Banging Art

*don't own Naruto but don't we all wished we did*

*warning: extremely weird fetish up ahead*

"Art is fleeting, un."

"It's eternal, brat."

"It's fleeting, Danna."

"It's eternal."



"I wonder how long their argument will last this time, what's the record so far?" Zetsu asked as Kakuzu muttered out, "3 hours" while the Akatsuki sat in the main room enjoying their favorite pass-time: watching the two artists arguing over their art.

"I got five thousand yen on blondie winning this damn time."

"You're own Hidan and I'll raise it to seven thousand yen for Sasori" Kisame said as he and some of the other Akatsuki threw in their money to see who would quit the argument first.

"What about you Itachi-san, you want to throw in your bet?" Tobi said with an eye smile.


"Never mind" Tobi said as he went back to the bickering duo that either ignored them or didn't hear their usual bets.

'Bakas' Itachi thought as he turned a page in his book, ignoring the world around him while Konan and Pain played cards, a lazy day with nothing to do.

"I still don't see how art is fleeting when it's eternal, brat" Sasori said in his calm way while Deidara growled as he stared at the emotionless puppet.

"Art is fleeting for it only lasts a second, the explosion is the best" Deidara said happily, missing the way Kisame's and someone else's lips twitch at his words. While Deidara was joyfully saying art is a bang, Sasori frowned and mentally groaned at the blonde's favorite saying.

"Why do you say art is a bang?" Sasori asked and Deidara was about to answer when Hidan spoke up with a snicker.

"Sounds like you love fucking art, I bet you do perverted stuff with your clay too."

Everybody looked up at the blonde, except Itachi, as they noticed how quiet he had gotten and how thick the tension in the room had suddenly got from Hidan's words.

'Looks like Hidan struck a nerve' the all thought as they moved their chairs away from the hot spring nin just in case Deidara decided to "show off" his art. Deidara's eye twitched before he growled, turning back to Sasori.

"I say that due to the explosive nature of my art, un"

"More like wet explosions" Kisame muttered lowly under his breath, shooting a grin at Deidara who glared at him through slit eyelids. The others were about to ask what he said when they heard someone snort and looked around before their eyes landed on Itachi, still reading his book. The raven never looked up as the stares intensified, wondering if that sound came from him, before he finally looked up with a bored look on his face.

"…what" he asked as they continued to stare at him to see if something would change but his expression never change, giving no hint if the sound came from him.

"Nothing" they grumbled as they shook their heads, thinking Itachi of all people wouldn't snort, and turned back to Deidara who surprised them with the angry look he shot at Itachi.

'Or maybe he did' they thought as Deidara sighed before he turned back to Sasori.

"Why did you choose clay of all things?" Sasori asked emotionlessly.

"It's easier to mold and to pour my chakra into" Deidara said calmly before he frowned when he heard someone chuckle and everybody turned once again to Itachi who was still reading. They watched as he turned a page in the book before he looked up, sharingan activated and daring anybody to look in him in the eye. They turned suddenly to see Deidara's eye twitch, hand twitching also as if he really wanted to create a clay bird and blow the raven up but knew better than to try.

"Why such soft mush?"

"It's not soft mush, its clay" Deidara stated irritated.

"Sempai's clay reminds Tobi of cookie dough" Tobi said with an eye smile while the blonde glared at the masked shinobi.

"Tobi's a good boy."

"Deidara's a bad boy" they heard someone mumble and didn't even dare to look at Itachi as Kisame snickered, finding the whole situation hilarious.

"I hate all Uchiha, un" Deidara muttered under his breath which caught their attention and asked him what he said.

"I said it's easier to thru-"

Deidara stopped when he noticed Itachi look up suddenly, sensing a smirk on his face from behind the book.

"Nothing" Deidara sighed as he looked down, thinking of what to say next while the Akatsuki members stared at him, wonder what he was about to say.

"It's easier to put chakra into, that's why I use clay" Deidara said proudly while Sasori said that Deidara's girly hands couldn't handle anything else which started a different argument, ending the "art" battle. The rest of the Akatsuki, now bored, decided to watch Pain and Konan play cards, making bets there when they heard Itachi say something that shock them to the core.

