"God up in the Heavens" a songfic by mercy_angel_09

Rating: R

Disclaimers: One, I don't own Fushigi Yugi.  That's all there is to it.  Two, I don't own the song "Ask Me" by Amy Grant and Tom Hemby.

~*~

Author's Notes: This song deals with a very serious issue that a lot of people deny: Sexual abuse.  It's not right, it's not cool, and it's certainly not legal.  If you or someone you know has been sexually abused, please seek help!  You or that person have been victimized and are not at fault.  Please do not hesitate to report the crime.  It is a crime and it should not go unpunished.  For help, call 1-800-4A-CHILD.  This is not an issue that can be left alone much longer.

Now the fic part deals with Yui's first day in Kutou and the near rape she experienced.  That in it self was sexual assault and abuse.  And we all know what happened to her.  If anything, I want people to learn something from this story.  Sexual abuse is not a game, it is a crime and it's real.  This goes out to a friend of mine, a fellow victim. 

~*~

Prologue:

            Yui Hongo couldn't believe what she was reading!  Tamahome, Nuriko, Hotohori and Taiitsukun were sending Miaka back home.  She let out a sigh of relief that her best friend would soon be with her again.

            " 'And so the seishi concentrated their power and sent the priestess home to her world,' " Yui read aloud.  But instead of the book glowing red, like it had when she and Miaka had been first pulled in, it was glowing a soft blue light, and the next thing she knew was that she was being pulled in, surrounded by the soft blue light.

            'What's going on?' Yui thought as she was being drawn in.  As she was flying down, she thought that she saw a red light race upwards, but she wasn't sure.  And the next thing she really knew was that she was on the ground in some city in ancient China.

            "Uh, where am I?" she asked, looking around.  She had landed in some sort of neighborhood and it looked sort of trashy.  "Ugh, this place stinks!"

            She plugged her nose and started to walk down the street, trying to figure out where she was.  "Miaka?  Miaka?  Where are you Miaka!" she called out, hoping that her friend was within yelling distance.

            "There's no Miaka here, whatever that is," a deep voice said.

            Yui spun around to see two men standing behind her.  "W-who are you?" she asked, suddenly very afraid.

            "Just some guys who are willing to help you out," the other chuckled.

            They slowly started to approach her, making sure she couldn't get away easily.

            "Stay away from me!" Yui screamed.  "Miaka!  Miaka!  Where are you Miaka!  Help me!  Someone, Miaka!  Help me!!"  She ran off in hopes of losing them, but they soon caught up with her and had her pinned to the ground.

            "Hey, hold still!" one grunted as he held her failing arms above her head as the other man pinned her to the ground.  He pulled her bow off of her blouse in order to take off her clothes. 

            "MIAKA!" Yui screamed in a final attempt to reach out to her friend.  But then it was too overwhelming.  The men had her pinned to the ground, and there was nothing she could do to escape, and she passed out from the shock.

            "Hey, what's this?" a deeper, more annoyed voice said.

            The men turned to see a man in a military uniform on a horse looming above them.  "Find your own," one of them sneered.

            The man got off of the horse and stood over the man who had replied to him.  "What are you doing to that girl?" he asked, his ice blue eyes flashing.

            "Nakago . . ." one of them whispered hoarsely.

            "That's right.  And where did you find that girl?"

            "She was wandering the streets," the man answered.

            Nakago looked the girl up and down to try to make sense of all of what he was seeing.  She wore clothes like he had never seen before, and then he made the connection.  "Leave!  At once!"

            The bolder of the men scowled at him.  "I don't care if you're the general of two-thirds of the Kutou army, she's ours so find your own!"

            Nakago's symbol on his forehead flashed and then he fired a few chi blasts at the men, knocking them down.  "May that be a lesson to you never to mess with the priestess of Seiryu."

            He picked her up, cradling her fragile body in his arms.  "Don't worry little one, you'll be safe now.  And you'll help me achieve my ultimate goal."

I see her as a little girl hiding in her room

She takes another bath and she sprays her momma's perfume

To try to wipe away the scent he left behind

But it haunts her mind

            When Yui came around, she was laying in a large bed in an unknown room.  She sat up, her breathing erratic as she made a quick scan of her new and unfamiliar surroundings.

            "So you're awake."

            Yui turned to her to the source.  He was a tall man, around six four with blond hair and ice blue eyes.  "Who are you?" she asked in a shaky voice.

            "My name is Nakago, and I'm here to serve you."

            "Serve me?  What do you mean by that?"

