did. If any of you read Gender Confusion, and I'm sure at least half of you do, then you may have seen my explanation for who works under the Shinigami. And after the recent manga chapters, I've had people asking about bringing these guys back to life. Well, they're not alive, but they're pretty lively for dead people.
Oh yeah. You heard me. I made it work. I MADE IT WORK. Here's an explanation for just who keeps things going for the gods. Keep in mind that the only thing these guys share in common with the gods in actual Japanese myth is their names.
Amaterasu: Jashin's secretary.
Susanoo: General/Commander in Chief of the demonic forces.
Tsukuyomi: Prison warden. (The only prison is in the demon realm).
Izanagi: Kami's secretary.
Izanami: General/Commander in Chief of the heavenly forces.
Shinigami has a smattering of dead souls that have proven themselves worthy in life, but not much more. NOT like Bleach. Generally involves the souls that have been 'consumed,' like the four Hokage, and other people that distinguished themselves in life without crossing the Moral Event Horizon (like Madara sort of did).
You're all going to see the personality that I developed for the Sandaime Kazekage in the process of writing a different story (I'll tell you which one after I post the chapter that introduces the character). He's, um, kind of… strange.
*cough* Okay, Ttran2323, I tried writing your omake, but it's been put on hold. I can't do it until all of them are returned fully to human, so just keep reminding me until we get to that point. Then I'll write it. Feel secure in the knowledge that I trust you with important future plot points until that time.
Sorry for the short chapter, but… well, I HAD to stop it there! It was so perfect!