"That's not all you put in it."

After everybody heard that, Kisame spit out the water he was drinking all over Tobi who started complaining about being wet, Kakuzu ripped the newspaper he was reading in half, looking for bounties he could do, Konan looked up, her deep fan-girl sensing going off, while Hidan yelled, 'WHAT THE FUCK!', real loudly before they all turned to look at Itachi.

"Uh Itachi, what did you mean by that?" Kisame said looking at the book that was covering Itachi's face until he looked up with a bored expression on his face. They all shivered as they felt the killing aura coming from behind them, which Itachi seemed to be ignoring, as he turned to show them the inside of the book he was reading.

"The recipe for bakudan, it's missing an ingredient on how to make it from scratch" Itachi said as he turned the book back to him, ignoring the way the group relaxed. Konan grumbled as she went back to her card game with Pain before she looked up and back at the book Itachi was reading, a curious look on her face.

"Uh, Itachi, why are you reading a cookbook?"

She watched as the Uchiha smirk before the book was snatched from his hand and they looked up to see Deidara with a forced smile as he closed the book.

"That's mine. I wouldn't mind if you stayed out of my room, un" Deidara almost growled as everybody felt the tension in the room, making them curious as they looked between the duos. "Itachi, can I talk to you for a minute, un?" Deidara asked as he stormed away, not waiting for an answer as he left the room. The rest of the Akatsuki looked at the calm looking raven, who had yet to get up from his seat, before they heard more stomping and watched as Deidara came back, glaring at Itachi.

"Now please"

Itachi smirked before he sighed as he got up from his seat and followed after the angry blonde who they heard stomping back to his room.

"Can't keep him waiting" they heard Itachi say as they watched him round the corner and out of sight, making Konan suspicious as she turned to look at Sasori and Kisame.

"What's going on with those two?" Konan asked as she turned to Sasori who said he didn't know and really didn't care.

"I barely talk to the brat let alone know what's happening between him and Itachi" Sasori said as he sat down back in his seat. Konan raised a brow at his words before she turned to look at Kisame who she noticed was sweating a bit and knew he knew something. Kisame, sensing the danger, got up and started to head toward the door, saying he needed to change his shirt.

"What do you know Kisame?" Konan asked as she barricaded the door with paper, the shark man freezing as he sensed everybody staring at him, before he heard the rest stand up and make their way toward him.

'Fight or flight' Kisame thought as he brought out his sword from behind him as he turned around, watching as everybody took a step back, wondering what he was planning to do. 'And the answer is…' Kisame thought as he brought his weapon down…on the paper barricade before he dashed out of the kitchen, knowing he caught the others off guard as he chose flight over fight. 'Itachi you owe me big' he thought angrily as ran down the hall toward the rooms, turning when he heard footsteps approaching quickly. Putting his sword on his back, he clapped his hand together and used "Water Style: Super Shark Bomb Jutsu" and disappeared into one of the rooms as the water shark charged at the Akatsuki, who ran back to the kitchen to avoid the attack, watching as it splashed against the wall to form a giant pool of water.

"He's going to pay for that" Kakuzu said as they returned to the hall, only to stop and notice that Kisame had disappeared which they quickly went to his room to find it empty of the shark man's presence.

"Where the fuck did he go to now?" Hidan snapped out as they filed back into the hall to look in their rooms to find it empty and the base quiet except for their breathing.

"A better question is where's Itachi and Deidara? They're missing too" Konan said as she had checked the duo's room to find them empty too.

"What are they hiding?" Pain muttered under his breath, making a mental note to question Itachi later as they headed back for the main room, Sasori behind with a frown on his face as he looked around.

"Something weird is going on here" he muttered, unable to shake the feeling something big was happening as he glanced back at Itachi's door that was slightly ajar from when Konan inspected his room. The kunoichi asked if everything was alright in which Sasori nodded before he headed toward his room as Konan looked around and noticed Itachi's door opened. Sighing at her own clumsiness she went to close the door when she stopped as she thought she heard sounds coming from inside the room.

'I must be hearing things' she thought but looked around inside anyway as her curiosity got the best of her, closing the door behind her. She looked around again as she thought she heard the sound again, still not sure what it was, making her look around the quiet room, noticing how cold it felt much warmer than the other rooms.

