Requested by anonymous on tumblr.
Elijah chokes on his drink, gagging and coughing he attempts to take unnecessary breaths which suddenly became far too important to him. All the while she's thumping him on the back; she does not want to be guilty of killing an original, especially not her boyfriend's favorite brother.
Rebekah covers hers ears and squeals like a girl who's just walked in on her parents using the Kama Sutra handbook. For a week to come Rebekah can't look at her or her own brother without shivering involuntarily and literally saying a prayer.
Kol stares at her for a full five seconds before he bursts into such loud riotous laughter that she's sure he's caused some earthquakes somewhere. He bends over the bar as the tears of pure glee roll down his cheeks rapidly and she literally has to hold him up from falling down.
Caroline is thankful that Finn is dead and she doesn't have another original to question.
What brought about such reactions from the originals?
Well, a simple sentence with four simple words with a very simple motive uttered from her mouth caused the Originals to buckle over in either amusement or horror.
What were those four simple words you ask?
Is he a virgin?
Coz in all honesty she had no other option left but to discuss her and the mighty hybrids 'non-existent' sex life with his siblings.
It had been almost 9 months, and she can't help but think that in this much time another couple would have popped out a little Forbes-Mikaelson by now.
When she points this out to Klaus, he only corrects her and says - Mikaelson-Forbes.
In the nine months since she left with Klaus and his original family , one which she had come to consider her own, she had been waiting for the moment when they would do the deed.
She had started by thinking of it as making love, then to sex... but now she just wondered when the hell he was going to fuck her.
Apparently those words didn't exist in his dictionary coz he never tried anything, ever, not once, never... no seriously never.
So she took it upon herself to initiate the fucking. Yes, now she even thought crudely.
She had tried everything; pressing her body as close to his as much as she could, wearing skirts 24x7 incase he decided to get freaky in the mall or something, touching him every opportunity she got, then proceeding to touching him in the most inappropriate of places. But none of it worked. So she tried something else.
Kol called her Goldilocks for a reason. One day she declared that all the beds in the 12 bedroom mansion gave her back trouble and the only one she was comfortable in was Klaus's bed. He offered to sleep somewhere but she was pretty sure she almost cried while asking him to not go. So he didn't, and every night she displayed the skimpiest collection Victoria's Secret could come up with.
When he had no intention of finding out Victoria's Secret she proceeded to wearing well... nothing.
Thankfully his gaping mouth as a nude-as-the-day-she-was-born Caroline got into bed confirmed to her that he was actually attracted to her. She was beginning to wonder if maybe that was the problem, he fancied her but he didn't want her.
But judging from the sudden oddity protruding from between the sheets she knew he wanted her.
But he still did fucking nothing.
And she was going bat-shit crazy... along with being horny as fucking hell.
This was when she arrived at the ludicrous reason but at that moment it was the only thing she could come up with, with only one way to either confirm it or certify her insanity was to question the people who knew him the best.
After Kol was done laughing and wiping his tears of pure joy, he merely shook his head at Caroline and patted her on the head like a puppy.
For a week after that he always burst into laughter at the mere sight of her.
Rebekah didn't even give her time to explain before she booms "I don't want to talk about my brother and sex, leave me alone"
She struts off with her hands clasped on her ears and decidedly avoids Caroline for days and can't even look Klaus in the eye.
Elijah is the only one who humbles her.
After he chokes on his whiskey and thanks her for her help he says "I guarantee you Caroline, Niklaus is not a virgin"
When she still looks uncertain he adds "I have personally walked in on him and had to claw the image out of my head"
And then she loses it.
She's never been this angry before and she all but refuses to speak to Klaus, and he has that puppy dog look of pure bafflement that usually makes her go 'aww' but now she just wants to whack him with the frying pan he's holding.
She doesn't sleep in his bed anymore... but she encounters a problem she hadn't foreseen.
Elijah screams loudly – like a girl according to the ever classy Kol- when he wakes up to a sleeping Caroline in his bed. Somehow she sleeps through that so he pokes her into waking.
She simply can't sleep alone, and she isn't getting anywhere near a sleeping Kol; from one horrifying experience she knows that he's rarely alone and rarely clothed. Sleeping in the same bed with Rebekah would just feel weird, so Elijah is her only option. Plus he's like her older brother and she's like his annoying baby sister... it's purely platonic so she thinks it's cool.
