Dean sat in the motel room on the bed flipping through the TV channels with a disinterested look while Sam busied himself showering in the bathroom.
Ever since the encounter with the siren, little had been said between the two of them.
Talking only when completely necessary, the boys more or less had become strangers to each other.
Anyways back to the present, dean sat on the bed his eyes on the TV and his mind clearly in some place elsewhere. Snippets of their conversation under the influence of the siren ran through his head making his head spin like the blades of the helicopter. Dean felt dizzy and shaken. He couldn't believe that the brother for whom he had sacrificed practically his whole freaking life had said those hurtful words to him. Sam's words still echoed deep in his mind-,"hell changed you. You have become weak" "ruby proved to be far better than you have ever been. we saved more people in the 4 months you were down there torturing people to your heart's content , than I ever did while you were alive" "I know you enjoyed torturing those people . Their screams were probably like music to you "dean's eyes closed at the painful remembrance.
It's not like he himself hadn't lashed out on Sam and said some pretty hurtful things too. Hell he had practically told his brother that if it weren't for the fact that he was his brother, dean would have hunted him down like a long time ago. Dean was snapped out of his reverie when the bathroom door opened and Sam stepped out clad in sweats and a t-shirt. Dean stared at the so-called brother of his as he walked around the room towards his duffel. It's not like Sam hadn't tried to apologize. Infact several times on their way to the hotel, Sam had tried to start his apology but the fact was that dean was just not in the mood to hear more apologies.
After all he had opened to Sam and had told him about what had happened to him in hell and Sam had just misused it to the extent that dean felt as guilty as ever. So it didn't feel wrong to ask for some time and space to sort out his thoughts. When castiel had told him that he had broken the first seal by getting off the rack he had felt guilty as hell. It was his fault that the damned war was happening in the first place. But having those things thrown at him by his very own brother in the most horrible and hurtful way had just shaken him to the very core.
Dean snapped back to focus as Sam cleared his throat. "I uh. I found us a hunt "Dean sighed and replied back ,"I don't know why you are telling this to me . Is your sidekick ruby engaged somewhere else?" Something sparked inside Sam "dean why can't you just leave her out of the loop. You just have to bring her up somehow." "Sam I don't want to engage in a discussion about your dietary needs and your demonic girlfriends now. And I don't see the point of coming on this hunt with you anyway. After all you said it yourself. I restrain you and I hold you back. So there is no point in bringing along a weakling like me. I will just be hindering your powers." "Oh for the last time dean, that was the siren manipulating me. I never would have said those words to you and you know it" Sam shouted exasperatedly. "Yeah whatever Sam" dean replied indifferently. He switched off the TV and pulled the covers on him and turned away from Sam.
it was clear to Sam that dean didn't believe a single word that he said. No matter how many apologies later things would never be the same between them. But Sam was doing all this for Dean. Dean just didn't understand his need for revenge. Why it was so important for him to seek out vengeance for what Lilith had done to dean. Dean just didn't understand. but Sam also knew for a fact that he couldn't possibly think of presenting Lilith's head on a platter to Dean if dean didn't trust him , support him , understand him and stand by his side .
Until Sam didn't earn back dean's trust, Sam would have to put everything aside for a while. He could not fight a war on his own. Despite the fact that ruby was by his side through it all, without his brother Sam would just not feel alright. So for starters he needs to start getting back dean's trust. But that was the problem. How could he do that? He knew that he deserved all the mistrust. He had lied to dean, betrayed him and practically chosen a demon over his own brother. He could not possibly expect forgiveness. Yet he had to try. Sam thought of all this as he sat in the bed wondering how the hell relationship with his brother is went all of a sudden from easy going to unbearably uncomfortable and hurtful.
His last thoughts while he fell asleep were a resolve to make things between them if not exactly as they were but at least bring a pint of normalcy in them. If only he knew how tough it was going to be!