"Where's the heat coming from?" Konan muttered to herself as she walked around trying to find the source of the heat when she stopped when the sound was heard again, this time matching it to something she thought it was.

'Was that a moan?' Konan though, her senses leading her as she tried to pinpoint the source of the sound when she heard Kisame's low voice that had her turning toward Itachi's closet which she also noticed was ajar but not her doing. Going closer she started to make out what he was saying, making her wonder what he was talking about.

"You know they're going to start questioning us, especially me now, about where we disappear off to in fact I wish you would already convince the redhead to take my place so I can stop helping you with this."

"I planned to, I know he likes him but I need to figure out a way to get him to figure out what's going on" Konan heard Itachi say before a gasp and moan cut him off, both going quiet.

'That was a moan, Deidara maybe?' Konan though a brow raised as her inner fan girl reached her head, sniffing around and taunting her to go see what that was about.

"Itachi-kun please" she heard Deidara say which had eyes going wide, the start of a nosebleed in her future as she held in a girlish giggle.

'ITACHI-KUN WTF' Konan thought as she walked the rest of the way to the closet, trying to convince her mind that she was checking to make sure no one was hurt and not because of her inner fangirl.

Konan quietly opened the door, happy that it didn't make a sound as she noticed a crack in the wall where a light came from a secret room where the sounds were louder. Konan suppressed a fangirl giggle as the sounds of moaning, grunting, and Kisame's occasional grumbling came from the other side. Hiding her chakra, she snuck in to the closet and peeked through the slit in the door before she covered the gasp at the scene in front of her of Itachi and Deidara who wasn't keen on her presence.

'Are they doing what I think they're doing?' Konan thought as she noticed the way Deidara was sitting in Itachi's lap, cloak covering his lower half but could see his pants on the floor and something poking through the cloth of the cloak.

"Ah, Ita-kun, harder" Konan heard Deidara breath as she saw his arch up, letting out a gasp than a moan as Itachi increased his speed.

'No way, Itachi and Deidara together, having sex…yes, I'm in yaoi heaven' Konan thought gleefully as she forced herself not to squeal and give herself away as she watched the duo before she turned to look at Kisame. 'Now, how does he play into all this?' Konan thought as she noticed that Kisame was carrying something over to the duo, who seemed used to his presence, while he had a grin on his face.

"I think it would be easier to just tell them all the truth, especially Sasori" Kisame said, snickering as he saw Deidara's eyes shoot open as he tried to glare at Kisame but the look was lost as he started to pant, eyes growing heavy with lust.

"No" Deidara managed to pant out before he cried out when Itachi hit something inside him, urging the raven to go faster but whined when Itachi slowed down, saying he didn't want him to come yet. Kisame smirked as he walked out of Konan's view while the kunoichi was almost drooling as she heard the moans and grunts coming from Deidara and Itachi.

"He's close Itachi want me to get the whole batch?"

"What, NO!" Deidara said in a panic way, missing the smirk on Itachi's face as he nodded his head. Deidara started to struggle as he saw Kisame go over to a small workshop while Konan was pinching her nose, trying to stop the flow of blood.

'I can't believe this is happening, oh this is the best day for me' Konan thought before she wondered what they meant by batch as she watched Kisame returned with a large bowl in his hand.

"No Itachi-kun, please not that" Deidara yelped, blushing as he continued to struggled against Itachi's strong-like grip. Konan, now super curious, leaned in closer to get a better look as she watched as Kisame set the large bowl on the bed, Deidara trying to move away from the bowl, making Itachi growl as the blonde kept forcing Itachi in and out of him, making the raven tighten his grip.

"Well my work here is done, see you later Itachi" Konan heard Kisame say as she quickly ducked into closet, hoping the sharkman wouldn't see her but heard the sounds of something opening and then closing which she soon heard in Itachi's bedroom before the sound of a door closing. Deciding not to question Kisame's mysterious act she returned to looking at the duo on the bed, grinning as she watched Deidara doing a weird move as he tried to loosen Itachi's grip.

