Yes. Shota will be present in this story. So if it bothers you, don't read. :D It's as simple as so.
This idea has been plaguing me for some time now, so I decided to finally indulge on it. As always, I disclaim. If Naruto were mine, all male characters would take part in weekly orgies.
Teaching a class of mentally-challenged 1st graders would have been better than this.
The high-pitched voice of the pink-haired woman sitting in front of him was beginning to cause him a serious migraine. Sasuke hadn't a clue how long they'd been sitting in that restaurant, but he was sure that it had been longer than all of his 28 years of life altogether.
He took the brief opportunity of the waiter distracting the girl to check the time on his phone. It seemed as though time was purposely torturing and taunting him. It had only been approximately 32 minutes since they first set foot inside that outrageously expensive restaurant.
"Anyways, like I was saying," he looked up at her almost miserably, watching her heavily glossed lips move at a speed that he hadn't known possible, "I always loved the way she acted! I mean, like, how could someone so ugly like Anko Mitarashi top her talent? Everyone knows an ugly face makes a horrible actor! I mean, like, did you know-," Sasuke's eyes were beginning to melt from the horror, but he tried his best to maintain the misleading smile on his lips, "I mean, you agree, right, Sasuke?"
Her valley girl accent made him want to shoot her in the throat. But he held back.
"Uh.. yeah.. I mean, yes! You're absolutely correct," he sat up in his seat, clearing his throat as a way to hide the fact he had hardly been listening to anything she had been saying.
"Oh, Sasuke! You're so amazing. Anyway, how much did you say you make at the University, again?" she leaned in towards him, causing him to notice the heavy layer of makeup encasing her skin like dry, flaky plastic.
He couldn't believe how she managed to plaster so much shit on her face without it sliding right off like a banana peel. He cringed at the sight of her glittery pink eye-shadow threatening to eat him alive. It wasn't only her makeup that made him want to run out of there, but her unquenchable interest on his financial status. One of the first things she asked him when they got there was how much money he attained from his yearly tax refunds. This had immediately sealed the deal for him.
Like many others, she was solely interested in his money, and even more so, his body.
Before he could refuse the question yet again, the waiter appeared to help him out a second time.
"Here are your orders, sir," two plates of hardly-there food were placed on the table, and the first thing that crossed Sasuke's mind was how incredibly bad he had been ripped off.
Regardless, he thanked the waiter, reminding him of the wine he had ordered much earlier that never came.
"Don't you just love this place?" the woman suddenly began, breaking the trance Sasuke had been in with the highly unappealing food resting before him, "It's the best!"
He watched in distaste as she began to talk with her mouth full. He caught a strong whiff of perfume emanating from her as she began to take off her jacket. It was a terrible mix of cotton-candy, and something so incredibly pungent that he couldn't quite make it out.
This wouldn't have been happening if it wasn't for his terrible decision of making a profile on that blasted dating sight.
His co-workers had been going on for months about him finally settling down and getting married. They had even questioned his orientation. He didn't quite have the desire for such distressing things just yet, but he figured that if he did, maybe, just maybe, he'd find someone worth spending time with outside of work.
He'd signed up for the first dating sight he saw on tv, and that was when the nightmare began.
He recalled being drunk out off his ass that night, and he had replied to a message from a girl named 'Sakura Haruno' quite.. suggestively. They exchanged messages for a while, and before he knew it, he was masturbating on webcam for her. He recalled asking her to show him her breasts, and from there, his fate had been sealed.
Somehow, he had promised her a date at one of the most expensive restaurants in town, and somehow he couldn't think of a good-enough excuse the next day to cancel. So now he sat there. Listening to one of the most unintelligent people on earth, and eating the worst possible food known to humanity.
"You're so handsome, Sasuke," she started again, licking her fingers as she stared him down with those frightening green eyes, "I don't get how you're not already married with 500 kids!"
He tried his best to form a smile at her comment, but failed miserably when he noticed her lean in towards him as if he were suddenly missing an eye.
"Are you okay, Sasuke, baby?" she questioned, smears of food resting on both sides of her mouth.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he attempted at another smile, trying his best not to fall over from a stroke at the sound of 'baby', "just, it's getting late.."
Not being able to tolerate any more of the stressful situation, he called for the waiter to come over and give him the check. The guy sure took his sweet time getting back to him.
"You're so much fun," the girl began, bringing her elbows to the table at a failed attempt to look adorable, "We have to do this again. Don't you think?"
