"Justin Plays American Gladiators"
Disclaimer: I don't own the Total Drama series or the video game adaptation of one of my favorite game shows of all time. I got this off an idea as I typed "American Gladiators - Go Round" in which three guys are adding their own hilarious commentary while playing a horrible game adaptation of the game show from the 90's on the Sega Genesis. The TV show was awesome, but the game just sucked ass. Anyway, here we go.
It was a brilliant midnight shining in front of Playa Des Losers in which it was vintage gaming night. Of course, it didn't hurt that outside of the modeling world that Justin was just a sucker for classic video games, mostly from the Super Nintendo and the Sega Genesis era. Sure the modern games such as "Halo" and "Grand Theft Auto" series was quite alright for Justin's standards, but he knew he was just loved to kill time playing the classics.
Harold actually introduced Justin to classic video games in the first place. It wasn't until he started playing them all through every night, whether it was with himself or with a friend like Harold, Geoff, or basically Noah, despite the fact that he couldn't stand him. Justin was playing every game there had to be. Games such as "Super Mario World", "Super Mario Kart", "WWF Royal Rumble", "WWF Raw", "Mortal Kombat II", he was just basically playing them out of his mind.
This night felt a little different. Justin had come upon a copy of American Gladiators for the Super Nintendo. This was unexpected that there would be a game made out of this terrific game show. Maybe it could be better than all of the games that Justin had played so far. Who knows, maybe it could be the greatest game of all-time. Maybe even better than the Super Mario Bros...
Whatever it was, Justin immediately inserted the game cartridge into the Super NES. The sound that appeared on the game happened to be big drum beats and what seemed to be beeps or whatnot.
"Whoa...weird introduction." Justin said to himself as the screen now displayed a group shot of the rest of the American Gladiators posing. They looked a little blurry for Super Nintendo though.
"Justin? Are you still playing that crappy game? It's frickin' 1 in the morning..." said a tired Heather who was busy getting dust in her eye, knowing that the sound became a bit loud on the TV. Justin had tried so hard to find the remote control just to turn it down but it was just to no avail. The sound even woke Heather up from her slumber.
"I'm sorry, I just had to check out this game for a minute." Justin replied as he didn't pay attention to the Queen Bee as his blue eyes was focused on the game screen. Heather felt a bit annoyed and frustrated that he wouldn't even take an eye off of her.
"What kind of game is that?" Heather spoke to the male model as she pointed at the game screen.
"Ummm, 'American Gladiators'. Based on some show I think..." Justin said to her once again as he was having a little bit of a hard time to choose which mode Justin wanted to do. One To One or Tournament. At least with one to one, he could at least play against the computer or take on a buddy. But Heather refused not to be a part of this much longer.
"Oh, barf. I mean who on earth would want to see ambigously gay guys in flag-wearing spandex, play around in such idiotic..."
"Here's $10 dollars if you watch me play." Justin replied to Heather as he held up a $10 dollar bill. Heather couldn't refuse such money as this, she just grabbed it out of Justin's hand and grabbed a seat next to him. The screen now displayed Enter Your Name as Justin just put a little bit of nonsense words as a contender's name "Floopgro...that's gonna be my guy's name."
"Floopgro? That's the best you can come up with? It's like naming your child Dirtface." Heather chuckled right to him as she put her name in. The screen then displayed which event they would be playing first. The event happened to be Assault and Justin's character just appeared as a small peapod dressed up in blue. Justin had complained a little.
"What the hell is this? How come my guy looks like a fucking ant?" the male model complained as the camera displayed his little guy in overhead form, in which his character looked like Playstation-style Grand Theft Auto. Not realizing that it was his turn and he was almost getting shot at, he flinched and decided to move quickly. Floopgro finally got to the first station which was a ball rifle. He picked it up, and found a good aim, but it shot at the wrong direction.
"Damn it!" Justin shouted as he was trying to get out of his station. He just pressed left and right over and over again until he finally did, just in time to get hit by the speeding ball as the screen displayed a "You're Hit" over the game. Heather just laughed.
"Hahahahahaha! You suck!" Heather pointed at him for doing a crappy job on the Assault.
"It wasn't fair Heather, my guy couldn't get out of the first station. It's like my tangled hair when I get up! Crappy Assault!" Justin complained angrily once again as another event started. It just happened to be the Human Cannonball and the gladiator he was going up against was Nitro.