            "You are the Priestess of Seiryu, and as a Seishi of Seiryu, it is my duty to serve and protect you."

            Yui thought that the man must have been some sort of creep, but like Tamahome, he had a symbol on his forehead.  But unlike Tamahome's symbol, it wasn't red, it was blue.  She had no choice but to believe him.  "Where am I?"

            "The Kutou palace."

            "Why am I here?"

            "Because it is the only place worthy enough to house the Priestess."

            "What happened to me?"

            The man who called himself Nakago stood up and walked over to the bed and sat down.  "You were raped in the ally.  But I managed to arrive before they could kill you."

            Yui stared at the sheets as tears began to stream down her cheeks.  "Oh Miaka, where were you?" she asked softly.

            "Miaka, who is this Miaka?" Nakago asked, suddenly intrigued.

            "Oh, Miaka is my best friend.  She's also the Priestess of Suzaku."

            "Is she really?  And she did nothing to help you?"

            Yui looked away from Nakago's piercing blue eyes.  "I'm sure something must have happened if she didn't come for me.  I'm sure she tried but she couldn't find me because you had brought me here."

            Nakago snorted.  "I doubt it.  I think that she left you alone because she doesn't really care."

            "What?!  Miaka is my best friend!  She would never abandon me!"

            "Believe what you will Priestess, but a real friend wouldn't have let you be raped by those men."

            "Miaka's been my best friend for ten years now and stop calling me priestess!" Yui screamed.  "How can you know what Miaka's like?  You've never met her!"

            Nakago shrugged.  "You're right.  But she's associated with Suzaku, and they're always trouble."  He tossed a lock of his blond hair out of his eyes and stood up.  "I'm leaving now."

            Yui watched him walk away and disappear through the door.  She sighed as she pulled the covers up tight around her, not wanting to believe what Nakago had told her, but somehow she wanted to believe him.  She wanted to believe that the only reason by Miaka didn't come was because she didn't care.  She slapped herself mentally and groaned.  "That dumb blond doesn't know what he's talking about.  I'm sure that it was that Miaka couldn't find me, and that's that."

            Meanwhile, Nakago stood outside her room, chuckling softly.  "Soon, my little one, soon you'll help me achieve my ultimate goal."

You see she's his little rag, nothing more than just a waif

And he's mopping up his need, she is tired and afraid

Maybe she'll find a way through these awful years to disappear

            Yui sat at her window, trying to find ways to pass the time.  She had already spent an hour staring at the clouds and guessing what they looked like, and then naming what type of cloud they were.   But slowly her thoughts drifted to Miaka.  "Miaka, where are you . . ." she sighed.

            "Lady Yui?"

            Yui looked at Nakago and then back out of the window.  "What is it?"

            "I was checking on you.  You seemed to be more depressed than usual."

            "I'm fine Nakago, really."

            "I think that you're lying."

            Yui tried to keep her composure as she tried to avoid Nakago's piercing stare.  "I said that I was fine.  I'm just waiting for Miaka to find me."

            "If that's what you want to believe, I'm not one to tell you otherwise," Nakago said.  "I just find it odd that your best friend would abandon you like Miaka did."

            Yui turned away as Nakago left the room.  "No, you're lying to me," she said quietly, trying to force herself to believe what she was saying.  But the echoes of Nakago's voice filled her head.  I just find it odd that your best friend you abandon you like Miaka did, he had said.  And Yui was starting to believe him.

            Looking around her room, she saw the knife on the table, still there from her breakfast tray.  She got up and slowly walked towards it, assessing her possibilities for it.  When she reached the table, she picked up the knife and held it tightly in her right hand.  Then looking at her left wrist, she had an idea.

            "Maybe if I die," she murmured, "maybe then Miaka will come for me."

            She pressed the blade against her wrist, trying to cut through her flesh.  But she found she was unable to do it.  She choked back a sob and pulled the knife away from her wrist.  "I have to be crazy."

            But then she had a flash of the men in the ally, and her desperate cries for Miaka.  And she remembered that Miaka didn't come for her.  A few tears rolled down her cheeks as she held the blade up to her wrist once again.  "Maybe it is best if I die," she whispered.  She dragged the blade across her wrist, screaming in pain as she did so.

            "What have I-what have I done?" she asked as she passed out from the pain.

            "Lady Yui!" Nakago said as he strode into her room.  He saw her lying crumpled on the floor, a small pool of blood forming around her left wrist.  Leaning in for a closer look, he saw that she had a laceration on her wrist and that it was bleeding profusely.  "Oh what in the name of Seiryu have you done!  I need a doctor!"