"Now Dei-chan, do this for me and I'll make up by fixing your favorite food" he said as he positioned Deidara over the bowl, the blonde still trying to struggle which Konan found slightly funny to watch while she heard Kisame sigh and say he would get the oven ready.

'Oven, are they making some kind of kinky cookies?' Konan thought, making a mental note not to take any kind of cookie from the three of them as she heard Deidara still trying to convince Itachi to stop whatever they were doing.

"Please Ita-kun, can't I make some later" Deidara begged before he gasped when Itachi lightly bit near his collar bone, making him groan and open his mouth which Itachi quickly placed in and covered as Deidara tried to spit it out.

"Itachi" Deidara screeched as he slowly felt the effects of the pill his chakra going down to his groan, making it sensitive as he knew what was about to happen as Itachi positioned him over the bowl, a smirk on his face as Konan saw another pill in his hand.

"Now Dei-chan, we have to fuel the chakra to the clay before we bake it. So, why not now, it's the best time to do it" Itachi said as he placed the pill in between his teeth while Konan jerked her head back, nose bleeding, as she quickly went and got some tissue before rushing back to the scene in the closet.

'Oh my, is that how Deidara fuel chakra to his clay' Konan thought, eyes gleaming as she returned to see Itachi looking down at Deidara as he looked, a confused look on his face.

"Itachi-kun?" he said softly before he and the raven shared a deep kiss, Itachi pushing the second round, red pill down his throat, keeping his lips locked as he started to jerk Deidara off, hearing a sound come from the blonde that resembled a purr. Konan was busy resisting the urge to squeal as she saw as Itachi thrust into Deidara, forcing him into the clay as he gasped and then let out a loud moan as his sensitive member, thanks to the pills, came in contact with the wet, squishy clay that he knew was absorbing his precum and the chakra that was emitting from it as Itachi continued to thrust into him. Konan kept wiping her nose due to the massive nosebleed from the scene in front of her as the room started to echo with the sounds of loud moaning until Deidara's breath hitched, the pill taking full effect as Itachi sped up his thrust, knowing that Deidara wouldn't last much longer after taking two of the chakra surging pills.

"Oh yes Itachi-kun" Deidara cried, eyes close as he just felt, ignoring the world around him while Konan was to the point of drooling as she watched, doing a mental cheer of 'woo hoo yaoi' before she watched as Deidara stopped moving. Wondering why she looked at Itachi and instantly froze when she realized he was staring at her with calm look on his face, sharingan activated while Konan was saying, 'oh shit' over and over again in her mind at being caught. What took her by surprise though was the way Itachi smirked before he thrust deep, hitting Deidara's prostate, making him cry out as they saw him tense up, the smirk never leaving Itachi's face.

'Kinky bastard' Konan thought, secretly happily he didn't care for her watching as they watched as Deidara reached his climax.

"Yes, I'm coming Itachi-k"

"KONAN, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU AT?" they all heard Hidan shout, making Deidara open his eyes and look at the door, seeing the blue haired kunoichi who quickly moved out of sight, accidently kicking the door with her foot, effectively hiding it as it blended in with the dark wallpaper.

"NO!" she screamed as asked for entry, hearing Deidara yell as his orgasm hit him strong, crying out Itachi's name before all was quiet. "No, open up" Konan cried before she gasped and started looking all around the closet almost frantically. The boys, having heard the noise, entered the room and looked in the closet before a sweat drop formed as they watched as Konan literally darted all around the closet, not even noticing they were there.

"Uh Konan, what are you doing?" Pain asked as he heard Konan growl as she continued looking around the closet.

"I'm trying to find the secret switch or spot or something"

"To what" Sasori asked before he and the rest took a step back as they saw the glare the kunoichi shot at them, wondering if it was good idea to have gone looking for her.

"To the best show in this place and now it's over. It's all your faults"

"Whoa, calm down Konan, what do you mean it's our fault" Hidan asked before they heard Konan growl again and open her mouth before she grew quiet, looking at something behind them.

"I can't say, in fact I just forgot what it was" Konan said casually while Pain asked her if she was alright at that she was acting a little strange.

"Why are all of you in my closet?" they heard a voice say and turned to see Itachi with a frown as he looked at them.

