A/N: I'm holding a contest on DeviantArt in regards to my stories. You can win a one-shot if you participate, so go check it out.
Also, I seem to find it really fun to write Jashin and Jade bickering. It's just… *shrug* I don't know, but it's funny to me. Same goes for Jade and Tobirama. Though that's just because Tobirama is a grump.
And I can't stop writing arguments with Tobi. I know he's not real, but it's fun anyway.
Now, I need to ask you guys a favor: if you're a native or otherwise fluent Spanish speaker… tell me if I'm getting it wrong. I've been taking it for nearly four years, but I'm still no good at it, so I will make mistakes, so correct me when you can. I'll put what the translations should be after it in italics, but I'd still like feedback on any mistakes. Particularly on my attempt with the subjunctive and conditional down there.
Now, the one thing to always remember about Sasori and the Sandaime Kazekage was that there had always been enmity between the two.
Not just since the Sandaime Kazekage had achieved the post.
Not just since Sasori had become a shinobi.
Not just since Sasori's parents had died.
Since Sasori had been a very young child.
Well, Chiyo had, during Sasori's early years, been in very high demand among the puppeteers. Sasori's parents had been off on long-term missions fairly frequently even before their deaths, so he was frequently left in need of a babysitter.
The then-still-Jounin that would one day become Sandaime Kazekage was often roped into babysitting by Chiyo.
If you haven't seen the problem yet, I feel sorry for you, because you must be enough of an optimist to find this cute, rather than…troublesome.
Now I feel like watching clouds.
In any case, the then-Jounin (whose name won't be revealed due to the fact that he absolutely hates it), had been rather prone to teasing, even when the subject of his jibes was a small child. Sasori had, knowing him as a child, followed him quite a bit as he grew older, with more and more irascibility, and less and less fondness with each passing year. Being given a noogie by a Kazekage in front of your peers wasn't something any new Jounin wanted to experience, particularly one as young as Sasori had been.
In any case, the ban on Sasori's human puppets was not a huge blow-up, not really. It was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
Sasori had actually relaxed after he had finally finished turning the Sandaime's corpse into a puppet. He was free of the man, and had gotten his revenge. He had complete control over what remained of the man, and by gods had he been glad about it.
He was back.
There was dead silence from the "audience" for the first several seconds of Sasori's attack on the former Kazekage, only broken by the noise of the "show." The outraged hissing and the pained yells were loud enough for everyone.
"They're going to break my house."
Jashin rolled his eyes. "We'll fix the thing later. Is that really the only thing you're focused on?"
"I don't care how funny it is; I like my house. I don't want them to break it."
"It's just a house. We can fix it later. Just enjoy the show."
"But my house…"
Most of the people in the room (the four Hokage, Shinigami, Kate, Sai-the-kitten on Kate's shoulder, Suigetsu, and Kisame) alternated between looking at the flailing former Kazekage and the argument taking part only a few feet away.
"Finally!" The Kazekage stood there, panting, as he held Sasori out at arm's length by the scruff of the neck, facing him. Sasori was still irrational enough that despite his impotency, he continued to glare and hiss sullenly at the Kazekage. The Kazekage… wasn't quite glaring back. It was more of a mocking pout.
"This is ridiculous." Jade put a hand to her head and rubbed circles at her temple.
"So's your face, but you don't see anyone here complaining about it." Jashin muttered, very well aware of both the fact that he was acting immaturely and the fact that just about everyone had heard him say it.
Jade's arm whipped out to smack the back of his head, but let's face it: Jashin's a god. No civilian girl's going to be able to do anything to him. Of course he dodged, and with mocking ease.
"Could you both stop?"
The voice caught both their attention, and they turned to see Shinigami standing there and watching them with his arms crossed. Of the four Kage behind him, the Shodai was occupied with Tsunade-the-kitten; the Sandaime was dealing with Jiraiya's insistence on snuggling (a rare occasion where said snuggling was done to a close friend out of genuine affection, rather than to a random woman out of perversion); the Yondaime was watching the Kazekage; and the Nidaime was just staring at them, arms crossed and looking even grumpier than Shinigami. To be fair, Shinigami didn't look all that grumpy, just a little exasperated, but Tobirama was just… grumpy.
Like a bear.
Or an octopus.
"I'm going to go get Naruto." Jade turned around, but was quickly grabbed by the Yondaime, who spun her back to face him. His hands were on her shoulders, and he was staring at her as though searching for something.
A sneaking suspicion entered Jade's mind, and she frowned, cautiously asking, "Do you speak English?"
A disparaging noise came from the living room, and Jade peeked around the tall form of one Namikaze Minato to see who had made it. Unsurprisingly for the readers, it was Tobirama.
Jade blinked at Tobirama, still frowning. "But you do?" She stepped to the side so that she no longer had to lean over to speak around the Yondaime.
"I've had longer to learn."
Jade's eyes narrowed. "He's been dead for at least fifteen years."
"We have a lot of work to do." Tobirama's tone was snide, and he very clearly didn't enjoy Jade's responses.
"So much that fifteen years isn't long enough to learn a single language?"
"He learned a different one first. Shinigami-sama wanted diversity. It's better for 'business.'"
Jade tilted her head, eyes still narrowed. "I'm going to regret asking, but which language?"
Aw, she already guessed what was coming. Pity.
Tobirama still didn't smile. "Spanish."
"Phoenix, I don't know whether to call you a b**** or thank you." Jade put a hand up to her face, sighing. "Alright, I can take care of it then."