            One of the servants appeared in the doorway and gave Nakago a questioning look.

            "Don't stand there like an idiot!  Fetch a doctor.  Lady Yui has cut herself badly!"

            The servant nodded and then dashed off in order to summon the palace doctor.

            Once the servant disappeared, Nakago smirked.  "So, you finally took the bait Lady Yui.  And from now on, you'll believe everything that I tell you."

Ask me if I think there's a God up in the heaven

Where did He go in the middle of her shame?

Ask me if I think there's a God up in the heavens

I see no mercy and no one down here's naming names

Nobody's naming names

            Miaka couldn't believe her eyes and neither could Yui.  "Oh Yui-chan!  I missed you so much!" Miaka cried as she ran to give Yui a huge hug.

            "Miaka-baka, where have you been?" Yui asked, fighting back tears.

            "I got pulled out of the book and you must have been pulled into it in my place," Miaka hissed.  "But when I couldn't find you, I knew that I had to come back."

            "Miaka, you silly goose," Yui said.

            "Wait a second," Nakago said.  He knelt by Miaka's knapsack and let out a grunt of distaste.  "She is the priestess of Suzaku!"

            "Uh oh," Miaka squeaked.

            "Come on!" Yui cried, pulling Miaka out of the throne room.  "You'll be in a lot of trouble if we hang around here."

            "Agh!  Yui, where are we going!" Miaka cried.

            "In here!" Yui said, shoving Miaka into a closet.

            The girls sat in the closet, waiting for the trouble to pass, and when the coast was clear, they began to share their experiences.  And Miaka had even noticed the scar on Yui's wrist, something that Nakago had said wouldn't happen.  And then, as if sent by angels, Tamahome appeared.

            But this only led to trouble, that even Yui tried to prevent, but Nakago's powerful voice and persuasive word were overpowering, and Yui made herself Miaka's enemy.

Now she's looking in the mirror at a lovely woman face

No more frightened little girl, like she's gone without a trace

Still she leaves a light burning in the hall

It's hard to sleep at all

            Yui still felt terrible about all she had done to Miaka.  Weeks, even months had gone by, but still she found herself feeling guilty from time to time.  And from time to time she would take Miaka out for ice cream and would cry about how sorry she was.  And amazingly Miaka forgave her every time.

            "Yui, you were always my friend before I even considered you my enemy. My life wasn't worth a hill of beans without you.  I could have had ten Tamahomes and I still would have been miserable because you wouldn't have been there.  It's okay Yui, I forgive you," Miaka told her once.

            And there was the obvious discomfort between herself and Taka; understandable since he was the reason that they became enemies.  And she often found herself apologizing to him as well, all though most of the time Taka would smile at her, say that everything was okay, and that Tetsuya was getting lonely.

            Ah, Tetsuya, the incredible understanding boyfriend.  For everything that she had been through, Tetsuya had seen most of it and knew just how to comfort her.  She still found it hard to believe that he had knew about everything, but he still was there for her when she needed it most.

            "Tetsuya?"

            He looked at her, a questioning gaze hidden by his ever-present sunglasses.  "What is it Yui?"

            "Do you hate me?"

            Tetsuya looked at her incredulously.  "Say what?"

            "Do you hate me?  For everything that I've done?"

            Tetsuya sighed and removed his glasses, keying Yui into the fact that he was about to get very serious.  "And why should I be mad at you?"

            "Because of all the bad things that I did.  I made my best friend, who wears her heart on her sleeve, my enemy.  I knew that she wore her heart on her sleeve even then, and I should have known that she wasn't really my enemy, but Nakago—"

            Tetsuya pulled her into a tight embrace.  "Sheesh.  You're still having conflicts with this?  Yui, all is forgiven."

Till she crawls up in her bed acting quiet as a mouse

Deep insides she's listening for a creaking in the house

            Yui looked into Tetsuya's deep green eyes with teary blue.  "But I hurt my best friend.  I really hurt her."

            "But Miaka forgave you.  She knew that you weren't acting like yourself.  Aw hell Yui.  Even I knew it and I didn't even know who you were, other than what I read in the book."

            "You did?"

            "And Keisuke told me about how you and Miaka had been really close.  And then all of a sudden you were enemies.  He told me everything up until I started reading.  And now look at us.  Just look."

            Yui tried to calculate the distance between their bodies and realized that it was far too close for her to make an accurate estimation.

            "What do you see Yui?  Do you see someone who will hurt you?"

            And with that Yui started to cry.

But there's no one left to harm her, she's finally safe and sound

There's a peace she has found

            "Yui, are you okay?"