Elijah rolls his eyes at her vocabulary and replies curtly "Yes it is cool, but next time do inform me beforehand"
She nods when she notices a frowning Klaus in the hallway. He looks like he's woken up to an alien world; one where Caroline is angry with him for reasons he knows not and prefers to sleep in his elder brother's bed rather than with him.
So he questions his brother.
"Did you compel her?"
"Do you love her?"
"No... wait, does she love you?"
"What did you do Elijah?"
"I swear to god Elijah we are not doing this again, Caroline is mine and she thinks of you like her brother... at least as far as I know. What happened? What did I miss... why is she angry with me..."
Elijah cut's him off after he drains the entire whiskey bottle "Niklaus, I do not love her and she does not love me. She is as much of a sister to me as Rebekah and you will have to speak to her about your problems. I am not your counselor."
"Why don't you just talk to him about it?" Elijah says one night as him and Caroline stare at the ceiling of his bed and he can all but see Klaus's eyes cutting through him all the way from his room.
"About how he doesn't want to have sex with me?" she laughs and shakes her head "No thank you"
She turns to the side and goes to sleep while Elijah wonders when his life became a telenovela.
A few days later Elijah enters the house to a full blown telenovela and he understands why Kol and Rebekah are standing in the garden like idiots.
Klaus and Caroline are standing on two sides of the couch yelling at the top of their voices while giving each other the worse looks they can muster.
He screams that she's angry at him for no reason and she merely scoffs and shakes her head at him.
Then he yells some more and the only words understandable are Elijah and bed.
She yells back and all that filters through as English words is don't and sex.
But they don't hear each other at all, hell bent upon bellowing their part they barely even notice when Elijah calmly walks up to the side of the couch and holds his hands up.
They do notice though when he slams the coffee table onto the floor and it shatters loudly.
"Al right" Elijah starts still calm "I've had enough of this. The two of you are ruining my life and I won't have it. Niklaus nothing is going on between me and Caroline and neither will it ever occur so get that straight or the next time you make some stupid accusation I will make something happen" he waves a threatening finger in his younger brother's face and Klaus throws his hands in the air in defeat.
"And Caroline dear, just be honest with him already. She is angry because apparently she in under the assumption that you do not want her... uhm sexually speaking" Elijah stutters... finally and Caroline almost a happy dance at finally seeing an embarrassed Elijah; it's like seeing the northern lights in Hawaii.
With that final uncomfortable note he leaves to go fetch his siblings but not before giving the two of them a 'Fix this' look.
"Did you really think I didn't want to have sex with you?" Klaus asks in a hurt voice and she finally mellows and nods her head softly
"Caroline" he says in that loving way that make her red like a beet, walking forward he takes her face in his hands and leans into him instantly "I've felt lust a 1000 times in the last 1000 years but I've never felt this. I didn't want you think it was just that. I didn't want you to think that sex was all that mattered to me"
He covers his ears when he realizes she's about to yell again.
"WELL I DON'T CARE whether you want sex or not. I WANT IT you idiot. I am horny as hell and also now I'm tired. So just tell me are you ever going to fuck me or what?" she says in ultimatum.
He's pretty damn sure he's never been this turned on his life and she doesn't even have time to sigh in victory before her top is ripped off and he's pressing her up against the wall.
The remaining originals walk out of the house again after about 10 seconds of going in.
Rebekah is yelling that she needs to find a witch to erase her memories and also muttering under her breath that she would never again be able to say her brother's name without recalling the way Caroline had been yelling it only seconds ago.
Kol has an impressed expression on his face as he nods at Elijah and starts asking if being half-wolf helps in the size department. Klaus whips a vase at him while he's carrying Caroline upstairs and Rebekah shrieks again at getting a sight of her half-naked brother and his girlfriend.
Elijah is pinching the bridge of his nose while trying to get the image of his adopted/considered sister's bare breasts out of his head. Kol isn't helping; what with holding his hands in front of his chest suggestively with a gleeful and awed look on his face.
Elijah almost thinks he much preferred it when Klaus was evil. He almost prefers when he was daggered.
All in all, the original family would never forget the day that Klaus and Caroline finally had sex.