She gave him a food-stained smile, and he managed to somehow turn away in time before he could feel the food rise within his throat.
"Here you go, sir."
This was absolutely ridiculous.
He gulped down his wine before paying in hard cash, and immediately stood from his seat, straightening his clothes. As if in unison to his worst nightmare, the woman stood, tying him in a highly undesired embrace.
"We'll see each other again soon, right?" she breathed on his shoulder, causing a scene in front of everyone in the restaurant.
He figured he'd look like an asshole if he didn't do something, so instead of unlatching her off of him and sprinting out of the room, he gave a lame attempt at holding her back.
If one hand awkwardly patting her back was 'holding back'.
It must have been the day all puppies died because he nearly choked on his own air the moment he saw her glossy, sluggish-looking lips reach out for his own. Thinking quickly, he took out his phone, interrupting the dismaying situation just in time.
No one had called him, of course, but that didn't mean he couldn't pretend.
"Hey! Yeah, I'm coming. Yeah, I know, I'll be there in 5," he hung up on the imaginary person on the other line, and gave Sakura a carefully recited smile, "Sorry, I've got to go. My boss called."
Before she could even think of opening that agitating mouth of hers again, he made his way out of the restaurant, leaving her standing in the middle of the room with a dumbfounded expression on her face.
He took note of blocking her when he got back home.
It was getting dark outside, and he knew exactly where he wanted to go.
He drove to the far reaches of the city, where he knew people like him would never go. Which was the point.
He finally reached the park he frequently visited, and got out of his heart and pride. That black Ferrari was the beautiful, loving girlfriend he never had.
Exhausted from the nightmare he had to endure earlier, he approached one of the nearby benches underneath one of the huge oak trees that inhabited the field. Loosening his tie, and pulling up the confining sleeves of his white dress shirt, he relaxed on the bench; staring intently at the purple-tinted sky hovering above him.
It was a Saturday, and he hardly knew why he wasn't at home getting drunk in the never-ending loneliness of his condo like he did every weekend. He thought of his brother, and how their lives were nearly identical. It was as if the Uchiha family was cursed into eternal solitude, and teaching. He sighed, checking the time on his phone.
The sky threatened a veil of blackness, and Sasuke finally decided he should take his leave. A shady-looking group of teenagers approaching the park was a further indication of so. Pulling a few strands of hair back, he made his way through the small forest of trees, looking behind his shoulder every so often to assure the possibility of getting jumped was at its most minimal.
Upon another intake of breath of the chilling winter air, he felt something tug at his pants. Something that didn't quite reach in height even to his hips. Something small with a yellow mop resting on its head as a sad excuse for hair. He raised an eyebrow, watching quietly as the small creature probed at his pants feverishly for any pockets.
'It' was trying to 'rob' him, Sasuke concluded.
Agitated by the continual intrusion of his own bodily privacy, he held both of the strange creature's wrists with one swipe of his hand, "What do you think you're doing, little brat?"
Sasuke took a moment to identify the small, frantic critter squirming beneath his grasp. Before he could push the filthy thing away, he noticed blazing, oceanic eyes suddenly meet with his own.
He was taken aback, and his hold might have loosened ever so slightly, because the little vermin began to erratically writhe beneath the pale hand tying its little wrists together. Sasuke couldn't help but to deeply wonder how such large, glittering eyes with an impossible shade of blue could ever exist outside of cartoons, or picture books.
He took the moment to eye the little roach, and immediately noticed a strange array of scars marking both its cheeks. They looked like whiskers. He thought of a fox, and then he thought of the sun when he took a second to appreciate the lively shade of yellow on the little creature's head. If it had taken a well-needed shower, Sasuke was sure that it would be even more radiant.. If that were even possible.
"Hey! Let go, weirdo!" the little thing shrieked, trying his best to un-cuff himself from the firm hand that kept him in place, "I just want your money! Now give it to me!"
Sasuke frowned. This little roach had some nerve.
"Why don't you go take a shower and get an education instead of treading the ingrate's way out?" the older man replied, clenching unto the tiny wrists even more, "Its people like you that ruin and destroy the economy."
Big, blue eyes looked up at him, seeming entirely confused at what Sasuke had just said. The confusion hadn't stopped the little midget from further attempting his escape, nonetheless.
"I don't know what the heck you just said, crazy dude! But I'm hungry! And I want food!" Sasuke watched with furrowed brows at the way the yellow roach attempted to bite down on his hand, earning a shriek from it when he squeezed down tighter unto its reddening wrists.