            Yui looked up at Tetsuya and smiled through her tears.  "I just realized something."

            "And what was that?"

            "There's no one left to hurt me but myself."

            "Really."

            "For so long I've blamed myself for everything that happened.  And before I blamed myself, I blamed Miaka.  But that was what Nakago wanted me to believe.  But now I'm safe.  I'm no longer the Priestess of Seiryu.  I've moved past that.  I'm a bigger, stronger person than I was before."

            "Good job Yui.  Sometimes it takes a bigger person to admit that they're wrong than to accuse.  I'm happy that you're moving on," he replied, holding her as if she was going to break.

Ask her how she knows there's a God up in the heaven

Where did He go in the middle of her shame?

Ask her how she knows there's a God up in the heavens

She said His mercy was bringing her life again

            "Hey Yui?"

            Yui turned to face Miaka, who was grinning at her.  "What?"

            "I was wondering if you'd like to go get some ice cream."

            "What?  Is the great Miaka Yuki actually asking if I'd like to go out for ice cream?" Yui asked in mock surprise.

            "Hey, you can't treat me out all of the time!" Miaka answered with a giggle.

            "Fine, but I can get anything I want," Yui said, walking ahead of her best friend. 

            "What!  Hey, wait for me Yui!" Miaka called as she ran to catch up.

            A little while later, banana splits sat in front of them as the girls sat across from each other, Miaka drooling in anticipation.

            "Honestly Miaka, is food the only thing you think about?"

            "I think about you too ya know."

            "It's you know."

            "Is school the only thing you think about?"

            "Okay, we're even."

            "Say Yui, I know it's been over two years, but are you sure that you're okay?" Miaka asked out of the blue.

            Yui started.  "Um, yeah."

            "Are you sure?  I know that Nakago had you pretty messed up there for a while."

            "No, I'm fine.  Tetsuya's been wonderful."

            "Actually I was wondering how you managed to rebound so quickly."

            "Oh, that.  I don't know.  I think that it was around that time that you and Taka went back into the book.  When Tenkou tried to come into our world, Seiryu protected me.  It was then that I realized that he had always been watching over me since I was his priestess, but he had to let things run its course.  Do you know what I'm saying?" Yui asked.

            Miaka placed her spoon in the empty bowl.  "Sure.  It's like why Taka and I had to fight to be together in this world.  Suzaku wanted us to be together, but we had to work for it."

            Yui smiled.  For once she had actually understood.

Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heaven

(How do you know?)

Where did he go in the middle of her shame

(Where did he go?)

Ask me how I know there's a God up in the havens

(How do you know?)

She said His mercy bringing her life again

            "Taka?"

            "Hm?"

            "Do you think that Yui and Tetsuya will live happily ever after?"

            "Like us?"

            "Yeah."

            "I guess so."

            "You guess so?  What kind of answer is that?!"

            "The best I can come up with for free."

            Miaka hit Taka's shoulder as hard as she could.  "Regardless of what world you're in, some things never change, you know that!" she yelled.

            "Okay, I genuinely believe that they'll live happily ever after!"

            "That's better."

She's coming to life again

He's in the middle of her pain

In the middle of her shame

Mercy brings life

He's in the middle

Mercy in the middle

            Yui watched the sun rise from her apartment, a true feeling of happiness and contentment settling over her.  She felt relieved of the burden that she had carried for so long.  But she knew that she was truly love, that her best friend forgave her, and most of all, free of the horrible force that had driven her to it.  The book was sealed forever and Nakago was nothing more than a distant memory.

So ask me how I know Ask me how I know, yeah

Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens (How do you know?)

Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens (How do you know?)

Yeah ask me how I know (How do you know?)

Ask me Ask me Ask me how I know (How do you know?)

There's a God up in the heavens

Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens

The End.

Whew!  I did it.  It only took me a few months.  I came up with the idea last September and it's February now!  I know, the ending' really lame, but it's not the ending that matters!  Well, it matters, but what's important is that Yui realized that Nakago had victimized her and that she needed to overcome it, and overcome it she did!  Now I realized that the sooner you come face to face with the problem (and the fact that eye-witness testimonies from children are highly unreliable), the sooner you are able to overcome the problem.  At least, that's how it was for me.  As for my friend, she still has some problems with it (she can't watch certain episodes of Fushigi Yugi without having a serious reaction) but she's slowly going down the road to face her problems.

This goes out to victims of sexual abuse, like myself.  You can overcome.

Mercy_angel_09

Comments?  Questions?  Flames?

Reveiws are welcome!