Disclaimer: I do not own the show, characters, etc. This story idea is based on Freaky Friday.
Warning: Contains adult content, hence the rating.
Ziva looks in the mirror and hates the reflection staring back at her. This is not her. This will never be her. What has happened to cause this? She is extremely scared, because she is no longer herself. She is cocky and has this annoying look on her face constantly. She doesn't know what to do with this body: these large hands and long legs; these muscular arms; the slow reflexes and short hair. How did this happen? Is she dreaming? She certainly hopes she is just dreaming because this body is not her own. She is trapped in Tony's body.
It all started yesterday...
Everything about the day seemed relatively normal. In fact, nothing particularly exciting even happened. Ziva woke up, ran five miles, got dressed, and drove to work. When she walked into the bullpen, McGee was busily typing away on his computer while Tony attempted to brush his hair and put on a clean, white shirt. He looked like he was nursing a hangover.
He looks up as Ziva enters. "I really, really hate Mondays... Why do you look so chipper today?"
Ziva only smirks as she sits down at her desk and powers up her computer. "No reason."
Her cryptic statement makes Tony perk up and he comes to stand near her desk, leaning on it casually. "Have a good night, David?" He waggles his eyebrows at her and grins impishly.
"If I did, Tony, it would be none of your business. But since, you asked so nicely, I will answer. Yes, I did. Now, you must answer my question. Why do you smell like lilac?"
"Because I ran out of deoderant and had to borrow Probie's. He uses girly deodorant; the guy has a problem. Anyway, Ms. Nosy... Did the neighbors hear your screams? Was the sex good? Did you kill him afterwards?"
She punches him on the arm right as Gibbs walks in. "DAVID! DINOZZO! Stop playing grab ass and get your gear. Dead marine near Bridgeport."
When they arrived at the scene, Ziva and Tony were assigned to search the area for further evidence. The marine was found dead in an alleyway behind a string of restaurant chains.
Tony leans over and peels something from the ground. "Oh, old gum. Abby's going to love that! Nothing like a fresh sample of saliva to get your week going."
"There is something wrong with you, Tony."
"Hey! I'm perfectly normal. At least I use contractions. Besides, who wouldn't like someone who speaks in a James Bond voice?" Tony begins to imitate James Bond as they wander around and pick up garbage in the alleyway.
They arrive outside the door of a Chinese restaurant and a women, who happens to be taking out her trash, comes out the door.
"What are you doing by my restaurant?"
"Oh, hello ma'am. We're NCIS agents. Just doing our job. Go about your daily tasks. Unless, of course, you want to give us some Chinese. Man, I love Chinese. Right, David?"
Ziva glances at Tony. "Tony, we are working."
"I know. What better time to eat? We need to keep up our energy, right?"
"No. Now bag this burger wrapper already."
Tony grabs the wrapper and sniffs it apprehensively. "Ah, cheeseburger with onion and mustard. Not bad, if I do say so myself. Although, I would have added pickles."
Ziva doesn't reply. The old woman continues observing them interact and says nothing. Tony smiles at her and looks around the alleyway some more for any evidence of bullet casings.
"Tony! Get over here, please. I need someone to take pictures while I find evidence! I cannot be expected to do everything around here!"
"Sure you can, Zee-vah. I'm senior field agent, remember? You need the experience, Probie."
"Tony, I am warning you if you do not get over here I will kill you with this trash can lid in two seconds."
"Right. Sorry." He rushes over to her, knowing she's only half-kidding.
The woman smiles as she heads inside and returns back a moment later with two fortune cookies with her palm outstretched.
"Would you like a fortune cookie, dears?"
Tony and Ziva glance up from their work, surprised. "Uh, sure." Tony grabs them both and hands one to Ziva, who shakes her head of curly hair. "I cannot. We should not be eating right now. If Gibbs finds out..."
"Relax, Zee-vah... Unless you're too chicken?" Tony starts imitating a chicken. Again.
Ziva rips the cookie from his hand and reads her fortune while the restaurant owner disappears inside.
Who you are is not who you wish to be. Who you can be is not who you would expect. Place yourself in another's shoes and find your true path. But be careful, for there may be no going back.
"What does yours say?"
"I do not understand it. It is kind of depressing."
Tony grabs it and reads hers. "That's what mine said, too! What a rip-off. I thought all fortunes were supposed to be different."
"Where did you hear that, Tony? Saturday morning cartoons?"
"At least I understand them, Ziva."
"I understand them, except for Wiley Coyote. Why does he not just find something else to eat?"