"We were looking for Konan-san, Itachi" Tobi said, watching as the Uchiha looked up at Konan, who was still in the closet, as she looked from the wall to him with a confused look. Itachi smirked as Konan waved before he sighed and walked passed them toward his bathroom.

"I want all of you out by the time I get done with my shower" Itachi said as he stepped into the bathroom before he stopped and looked back at Konan. "Oh and Konan, I have a deal for you later" he said before she shrieked, making the boys flinch and Pain stare at her as he noticed the way her eyes were glowing.

"Is it-"

"Pottery, yes" he said with a chuckle as he saw the confused look on Konan's face as she wondered what he meant until realization came over her.

"YES!" she said excitedly as Itachi nodded and closed the bathroom door, the sound of running water being heard from the other side.

"Konan, what are you and Itachi talking about?" Pain asked but didn't receive an answer as he saw Konan's eyes gleaming, making him try to piece it together as he looked at the bathroom, Konan, then at the wall behind her. Konan could see the gears turning in her friend's heads before he eyes dilated and grabbed his head, groaning as he figured it out.

"Oh go-oh no, I wished I didn't figure it out" Konan heard him grumble before he sighed and looked up at Konan's amused look. "Is the furniture still safe?" Pain asked hopefully, making Konan laugh and nod, saying they weren't like that which made Pain relived to know he wouldn't have to replace the table and things.

"Fine, I'll allow this as long as they stay away from stuff (translation: stay away from anything that's not in their room)" Pain said with a frown as Konan smirked, shaking her head at her team-mates words.

"Oh, don't worry, they have their own special room and the only thing you need to worry about is Deidara's art" Konan said, making Pain raise a brow and ask what she meant before they she noticed the way the others were staring at them. "We'll finish this talk in your room" Konan said as she left the closet and quickly left with Pain out of Itachi's room to continue talking about Konan's new discovery.

"What's with them and where the fuck is blondie?" Hidan grumbled as they looked at the disappearing duo before they heard footsteps and watched Kisame come in.

"Hey Itachi, Deidara want-" the shark man was saying before he stopped when he noticed the rest of the group standing there, Sasori looking at him with a frown.

"Deidara want what?" Sasori asked while Kisame was mentally cursing his bad luck before they all heard a door open and realized that Itachi was coming out after his shoulder.

"I thought I told you to leave before I got out" they heard him say before they turned to look at the raven, realizing that he was naked and not wearing a towel.

"Damn Itachi, were all Uchiha men hung too?" Hidan, the only one with no shame, shouted out as the raven rolled his eyes before they all turned toward the door.

"WHAT!" they heard Konan scream before they were crashing sounds coming down the hall and the sounds of a struggle as Pain was trying to hold Konan back.

"Konan, behave" they heard him shout while Kisame was ushering the group out, snickering as the sounds finally subdued, the only thing left was the muttering of Konan. As they went down the hall, they missed the person in the shadows who made his way toward Itachi's door, limping a bit. Sasori, who brought up the end, was deep in thought when he heard someone grunt and turned with a frown as he saw a flash of yellow go into Itachi's room.

'What is the brat doing going in Itachi's room' Sasori thought, frowning increasing as he heard the door close which made him suspicious as he glared at the door, wondering what was going on behind it. Kisame, noticing the way Sasori was acting, hid a smirk as he decided to put his plan into action as he called out to Sasori.

'This will be easier than I thought'

"Hey Sasori, you okay?" Kisame asked as he watched as the redhead turn around, saying he was fine, before he followed them until he split to go to his room, listening to the other who were trying to get answers out of Kisame who was effectively avoiding answering them. They finally gave up and went to their room, Kisame heading back to Itachi's room, wondering what the shark man was hiding. Sasori went was making his way to his desk when he stepped on something and looked down to see Deidara's cloak in a bunch as if hastily thrown in his room.

"You have your own room brat" Sasori grumbled as he picked up the cloak only to feel something wet and turned it over to see something and sticky clinging to it which made him growl as he went over to his puppets. "I swear if you hid your clay in my puppets again" he growled as he checked his puppets to find them all empty of clay which made him confused as he looked closer at the wet spot, the scent of sex and clay meeting his nose which made him stare at the cloak, trying to figure out the reason for the scent.