"Where are your parents?" Sasuke demanded, forcing the over-energetic creature to look up at him with those breathtaking eyes.
"That's none of your business!"
Sasuke raised a brow. What kind of parents would leave their child unattended in the middle of a dangerous park, in the middle of the night, in the most dangerous side of town? Damn lower-classes. That's why Sasuke avoided them like the plague.
"When will they be here, you little shit?" Sasuke spat, annoyed at both the thought of the unreasonable said 'parents', and the way the midget had began throwing kicks at him.
"My name's not 'little shit'! I'm Naruto!" the roach announced, using its little stubs to persist in its kicking, "Now let go and give me your money!"
Completely annoyed and stressed at the situation, Sasuke lifted the creature from its collar, glaring holes into those ever-shining orbs of sea. The critter stopped squirming for a second, and Sasuke took the brief opportunity to make everything clear to the annoying little rat.
"Look. You annoy me. You stink, and you're filthy. I will not give you my money, and I've not the slightest clue why you think I ever will," the roach froze under the older man's grasp, glaring back without falter, and crossing its arms; seemingly unfazed by the fact that it was now dangling in the air "Now. Tell me where your parents are so I can denounce them to Child Protection Services for being immoral, deficient cretins of society."
The roach simply stared, entirely unaffected or heedful of Sasuke's words.
The older man sighed heavily, irritated beyond all comprehension. He decided to try again in a way the little vermin would be able to understand.
"Where. Are. Your. Parents."
The dirty morsel scrunched up its face, glaring boldly into the Uchiha's eyes. No one ever dared look at him for that long while he was in a bad mood. This little roach had some guts.
"They're playing catch in the sky," it began, not gluing its gaze away from the agitated man, "But they'll come down to get me soon. I'm sure!"
Sasuke's glare slowly began to melt away.
Playing in the sky?
His glare was replaced with a concerning look, and he began to slowly let go of the thing he finally admitted was, indeed, a child.
Sasuke watched blankly as the little boy of well below 8 years of age began to yet again intrude his pants. This time, though, he just stood there, taking in the information just given to him. This kid had no parents. He wasn't dirty and smelly because he chose to.
Something tugged at his heartstrings he thought he didn't have.
This kid had unbelievable eyes, and a pretty hefty nerve. He couldn't just abandon the kid to fend for himself in that dangerous place. He'd get kidnapped, or worse, well within the week. That is, if he hadn't been already..
"Hey.." Sasuke began, watching as the little boy beneath him hadn't abandoned his search for his wallet, "You said you were hungry, right?"
The boy stopped, looking up at the tall, older man with those sparkling, indigo eyes that Sasuke could have sworn didn't exist anywhere else, "Yeah.."
The little boy crossed his arms, almost as if he felt entitled to the upcoming offer after all the trouble he had gone through to no avail. The night fell softly on his childish features, causing Sasuke to hold back a small smile.
Yes, he hated kids.
But there was something about this one that caused him not to puke his lunch out, or feel the need to punch it in the face.
Maybe it was the obnoxious-colored hair? Or the ultramarine eyes that seemed as though they'd spill into water at any given moment? Or maybe it was him growing soft at the sight of a child..
It had been years since he last encountered a child. Let alone, one this young. It wouldn't hurt to buy this kid lunch.. right? He had millions to spare in the bank, anyway.
"Do you enjoy Braised Pork Loin? Fillet Mignon?"
The little kid stared up at him, his eyes compressing slowly at the foreign language the crazy guy in front of him had been speaking to him since he started talking. What part of 'I don't know what the heck you're saying' did this guy not get?
"I like burgers," the tiny blond said flatly, crossing his arms as a childish frown graced his features.
Sasuke gave him a look of dismay, sighing inwardly. He didn't know how to talk to kids. Let alone, please them. Besides, it was beginning to freeze outside, and the darkening of their surroundings was beginning to make him feel uneasy.
"Alright. I'll get you one of those. Just stop looking like a fool with your eyes scrunched like that. You look like a brat," the raven said, crossing his own arms as he gloated down at the annoying little roach below him.
Deciding it was finally time to leave the threatening park, Sasuke lead the way out with the tiny blond stumbling close behind him.
If he had known what that day would lead up to later in his life, it would have been wise of him to have lost the child in that field of trees.
Hehe. Baby Naruto is always adorable. (: Review to let me know if I should keeping this going. If I'm convinced, I promise to stick to it 'till the end. Thanks for reading!