"You what?" Rather than surprise, the look on Tobirama's face was one of suspicion.
"I can take care of it." Jade turned and walked past Minato, who had been watching in interest but not understanding, and grabbed his sleeve as she did, tugging him out of the room and towards the room where she knew Jashin had tossed team seven. Then she paused and turned her head towards the area where most of the Akatsuki kittens, barring Hidan and Sasori, still were. "Oi, can I get one of you over here for a sec? I need a liaison to Team Seven and Sasuke for a minute or two. "
After several seconds, a dark brown, heavily barred kitten walked out of the hallway and over to Jade.
Kakuzu. Well… he was a decent translator. Jade nodded and went over to the door, opening it slightly but holding out an arm to stop Minato, taking her hand of the doorknob to hold a finger to her lips. "Queda allí." Stay there.
Minato blinked, but smiled at her and nodded after a moment of surprise. "Bueno." The accent was still slightly mangled, but he was understandable, at least.
Jade looked over at Kakuzu again. "Hey, could you tell them what happened over there? With Shinigami and the dead folk?"
Kakuzu gave her a measuring stare, but nodded and turned to the crack in the door, slipping in quietly. There was only the noise of mewling from there for several moments, which shortly gave way to loud, surprised and eager shouts that quickly had Kakuzu fleeing the room in irritation.
Jade rolled her eyes, but motioned towards Minato. "Tu hijo y su equipo están en esta sala. Todos son gatitos en el futuro previsible, pero usted puede hablar a él, por lo menos, no?" Your son and his team are in this room. They're all kittens for the foreseeable future, but you can talk to him, at least, right?
"Si, puedo. Gracias por su ayuda." Yes, I can. Thank you for your help.
"No está problema. Sí necesites algo, tú podrías llamarme, bueno?" It's not a problem. If you need anything, you can call me, alright?
"Voy a hacer eso. Eres una buena chica, ¿lo sabías?" I'll do that. You're a good girl, you know that?
Minato's smile was almost infectious, and Jade found herself wearing a small smirk of her own as she heard the mewling from inside the room as the man went in. She raised an eyebrow as a small black cat, spiky rather than smooth, slunk out with its head bowed low, staring around itself suspiciously.
Jade crouched down, glad that she had taken to limiting herself pants instead of her usual mix of pants, dresses, and skirts after getting the kittens, especially since there were so many men in comparison to women scurrying around down there.
She held out a hand as though beckoning him forward, and just waited.
Quite frankly, Sasuke was one of the new arrivals that Jade was sure would have the most difficult time adjusting and interacting… and one of the ones that Jade would probably have the hardest time making like her. The other was Orochimaru, but everyone had just avoided him so far, so there weren't any problems yet, seeing as no one actually cared whether Orochimaru was comfortable in his surroundings or not. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Sasuke stared distrustfully, but Jade made several soft clicking noises with her tongue to urge him forward. It wasn't like he would understand her if she spoke, after all. Sasuke crept forward slowly, his eyes narrowed and ears pricked forward to catch any noises that would alert him to Jade trying to do anything strange.
He came close enough that Jade chanced moving her hand forward to rub between his ears, and then slowly pulled him towards her. He resisted, but he was also a kitten. A small one. So long as he didn't try to scratch her, and he didn't, Jade could do as she pleased.
"C'mon, I'll keep you with me for now." She picked him up, cradling him in one arm as she went back to the room with the gods and the majority of the Kage.
"Who is that?"
Jade blinked as she realized that the one talking to her was the Nidaime, Tobirama, who was staring at Sasuke in her arms.
"Uchiha Sasuke. He'd be the last Uchiha, but Itachi's not dead anymore and Tobi is a lying liar who lies."
"Most liars are." Tobirama commented sardonically. His eyes were fixed on Sasuke, layered with distaste.
Jade started to speak back, but was distracted… by the sight of Hashirama playing with Tsunade by throwing her up and down in the air like a five-year-old with a new doll.
"Is he okay?"
"…Maybe." Tobirama's face, if possible, soured further.
"Let me guess, you're embarrassed by him?"
"No, it isn't obvious?"
"Stop snarking I was going to empathize, but if you—"
"You have an annoying and immature older brother?" Tobirama's voice couldn't BE more sarcastic.
"Yes." Jade was a little disappointed that Tobirama didn't even blink at the admission. "My brother isn't here at the moment, though. He's off at college."
"Just like half the youth of your country." Tobirama almost seemed to be joking.
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
Is he flirting with her?
Wha— What are you doing here?
I got bored.
No! No, you—stop doing that!
What, tired of me already? You're the one that did this, after all.
I swear, if you don't stop, I will call you Obitobi.
…Then why do you keep writing it?
…People think it's funny, and it amuses me, even if I pretend that it doesn't.
You're s***ting me.
Uh… no. Now go away. Shoo, shoo, I have work to do.
You didn't answer my question.
Because it's weird! He's, like, old and dead, and probably married, and—
You don't know for sure?
Is he gone?
Okay, let's get back to the…
God d*** it.
They're done already.
F*** you, Obitobi. F*** you.
But Tobi's a good boy, Phoenix-chan!
…F***. You. You magnificent b******.
Sorry, not interested.
A/N: Sorry about it being so short, but I have to work on a NejiTen piece for something I signed up for. I'm supposed to post on the eighth, but I don't have internet access over the weekend or most of Monday, so I'm going to see if I can get it done before them, along with a NaruHina contest piece.