Sasori looked up when he heard footsteps go down the hall, making his way to the door and listen when he heard Deidara's voice.

"I hate you Itachi" he heard the blonde grumble, an uneven step in his step as if he was putting pressure on one leg, while Itachi answered in his usual hn sound. "Sorry make up too, you fix my favorite food, I can fix my own damn food, un" Deidara grumbled, muttering something too low for the puppet to hear.

"You know you like the way I fix bakudan" Sasori heard Itachi said, what sounded like laughter in his voice. Kisame snorted as he decided to take a jab at Deidara.

"That's not all he likes" Kisame said with a grin while Deidara growled.

"Shut up Kisame"

"It's the truth though"


"Calm down Deidara-chan" Itachi said making Sasori raise a brow at chan honorific.

"Don't call me that" he heard Deidara hiss, the blonde looking around while Itachi smirked.

"Aw, but you love it when I call you that when-" Itachi whispered in Deidara ear, grabbing his ass make him yelp before they was a crashing sound and they heard multiple door open, Konan and Sasori being the fastest as they looked out in the hall to see what had happened.

Deidara was sitting on his butt, whimpering and a pained look on his face while a small bowl of clay was lying on his lap, making Sasori snort at his own suspicious thoughts.

'They must do it to annoy him' he thought before he called Deidara a clumsy brat which earned him a glare from the blonde sitting down.

"I am not Sasori danna-"

"Why do you call Sasori your man?" someone asked and the halls grew quiet as they all turned to look at Kisame who was grinning, sensing the intense glare from Deidara.

"I'm just asking, I mean you call him danna, why your man?"

"I'm not calling him my man, I'm calling him master" Deidara said with a blush which darkened when Hidan spoke up.

"So you got an S&M fetish going on between you two?" the Yu nin said with a smirk as Deidara gave him a dull look and said no.

"I'm already in enough pain to not enjoy it" he grumbled, covering his mouth with his hands at his little slip up before they all went quiet and turned to Itachi who was secretly enjoying the whole show.

"Where did you two disappear off to?" Kakuzu asked.


"Are you two fucking?" Hidan threw in, everybody stunned at his shout out, all noticing the way Deidara was blushing.

"Are you enjoying kissing your hand mouths?" Itachi asked with a smirk as he watched Deidara rip his hands away from his mouth, a frown on his face as he looked at Itachi who looked at Hidan.

"Does he look like my type?"

"…guess fucking not" Hidan grumbled after looking between the two before he and rest of the Akatsuki went back to their room, one of them giggling as she knew the truth while Sasori looked down at Deidara, noticing how red his cheeks were which he thought was from embarrassment as he snorted and closed the door to attend to his puppets. While at his desk, he listened the trio out in the hall, Deidara grumbling about having to clean up thanks to a wandering hand as he grunted, cleaning up the clay off the floor.

"Look on the bright side" he heard Kisame say before he was met with silence as Deidara cleaned up the rest of the clay.

"At least it was the small bowl or you would have some more fun 'refueling' the large bowl" Sasori heard Kisame said, putting a stress on the word refueling before Sasori heard a splat sound and Kisame laughing while Itachi sighed.

"Now you're going to have to clean it off the walls" Itachi said as he watched as Deidara growled and scooped it off, glaring at the shark.

"I out to blow you-"

"Nope, that's somebody else's job" Kisame said before Sasori heard the sound of running footsteps and growling as he guessed that Deidara was now chasing the water nin around the base. He heard Itachi sigh before going next door to Deidara's room before the door closed again and the sound of his footsteps went pass, to deal with the duo. Sasori waited until there was no more sound before he went back to his door and opened it, looking to see the trio gone and at the wall, a bit of clay still there which made him smirk as he took a sample.

"Now I'll see if my assumption is right" he muttered as he smirked, closing his door to have privacy and ready to explain his new findings at dinner later.

*I will be making a sequel to Sugar Rush but I haven't had time to finish the outline so bear with me and after this two-shot is done, I will (hopefully) be done and upload the second part of Sugar Rush called Sugar Crash.*