They continue to work in silence, neither realizing how much their lives are about to change.
The next morning, her alarm clock buzzes at 4:30 a.m. as usual and Ziva groans slightly, snuggling back into her soft mattress. After it rings again, she sighs and stands up, scratching her shoulder.
As she walks to the closet, she feel slightly off-kilter, like something is wrong with her body. She glances down and freezes.
Where her chest should be, there is only flatness. She can see large feet and manly, unshaved legs.
Ziva rushes to the mirror and nearly screams. She is not herself. Tony Dinozzo is staring back at her with a shocked expression.
She nearly faints. Nearly, because no matter who she may look like, Ziva David does not faint. Ever.
She shakes her head to clear it as if maybe she was imagining things but when she opens them again, Tony is still staring back at her apprehensively.
She looks around. "Tony? This is not funny." Her voice is not her own! She sounds like him. His low voice is still rough with sleep and sounding very confused.
This is not good. Being the sane, calm person she usually is in drastic situations, Ziva grabs her purse and car keys as she runs out the door. People in her apartment give her strange looks as she jogs toward her car (who wouldn't look twice at a man wearing pink rabbit pajamas that are two sizes too small for him and carrying a purse?), but she ignores them.
She jumps into her car and speeds over to Tony's apartment, praying beyond all hope that Tony is still Tony and not someone else. What if he turned into Gibbs? Or Abby? Or Palmer? Or Ducky? Who is playing her, then? Is she sure this isn't just a dream? Maybe she was drugged...
She runs up the stairs to his apartment and is soon out of breath (Tony is very out of shape despite his boasting to the contrary) and she uses her spare key to unlock his door. She runs to his bedroom and flings open the door, flipping on the lights as she does so.
Tony lets out a growl that sounds a little too-familiar and groans. The covers are over his head so she cannot see him but Ziva has to know what has happened. Is he still Tony?
She rips the covers off and he sits up with a growl. "What the hell is your problem? What do you th-"
Then, he lets out the most girlish scream to ever emit from Ziva's actual mouth. How is it possible for a man trapped inside her body to act more girly than she ever could?
Tony shakes his (actually Ziva's) head and hits it a few times to make sure this is real. "Who the hell are you and why do you look like me?"
Ziva shrugs her now impressively broad shoulders and grabs his hand. It feels weird to be holding her own hand. She never knew it was so small and soft. She leads him to the mirror and this time she does have the pleasure of watching herself faint as Tony falls to the floor in sheer surprise and shock.
She manages to pour water over his face to revive him and watches as he sits up. "Why do I look like Ziva? Who are you? Why do you look like me?"
"I am Ziva, Tony."
"Ziva?" He peers at her, trying to see her somewhere inside of Tony's body.
"Yes. I can prove it. When I first met you, the first thing I said to you that no one else knows about is, 'Are you having phone sex', yes? See. I am Ziva."
He shrugs his shoulders. "I believe you. Who else would be able to guess that? That first sentence should have warned me about you from the beginning."
She hits his shoulder and he grimaces. "Hey! Be careful! This is your body, not mine." He suddenly grins. "Speaking of which, I think I should change into something less... wet." Tony glances down at her (now his) body and gingerly pokes a breast.
"HEY! Do not touch those." She glares at him but he only smiles.
"Why? I'm Ziva David. This is my body. I can touch whatever I want... You know, this could be fun. No reason we have to change back soon."
She rolls her eyes at him. "We have to change back, Tony. I cannot be you. You cannot be me. What will we do at work?"
"We work on the same team, David. What's the big deal?"
"The big deal is that I do not want to be stuck as you! I do not want to have a manly body with a gross hairy butt."
"HEY! How do you know my butt is hairy? Did you look at it?"
"No. I did not need to. I was undercover with you, remember?"
She watches her mouth smile and eyes dance. "Ah, yes. I loved that mission. You know, we could...uh..."
"Shut up, Tony. I am not having sex with you in this body."
"But don't you want to know what it feels like to do it with yourself?"
"No, I do not. Now go shower and get dressed. I will call Gibbs and tell him we are both sick today. We need to fix this. Now."
"Yeah, like he's going to buy that we're both sick. If you call for both of us, he's going to think we slept together."
"I do not care." She walks away but stops in her tracks when she suddenly hears, "I guess I'm going to go take a shower now. You know, you have very firm breasts."
She turns around to glare at him, but it is not the same in Tony's body. He only saunters into the bathroom with a laugh.
She hope they figure out what happened and soon because she is not sure she can survive living inside Tony's body for a minute longer.
Review if I should keep going.