"Next event is Human Cannonball and you're going up against some dude named Nitro. That's typical..." Heather rolled her eyes sarcastingly. Justin's character now went into first person mode. His character was now far away from the gladiator himself.
"Watch the master. I dedicate this match to you." Justin spoke right to Heather as his character took off with the rope. He had tremendous aim as Justin had confidence that Floopgro would hit the gladiator right on the spot. "I'm gonna make it... I'm gonna hit him... Raaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
But instead, his character jumped right past the gladiator.
'WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT? COME ON!" Justin shouted as his character had missed him from up above.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Nice move! You swing like a old woman with night blindness!" Heather teased him playfully again. Maybe Justin might have regretted playing this game, but his determination never faltered away.
"It's not my fault my guy swung too fast! I sneezed, that's all!" Justin exclaimed as the screen showed him having 0 points while the computer named "Sean" was beating Justin's ass by 20 points. The next event was Atlassphere as the gladiators that would take on Justin was Gemini and Thunder. "Oh, this should be easy right here. At least I wouldn't have to complain much..."
The screen appears to now have gone split as Justin's character Floopgro was now trapped in a blue ball.
"What the hell? I sorta look like a golf ball..." Justin said, being a little bit oddballed.
"I think 'goofball' is more like it." Heather replied as she took a drink of root beer that was sitting on the counter as Floopgro's ball began to take off.
"I'll just ignore that. Here I go..." Justin responded as the two balls that contained the gladiators, Gemini and Thunder, he had trapped him entirely with no where else in sight. "What the hell is this? They're not letting me go!
The gladiators refused to let Justin go any longer. The male model did his best to move his character up and down, but it just to no avail. The computer was leading him with a score of 5 to 0. Justin of course had 0 points.
"It sucks, it's like the two idiots gangbanging me are just letting that red idiot score!" Justin replied angrily as he tried so desperately to break free from the gladiators themselves, but he finally did... only to run out of time. Justin then screamed in frustration. "SON OF A BITCH!"
"Looks like you cry more than you play. I'm impressed." Heather smirked sarcastingly as Justin started to grow just a little mad that he wasn't getting any points in the last 3 events.
"Now isn't the time to be a smartmouth, Heather. At least there needs to be an event I need to be good at. I'm just sucking like 'Howard The Duck' here!" Justin exclaimed still pissed off. The next event was the Joust and his character was going up against Laser. "Ahh, there we go! Joust! This is my cup of tea!"
"Cup of Pee is more like it..." Heather replied acting a bit sarcastingly again. His character was standing on the pedestal alongside Laser, One-On-One.
"That's right, Heather... charge the mound." Justin spoke to her quietly as he started to tap the buttons but to no avail. The gladiator Laser approached him and started beating the crap out of Justin's character or Floopgro. "Hey, come on...he's not letting me hit him!"
"Maybe Laser doesn't give a crap about what you do. How about that?" she smiled again as his character was still beating the shit out of Floopgro. Justin tried to duck down but to no avail. His guy was being one hell of a pain magnet, just like what Justin was during his elimination from Total Drama Action. However, Floopgro did managed to hit Laser once, but only to little tiny success.
Luckily, Justin's character managed to run out the clock, which resulted in a draw. This caused Floopgro to be awarded 5 points.
"About frickin' time! That's was a complete waste..." Justin panted as was given a rest, but only for a little while. The next event was the Powerball. The computer character named "Sean" was now beating his ass 30 to 5.
"No kidding... although that sweat is making you a little gamy though..." Heather cringed a little as she and her chair moved a little.
"I can't help it, it's the sweat I gained while playing crap like this..." Justin spoke to her as he took another drink of his root beer.
"So, you're telling me you play with crap?" Heather joked at the male model which annoyed Justin a little bit, but he just decided to go back to his game. His character now looked like a colored ant once again.
"What the hell is with me, being dressed up like a blue ant. It's like trying to color a cat with baby-s**t yellow!" Justin angrily replied as he took a ball from the basket, only to get tackled by one of the gladiators, namely Gemini. "Ahhhh! Damn you, Gemini!"
"Gemini's owning you, now..." Heather replied as Justin's character, or Floopgro was now being chased like a little scared mouse. The gladiator, namely Nitro, was chasing Floopgro right around the middle basket. This went on until Justin's hateful blue eyes was starting to get a little dizzy.
"Ahhhhh, leave me the hell alone, Nitro! I refuse to be your bitch!" Justin said right to the screen as he started to lose it almost. It wasnt until Gemini decided to chase Floopgro as well. "Oh, great...now that gas-passer's chasing me now...? Give me a break!"
Justin ran out the clock again which left him right around 0 points while "Sean" had now led with 40 points. Justin's character in the game was being manslaughtered so hard. It was like a complete crapblock almost hitting right beside Justin's pretty face.
"You totally got chased around! It was like RAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!" Heather said to him as she was pretending to flair her arms, looking a bit dumbfounded and letting out a laugh.
"This game is starting to PISS ME OFF! I better get some fuckin' points..." Justin muttered angrily as the next event became The Wall. Floopgro was going up against Turbo and "Sean" was up against Nitro. "I better not lose at this. My beauty won't allow it to happen!" he exclaimed once again as the screen turned split again.
Justin put the button to his finger and tapped it, only to receive a little shock from the Super NES controller itself. It was like a little jolt.
"AHHHHHHHH! DAMN IT TO HELL!" Justin shouted painfully as the shock affected his perfect finger. "MY PERFECTLY GOOD FINGER! DAMN IT!"
Justin kept on shouting as the gladiator Turbo had already let Justin down off the wall without any movement from Justin's character whatsoever. The computer character "Sean" had finished all the way to the wall in record amount of time.
"Do you have any ointment for my finger, Heather?" Justin asked her politely.
"I got toothpaste, would that work?" Heather shot back at him playfully, which made Justin a little irritated.
"Oh ha ha..." he laughed in sarcastic fashion. Fortunately for Justin, he found a little cloth that wrapped his his thumb and went right back in seat. Just in time for the final event, The Eliminator. But Justin's thumb was just too hurt for him to even complete it. Luckily, he didn't even care what his thumb felt like. He just needed to score points no matter if he was in the lead or not.
"Ohh, I gotta see this..." Heather rolled her eyes once again as Floopgro was now being set to take off. The buzzer sounded and Justin ended up pressing the left stick. Weird enough, his character wasnt going anywhere, but only the computer was.
"What the fuck is this now? I'm trying to move my guy and somehow he's like Owen with plumber's butt!" Justin spoke in a little rage as he was just doing the best to move his guy, but he just wasn't doing it. half a mile away, the computer character was now right at the zipline.
"Haven't you tried mashing the L and R buttons together?" Heather replied to him as Justin was still beign a little confused.
"I don't get it. I'm still pressing lousy left. This damn controller doesn't do jack." Justin responded as he was still mashing left over and over again, much to Heather's immediate expense. This made the Queen Bee a little turned off. Unfortunately for Justin, the computer had made it all the way to the finish line as Justin's character, Floopgro finally took off on his feet as he finally mashed the L and R buttons. He then finally made his way up to the treadmill and all, but to Justin's surprise, the time had ran out before he can finally get to the handbike.
Justin was speechless and Heather continued to laugh at him silently. The final score was Sean: 70, Floopgro: 5. Justin could not believe it. He had lost by 65 points. It was just a brutal thrashing that Justin's character and himself had suffered. Somehow, Justin felt like this wasn't be the best game ever, but it was the worst piece of trash he had ever played. A complete waste of 20 minutes that Justin would never have back.
But weirdly, Justin didn't bitch. He had to step outside of Playa Des Losers. Took a couple of deep breaths and declared...
"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN YOOOOOOOOOOU, NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITRRRRRRRO!" Justin yelled at in anger and right into the skies. He then got back inside the house and met up with Heather.
"So, how are you feeling?" Heather raised an eyebrow at him. Justin made one understanding statement.
"I was wrong, that was just pure American donkeys**t in a can. Me and my good looks going to bed. This game just smells like Owen's farts..." Justin replied as he dragged like a Zombie in defeat and went right back to bed, which left Heather alone with the game herself. Should Heather just take that game and just burn it right to the ground? Or should Heather just break that whole American Gladiator cartridge in pieces? There was only one way to find out.
"I'm glad he'd never leave..." Heather said right to herself as she grabbed the controller and started to play another game of American Gladiators. "Okay, Nitro, get ready to bite my cooch! All fear Heather herself! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Whatever Heather was about to do, the result was gonna be the same, just pure American donkeys**t defeat of a truly horrible game. Boy, how the rest of the real American Gladiators are laughing at them right now...
Leave to Heather to love awfully bad video games based on good TV game shows.
Type "American Gladiators - Go Round" and see what I mean by the idea I had for this fic. Read and review please!